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CaringandReal -> RE: understanding (10/2/2009 5:38:54 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: poppings492
I am not really into this but my boyfriend is and i want to understand more about this. But i kinda dont know what "this" is or what to expect from him. It scares me just alittle that he might want me to be subserviant to him. Where is the line drawn between being his girlfriend or being a sub for him?? What should i do to help cope with this better?? Any suggestion is so very much warranted please.
Thank You
[:)]
In my experience, it seldom works when you are not really into something sexual that someone else is. I am submissive and if someone else wanted me to wield the whip on them I couldn't do it...without collapsing into a giggling jello blob, anyway. :) In some instances, people can expand their sexuality. For example, if you are one of those people who have a broad range of things that arouse them sexually and just don't know that they arouse you, you might discover a new fetish through trying this.
How into all this is he? I wish he'd told you about this before you two reached the boyfriend-girlfriend stage! :/
People are telling you to read here, assuming that you are eager to learn and become the best submissive you can be. I guess they didn't read your first sentence. I say read here until you figure out if you can do this or not. You'll know by how you respond to the ideas and experiences being expressed: if most of them revolts you or leave you bored, there's a good chance you're not going to enjoy being submissive. If it just makes you uneasy, that's a sign you need to talk to him about those things and find out how he plans (if at all) to implement them. When you read this forum remember that most people here are not into everything discussed: they're into a small subset of things that appear to them personally. So having a bdsm relationship doesn't necessarily mean doing every weird or extreme thing you read in here. Also remember as you read that a lot of people write her with their personal problems. They write here because they don't know where else to go for advice. It's not like most of us can ask our parents or siblings... When reading these forums, it can seem like people doing bdsm are really screwed up, but that's usually an impression you get because so many people use this place as an advice column. Try to read about the positive experiences people have as well as the negative ones. The postive experiences are there, in the "quieter" threads. ;)
A good way to find out what to expect from him is to repeat to him someone's specific submissive experience, either one that interests you or one that turns you off, and then ask him if he is interested in that specific thing, and if he says no, you have a perfect opening to ask him, "well, what are you interested in, specifically? How do you see an ideal day/night going with me as your submissive?" A good forum to read, if he expects you to be the subservient and not the dominant one, is the "Ask a Submissive" forum. See if anything in there strikes you as desirable or resonates with you.
If you decide to try this out, do set some rules. It's your right to do so, you're not his slave yet. Set a time period to try it out. Iniitially, I'd advise a short one, like one or two weeks. After the time period tell him you'll want to talk seriously about this before proceeding further, and when talk time comes tell him honestly how the experience affected you, even if it was bad.
Ultimately, if you can't personally relate to any of this or find any joy in it, if it feels like acting, you need to bite the bullet and tell him it's just not you. And then find out if he can live with that.
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