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RE: understanding - 10/2/2009 8:51:04 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poppings492

I am not really into this but my boyfriend is and i want to understand more about this. But i kinda dont know what "this" is or what to expect from him. It scares me just alittle that he might want me to be subserviant to him. Where is the line drawn between being his girlfriend or being a sub for him?? What should i do to help cope with this better?? Any suggestion is so very much warranted please.
Thank You

Hello...
1) "understand: what to expect:".scared
COMMUNICATION.!!!.ask him..how will this process work? what is expected?what can I expect/ how will we negotiate?
will my limits be respected? What plans do you have in mind for this as a relationship?what is his experience? what does he think THIS Means?
YOU ARE SCARED becuz you do not know what is goingvto happen..you do NOT know because he has not said..
you have a RIGHT TO ASK..has he simply said "I AM DOM and you will be into this with me so do as I say??

2)subserviant..
well yes if he is "into" "this" he probably will...but what does THIS mean to YOU and to HIM.? is it the same?...does it mean to him getting him a cold drink becuz you anticipate a need or to you does it mean he will want to share you with his buddies?TALK TALK TALK
3)cope:
the word cope indicates there is a PROBLEM.Dilemma or issue..If a person has COPE..they are gritting their teeth to force themsleves to GET THROUGH something ..not good

Questions:
Your bf is" into "what?? BEING A Dom OR BEING WHAT HE THINKS ONE IS ? ask check it out..talk to DOMME and DOMS like you are for good info..check the info on forums and website to LEARN
thjere is a sub forum on HERE..as a submissive..

YOU could possibly have a wonderful exploring journey here...and not go back to vanilla
or NOT depending on communication and preferences..remember you do not have to do anything you do not want to..

MG

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/2/2009 9:07:22 AM >

(in reply to poppings492)

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Post #: 21

RE: understanding - 10/2/2009 8:53:28 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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We're not going to be able to help you because "THIS" is such a broad topic that even we have a hard time communicating with ourselves about it. Your boyfriend might be into anythign ranging from light bondage (ties you up with scarves while making love perhaps?) but it never leaves the bedroom to a complete lifestyle wherein you are subservient to him all the time.

I will say this though. Try not to be radically afraid of it.. even the parts that sound scary like "total subservience". Such a thing may or may not be for you, but by and large the people who do it are regular human beings, not some sort of bunch of insane weirdos. At least for Carol and I, we reap rich but very vanilla rewards from our master/slave relationship.

I would recommend honest and forthright communication with your boyfriend coupled with a real effort on your part to not pre-judge things. In BDSM-land, very little is as it seems.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to poppings492)

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Post #: 22

RE: understanding - 10/2/2009 10:30:43 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: poppings492

I am not really into this but my boyfriend is and i want to understand more about this. But i kinda dont know what "this" is or what to expect from him. It scares me just alittle that he might want me to be subserviant to him. Where is the line drawn between being his girlfriend or being a sub for him?? What should i do to help cope with this better?? Any suggestion is so very much warranted please.
Thank You

The line is where you want it to be, it is about personal preference, yours, not anyone elses. If you do not desire it, then that is how it is, if they can't handle it, show them the door

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to poppings492)

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Post #: 23

RE: understanding - 10/2/2009 2:58:23 PM

blmtrsne

Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
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I had the same situation more than 20 years ago, when my husband asked me to accept him as my slave. We are married now and I learned about my dominant side. In fact it was my husband who explained it to me: I already ordered him around f.i. for him to do the dishes or to help me out in a store or other situations. It felt right, but I didn't know anything about it. On the other hand: you always know who's dominant or not in a couple. So I decided to try it: I bound him on the bed and then went to the living room to look at my favouritte programs on TV. When I came back, I explained to him that would never be a Mistress like the commercial ones. (I'm not saying something bad about thjose here, they are just something else). Our relation would turn around me: I have the money, I decide what to do, whether he comes with me or not, call him when I need him, use him as servant... And he is happy: he gets arroused being able to serve.

So, think about what you want, read a lot, ask more advise. Only you can feel in which kind of relation you'll be happy to be.

If you need more info about our kind of relation, you can always mail me.

Kind regards.

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-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to IronBear)

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RE: understanding - 10/2/2009 4:14:02 PM

looking4princess

Posts: 165
Joined: 4/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

You make a good point which only confirms my suspicion of what you were aiming at. However would you agree that were your post phrased in a different context such as a question expressing your concerns about coercion or possible/potential abuse it may have elicited accurate feedback without any chance of being misconstrued? Thank you for clarifying this matter though.

I think you are probably right.... I shall take more care with the phrasing of my posts in the future. Lesson noted. Thank you.

_____________________________

vincent....

Where would we be without the agitators of the world attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance? I ask you.

(in reply to IronBear)

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Post #: 25