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WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/29/2004 12:54:11 PM   
Laceywhips


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/27/2004
Status: offline
As I look at the profiles I have to admit that im suprised by all the demands , and wants of those who call themselves submissive and even slave.So I thought i would see if im the only one who is appalled at what i see . I understand that everyone has limits , I myself have limits to what i would do or want. But when some one blantently says I will do what i only what i want to, is this really a quality that anyone would want in a submissive?I have found that the submissive i want to interact with are those that take pride in serving in a way that makes their dominants proud and happy, and to that end they will follow those they respect and trust to the ends of the earth. Is it that they do not have interaction with someone they respect and trust , or is it that in finding a submissive we have found that spirit so rare that we as dominants have just learned to live , with those that have no concept of seritude?And if this is the case how do we as a comunity , teach others the basic concepts of being a submissive?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/29/2004 1:50:54 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I think the problem is that many subs get so tired of fighting off the morons that bombard them with ridiculous demands and expectations. They put their own demands in their profiles to scare these fake Doms away. It probably doesn't work though. And it does give the impression that they are not really submissive.
Of course there are some subs who don't have a clue what being submissive is. They either learn or never figure out why they are alone.

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/29/2004 6:51:07 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with you Estring, I get many e-mails saying that because of the things I say in my profile that I am not really submissive.
However, if an individual were to take the time to talk to me, while taking into consideration the things I say in my profile, the relationship would be a much more fulfilling one. Who wants to talk to someone who can only say "yes sir" or "no sir"?

(in reply to Estring)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/29/2004 7:31:49 PM   
EStrict


Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with Estring too. It's not a wonder that some have to sound harsh in thier profile, it's the only way to get it through the heads of some that call themselves dominant.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/29/2004 8:22:55 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Agreed with Estring 100%. It seems that so few people take profiles seriously.

Also, even submissive people have needs from a relationship. I personally think it's wise to outline what will make one happy, upfront, so that potential partners can decide if they fit those needs.

While I respect the idea that a submissive person puts the wants/desires of his/her dominant person first, I believe that that happens because to do so fills a need of the submissive party.

Even submissive people have preferences, and I think it's easier to state those preferences outright (especially in a personal ad) rather than be accuse of "leading someone on" because one -doesn't- state what one wants.

Incentally, I don't think it much matters what people write in profiels. Half the time, people write as if they haven't been read anyway. Mine says "This is my situation. If this is a problem for you, please don't contact me" (not in so many words)

Guess how many people have written telling me that they want me, but that my situation is a problem and that I'd better change it to be 'worthy' of them?*gag*

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to EStrict)
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RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/30/2004 7:33:46 AM   
Destinysskeins


Posts: 267
Joined: 7/1/2004
Status: offline 		Greetings,

i think what makes a great submission is predominantly subjective upon the desires of the Dominant. How that person's personality, limits and desires meld with those of You. Of course, i think most would agree that the most basic concept a submissive needs is the desire to please and fulfill the wishes of his/her Dominant. That being said - what good does that do if You can't relate to him/her outside of that strict role? If you can't relate with the day to day things and hold a pleasant conversation with him/her. i think this is what a lot of submissives that might be viewed in less than desirable ways are trying to show - "Yes, i'm submissive, but i'm also articulate, intelligent and meaningful in my own right and in the light of the things i desire to bring into a relationship". Unfortunately there are a great number of people that don't understand this in the least and thus there are times when the 2x4 method of communication seems almost more desirable than patiently ignoring/reinforming these blighted souls.

_____________________________

Wilted petals fall from a rose like bitters tears wrung from a heart whose dreams have shattered. What hope for the future can be seen by eyes that are darkened with sorrow neverending?

i'm not manic-depressive, i just have an elliptical personality

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/30/2004 11:09:59 AM   
yoursMaam


Posts: 48
Joined: 7/29/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i think what makes a great submission is predominantly subjective upon the desires of the Dominant.

I agree. Learning and understanding those needs and desires, and meeting or exceeding them is the answer. i am still trying to figure out how one would bruise "teal" instead of black and blue, but that is a story from long ago. Of course "deeper" always confused me in the vanilla world.
This is, of course just my opinion.

(in reply to Destinysskeins)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 8/30/2004 1:51:13 PM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Who wants to talk to someone who can only say "yes sir" or "no sir"?

ME ME ME ME MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
.
.
.
.
For every One there is a match.
.
.
there are many subs out
there whom only seek the
cut and dry * I want what I
want and if you cannot give
me what I want then carry on*
and these are the ones whom
make being a Pro Dom or Pro
Domme a 8 Billion Dollar business
out there till they are broke then
they tempt to find the same thing
for nothing. LOL of course this is
just My opinion of many that I have
seen here by experiance and I say
if they can gain it more power to em
and those whom fall into their needs
and see that they do not act as they
tempt to percieve such deserve what
they aquire. There are many subs
and Dominants whom would like to
totally throw out the whole kit and kaboodle
of Lifestyle Proticals Used by Many
and those of Long time experiance however
its not gonna happen in My life time anyhow.
To get back to the question what makes a great
submissive.
I being a Dominant whom does not accept the
attention of submissives but only slaves in Real Life,
I really
should not be answering this question in all fairness
but I just simply cannot resist. To Me what makes
a great submissive is sumone whom knows how
to state how they enjoy their lifestyle, what they dont,
and stay in line to what they said and find out what
the need of the Dominant is they choose to serve
when they choose to serve and full fill that need 101%
in a submissive manner be it in a scene or in every day
living. I think to Me personally sumone
whom chooses to associate their self with a subjudicant
manner should show the respects of such a position when
ever in the presance of Lifestylers, in other words a sub
whom shows Dominants respect for their position just as
a Dominant shows respect to a subs place be equal. I know
Ill get the usuall flank for this way of thinking but oh well
nuttin Im not use to by the subbies that wanna be treated as
vanilla by everyone till they so choose to pic whom they
want to treat as a Dominant is well just simply silly to ME.
A submissive whom reflects their training and teaching well
of their Dominant and in the Lifestyle manner I am accustomed
to is a plus as well. Im quick to rebuke and throw out those whom
give Me that Im not gonna treat You as anything other then a Woman
untill I so choose to because Immmm a subbie and choose WHENN
i subject to anyone when it is done either in a Lifestyle setting or
when they have first approched ME then give this kind of word
in My face expecting Me to take it. I quickly do show them who
is a Dominant and whom will be respected as I say if Im to be
addressed in the least and they either get in line or run out the
door or become the one ignored. Either way is fine with ME. LOL JMO

(in reply to yoursMaam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 9/3/2004 6:18:53 PM   
MissFem


Posts: 178
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		one that can think...and has a mind of his own

_____________________________

I smoke...drink...and cuss.....wanna fuck?

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 9/3/2004 6:23:53 PM   
PranksterBitch


Posts: 61
Joined: 9/3/2004
Status: offline 		One that breathes. Also one with balance and poise as they represent their dominants as well as themselves.

(in reply to MissFem)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 9/3/2004 6:29:56 PM   
Hellseeqer


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/11/2004
Status: offline 		One with great suction power and cool kissing skills.

Of course she has to fear the spatula.

And she has to like being my little girl.

(in reply to PranksterBitch)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 9/3/2004 8:45:03 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		i've noticed something about Dominant profiles recently. Namely...that non-professional Dominants interested in having a sub serve them are not generally looking for a love based relationship. At least that's how it appears for there are few (if any) profiles of Dominants that speak directly of this aspect. All too often i read the words "trust," "loyalty," and "respect" but rarely do i see mention of loving each other.

Sadly, this is what i need (not want) in order to serve. i sincerely do not believe this falls under the category of making a demand. If i was in a relationship where i fell in love with my Partner, there is nothing i wouldn't do willingly and would eagerly look forward to any new demands She might make of me. i'm not sure but i think i must be the odd duck in this lifestyle and this would explain many of my experiences with the few people i have been in contact with for potentially meeting.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Hellseeqer)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/3/2004 10:18:45 PM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with anthrosub.
Another word I notice that is usually also missing is Monogamy.
I happen to desire to find a Domme, who is into Love and Monogamy.
So why shouldn't I think that be important information in my profile?
I am an Intelligent, Thinking, Submissive, who also has desires and needs and one of them is to express them Honestly.
For me if I happen to find a Mistress who makes me feel safe Emotionally and sometimes Physically and reasures me of Her Love and Loyalty only to me, I would do just about Anything to make sure I met all Her Desires and Needs and that She was Happy in life.
I think this is important info for a prospective Domme to know about me. The more She reasures, the more I feel Happy and Desirous to meet Her needs and demands, I find it a Beautiful Dance.
I believe that even D/s relationships need to be give and take based, and both parties need to have their desires, needs, kinks, etc. met, to keep the relationship Flowing.
Just because I am naturally submissive in my relationships, does Not mean I go along Blindly, following orders and never speaking of My needs and desires.
I find if it romantically swings Both ways the relationship Thrives in it's Growth.
That is what is important to me and why would I Not want an interested Domme to know that about me? It is me honestly telling Her who I am.
If a like minded Domme reads things She likes, Great and if others don't, Yes move on, for I would never be happy in relation to you.

< Message edited by sterlingsweet -- 10/3/2004 10:24:21 PM >

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/4/2004 11:42:51 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

But when some one blantently says I will do what i only what i want to, is this really a quality that anyone would want in a submissive?


In a sub maybe, in a slave - NO. The maybe is to account for physical attraction or meshing physical desires between a sub and and Dom. A submissive speaking in such terms is just a dom who desires the physical sensation of pain. It is however an elementary way for the beginning of Trust, which can lead to something deeper between people.

What makes a "Great Submissive" is knowledge of self. Knowing what they want or desire. It may also be the knowledge that they do NOT want to be a slave. I find the majority of people, and most of the self identified 'switches' fall into this category. It's what makes them Great Switches. A great submissive can walk up to a Dom/me and ask for exactly what they desired to feel, ask for what they need. Having that confidence is not easy. It comes from knowledge of self.

Contrast that to a great slave, who I feel should have that same task of knowing who they are before giving all they are to another. As a slave, their desires may or may not be satisfied by their Master. There is no facilitating Dom. And a slave must be satisfied by the service and giving alone. That is the definition of her/his role. Very few are prepared to live that reality. Fewer still find someone earning the necessary trust a true Master/slave relationship requires.

Guidance or teaching from the community may be better served to help people identify who they really are. I think a submissive and Dom are physical facilitators for each other. The physical yin for the others yang. Their ability to meet, interact, and enjoy is wonderful.

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/4/2004 12:43:10 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline
quote:

i've noticed something about Dominant profiles recently. Namely...that non-professional Dominants interested in having a sub serve them are not generally looking for a love based relationship. At least that's how it appears for there are few (if any) profiles of Dominants that speak directly of this aspect. All too often i read the words "trust," "loyalty," and "respect" but rarely do i see mention of loving each other.


As I was reading this I could hear that song by Toni Braxton playing in my mind...unbreak my heart, say you love me again..., and I'm thinking "Love", okay what about it? It isn't instant. Add one submissive and ouila! There it is. The relationship begins with communication, the chemistry is there, the agreement takes place, the trust is established followed by respect and loyalty. I believe that it would be realistic to expect "love" to happen somewhere after trust during that process.

What makes a good submissive? Being natural, and real about it. After that it's just about the communication, chemistry, blah blah blah...

_____________________________

Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

(in reply to anthrosub)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/6/2004 6:39:42 PM   
AngelnDisguise


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/3/2004
Status: offline
Both you and Estring make very good points. Putting your "limits" on your profile and saying what you wont do or will can be a way to ward off the wannabes Doms. But then again it may lead them to think...."if they'll do this...maybe I can convince them to...." Sometimes it's nice just because you aren't repeating the same answer to the ever asked question a million times. But even putting everything in your profile half the time it's not read. Been there done that. I had thought about posting "my limits" on there, but in reality they are ever changing. I would stretch a bit say I'm a switch. With men I tend to be more submissive and with women more dominant. It's something I'm exploring. When the right Dom comes along, you just never know what he might entice me to try. But until my learning on both will continue.

J.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/6/2004 9:12:18 PM   
rain


Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline 		hmm, a great submissive would be gagged, naked, & hogtied ! ; )

(unless they're a smart ass, then they'd get whupped too!)

_____________________________

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

(in reply to Laceywhips)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/6/2004 9:44:54 PM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline 		Are you offering this as a suggenstion to be used on yourself? (especially including the parenthetical part)

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to rain)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/6/2004 10:24:18 PM   
rain


Posts: 319
Joined: 4/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Thanatosian

Are you offering this as a suggenstion to be used on yourself? (especially including the parenthetical part)


That depends, would you be willing to offer your assistance? (smirk)

(I enjoy answering a question with a question!)

hehehe,

rain

_____________________________

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today. - James Dean

(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: WHAT MAKES A GREAT SUBMISSIVE? - 10/7/2004 1:45:22 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		i agree that love will take time but i need to point out that all the other traits take time to be established as well. Obviously some can be demonstrated quicker than others but they are not "instant" either (or if they are, it will take the other person at least a little time to be certain they are really there). In the end, i think it boils down to what each person is looking for in the long run. my instincts (and experience) tell me most people aren't looking that far ahead.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to LadyBeckett)
Profile   Post #: 20
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