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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 7:54:59 PM

OscarHargraves

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If we don't match at least in the basics then there's very little to work from and too much chance of wasting your time altogether........... I think.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 7:55:08 PM

Cloudz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Finding some one who fits exactly my chriteria would be ideal in an ideal world. There is one huge word which I work with when dealing with people. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. in all aspects of my multi-facited life, there are two components. The first is the hard core non negotiable areas. Then there is the larger flexable area, and it is within this flexable area that I am happy to make some compromises. By doing so, it allows me to look at someone who is adaptable enough and trainable enough to become what i want. E.G. I find a suitable sub who fits my requirement for needle play and shibari and who will accept that in a house collar will be trained as a Gorean kijira. It is entirely possible that in time the non Gorean sub will read and ask to be allowed to be collared as a kajira in training, thus meeting my initial specifications. I also like to see what each new person in my life, brings to the table.

Ah Bear..

Fire...needles...why?????????????//

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 8:03:23 PM

classykindasassy

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Matches my criteria. I know what I want.

It always puzzles me when people are looking for a serious partner, having no idea what they want - because so much time is wasted on bullshit. Just MHO. If someone who is looking approaches me, not knowing what they want, I send them packing because I know that if they don't know what they want in a woman, I WON"T BE IT.

Of course I now belong to someone who knew what he wanted.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 8:10:35 PM

UtopianRanger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?

My criteria...of course. Far too busy with other-world pursuits to mold someone.

- The Ranger

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 8:27:07 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Cloudz

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

Finding some one who fits exactly my chriteria would be ideal in an ideal world. There is one huge word which I work with when dealing with people. C-O-M-P-R-O-M-I-S-E. in all aspects of my multi-facited life, there are two components. The first is the hard core non negotiable areas. Then there is the larger flexable area, and it is within this flexable area that I am happy to make some compromises. By doing so, it allows me to look at someone who is adaptable enough and trainable enough to become what i want. E.G. I find a suitable sub who fits my requirement for needle play and shibari and who will accept that in a house collar will be trained as a Gorean kijira. It is entirely possible that in time the non Gorean sub will read and ask to be allowed to be collared as a kajira in training, thus meeting my initial specifications. I also like to see what each new person in my life, brings to the table.

Ah Bear..

Fire...needles...why?????????????//

<<<Smiles gently>>>

Fire is a primal power (Fire and Water being primal elements with Air as the mediator and Earth, the resultant). There is pleasure watching fire run up your arm or flames spring forth from the palm of your hand to ignite a torch. There is something satisfying to “eat” a burning rope, it explode a holocaust of flame from your mouth and watch it envelope a naked girl….

Needles ~ To use needle play to decorate a naked body with patterns (ultimately to recreate Celtic knot work or morphic patterns), is a dream and goal.

~ Kisses my right index and middle fingers and lightly touches you on the forehead, eyes and lips, smiling gently ~

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 8:30:19 PM

valeca

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Would you rather find someone that matches your criteria? Or make someone fit?

My thoughts:

The answers to this question are (more or less) predictable--I also happen to agree with the majority. Criteria over 'making'.

The simplicity of the question, from someone who usually posts such well thought out and intelligent things, quite frankly, surprised me. Which set my little noggin into a fury trying to figure out if there was perhaps something more to it. I came up with three possibilities.

1. You were hoping to get people to think about the choices they were making in potential partners--whether they -were- falling into the first or second part of the question, regardless of the answer they would give.

2. Seeing what the majority of Dominants vs the majority of submissives might answer. I have to wonder if a Dominant might be more inclined to shape a partner with training and personal preferences (I call it 'being trained to Their hand) than a submissive would expect to 'shape' theirs.

3. There was nothing more to the question than what was presented.

Chances are, I've over-thought the whole thing. But, that it got me thinking period is a great thing, and for that, I thank you.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 8:52:29 PM

yourMissTress

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quote:

1. You were hoping to get people to think about the choices they were making in potential partners--whether they -were- falling into the first or second part of the question, regardless of the answer they would give.

2. Seeing what the majority of Dominants vs the majority of submissives might answer. I have to wonder if a Dominant might be more inclined to shape a partner with training and personal preferences (I call it 'being trained to Their hand) than a submissive would expect to 'shape' theirs.

3. There was nothing more to the question than what was presented.

Very good thinking valeca. Thank you to everyone that's responded.

Do some people just want a warm body? Do some really think that the basics can be changed? Do some find it a challenge?

It is interesting to see who wants to meet their criteria and who wants to "mold" their partner. And what's the criteria? Is the bar set high or low? Is the criteria 10-20 basic points that are deal breakers? Or 100 must haves that no one could possibly meet? Or do they have to have a pulse?

Compromise as has been mentioned is a necessity in any relationship if it's going to last longer than the bananas you bought last week. But what's up for compromise and what's not? How much thought have you given it?

It's also interesting when we see posts that say..." I wanted this but can't get him/her to do it." And then they do a head smack.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/3/2006 9:09:22 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

And what's the criteria?

For me, it was very simple. I wanted someone with the ability to 'take' my power since I had no interest in just giving it away. I'm not the generous sort so I don't do the 'gift' thing. You want it.. take it, buddy otherwise, leave me be. That was my attitude then.. and remains my attitude now. I gave it away twice before and damn if that didn't come back and bite me in the ass.. third times a charm and it's been working for damn near 10 years now.

Celeste

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 1:30:49 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
It is interesting to see who wants to meet their criteria and who wants to "mold" their partner. And what's the criteria? Is the bar set high or low? Is the criteria 10-20 basic points that are deal breakers? Or 100 must haves that no one could possibly meet? Or do they have to have a pulse?

First thing I tend to look for is a sense of 'real'. That they either know themself and what they want and have looked at how that would work in the real world as opposed to how it works in some silly little chatroom fantasy. Hint: Lil' miss ubersub dropping to her knees within five minutes of meeting me and declairing "I have no limits Master, I am yours to do what you want with" is going to red flag on the 'real' criteria! Or even if they are admitting that they don't fully understand what they want yet, that they are taking the right approach to find out rather than just getting swept up by the fantasy.

Second I'm looking for someone who also wants a D/s relationship rather than just looking for kink play.

Those two things in place, then its worth looking further.... to see if the person might have that spark of attraction both personality and physicaly that makes me think that it would be possible to build a relationship on. Do I see signs that they are intelligent, not a doormat, have some common sense, could maybe prove trustworthy and honest?

They do? Great OK then there maybe a relationship able to be built, NOW it is worth checking for compatability in other areas. Rule out those who need things that are my few hard limits, check that things I enjoy don't fall into their hard limits....

Most anything else, can be worked on and molded.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 7:05:24 AM

SweetDommes

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Find someone that matches - I don't have the time, energy or will to try and mold someone into what I want. Plus, doing that isn't really fair to them when they could go find someone that they would match up with if I would just leave them alone.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 7:06:51 AM

fergus

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I find that I can never force anyone to 'be' whom I'd like them to be. Though, in the past, I am sure I have tried, and likely without even knowing it.

Rather than seeing a 'person', I would see what I wanted to see, and try to make a person into that. This is dehumanizing, for me and the other person.

That being said, my criteria for a successful match is someone who is flexible and compromising, and I expect the same from myself.

fergus

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 7:16:23 AM

MochaMistress

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I would like to find someone that fits as close as possible my criteria. With enough similarities we could grow together. A relationship that has growth and development is very attractive to me. But a relationship thats already preformed will get stale after while to me.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 8:39:22 AM

TexasMaam

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Both.

I insist upon a sub who matches My initial 'limit' criteria; a sub who is biddable enough to want to learn how to make everything else 'fit'.

; )

Texas Maam

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 8:42:36 AM

amayos

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Someone who matches my criteria is ideal, of course. Why should I spend time or energy trying to "convince" anyone?

I suppose the only exception to the above is when a novice girl arrives at my doorstep, having been drawn to me, specifically. So long as she expresses an authentic want to learn, I am willing to teach.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 8:42:59 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

Both.

I insist upon a sub who matches My initial 'limit' criteria; a sub who is biddable enough to want to learn how to make everything else 'fit'.

; )

Texas Maam

This is the best answer i have seen on this thread! You put into simple words what i was hoping to see from others. Thank you!

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 8:52:29 AM

Evanesce

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quote:

Do some people just want a warm body? Do some really think that the basics can be changed? Do some find it a challenge?

There are people very close to me who seem to need that warm body beside them all the time - ANY warm body. Those relationships have rarely lasted more than a year or two. And others do go into relationships thinking they're going to be able to change the core personality of their chosen partner. Again, those relationships simply do not last. Why put yourself through that?

quote:

It is interesting to see who wants to meet their criteria and who wants to "mold" their partner. And what's the criteria? Is the bar set high or low? Is the criteria 10-20 basic points that are deal breakers? Or 100 must haves that no one could possibly meet? Or do they have to have a pulse?

Compromise as has been mentioned is a necessity in any relationship if it's going to last longer than the bananas you bought last week. But what's up for compromise and what's not? How much thought have you given it?

For myself, I've always refused to settle for less than what I want. If I won't buy cheap furniture until I can afford to get what I *really* want, why would I accept a partner who isn't exactly what I'm seeking in a man? I've always been extremely choosy about who I let into my life. Sometimes I have chosen poorly, to be sure, but I tend to spend a lot of time alone in between partners, to give myself time to evaluate why the last relationshp was wrong, and what it was about them that didn't quite meet my needs. Wants and dreams can be negotiated, but core needs and values cannot. We're either a match in those areas, or we're not compatible.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 8:54:30 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

I suppose the only exception to the above is when a novice girl arrives at my doorstep, having been drawn to me, specifically. So long as she expresses an authentic want to learn, I am willing to teach.

That describes how i was, to my Master at first. i guess that is why i was disappointed to see so many wanting a "ready-made."

i can completely understand and appreciate, however, the concept of not wanting to fit a square peg in a round hole....

um...no pun intended.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 9:05:06 AM

IronBear

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I guess if you look at this from another persoective, I have a "Hard Core" or "Primary"criteria which is not negotiable and which needs to be matched. However there is a secondary and flexable criteria which is negotiable. Ideally I'd find some one who matched both sets. Once I find some one who meets the primary criteria, it is just seeing how many of the flexable ones she meets. Now obviously I'm unlikely to be in a situation where I am interviewing a number of candidates, but if I do have to choose between people it will in the long run be my gut feeling and how we interact which will decide. It sounds cold and commercial, but that is better thanapproaching something as important as this in a methodical way than allowing emotion and hormones make the choice for you.

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/4/2006 11:50:10 PM

slave4Darby3d

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Neither.

I'd rather discover someone all on their own merits - and if it felt right...

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RE: Would you rather and why? - 3/5/2006 10:56:56 AM

IronBear

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To quote from my Codices Venifica (Books of Sorcery)

"I am Fire and Ice,
Male and Female,
I can create, and, I can destroy me man.
Dare you seek me out and make me, your lover?
Think well for I am that which men call nature!"

Just a thought.

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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