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nanshakh -> RE: Choosing to be a slave (10/6/2009 8:43:18 AM)
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quote:
Original: Surrenderwithin
The question was basically this : At what point did you decide to accept that you are a slave? What lead you to choose to be a slave.
I think there is a relevant contradiction in terms embedded in the question.
One never decides to be a slave. By definition, being a slave can only happen when one is enslaved, so it is the one doing the enslaving who makes the decision to turn the other into a slave. By definition too, the slave has no say in the matter, a slave is not left with an option to refuse slavery. Except by escaping or dying. When the owner is in a position to enslave, the slave is not in a position to refuse.
If one ever decides that one is a slave, one will probably be looking for the "right" owner that will fit one's slavery, or fantasy of such. It only demonstrates an incapability to understand the nature of slavery.
Instead of deciding to be a slave, what one can decide, or accept about one's nature, is that one craves to be enslaved.
The difference seems important. If one decides to be a slave, one is already making a decision that is not his. Not a very good start. Instead, if he only feels he craves, needs to be enslaved, he will leave not only that decision, but the terms of the slavery up to the owner.
quote:
looking4princess:
Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I readily accepted it. BDSM orientations were less readily acceptable in pre-internet days. So, it has been a stuggle to come out and stay out of the closet.
Yes, there is the difficulty of accepting, it was the same for me. But more than that, it was the paradox that acceptance left me confronted with that was the difficulty. After all, accepting my true nature was a relief, after an early childhood struggling with that enormous feeling I didn't really understand, like a monster growing in the closet. But once the acceptance is made, the paradox is left to stay, and grow. What to do? Up till then I had fighting it, but now, what could I do with it?
And that's where the glitch is: one can accept that one craves to be enslaved, but one cannot really act upon it. It takes two to tango, but in this dance all the initiatives and decisions are left into the hands of one partner. So one can only reflect on one's deepest aspirations, and then desire to be caught, collared, enslaved, by the right predator. That can be a tricky venture. But what one can do, once one has fully accepted one's inescapable desire to be enslaved, is to reflect on what being a slave entails, and prepare for it. To be the right kind of male to be attractive to a potential mistress.
The kind of slave one will be, the kind of life and slavery one will be subjected to will depend on the owner, never on the slave. So there's not much point in cultivating one's own preferences and tastes about the kind of slavery one envisions. If one is ever enslaved, the nature and conditions of the slavery will never ever be what one expected. If only because the owner will not necessarily be very concerned about the slave's expectations or tastes. Except to manipulate the slave, but not specially to satisfy him. :) So devious!
So to conclude my answer: I never thought "Yes, I am a slave". But I remember accepting the fact that nothing was more important to me than to be enslaved to a woman. And when that realisation came, I was still a child, and I didn't have a clue as to how such a thing could ever be possible; in fact, I didn't even know then that some women had a corresponding desire to enslave. In a sense, when years later I discovered that fact, it only made it seem even more impossible.
To me the problem was like that: how to attract the attention of a dominant Woman so that She felt like picking me up, trying me, enslaving me? The necessary passive attitude I felt restrained to as a "potential" slave was always a prerequisite to be effectively enslaved. Precisely, one cannot search, one can only be the right kind of prey, at the right place, the right moment, on the path of the Mistress. Instinctively, from the start, I always was sure that it was mandatory that my attitude remains passive.
It does sound like a catch 22 situation. It is. It does make one feel a bit hopeless. But it does put one in a more open and receptive attitude, which might be the very right state of mind to effectively become enslaved.
Nanshakh
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