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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who is into sadism.

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i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who is in... - 10/4/2009 5:59:51 AM

usemyholez

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/1/2009
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what is considered sadistic behavour? some one told me that the Dom will give me pain, the answer was very vague. to an extent, receiving pain excites me. but how do i find someone that won't go overboard? is there a classification or term for what i might be looking for? ie: hardcore, soft, ect....

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 6:05:04 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You talk to him about it. You experiment to see how much pain you are willing to deal with.
Talk about it.

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 6:06:00 AM

DarkSteven

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I can think of two ways to get someone who won't overdo it.

1. The Dom seems like he has self control and cares for others when you talk with him.
2. He honors safewords.

In addition, you may want to try play at parties - A Top is unlikely to go too far with others watching.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 6:29:02 AM

TakeuBeyond

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In the grand scheme of things what may be overboard to some is quite different to some than it is for others. As already suggested you have to really talk to who you are planning on playing with and make sure the two of you are on the same page.

< Message edited by TakeuBeyond -- 10/4/2009 6:30:29 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 12:06:26 PM

Wantstocontrolu

Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
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During a scene there is pre-negotiated limits and safeguards.

With a slave, they are not allowed even a safeword as that gives an illusion of control to the slave. However, before I accept someone as slave (not submissive) the trust level is sufficiently large on both parts to allow that level of interaction.

One does not break ones toys.

Its all about trust.

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 12:15:09 PM

boundbianca

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/18/2007
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I once heard a joke : the masochistic asks the sadist " Hurt me , beat me up " and the sadist to answer "No"

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/4/2009 2:25:22 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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OP, do you have any experience? Do you know how much pain is erotic to you and how much is too much? Because if you haven't experienced any yet you may be very surprised how much less than you imagined is your limit.

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/5/2009 12:52:14 AM

usemyholez

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Joined: 9/1/2009
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Desfip, i am totally new to this lifestyle, and you're are correct, about me not knowing how much pain/pleasure i can endure. but i am most willing to try. & learn about myself and others. i am also trying to classify myself. what are the proper discriptions of slave, sub,slut and bottom?

(in reply to DesFIP)

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 10/5/2009 8:19:30 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
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There aren't universal descriptions for any of them. I'd recommend starting out clicking the "submissive" box in the profile, since there isn't a "bottom" option, and being forthright in your profile about your lack of experience. If you fantasise mostly about being controlled, you might well lean toward the submissive or slave parts of the spectrum. If you're more focused on physical kink (S/M and bondage), then you probably lean more toward being a bottom or masochist. I bottomed quite a bit, both casually and in egalitarian kinky relationships, as either a switch or a masochist, without any power exchange whatsoever. It completely took me by surprise the first time I reacted submissively, if anything, my "natural" inclination leans toward being dominant within a relationship. Keep an open mind, and that willingness to trust and experiment!

(in reply to usemyholez)

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 11/28/2009 6:06:18 PM

MatureSlaveType

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(in reply to Andalusite)

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 11/29/2009 10:53:33 AM

kanina

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Joined: 11/19/2009
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for example i when i started didn´t enjoy actually pain, then has the time went on and i experimented things i became a masochist...

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RE: i am looking to serv a gay or bi male Dom/Top who i... - 11/29/2009 2:32:18 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: usemyholez

what is considered sadistic behavour? some one told me that the Dom will give me pain, the answer was very vague. to an extent, receiving pain excites me. but how do i find someone that won't go overboard? is there a classification or term for what i might be looking for? ie: hardcore, soft, ect....

Say something like willing to explore, start slow and work your way up

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(in reply to usemyholez)

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