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Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 1:36:57 PM   
weentsy


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline 		I understand why most lifestyle Dommes are averse to playing with married subs; I think that can be problematic for both parties. For my part, I have played in this way in the past, and it created a lot of bad feelings within me.

But I don't feel the same about simple foot play. Massaging and worshiping a Domme's feet doesn't feel like infidelity to me; and I wouldn't think a lifestyle Domme would find that objectionable, either, if foot worship is something She enjoys; most Dommes I've known have believed that One can never get too much foot attention.

I'm not just talking the sort of worship that gets the sub hard, i.e., toe sucking...of course, I wouldn't feel "complete without it ;)...I'm also talking about long, pleasurable, relaxing foot massage - the sort that makes Your legs tingle.

Anyway, I'm wondering how the Ladies and subs feel about this sort of play.



Thanks to all,

michael

< Message edited by weentsy -- 3/3/2006 1:53:34 PM >
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 1:56:49 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		For me, I prefer service of any kind from someone that I'm involved with - so even this would be a no-no from someone who is married to someone else.

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 2:57:40 PM   
weentsy


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

For me, I prefer service of any kind from someone that I'm involved with - so even this would be a no-no from someone who is married to someone else.



Is that because You think it's basically a form of infidelity, or just because it's Your preference to share foot worship with someone with whom You also share something more?

Is foot massage and toe sucking an "intimate act"? A massage can be had at any spa...the toe sucking part, while not common to a spa massage, still doesn't seem like something out of bounds. Would I tell my wife about it? No...so if that's the test, then maybe it is out of bounds. But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.


michael

(in reply to SweetDommes)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 3:03:58 PM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy




Would I tell my wife about it? No...so if that's the test, then maybe it is out of bounds. But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.


michael


When someone won't tell their partner about it I'm not interested as it would be dishonest to me and by my personal morals/ethics it is then a form of cheating.

Oumae


_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 3:07:54 PM   
Ethne


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Would I tell my wife about it? No


Right there. You may not call it cheating, but she may, and thats what matters to her divorce lawyer. Why can you do her toes? Go to a salon, watch how a pedicure is done. Go purchase the things you will need, and do her feet. You are fulfilled, and she has gorgeous feet. Win-win.

(in reply to Oumae)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 3:22:13 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		One of my subs is married. The only reason I would even talk with him was that it was his wife that contacted me about allowing him to serve me. She and I talked on the phone, and then he and I talked on the phone. I met both of them at the same time. I became friends with both of them. It also helps that we are all poly.

I now meet with him at least once a week and many times she drops him off at my house and then when she comes to pick him up she will come in and talk with me. We have discussed his various assignments and a few times she's enjoyed assisting with his torture. We socialize together and she and I are discussing a possible business venture.

Under any other circumstances I would have nothing to do with a married sub, for any reason what so ever.

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 3:50:22 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I am married and so is my Master and we are commited to each other. Maybe it is cheating alright it is cheating but it feels so right to both of us that it does not seem to be cheating to either of us.

Just thoughts from a married sub.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 4:03:27 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I personally don't do married or partnered people unless I have met that partner and we've had a heart to heart -- they also have to sign my contract so I know they aren't going to undermine the kinky relationship.

As for a foot slave.... don't know why I'd want some so specialized or limited.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 4:09:58 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Sure foot massages are nice... but I can get one along with a really nice pedicure at My local salon. To Me the "worship" that goes along with the more intense foot massage, and the 'toe-sucking' seems more intimate to Me, and is something I would want to share with someone I have a special connection with. I wouldn't allow just anyone to suck on any part of My body... toes or otherwise..

I also agree that if there is no reason for the Domme to think twice about it, then why not tell your wife... afterall it's just a foot massage, right? That's how I see it, but to each his/Her own.



(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 4:40:36 PM   
weentsy


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I also agree that if there is no reason for the Domme to think twice about it, then why not tell your wife... afterall it's just a foot massage, right? That's how I see it, but to each his/Her own.


I was going to write a pretty emotional response, but it really doesn't matter...I'll just say that life isn't always so simple, and being totally upfront can be cruel as well as "honest".

If I tell my wife that I really crave something she can't give me - and we're talking a little foot action, not sex - all that happens is that she feels inadequate. That's not my wish! But if I don't satisfy my little foot itch, it becomes a constant obsession.

Either you get this or you don't.


Michael

(in reply to MistressLorelei)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 4:58:15 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Would your wife be upset if she found out you were servicing other womens feet, even in non sexual ways, if so yes you're cheating. Doing something with another woman against your wifes wishes in secret and she'd be upset if she found out is cheating.
quote:

ORIGINAL: weentsy



Is foot massage and toe sucking an "intimate act"? A massage can be had at any spa...the toe sucking part, while not common to a spa massage, still doesn't seem like something out of bounds. Would I tell my wife about it? No...so if that's the test, then maybe it is out of bounds. But if there's no relationship beyond the servitude, I still don't think of it as cheating.


michael


(in reply to weentsy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 5:11:27 PM   
MistressLorelei


Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline 		Michael... only you know if massaging the feet of other women will benefit your marriage or not... if it does, then wonderful. It's not that I get it or not... My take is just from a different perspective... when I do want to 'play', I am looking for more than just a foot massage... but we all have different needs and desires, and that's a good thing.






(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 6:17:33 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

Sure foot massages are nice... but I can get one along with a really nice pedicure at My local salon. To Me the "worship" that goes along with the more intense foot massage, and the 'toe-sucking' seems more intimate to Me, and is something I would want to share with someone I have a special connection with. I wouldn't allow just anyone to suck on any part of My body... toes or otherwise..

I also agree that if there is no reason for the Domme to think twice about it, then why not tell your wife... afterall it's just a foot massage, right? That's how I see it, but to each his/Her own.



This is my feeling on it as well - and the reason that I want service from someone that I'm more intimately involved with than just someone who comes over for one specific thing and that's it.

If I want someone to only clean my house and nothing else, I'll hire a cleaning service.
If I want someone to give me a back rub and nothing else, I'll hire a massuse (sp?).
If I want someone to give me a foot rub and nothing else, I'll go get a pedicure and footmassage at the salon/spa.

However, I want the whole package: someone who cooks and cleans, gives me backrubs and foot rubs, who is available at any time that he isn't at work to cuddle with me, fetch me things, whatever ... and who sleeps in my arms each night. This is why we have mostly avoided married submissives, even those that we knew for a fact were in open relationships.

When it comes to married submissives, I am of the same school of thought as MissTress and TammyJo - if I'm going to be involved in any way with someone who is married, their partner had better be aware of it. We aren't monogamous (obviously) but we are faithful, and I won't be a party to someone hiding anything from their partner. I won't tell their partner what they are looking for, but I won't be a part of it unless I've talked to their partner myself to varify that they are ok with it.

(in reply to MistressLorelei)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 6:56:45 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, I want the whole thing. Have I topped married subs, yes. However, it is a requirement of mine, whether they be male or female, that I may talk with their spouse first to determine it is fine with them.

Lady Ursa

(in reply to SweetDommes)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 9:25:38 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Is that because You think it's basically a form of infidelity, or just because it's Your preference to share foot worship with someone with whom You also share something more?


Personally I'm selfish when it comes to my boys so having a wifie running around is EXTREMELY unattractive. Working really hard to convince me that marriage should still allow one to perform a fetish from which they derive sexual pleasure umm YUCK. If you were wanking yourself with another woman in the room would your wife consider it cheating?? Just a thought...if she feels that way she's not likely to go for the foot service isn't cheating idea either.

YMMV

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 9:49:50 PM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

If I tell my wife that I really crave something she can't give me - and we're talking a little foot action, not sex


"It's only a little prick, it won't hurt a bit". <koff>

So if it's not such a big deal, why worry about it at all?

Why do you need a Dominant to take part in your fantasy? After all, what you want is very limited - you really aren't going to serve her needs by having her follow your script.

Just curious.


_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/3/2006 11:17:54 PM   
weentsy


Posts: 12
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why do you need a Dominant to take part in your fantasy? After all, what you want is very limited - you really aren't going to serve her needs by having her follow your script.



My script?


Whatever...

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 3:58:30 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:


My script?


Whatever...



It's a serious question. You keep downplaying the importance of just a little foot worship, that it's something that a lifestyle Domme should be interested in, that it's not really cheating on your wife because after all she isn't into it.

As a lifestyle Domme (who does, incidentally, very much enjoy foot worship), frankly, I don't see the benefit for me seeing a sub who basically comes across not have any interest in me as a whole individual, only that I have feet and will let him suck on my toes. A good foot worship scene, to me, is extremely intimate and sexy and a huge turn on - otherwise, it wasn't that good. Hence, why I won't engage in one with someone who sees me as a life support system for my feet.

So my question of "what's in it for ME to engage in a scene that's all about what you want" even if it is ONE aspect of things I enjoy is actually quite serious.

Frankly, I'd feel really used by such a scene. A "slave" to me does not define what fetish he is slave to, nor does he set extremely limited paramaters - i.e., give me a script.

And that's something you don't seem to get.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 3/4/2006 4:13:32 AM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to weentsy)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 5:04:27 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

So my question of "what's in it for ME to engage in a scene that's all about what you want" even if it is ONE aspect of things I enjoy is actually quite serious.

Frankly, I'd feel really used by such a scene. A "slave" to me does not define what fetish he is slave to, nor does he set extremely limited paramaters - i.e., give me a script.

And that's something you don't seem to get.



So very true. I couldn't have said it any better myself.



_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
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RE: Married Foot Slaves - 3/4/2006 10:00:16 AM   
Ethne


Posts: 20
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If I tell my wife that I really crave something she can't give me - and we're talking a little foot action, not sex - all that happens is that she feels inadequate. That's not my wish! But if I don't satisfy my little foot itch, it becomes a constant obsession.

Either you get this or you don't.


Michael


Yeah I get it. My question is still "Why cant she?" Is it important that she know you're getting off on it? Can you use it as a start of foreplay? That way, you get your, what did you call it, "your little foot itch", satisfied, and she doesnt feel inadequate. I think it's in your approach. If you tell her "Giving you a foot massage and painting your toes is going to erotically stimulate me." Yeah, she might squick about it. If you phrase it as "I want to do this for you, it makes me feel good to make you feel good." It's phrased in a non-theatening, non-sexual way, it opens a door for you to, in time, take a step up into your fantasy. So the question remains, why can't your wife fulfill this need? Because if she doesnt know about it, doesnt approve it, and there will be conseqences when she does find out (and believe me, she will...we always do) its cheating.

If you are just looking for a validation to the fact that you feel the need to sucks someone's toes, other than the toes you are married to, chances are, you aren't going to find it here. Most of us that live in the lifestyle are serious about consent, and thats consent on everyone's part.

MSW also brings up a good point. She's smart, and delicately expressed something that most lifestyle Dommes are going to think. 'What's in it for me?"

Ethne

< Message edited by Ethne -- 3/4/2006 10:03:08 AM >

(in reply to MstrssPassion)
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