RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (Full Version)

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mistoferin -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 6:11:17 AM)

quote:

Even then I limit the information to basics unless asked to do otherwise


Hi Scooter,
Tell you what...anyone asks about me you can exaggerate all the positives and downplay the negatives......and I will do the same for you...deal???

Lol...the reality is though that in your case I really can't come up with negatives....you and ShiftedJewel are just the best...and I'm really glad to see you on the board!




FTopinMichigan -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 6:48:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio
So what I am wondering how many people do you know on collarme that could be use as references.


I have found several people I have met, from being active in the local BDSM community, in this message forum. I have also been acquainted with some through other message forums, but never met in person. I could not actually call them my "friends," but I do feel that what I know about them, and through my interactions with them, I wouldn't hesitate to spend more time with them, or have them in my home. I've been acquainted with most of these folks for quite a few years, in the community.

I don't give or ask for "references," personally. I might ask someone if we might have mutual friends/acquaintances. I also enjoy meeting someone, through someone, versus from online alone. It does tend to save time, and you're not going in completely blind.
K




MrDiscipline44 -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 7:06:29 AM)

Thank you, old Bear. It's an honor to have you say such. I strive to better myself as much as I can, but I"m only human and as many, prone to some failings.




TexasMaam -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 8:15:32 AM)

I know and am personally acquainted with 26 members here at Collar Me.

Of those 26, I could give only three for any kind of BDSM personal reference, although I have never done so.

Texas Maam




amayos -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 9:29:36 AM)

Out of the combined pile of e-mails I receive here and from other places, I have only deemed to talk with a fraction of that amount via phone, and out of that fraction, I have met only a few. I'm highly critical of character and honesty of motive in a potential submissive. I am who I am, and I certainly won't apologize for it.

Be that as it may, in no way do I feel my criteria so perfectly mirrors that of so many other dominant males; we all have different tastes. Using my unbending standards as a reference would not be wise, not only for the fact that we all seek something different, but that people who we may pass judgment on aren't ever static; they evolve over time—for good and sometimes for bad. This is why references are usually meaningless to me. The reference system is a machine of blind stigma and clique making; it bases its efficiency upon popular reputation, and not necessarily truth. If dominant, make the decision yourself with the tools you have. If you are submissive, prove yourself through action and clarity of character.




sub4hire -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 9:32:00 AM)

quote:

This came to my mind because a sub I know has been making contact with Doms and Masters who know me on collarme. Every once in a while she will ask me do you know this person and the chances are we have meet at a munches. So hard to remember every one’s screen names also they change them over time. So what I am wondering how many people do you know on collarme that could be use as references. That is why it is important to attend munches and events for these people can be your reference.


In person, probably near a hundred. Use them for references...well most use me as one or try to. People have used me as a reference in the past only for it to come out very badly for them in the end. Just because a person knows my name does not mean I know them.
I'd use zero as a reference.




windchymes -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 9:47:57 AM)

I only obtained a 'reference' once in my online life, and only because it was convenient to do so.

It was time to meet someone in another state from a 'vanilla' dating site, and I happened to have a good friend (male friend) living in an adjoining town. I asked the person I was going to meet if he minded if my friend called him to "check him out" (it was said with tongue-in-cheek) and he was more than encouraging. They had a great conversation and I went and had a great time, although it didn't last.

I would have gone, even without the "reference", but I don't think you can ever be "too careful", and since all parties were agreeable and it was easily done, I did and don't regret it. And would do it again.

But no, I don't stomp around the boards and personal ads demanding references. I have met plenty of people (not from CM....yet...) without references. The most important thing is to listen to your gut and heed any red flags that fly.




SimplyV -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 12:23:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: orfunboi


quote:

ORIGINAL:
What? you mean I'm not just supposed to show up with my moving truck and a list of references? [:D]



That only works for lesbians, but if i remember correctly you bring the u-haul on the second date....



Dang.. I just knew there were some amazing advantages to being a lesbian.

*sighs* Now if only I could just get over my cock-fetish and develope a vagina-fetish.

*puts her U-Haul on standby*




LadyMegaera -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/4/2006 9:08:27 PM)

I know at least people on collarme that I could use as references. Of course, these people also know me in real life, but I cannot even begin to say how important it is to take care of yourself. People can write anything and become who they want to be (or who you want them to be). Its not until its too late that you find out the truth. Be careful, join a local group and always set up safe calls.
LM




MarinaBlack -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/6/2006 4:11:23 PM)

A hypothetical in a vanilla setting...

Woman goes to a party where she knows most of the people there. Sometime during the evening she meets a man who she finds rather engaging and thinks to heself "Hmm, he seems interested. We seem to have much in common, but man have I been burned before".
During their chat she is aware of him nodding greetings at people that she knows - some of them dear friends. As the conversation prgresses he indicates interest in their meeting again and she is certainly interested, but again...she's been burned.
She accepts his number - knowing better than to give out her own - and after he leaves she asks her friends about him.
I think that makes good sense.
The word "reference" may sound impersonal, but references make good sense.
Think about it, if you hear from a couple of people that you trust that someone you are interested in is an alcoholic or an abuser or anything else you have no use for, whouldn't that save you having to learn the hard way?

It turns out I personally know a number of people here on collarme - have known most through the Toronto scene and the rest I met right here and then in person. I have been called upon to provide references for some of my Domme friends checking out potential subs.
I also like to mention to my Domme friends when I am considering meeting someone in person because they occasionally have some feedback for me.
I recall one situation where I met someone in person who made all sorts of promises and I thought we were a match. He pulled a disappearing act. After discussing this with some of my friends it turned out this was one of those guys who likes to do "the rounds", in terms of meeting, but never comes through beyond that.
Turned out her has a reputation for doing that and I could have saved myself some time had I asked my friends before I actually arranged to meet him.:)

References have their place.




ExistentialSteel -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 1:14:03 AM)

Sure, I know some folks on here, but using others as references is a whole other game if it violates the privacy of the person. If someone asks me if I know Jane Doe and I do, I will only say something like, yes, she is a nice person... if appropriate.




sweetpettjenny -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 3:25:39 AM)

I personally know many R/t on here that i can use as a reference. Luckily im owned , so don't need any references.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HoosierScorpio

This came to my mind because a sub I know has been making contact with Doms and Masters who know me on collarme. Every once in a while she will ask me do you know this person and the chances are we have meet at a munches. So hard to remember every one’s screen names also they change them over time. So what I am wondering how many people do you know on collarme that could be use as references. That is why it is important to attend munches and events for these people can be your reference.





IceyOne -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 6:09:54 AM)

I know 2 in R/L who are also active posters here.
I don't offer references, nor do I ask for them. Another persons judgement is not what I want. I perfer to make my own.




MistressSassy66 -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 7:25:20 AM)

I have met in person 10 people from CM.
Some post, some dont.Some I still see,some I dont.
Only a couple do I not chat with anymore,not for bad reasons,just wasnt a good personality fit.I would still speak highly of them.For they arnt bad people,W/we just didnt have a connection.

I dont have a problem with giving a reference.If a potential submissive wants a POV of a submissive I have met with,more power to them.I do have a submissive who offered to give references,which they have done both with friends and with submissives from here and other sites.


I also dont belong to any BDSM groups...well I do I started My Own.
I dont think not going to a Munch should disquailify A/anyone from being a potential whatever they may be.From what I have seen,these groups tend to be cliches' if you will and can be rather hard to be accepted into.One those groups in the state I live in has more darn drama than the soap I watch.





needs2learn -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 7:44:12 AM)

Surely if you take the time to get to know people before diving in head first thre is no need for references ........I have none ....... I have not yet met anyone from here ........ I am pretty shy in R/L and would not just turn up to munches or any other such thing on my own .......... so I have no references ........... I am just of the opinion that if you take the time to get to know someone and discuss what has brought you here in detail any cracks will eventually show ........ I would be more wary of the ones who send you 2 messages of one line then insist on meeting immediately before someone else gets you ............. If you are the right one for me then you will come out as the person I want to talk to most therefore all you have to do is be yourself ......if yourself isn't good enough for me then I will move on ........... lets face it us subbies get so many messages the interesting non pushy ones are bound to get more of my time .............. and a reference is only one persons view it doesn't actually mean you are going to get on with that person.




wetrope -> RE: How many people do you know on collarme for real and can you use then for reference? (3/7/2006 1:44:51 PM)

I have met in person with 5, no they are not still my subs, (not all), (not yet), talk regularly with another 9 or so.




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