IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (Full Version)

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MsKyln -> IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 7:33:23 AM)

Goodmorning,
I recently shared a venting session with a Sister Domme about the “do me” sub/slaves on the online boards. We all have had one if not more of those warm introduction letters; “Hello Mistress, I beg you to consider me, I will do anything for you”. “I enjoy xy, x , oooo and yes BB, and blah blah, and please give me some of nah nah”………..for ten lines . AND of course the ones who stress just how much of a genuine slave they are IF you require them to do such and such for hours on end, daily or of course , as desired LOL.

Well, a few days later I received the following in the mail from a friend of hers. It was taken from a Matriarchal sight (unfortunately she didn’t copy the URL). Im posting it here to see what This board of Domme think. For myself … I think she makes a great point, but one we have all made a million times …just in different vocabulary. Anyway enjoy, or ignore at your leisure. P.s. I take NO credit for the article, it’s spelling, etc. [8D]



IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP?

It does not go unnoticed that the matriarchal world is stocked with
femdom men. Femdom men are the obvious participants. They
aggressively seek out 'matriarchal links' and 'matriarchal groups'
because they are seeking dominant women. Recently I began to get more
ads from femdom men (on my WTAG group): 'Dominant woman wanted.'
Some of my lady friends are catering to, or at least, warmly
tolerating these men, feeling that from this group a worthy catch can
be made; the ideal man we powerful ones are seeking; that obedient,
giving man who will supply our needs. The femdom guy sounds like he
hits the spot. Look at all the things he says! He sounds too good to
be true. If only half of what he says is right, he should be ok.
Now I am going to appeal to women to hear me out, and trust my
experience. Although all logic says, 'They are right for matriarchy',
I will tell you from experience that they are not. Or at least, no
more so than regular guys. Matter of fact, I would wager by a margin
you could find a better guy in the 'real world.'
I lived in the world of femdom for most of twelve years. During this
time I auditioned men for roles as 'slaves,' 'actors' and 'friends.'
I had a good number that fell into those categories, and from this
comes my experience. Obviously I also associated with men from the
regular crowd. Take advantage of what I went through.
I have learned this: Those men who are aggressively seeking to be
dominated have a Pandora Box of needs, fetishes, fixations and desires
that you might not want to face on a regular basis. These guys have
raging sex needs, even moreso than the average guy. Men in general
(as even women) have problems, but these guys have problems on top of
problems. They need therapy, role playing, theatrical productions,
fetish playout, and extreme attention. They do not want 'regular,
normal sex.' They want things unusual, which are difficult to play
out. Most of these men do not need a wife, they need a professional
domme or mistress. Some of them have wives or long-time girlfriends,
but they go elsewhere for their needs. They just don't have the guts
to bring their strange desires to the little lady - with good reason.
Usually, she can't wait to get a divorce or send him to a
psychiatrist (this happened to some of the guys I knew in the scene.)
Few regular women would put up with it. The men who are in the game
are so needy, so very needy, they make ordinary guys, (who are sex
pigs without a doubt) look like schoolboys!
My advise is to cast a wide net, when looking for a man, and make sure
that net includes the regular world. If I had to guess where you
could find a decent guy I would put it like so: 75% of all men in
femdom are inappropriate for matriarchal mates, and maybe 60% of the
'regulars' are unfit. There is more of a chance finding a 'relaxing'
and therefore appropriate male in the regular world than
femdom.........The femdom men, once they get you alone, and live with
you day in day out, would make you want to kill yourself, if you know
what I mean.
It all comes down to this: need. Men in general are immature, weak
and needy compared to women. But those in the domination scene are
even needier, and many are passive-aggressive. They are demanding and
that is the opposite of what you want! And if you think you can
ignore their needs, think again. They become sullen, moody, depressed
and totally uncooperative and if the needs are not met! They cannot
function without their outlet. Some are fixated in childhood
scenarios or pre-puberty, playing out fixations again and again.
Others have compulsions with their fetishes, which they manage to
hide, which would now be your responsibility. If you think, and
believe, that those ads they write are for real, then I'll sell you a
bridge.
By 'intelligent, educated, docile male' seeking 'dominant
woman to serve' really means,

'intelligent, educated man seeks woman who will put up with him
following you into the toilet everytime you go, and will try to put
his head in it,' or,

'intelligent, educated man will want to sit in a hole underneath your
couch while you watch tv for hours,' (not supposed to bother you a
bit while he has his fetish fun, just relax), or

'intelligent, educated man cannot get an erection unless you put on
dirty socks every day and let him chew on them,' and then he will
prefer masturbation to sex, or

'intelligent, educated man will want to talk to you about the feet of
all the women he saw on tv, in the movies, or at the PTA, and then
while you are making love, will want to talk to you about what he saw
while having a raging climax thinking of the high heels of the
president of the PTA' or,

'intelligent, educated man have you walking on top of him for fifteen
minutes before he can get erected, or else, have you buy whole
chickens from the market and then run over them with the car in the
driveway, before he can think about having sex,' or

I could go on and on! In storage I have about 14,000 letters I
received from men giving their scenarios - Now this shit would be
loaded on you!

Dear lady, these men are seeking to 'serve you' in only the most
limited way. They just might do for you what any regular man would
do, if you serve them as well! It might not be a bargain - THERE IS
NO SUCH THING AS A SLAVE! Not only are slaves illegal, they don't
exist. Every 'slave' or 'servant' out there will make you pay for
whatever they give you, I assure you. Take all that they say with a
grain of salt. Unless you are a professional dominant woman, my
advise is to forget it.

Well then, who is out there? They are the guys who do NOT put ads in
the paper or groups. They are just ordinary men, wishing that some
great woman will see or notice them, because they might not be
aggressive or macho. They maybe be slightly timid with women, or shy.
They might tend to be obedient, or docile, but not sissies or wimps.
They could be strong men, but true gentlemen. They would not be the
type who DEMAND and AGGRESSIVELY post ads all over the place. They
would be more likely to WAIT for a woman to find them, rather than
actively seeking one out. Oh yes, they might be around in public,
waiting and hoping. But since they do not have the raging sex needs
of the 'femdom' guys, they do not solicit aggressively. They are the
kind of men who can spend time alone, and might not be the best
talkers, the most articulate or charming with women, but they are
sincere and have good character traits. That is EXACTLY who you are
looking for.

Here are the traits to seek:

* SHY - GOOD TRAIT

* NOT THE MOST POPULAR - GOOD

* DO NOT GO BY LOOKS, EXAMINE THE SOUL - BETTER AN AVERAGE GOOD MAN
THAN A HANDSOME DEVIL

* NOT AGGRESSIVE WITH THEIR NEEDS, NOT SELF INDULGENT OR HEDONISTIC

* CAPABLE OF HOLDING DOWN A JOB, TAKING RESPONSIBILITY & DOES NOT
WASTE MONEY

* SINCERE IN WHAT HE SAYS

* HONEST, GOOD CHARACTER, HAS VIRTUES

* MAKE SURE HE HAS NO VIOLENT TENDENCIES (THESE COME OUT BY MANY
HOURS OF CONVERSATION. YOU CAN LEARN ALMOST ANYTHING IF YOU MAKE HIM
TALK LONG ENOUGH)

* A GENTLEMAN, YES.

* HOW HAS HE TREATED HIS MOTHER, THE WEAK, LITTLE CHILDREN AND ANIMALS?

* HOW SELFISH OR UNSELFISH IS HE? STAY AWAY FROM THE ME ME ME GUYS.

* IS HE CONSIDERATE? DOES HE LISTEN AND CALL AND SHOW UP WHEN HE IS
SUPPOSED TO?

* DOES HE CARE ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND PROBLEMS?

* IS HE HONEST OR DOES HE LIE? STAY AWAY FROM ALL LIARS, AS
CHEATING AND STEALING GOES WITH LIARS.

* IS HE SEXUALLY AGGRESSIVE? BAD BET. THAT MEANS SELFISH, AND
SELFISH IS BAD.

* IS HE AN ALCOHOLIC OR DRUG ADDICT? KEEP MOVING

* FIND OUT HIS HOBBIES AND INTERESTS - VERY IMPORTANT. ARE THEY
HARMLESS?

This is just a small list of who to stay away from and who to seek.
Remember, as a matriarch you are seeking to meet YOUR needs and he has
to be, up to a point, willing to see to that. At the very least, he
should not be demanding or stand in your way. (And if you think you
are going to get a man like that out of femdom, think again.)

Yes, my sisters, I do understand that it is not going to be
effortless. In the patriarchal world we have been taught to serve and
be self sacrificing. Now it is going to be the other way around. In
most relationships it is not 50/50. The woman gives at least 60,
maybe 75%. It will not be easy making this transition to freedom, but
we must start. We are taking the first steps to matriarchal liberty.
Men have to change, women have to change. And you, the woman,
mustn't feel guilty. It is better for them if they serve us than for
us to serve them. It is as God wants it. And by having a man's
support, we can get a lot more done in the world. The world needs us.
It's time to stop serving the male and his lower needs. The world
cries out for salvation, and this is done by the woman now attending
to larger issues.

Rasa Von Werder
February 25, 2006




MsKyln -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 7:36:24 AM)

oops... should have made it clear ;

Author of the Article is
Rasa Von Werder
February 25, 2006




thetammyjo -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 8:16:31 AM)

I think this article shows the problems with considering BDSM to be the same as a social or government arrangement as well as female dominants wanting this or wanting female supremacy at all. If you want a matriarchy that is a political and social system not just a sex system and to get that you need to start at the beginning with each new generation that is born not some person claiming they want it.

Complaining about men who claim to be something other than what you want achieves nothing -- just ignore them if they aren't what you want.

Helping women figure out what they want and how to focus on getting it would be much more productive. That doesn't mean giving a list of traits to look for -- how is that different than men telling women what to look for? Both deny the individual her right to find herself, empower herself, and find what she herself wants.




KarbonCopy -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 9:46:18 AM)

the board is going straight to hell. TV killed the lifestyle.




LadyJulieAnn -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 10:13:00 AM)

Thanks, but no thanks. I really don't see how one person can claim to know the exact traits another person would want in a person. Generalizing to the extent that Ms. Von Werder does is just rediculous, in my opinion.

Be well,
Julie




MHOO314 -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 8:49:42 PM)

WTH?




Lordandmaster -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/4/2006 8:53:01 PM)

I'm just trying to figure out what on earth "matri-centered" means. Is that "centered on the mother"? Sorry, my sexual fantasies are not centered on my mother.




BitaTruble -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 1:44:30 AM)

i just have one word for this...

hogwash.

Celeste




Zensee -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 2:41:40 AM)

It's a bit wordy and could say more with less but it's a good rant at heart. I believe it's offered as an opinion and advice based on experience, LadyJulieAnn, not as a presumption to know another's needs. And it is considerably better thought out and more articulate than "hogwash", BitaTruble.

I see no mention of Female Supremacy and the term Matri-central just an interchangeable term for Matriarchal and, like Patriarchal, doesn't refer to supremacy but to focus (even though the ‘archy’ formally means rulership). Nor has it ever meant having incestuous fantasies, LaM, for mummy or daddy.

Actually Von Werder's observations can apply to either gender. 'Do me' females can have equally specific turn-ons and eventually make it clear that their focus is on their own needs and not those of the Dominant. Women are generally not as blatant or clumsy in their manipulations though (unless you know what to look for).

"Some of my lady friends are catering to, or at least, warmly tolerating these men, feeling that from this group a worthy catch can be made..." strikes me as a sage observation. We often prefer the rose coloured glasses to the clear ones and may be tempted to distort our impression of a potential partner to fit our prejudice and desire. Frequent reminders of this are helpful and Von Werder simply does her part.

The checklist of traits is very good too, as far as listing warning signs and agreeable characteristics goes. It would be a mistake to assume it was intended as the be all and end all of the matter. That seems to be taking it rather personally. Having to qualify every expression of opinion on this board with IMHO would get pretty tedious pretty quickly.

Z.




MsKyln -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 7:38:53 AM)

Thank you for taking the time to read and post your comments. It's always nice to tap into or share the wisdom of others .



Kyln


"Take what you need from the words of another, then with a breath of kindness, blow the rest to the wind".




Jasmyn -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 8:39:32 AM)

MzKlyn, Von Werder's concern for the 'do me' phenomenon resonnates with me and I am sure it does for many other fem doms, mistresses, dommes, etc who don't necessarily follow a matriachal line either. Considering the article itself was written with a matri-centred audience in mind it's little wonder the author raises a matriachal agenda though. As a natural kind of order, female/male rule kind of lends itself to d/s fantasies, and while I might bristle at the use of the term 'femdom men' to describe the anti-matriachal male phenomenon, apparently prolific in the matriachal lifestyle, I don't follow a matriachal lifestyle so I don't have the same problem with it. But I totally agree with her that in the matriachal world catering to fetishes or the 'fem dom fantasy' would kind of lead to all sorts of incompatibilities. However it's pretty much what my byline is all about "...give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." ... I may not be matriachal but I certainly rule those that are mine...and I have no problem using a man's fetishes/desires/wants ..docile, obedient, shy and subservient are all great traits and I can appreciate a man who is sincere in his desire to serve another... but one who burns for something I can give him in a heartbeat turns me on.

Von Werder talks about changing men (collective) yet the idea of matriachy seems to only lend itself to men who already believe in it but I can appreciate the follow without wanting to rule the world, regardless of why we do wiiwd consider:

quote:

"as a [dom] you are seeking to meet YOUR needs and he has to be, up to a point, willing to see to that. At the very least, he should not be demanding or stand in your way."


...its good advice, infact it's great advice for anyone considering domming a partner/sub/slave.




McWhips -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 11:41:39 AM)

Maybe the person who wrote that needs to get themself a life like sex doll. It wont ever ask for anything and will only do sexual things when or as little as you want.




BitaTruble -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 11:44:47 AM)

quote:

And it is considerably better thought out and more articulate than "hogwash", BitaTruble.


That's a matter of opinion.

Celeste




littlesarbonn -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/5/2006 7:24:33 PM)

I'll let you all in on a little secret. I used to be a member of a number of femdom/matriarch organizations (that's not the secret), and I often heard the exact same type of "lists" to find the right guy who will be exactly what a woman would want. Well, here's the secret: Every time a hot guy came along who didn't happen to fit ANY of the categories, the majority of the women would chase after him, convinced they could change him to their ways, and after months of disappointment, they would come back, angry at the same guys who DID fit those categories because some guy that didn't somehow didn't live up to their expectations.

You see, part of the problem with a lot of these organizations is that the "right" guys are easy to get used to, almost to the point of where it is easy to think ALL men must be like that, so they cast aside the right guys and go after the hot guys, and the cycle keeps repeating itself. After awhile, I started filtering out comments of "why can't these guys be more like you?". I used to complain about this a lot, and it wasn't really very constructive. I've decided the complaint route isn't the right way to go anymore. Now, I find it hilarious and smile knowingly as it happens over and over again. Instead of getting involved, I have long arguments with my stuffed animals who always seem to be smarter than I am. I've discovered it's more fun and just as beneficial.




MarinaBlack -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 1:56:28 AM)

A huge problem is that it appears that the vast majority of men claiming to be into FemDomme are in fact fetishists and not Female Supremicists at all.

It seems - after communicating with many male subs as well - that we are all having trouble connecting with our others in "this scene" as so many people in general do not present themselves accurately for a myriad of reasons - including lack of self-knowledge.

I find it terribly ironic that the majority of "FemDomme" material I have read and seen - artwork and literature - is perpetuated by men who maintain patriarchy-based ideals of beauty, sexuality and realtionships only with a fetish twist.

Women should start to step up to the plate and put forth our own ideals. Only then will more people - men AND women - be educated about true FemDomme.




Zensee -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 1:56:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

That's a matter of opinion.

Celeste


CONTENT WARNING
This post may contain OPINIONS
or peanut gallery byproducts.


Of course it's an opinion. As is "Hogwash". As are the bulk of posts on CM including the one that opened this thread. Is it required to qualify everything with IMHO or did I stumble into the "Please State The Obvious" forum?

Z.




DiannaVesta -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 10:05:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think this article shows the problems with considering BDSM to be the same as a social or government arrangement as well as female dominants wanting this or wanting female supremacy at all. If you want a matriarchy that is a political and social system not just a sex system and to get that you need to start at the beginning with each new generation that is born not some person claiming they want it.

Complaining about men who claim to be something other than what you want achieves nothing -- just ignore them if they aren't what you want.

Helping women figure out what they want and how to focus on getting it would be much more productive. That doesn't mean giving a list of traits to look for -- how is that different than men telling women what to look for? Both deny the individual her right to find herself, empower herself, and find what she herself wants.



I think this is the most intelligent post I've read on this board yet. Its true and in all the threads that speak/discuss/flame topics like fem supremacy & fem domination, this really hits the nail on the head. The kinky sex is just gravy or the icing not really the lifestyle at all.




DiannaVesta -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 10:33:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MarinaBlack

A huge problem is that it appears that the vast majority of men claiming to be into FemDomme are in fact fetishists and not Female Supremicists at all.

It seems - after communicating with many male subs as well - that we are all having trouble connecting with our others in "this scene" as so many people in general do not present themselves accurately for a myriad of reasons - including lack of self-knowledge.

I find it terribly ironic that the majority of "FemDomme" material I have read and seen - artwork and literature - is perpetuated by men who maintain patriarchy-based ideals of beauty, sexuality and realtionships only with a fetish twist.

Women should start to step up to the plate and put forth our own ideals. Only then will more people - men AND women - be educated about true FemDomme.


This is what we try to do, "step up" and each time have you notice the ridicule? This doesn’t mean I’ll stop or back down. I haven’t in all these years but I admit that I grow damn weary of the struggle.

I’m converting one of my pay sites into a free area with forum, articles, and etc. all with a direct focus on this. At least there will be “like minds” and a place where we are supported and not dissected.

If you’re interested just visit my web site, add your name to my mailing and when it reopens I’ll send out a notice. I’d also like to compile a good list of sites that offer authentic fem supremacy.




DiannaVesta -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 10:34:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'll let you all in on a little secret. I used to be a member of a number of femdom/matriarch organizations (that's not the secret), and I often heard the exact same type of "lists" to find the right guy who will be exactly what a woman would want. Well, here's the secret: Every time a hot guy came along who didn't happen to fit ANY of the categories, the majority of the women would chase after him, convinced they could change him to their ways, and after months of disappointment, they would come back, angry at the same guys who DID fit those categories because some guy that didn't somehow didn't live up to their expectations.

You see, part of the problem with a lot of these organizations is that the "right" guys are easy to get used to, almost to the point of where it is easy to think ALL men must be like that, so they cast aside the right guys and go after the hot guys, and the cycle keeps repeating itself. After awhile, I started filtering out comments of "why can't these guys be more like you?". I used to complain about this a lot, and it wasn't really very constructive. I've decided the complaint route isn't the right way to go anymore. Now, I find it hilarious and smile knowingly as it happens over and over again. Instead of getting involved, I have long arguments with my stuffed animals who always seem to be smarter than I am. I've discovered it's more fun and just as beneficial.


You know D, that is very true & I've seen the same thing with women I've networked with.




DiannaVesta -> RE: IS FEMDOM THE PLACE TO FIND A MAN FOR A MATRI-CENTERED RELATIONSHIP (3/6/2006 10:38:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: McWhips

Maybe the person who wrote that needs to get themself a life like sex doll. It wont ever ask for anything and will only do sexual things when or as little as you want.



Where can I find one of these??? lol




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