Confused

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Confused

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Confused

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Confused - 3/4/2006 8:57:35 AM

justshannonh

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline

Hi everyone. I was just wondering if I can get a little advice about a situation I am in. I am really confused about how to handle it.

I knew and accepted from a young age that my mother was a lesbian and about 5 years ago, she met this wonderful lady Karen, and they have been together ever since. About 3 years ago, we moved in with her, and I noticed there was something a little different about how they acted around each other, but I really didn't pay it much attention. Then, about 8 months ago, they sat me down for a chat. They said that I was now old enough to understand and they came out about the true nature of their relationship. All along Karen had been my mom's mistress. To make a long story short, I was rather stunned, but they explained to me how they felt about each other and though I didn't 100% understand, I gave my blessing for them to openly express themselves. Watching them for the last 8 months, not only did I begin to understand how they felt, I think it awoke something inside me as well. I can really envision following in my mother's footsteps. The wrinkle is, I just can't envision doing it with anyone else other than Karen. I have to admit that I am so torn and confused. I don't know if I should say anything, or just keep it to myself. I am hopng to see if anyone else had a similar situation, and maybe find out how they handled it.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 9:30:20 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

The wrinkle is, I just can't envision doing it with anyone else other than Karen. I have to admit that I am so torn and confused. I don't know if I should say anything, or just keep it to myself. I am hopng to see if anyone else had a similar situation, and maybe find out how they handled it.

I've certainly never been in that situation but if it were me i wouldn't say anything and would try to get my own place as soon as possible.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to justshannonh)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 9:33:41 AM

perverseangelic

Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline

I sincerely appologize, but this sounds like the intro for a lesbian bdsm porn.

Responding seriously however--
Find your own partners. Your mother's partner is off limits. Period.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to proudsub)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 9:39:22 AM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

Wow, my heart goes out to you. This is a tough call, one that will require even more soul searching than i'm sure you have already done. i have heard of similar situations (with a male Dom) and He took both mother and daughter on as subs after quite a bit of open communication on all sides. He wouldnt even touch the situation without talking to both mother and daughter together and seperately. i can only imagine how hard it would be to approach your mother about this, but if it were me i'd drive myself crazy until i actually spoke to both of them about it. you never know until you talk to her (Karen) about it. IF She does not wish to have you as a sub Herself, she may be able to serve as a Mentor to you or in the very least introduce you to someone else that may serve to be an even better match. Good luck!

(in reply to justshannonh)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 12:36:19 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

The best way to see if you yourself are kinky is to start exploring and that means getting away from just your mother and her partner as models. I think its common to see a parent (biological or not) as a model but that is not the same thing as really wanting them for a partner.

As another person said -- Karen is your mother's mistress and pursuing that would mess up your relationships with both of them.

You should try and define what you find attractive -- traits, attitudes, attention, physical attraction. Then do some reading -- fiction and a lot of non-fiction -- to see what clicks with you. Not just on BDSM either but on and about sexuality in general.

Actually I think you should tell your mother that you might be interested in BDSM and ask if you can borrow any books she has or if she can give you advice on exploring.

It could turn out you are kinky or you are just around this new thing and the newness is attractive. There's nothing wrong with either of these.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to justshannonh)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 1:30:20 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

The OP wrote:

quote:

I can really envision following in my mother's footsteps. The wrinkle is, I just can't envision doing it with anyone else other than Karen.

thetammyjo responded:

quote:

The best way to see if you yourself are kinky is to start exploring and that means getting away from just your mother and her partner as models.

Exactly. Just how many kinky people have you met to decide that you can't envision submission to anybody else?

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Confused - 3/4/2006 11:28:09 PM

MadamJenny

Posts: 5
Joined: 4/11/2004
Status: offline

Hi. There is an old song that goes something like God help the mister that comes bewteen me and my sister and God help the sister that comes between me and my man.

There is so much truth in that song. I would not breath a word of this to your Mom or Karen. While Karen might be flattered, your Mom might be crushed. Just not worth all the trama you could stir up. You need to find a friend of your own you can be comfortable with. There is no rush although you may be feeling the need to explore ASAP. If that is the case look into some local BDSM groups and find where you fit. Then you will meet like minded people and make your own place.

Good luck to you.

Madam Jenny

(in reply to justshannonh)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Confused - 3/5/2006 8:19:15 AM

BeeQueen

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/29/2005
Status: offline

honest suggestion : go find a psycholog of ur trust, and talk it out
i took a slave into my life (beeing a mother) but i keep bdsm and daughter strikt out of the way of each other.
there is NO need whatsoever to tell ur kids about ur sexuality- u may damage more than u do good . or have u ever heard ur mom and dad talk about the kind of sexual relation between them? or got told how mum and dad fuck each other? i dont think so.
sexuality might bee a public issue to talk about, but it still is a striktly personal thing.
i might agree that at some point the kids may need a lil hint, but never ever i would tell her explict of what kind my relation to this man or any other is.

it seems more a source of confusion for young beeings that have not stabled their own desire yet.

pls find a stable point in urselfe and try to find a professional to sort ur feelings and thoughts, seriously dont think that the bdsm community can help u there.

(in reply to justshannonh)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Confused - 3/5/2006 8:39:50 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic
Find your own partners. Your mother's partner is off limits. Period.

I absolutely agree with this. Time to move out, I don't think that discussing this matter would help things. It would only make the situation uncomfortable for all.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

(in reply to perverseangelic)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Confused - 3/5/2006 8:50:56 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadamJenny

Hi. There is an old song that goes something like God help the mister that comes bewteen me and my sister and God help the sister that comes between me and my man.

Madam Jenny

Smiles, Madam that song is from "White Christmas"--and welcome to the boards!

When we all start down our sexual roads, be it vanilla or otherwise, we start the fantasy with people we know, whether its actual visualizations or qualities, that's how we build the foundation--from those that impact us the most--

IMHEO, what Karen offers are the qualities that bring you the most peace and comfort--it does not mean it has to be Her but someone like Her--it warms My heart that they have created acceptance and a circle of safety for you---start reading, examining and I am sure you could start talking to your mom and Karen with a phrase like " i want someone just like Karen"--what flattery, and what open communication.

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to MadamJenny)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Confused - 3/5/2006 12:52:37 PM

justshannonh

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline

I would just like to say thank you to everyone. Your words have helped put things into perspective for me. I believe now it is best for me to keeps these feelings to myself and find my own way. Again, thank you all for your thoughts.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Profile

Post #: 11