RE: i need some advice please (Full Version)

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Surrenderwithin -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 12:47:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chewtoy89

Ok I have only been on here a few days and I am new to this lifestyle. Anyway a few days after joining this site a dom messaged me and we started talking and everything was great. Then my dad had a heart attack and I have not been able to be online much because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work well I let him know what was going on and that I was not sure when I would be able to be online again and after that he has been actting really pissy with me and then tonight he sent me a message saying he guessed it was over so what I want to know is should I even try to fix this and did I do something worng in the first place

Your situation very well have been sincere. However, there are Dominant, and submissives alike, online who are cynical. It is so common for people to enter a "relationship" online and then disappear for days on end with all kinds of excuses. The reality is when you begin talking to someone online then they have an excuse, or reason why they suddenly cannot be present as they once were cynicism begins to whisper in your ear. Some people have been burned online so many times they cannot handle things like this and have difficulty believing the "stories".

The Dominant in question may be a good guy, but once bitten twice shy. On the other hand, he could be a loser. Only you know how you feel and whether or not it is worth trying to work through.

On that note, this is why I am in the meet soon in real life camp.
Maggi



justagirlinzh -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 1:43:23 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chewtoy89

Ok I have only been on here a few days and I am new to this lifestyle. Anyway a few days after joining this site a dom messaged me and we started talking and everything was great. Then my dad had a heart attack and I have not been able to be online much because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work well I let him know what was going on and that I was not sure when I would be able to be online again and after that he has been actting really pissy with me and then tonight he sent me a message saying he guessed it was over so what I want to know is should I even try to fix this and did I do something worng in the first place

He's a tosser. Family is so very important. It doesn't seem to be important him, and that says a lot about him - it's not good. You did nothing wrong at all. A mature, self secure person would have understood. And if he actually cared about you, he would have offered emotional support, in my opinion.

Hope your dad gets well soon.



CaringandReal -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 5:12:28 PM)

quote:



Of course you haven't done anything wrong. It just shows he isn't a real Dom and he obviously has no real feeling for you. He should have been more understanding and patient. There are Dominants out there who are real and will treat you with the respect and care you deserve. Stay true to yourself and i hope your father gets better soon


Not only is he not a dom, he's not even an adult. Most people past their teen years and youth fully understand the concept that when something very serious happens to a member of your family, everything else comes to a halt. He barely knows her and he expects her to put him before a very sick family member? What planet is is from, anyway?

Yeah, I agree with the others. This is a no-brainer. Do the happy dance because he is gone--and don't cave if he tries some stupid drama thing to get your back. He's struck out. And you are far better off without this selfish little trogolydyte in your life.




chewtoy89 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 7:14:40 PM)

Thank you everyone for the advice and the well wishes for my father.



Acer49 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 8:11:07 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: chewtoy89

Ok I have only been on here a few days and I am new to this lifestyle. Anyway a few days after joining this site a dom messaged me and we started talking and everything was great. Then my dad had a heart attack and I have not been able to be online much because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work well I let him know what was going on and that I was not sure when I would be able to be online again and after that he has been actting really pissy with me and then tonight he sent me a message saying he guessed it was over so what I want to know is should I even try to fix this and did I do something worng in the first place


First off, the individual who thinks he is a dominant may need to get his head out of his butt and start acting like an adult instead of a child having a tantrum. With that being said, If you are at the hospital or at work, you are more than likely unable to go on line. Hospitals do have internet service, however attempting to this site will more than likely be blocked. However you may be able to send emails to an off site address. Depending on how you feel about the relationship will determine whether or not it would be a reasonable expectation for you to email the individual.
If you went home, each night and your computer internet access was there, you could have spent 5-10 minutes to have sent him emails, again depending on the relationship. Are you somehow obligated to do this, probably not, but then, what does it say about a person who, while saying they value the relationship, is not willing to spend a few minutes to let the other person know they care? If I was in your situation, this is what I would have done, what you and others may do is up to you. You might want to try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, just a thought



VeeTee -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 10:04:50 PM)

First, welcome! Second, sorry to hear of your dad's heart attack. Third, your so-called Dom isn't such a Dom and certainly isn't someone that cares one second for you or your well-being. Good riddance and you owe him nothing and you need to move on.

But before you move on, take some time. It is amazingly exciting to find this place and to talk to others in the lifestyle, subs and Doms...and just as easy to jump in too quick. I know. Wait for someone that is interested in you and what you have to offer them, not someone only interested in the obvious sex and how quickly he can get it. He should never make you feel guilty for family obligations - he should understand and be supportive, secure in the knowledge that you belong to him and will be able to focus on him once the emergency has passed. Honestly, you did not have near enough to time to develop your relationship to that level. As others have said - there is nothing to fix. He fixed it for you by getting pissy and saying it was over. Move on....slowly.



winterlight -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 10:53:39 PM)

Why would you want to fix a sleezeball?

If he treats you this bad when there is a crisis in your family how the heck would he treat you when you two finally meet?

Be glad that this happened.

Take care of your Dad, be with him in this time of crisis. That is what you should be doing.

He isn't my idea of a Dom hes more of a player and an idiot.

Take your time and get to know somebody...Good luck...



DrkJourney -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 10:59:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chewtoy89

Ok I have only been on here a few days and I am new to this lifestyle. Anyway a few days after joining this site a dom messaged me and we started talking and everything was great. Then my dad had a heart attack and I have not been able to be online much because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work well I let him know what was going on and that I was not sure when I would be able to be online again and after that he has been actting really pissy with me and then tonight he sent me a message saying he guessed it was over so what I want to know is should I even try to fix this and did I do something worng in the first place


Seems to me he's just into the internet fantasy thing, and since reality never enters into for him he can't relate someone having an actual life, probably because he doesn't have one, which is kind of hard to have while being on the computer 24/7 in mom's basement..lol

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, but if anything good came out of this, you know not to waste your time with this loser, trust me, in my opinion, he's a gamer and it wasn't going any where any way.

Forget it and move on

hope your dad gets better soon



chewtoy89 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/10/2009 11:23:51 PM)

Acer I was still able to talk to him a little because I have messager on my phone the frist night when it happened I let him know and he saìd that he understood but then he turned around and the next night was all pissy because I could not go home and play on the webcam with him because my mom called and told me they had moved my dad to icu but Even with this all going on I still was letting him know what was going on and I understand what he may of been thinking but up to that point I had been doing everything he said so if I was just going to back out then why would I even of bothered doing what he said in the frist place



antipode -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 12:04:55 AM)

quote:

because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work


This dom probably figures that (1) you are only at the hospital for visiting hours and (2) your dad isn't going to be magically get better because you're not online. I would probably wonder about the same thing - what do you all do to prevent you from having a normal life - sit and hold hands every available minute? Pray all evening and all night? You gave up eating and sleeping, as well?



andreaC -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 8:23:40 AM)

You didnt do anything wrong and i wouldnt even take one second to try to fix that situation, he is not worth it especially that he cannot understand what you are going through..........



alittleevil -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 10:45:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chewtoy89

Ok I have only been on here a few days and I am new to this lifestyle. Anyway a few days after joining this site a dom messaged me and we started talking and everything was great. Then my dad had a heart attack and I have not been able to be online much because I have been staying at the hospital with my family when I am not at work well I let him know what was going on and that I was not sure when I would be able to be online again and after that he has been actting really pissy with me and then tonight he sent me a message saying he guessed it was over so what I want to know is should I even try to fix this and did I do something worng in the first place


Hello there,
Ok, pretend all the "this lifestyle" stuff isn't a part of your situation: you just met a man, you talked for a bit, then a family crisis happened and your life circumstances temporarily changed and the man you were talking to got "really pissy" about it.  Nothing about "this lifestyle" changes the colors of that picture.  It's not that complicated.  It can seem really complicated when all this is new and you're trying to wrap your own head around what you want and what is right, but the basics are the same and a dick is a dick, even if he is a "dominant" dick.

Best,
aj



chewtoy89 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 2:51:05 PM)

No I am not only at the hospital for visiting hours I am there from the time I get off work until a hour before I have to be back to work and I could of still talked to him I just could not play on the web cam with him



dreamerdreaming -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 3:14:52 PM)

Fastreply:

Run like hell, away from this asshole. Why would you even think twice? [8|]


Self-esteem: get some.






yellowroses -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 3:27:09 PM)

I first met my Dom on a Friday.  We had been chatting online for about a month.  The Monday after we met, my appendix burst in the middle of the night.  Well, that put us out of touch for a while.  I did call Him to let Him know what happened.  I was sure that He thought that I was lying.  We stayed in touch but didn't see each other for a little while.  He understood completely.  That was in March of 2001.

And the rest is history....We/we lived happily ever after.

The morale to the story...kick him to the curb...he doesn't deserve you.



happyladyeyes -> RE: i need some advice please (10/11/2009 6:48:12 PM)

I personally feel if something so dire so intensely difficult as you have /are experiencing and a Dom cannot be considerate when you most need it well........ ya know it just isnt the one. I believe your Dom should be there as a safe haven not a source of difficulty when you least need it.
Then again remember, on his side he might have been here a long time or online Dom ad ill tell you the 4 top bs stories people give to be "missing" computer is not working - someone is sick - work / traveling - or spouse is around or other family non privacy issue. If two people cannot come to a logical caring understanding and have a dialog from onset it is a view to the future and you must make the decision and I bet your belly is telling you what it is.




cougar11 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/19/2009 11:17:00 PM)

so many great posts on this one! and all to the point! It must make your world smaller to hear such tripe when in an hour of need ..

I suggest you put the scumsucking pig's name out there to warn every body about the jerk!
Cougar11




rockspider -> RE: i need some advice please (10/20/2009 7:14:57 AM)

Count your blessings. It was quite early in the relationship he told you he was a selfcentred egoistic brat with absolute zero emphati. Ok maybe some women is turned on by that, but i find them extremely rare and have not met one yet.
Many years ago i was in the same situation, my ex phoned my office in Johannesburg that her mother phoned from Bulawayo that her dad had got a heart attack. My first reaction was to phone the airlines which could not help that day. So i went to se my co-director and said what had happened. His reaction was: "Phone me when you know and get the fuck out the door. I drove home, picked her up and we were in Bulawayo 9 hours later. To me that is a normal reaction and i think anybody not helping their partner in that situation is a right royal bastard.
Hope your dad getting better[:)]



fluffyswitch -> RE: i need some advice please (10/20/2009 7:41:46 AM)

i would ersonally feel glad that this happened this early in the relationship and move on.

i do strongly believe, as does those around me, that there are somethings that are more important than our whims. if i had to spent massive amounts of time (and have had to spend massive amounts of time- hello grad school) on things that DO require me to be away from my Master/engaging in behavior that may actually contradict my training, then i would hope that my Master would understand that there are things that are larger than us that have to be taken care of prior to my returning to my training.

i agree with what a couple of others have said- for all of the norms wrapped up in this culture, you're still seeking a relationship with another individual. if that individual does not meet your basic needs (and this one does not seem all that excessive to me, to be honest, even if you're not 'in the hospital every free minute') and flounces when something happens that ruins their plans, then it's time to find a better fit because this is most likely a situation that would not improve in time.



littleone35 -> RE: i need some advice please (10/20/2009 8:57:06 AM)

You did nothing wrong he is the one who is in the wrong. A Dom should be undestanding that sometimes things happen. In this case was a serious family emergancy. You told him what was gong on he should have understood you would be in touch when you found the time. Be glad this happened now and not 6 mnths down the road after you wasted time and energy on him. Just move on he is not worth your time.

Best wishes for a fast recovery for your Dad

Matt's littleone



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