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Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 12:54:02 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		My local group has been having a discussion on the E-list as of late. The main question is: Why do you accept pain from your top ( whatever that top may be)? Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top.

I realize the question was referring to physical pain however I responded like this:

To be brief, which everyone knows is not my strong suit, our kink ( and I use that word lightly) is more about playing with emotional and mental pain and limits moreso than the physical ones. As to my enjoyment of that I am uncertain really. I know that I " need" it and crave it at some very basic level. I know I am willing to engage, and in many cases,endure because it fills that " need" and it pleases him.

So, I suppose my question is... can anyone relate to my answer?

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 1:03:41 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Yes, I can relate to craving it at a basic level. When I get it, I feel a kind of relief or release. Knowing that my boyfriend is pleased when I endure pain for him increases my pleasure and also motivates me to endure more pain than I would otherwise, but it is not, in itself, my motivation. If I was in a relationship with someone who didn’t get off on inflicting pain, I would still need it.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 2:00:11 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top...


yes.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 2:06:47 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		What beth said applies for me as well. 

I will also add that pain can be an excellent focus or de-focuser.  Plus as someone who has experienced pretty much daily pain for as long as I can remember, it is a part of my experience more pervasively than for some and from that, I suppose I understand ways to integrate, enjoy, deal with, play with, etc. pain that others may process differently. 
  Davan

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 2:42:53 PM   
lucylucy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

I will also add that pain can be an excellent focus or de-focuser. 


It totally works for me as a focuser, keeping me in the moment psychologically.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 3:08:52 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		It's purely a function of my control fetish. When she inflicts pain, it demonstrates her control over me, and that makes it exciting.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 5:03:45 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		"Why do you accept pain from your top?" No criticism intended or implied, but that's an odd way of phrasing it!

So, facetious answer: I imagine for some of us it's because we don't want to get into the habit of denying reality. ;)

Unfacetious answer: even for a non-masochist the perversity of being forced to take pain, the thrill of having no choice but to accept it, and the look in his eyes as he administers it are all highly motivating factors...assuming one even has a choice in the matter. But some submissives really hate pain and while they may be in a relationship where they cannot not take it, they are unable to assume the "make lemonades with lemons" mentality about it. I see a lot of these couples ins the personal ads, advertising for a sort of whipping girl, a second more masochistic submissive to satisfy those desires of the dominant that are hard on the first submissve.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 6:02:28 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		What I am asking about more than physical pain is mental or emotional pain...

(in reply to CaringandReal)
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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 6:18:47 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		When I was slave, I ate up the pain along with everything else he gave me- like candy!

It was sooooo sweet, all that good, good attention. One might even say there were times that maybe he was service topping me, I loved it so much. But then, so did he.


Edited after reading your post above: Mental/ emotional pain wasn't our thing, so I can't address that. My dom made me happy.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 10/10/2009 6:22:17 PM >

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 7:02:29 PM   
lucylucy


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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

What I am asking about more than physical pain is mental or emotional pain...


What exactly do you mean by "mental or emotional pain"? My first impulse is to say that emotional pain is a red flag to me--but I might be jumping to conclusions because I don't have a clear sense of what you mean. Can you give an example?

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/10/2009 7:41:58 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Don't do mind fucks, don't want to do mind fucks, love my Sir, love our life, love the pain he gives me (most of the time) and don't want to change our dynamic.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/11/2009 11:41:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I accept the pain because it's what he wants, it's what he enjoys and his happiness is paramount to me.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/11/2009 11:53:44 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

The main question is: Why do you accept pain from your top ( whatever that top may be)? Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top.



Because I'm usually tied up in such a way that I can't escape and crawl under the bed.

quote:

What I am asking about more than physical pain is mental or emotional pain...


I don't accept this kind of pain. If this is what I got from him then I would not be in a relationship with him. He gives me nothing but joy. Even when he's beating me.

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/12/2009 12:24:07 AM   
Drifa


Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin
Why do you accept pain from your top ( whatever that top may be)? Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top.


There isn't a single answer. I suspect that there are whole gradiations of answers, actually, with huge variance from person to person.

I adore the flogger. It's like the best massage ever. Yes, technically it's pain, but I don't have to work to submit to it, it just hits my pleasure center as endorphins. I *am* a masochist, and certain kinds of pain actually perversely feel good.

However, I also "enjoy" canings. The physical pain is such that I am not grooving on the pain itself - I process it as pain, pure and simple. But it pleases my Lady, and the rollercoaster emotions as you wait for each whistling stroke to land... that's what she's watching for, and I melt knowing I am pleasing her.




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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/12/2009 1:23:09 AM   
SimplyIsaac


Posts: 376
Joined: 12/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

My local group has been having a discussion on the E-list as of late. The main question is: Why do you accept pain from your top ( whatever that top may be)? Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top.

I realize the question was referring to physical pain however I responded like this:

To be brief, which everyone knows is not my strong suit, our kink ( and I use that word lightly) is more about playing with emotional and mental pain and limits moreso than the physical ones. As to my enjoyment of that I am uncertain really. I know that I " need" it and crave it at some very basic level. I know I am willing to engage, and in many cases,endure because it fills that " need" and it pleases him.

So, I suppose my question is... can anyone relate to my answer?


I generally agree if you mean to say context to the pain is important. When I suffered to please, the pain was less, when I suffered out of punishment, the pain was more. When I suffer outside of the entire dynamic, pain is simply pain.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/12/2009 5:25:20 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Don't do mind fucks, don't want to do mind fucks, love my Sir, love our life, love the pain he gives me (most of the time) and don't want to change our dynamic.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I love a GOOD mind fuck...one that puts me on the edge wondering if I am going to go on living or not.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm yummy

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/12/2009 6:35:33 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

Why do you accept pain from your top ( whatever that top may be)? Is it because it works for you or because your drive is to please the top.


i just wrote something about this in regard to the Master's whip. i think it relates nicely to your question so i'll share a bit in this space.

a famous mystic once wrote the following:

"your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. it is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self, so therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility." –kahlil gibran

He is my Physician and the whip is His instrument. it provides the remedy for what ails me. through the intentional application of pain, He is attacking the malignancy within. if it is allowed to fester, the damage could be far reaching. His precision is expert and surgical in nature. He applies the appropriate force and pace to unearth what i am unable to release through other methods. it is a useful tool that i have come to value. the hardship of bearing its medicine is of no comparison to the benefits i receive when it has been properly digested.

suffice to say i enjoy being hurt. there's something primal about suffering for Him that arouses me greatly. however, my interpretation of sufferance goes beyond the physical and encompasses all senses. i don't believe it needs to be limited to one alone. i suppose the most important reason why this is graciously accepted is because it pleases Him. that is all the reason i need in all honesty.

porcelaine


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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 10/18/2009 12:35:30 PM   
sabis


Posts: 136
Joined: 6/29/2005
From: Midwest, USA
Status: offline 		I *do not* like being hurt. I *do not* like pain. . . He is a sadist. He *does not* necessarily want me to enjoy it. There are times he wants me to endure a particular sensation or situation out of obedience, submission and love for him. Taking more than he thought I could take, enduring what I do not think I can endure, pleasing him even when every instinct tells me to scream and run away... that's *one* element of submission to me. My needs kick in, when I hear the satisfaction in his voice, the gentle touch that follows the cruelty. The sense of being *owned* and *used* by him.

In His service,

~sabis
Owned by Cumulus

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 12/29/2009 9:37:15 AM   
VirginPotty


Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline 		We actually had a particularly hard "session" for me at least, last week and I was standing up tied to all 4 posts at the foot of the bed (spread eagled) & what made me laugh (to myself) was at the end of the whipping, he was untying my legs and was on his knees doing this & I thought briefly "How sweet it is that he's on his knees as I stand"
Another "haha" moment was midway thru he applied nipple clamps, something I've been dreading & even put my own away so he wouldn't use them but dammit he brought a set for me and after they were applied as I stood there tied up, I looked down & realized that I had a beautiful chain hanging from my chest and it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would! Heck, it didn't hurt at all but dammit they were thru the bars of the bed so if I moved backward I'd rip off the nips.............damn skippy I stayed still & accepted what he gave me!

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RE: Motivations for accepting pain - 12/29/2009 3:43:38 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I'm not a masochist. I don't really get off from pain but I get off from the pain because he enjoys seeing me in pain. His pleasure is my motivator.

(in reply to VirginPotty)
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