Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (Full Version)

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lobodomslavery -> Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/11/2009 12:03:34 PM)

Ladies
i was reading a post here earlier today where the Lady in question said that unemployed males are unappealing and unattractive to Her. i wont name the Lady but it got me thinking. Are unemployed sub unappealing or just unfortunate. Ladies does your current situation employed or unemployed colour your attitude favourable or unfavourable to unemployed subs? Why or why not?  And lastly are unemployed subs not scapegoats of the crass errors of others.  Are they not the victims of duplicitous and self aggrandising bankers who tried to get as much wealth as they could and ended up banjaxing it for everyone with the consequent increase in unemployment world wide and the current recession?  Are the decisions of managers not the really unattractive and unappealing features? Decisions to cull staff in companies where profits are being made, are these not the really unappealing features.
i would like your thoughts on this Ladies
By the way, i personally won my case. Those of you who have been following my earlier posts might have heard on the grapevine that I was taking an  unfair dismissal case against my employer.  Well i got word back to the effect that my manager was professionally incorrect to dismiss me.  A victory you might think.  But thanks to the bureaucratic and hypocritical world we live in, i was offered a measly $5,000 to shut me up. Needless to say i have refused this and am appealing my case for reinstatement, as a result of my managers incompetent decision to fire me, to a higher authority.  i dont expect to win but it is personally pleasing to know that i was right all along and my manager was completely wrong.  But like i say the privileged get away with everything and the ordinary worker is screwed every time
Kevin



slaveyslave -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 5:22:02 PM)

Many Male Doms have female subs that do not work but female Dommes rarely have a male sub that is a house hubby.
i think the reason is a couple has to fit into the outside world and then fit into a relationship. They can be in a female lead relationship behind close doors, but most women would not want the outside world to know. It would be embarrassing. So when someone asked what does Your husband do the wife can't say he is a house hubby. It is not socially acceptable. Even Dommes are submissive to the society they live in.

slavey



SweetDommes -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 5:27:56 PM)

In reality, all people - Dominant, submissive, male, female, whatever distinctions you wish to make - are submissive to the society that they live in.

However, in answer to the OP - for us, it depends on why he is unemployed. If he is unemployed because he's lazy or doesn't want to hold a job - definitely unappealing. If he's unemployed because of the current economic situation, it sucks, but it's life. If he's unemployed because he can't get along with others - also unappealing. If he's unemployed for any number of other reasons - could be fine. It's all relative.



DarkSteven -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 5:31:58 PM)

If a submissive is employed, it's easy to see how they contribute to the household.  If they're not, then they need to contribute via other means.

In addition to what SweetDomes above says, there are some Doms who need the extra income to keep the household going.



DrkJourney -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 5:34:25 PM)

I don't know about others, but for me, there is a difference between a problem arising like you and being unemployed, and the majority of emails that I used to and unfortunately still receive. 

I get the ones that can never hold a job, and really don't want to.  They want to live for free off of you with the promise of being a houseboy.  From my experience it never works.  I took one in years ago, gave me every excuse in the book why he didn't have a job, so I took him in, under the promise that he would get a job, and he would do the submissive work required of him.  I gave him two weeks.

what happened?  He was on the net all night, and slept all day.  When I got home from work he wanted to know what "I" was going to cook for dinner, and/or he would say he was bored from being home all day and he wanted to go out. (mind you not only did he not have money he had no vehicle)  I actually saw him refer on the net to a friend about the car that "he" has, the apartment "he" had, ect.

I would've considered someone down on their luck and maybe a relocation would help them, but these so called want to be "houseboys", had enough of those.  Even if I could afford to take care of someone in that fashion, I wouldn't want to, because when I'm out in the world I'm constantly growing and I want people in my life that can grow as well.  You can't further yourself staying inside 24/7, and being caged when not in use. (and yes that is what 99% or those that contact me with the "house boy" proposal tell me that they want)

Just my side from just one of my experiences.



DrkJourney -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 5:40:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveyslave

Many Male Doms have female subs that do not work but female Dommes rarely have a male sub that is a house hubby.
i think the reason is a couple has to fit into the outside world and then fit into a relationship. They can be in a female lead relationship behind close doors, but most women would not want the outside world to know. It would be embarrassing. So when someone asked what does Your husband do the wife can't say he is a house hubby. It is not socially acceptable. Even Dommes are submissive to the society they live in.

slavey



I know quite a few that intro their mates as house hubby.  In this economy it's pretty common.  I wouldn't be embarrassed at all.  Actually in my husbands company, (he's in the reserves), a lot of husbands are just that.   As long as he's pulling his weight really doesn't matter if they can afford it. 

The problem is, that is a lot of instances, a Domme having the same job as a Dom, may make less and simply can not afford to take care of an adult on her own.  Case in point my a**hole supervisor thinks a woman should be taken care of by a man, so the women that work for him make just enough to exist, and if you don't happen to have a man?  too bad. Not guessing the idiot has verbalized this, and no, within this particular agency you can't report him...been there tried that, (and yes I am looking for another job...lol)



CarrieO -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 6:44:00 PM)

What are his reasons for being unemployed?  Wall Street crash and he was a banker?  Job cuts due to lack of business?  He was in real estate and no longer is able to sell the $3,000,000 homes like he did a couple years ago?  He was a builder but calls for McMansions aren't as common as they used to be?

I know men who fit each of these examples.  They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and found another niche.  Unemployment due to the economic crisis is on the rise but there are still jobs to be found and businesses to be started. 
I have respect for a man who is able to recreate himself and develop new skills in order to not get stuck in a rut.

Those men who choose to sit back and play the victim card..."I'm a victim of bad luck" or "I'm a victim of economic circumstance"...is something that I have little to no pity for.  I've been down that road and I have no desire to enable a man to not accept reality.
If he's unemployed for health reasons, I know of many people who work from home in small businesses they started themselves due to their inability to maintain an outside position.  That shows gumption. 

I was given a quote from a song by Kanye West by a college student a while back that could apply to this...
" Cause there ain't no tuition for having no ambition and ain't no loans for sitting your ass at home"
Now, rap is not my favorite form of music but this line is gold.

If a man is unemployed because he lacks ambition and enjoys his victim role then yes, I would find him very unappealing.



VampiresLair -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 6:50:35 PM)

The ones I find unappealing are without work because they dont care to put in the effort to find it. They wont take a job "below" them and would rather sit at home and wait for a better job than take something they dont think is worthy of their time.

Fox was an unemployed student when I met him, and he only got a job to pay for is trips to and from my home while he was on campus. Now, he works so that it makes it easier for us to have play money every month rather than trying to support 2 people on one paycheck. I want a slave or submissive who makes my life easier. If that means working and bringing home a paycheck, then thats what I expect. If it means staying home and caring for my home, family and things here then that is where he will be.

I refuse to take on a sub or slave who is a drain on me, financially or emotionally.

DV



porcelaine -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 7:10:43 PM)

i'm curious if the mindset is more common for one gender rather than other. i have encountered numerous dominants that prefer to have their slave at home. some have indicated it would be an immediate situation, others provided a period of time when they would want to bring her employment to cessation. it is rare that i ever converse with anyone that is seeking someone presently in a career or looking to enter one. this may reflect the kind of men i speak with and i'm aware of this.

from a totally vanilla standpoint i know this wouldn't fly for me. dating someone happily unemployed would be unthinkable. of course the factors that contributed to his circumstances would be taken into account, but if he had some ludicrous idea that i would be the bread winner our dialogue would end in a heartbeat. i can't say this stance is a reflection of my upbringing completely, but merely the fact that i've met very few men that are happy to be financially supported by women. i have a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept when speaking of a dominant, save circumstances where illness or injury have limited his ability to work.

porcelaine



Lockit -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 10:45:14 PM)

I had two men that were home to take care of the house and me and I supported them. That was long ago and we had no problems with society or how we lived. Maybe no one dared to say anything because they were no wimps and I have always spoken my mind. They were an asset to me; not a drain. Both did odd jobs they wanted to do to pick up some personal cash and keep their skills and connections, but I came first.

There are very serious reasons that it isn't a good idea for someone not to work at all unless someone is filthy rich and will stay that way and make sure you are never on your ass or on the street. Now, knowing what I know, I wouldn't do things the same way I did so long ago.

I would prefere a man who works part time or not at all, who has some sort of monthly income to enhance things around here and make them easier and to bank for the future. But then, I do consider men with disabilities because of my own situation. I've had all the custom everythings and now just want a simple life with someone to enjoy it with.

But that doesn't mean I want someone who couldn't hold a job or had no interest or goals! They don't sit or lay around on the sofa, eating bon bon's! A lazy man is not of any interest to me. There are many things I want to do... to create and hope to accomplish and he would have to have similar interest or goals.



DemonKia -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 11:21:25 PM)

FR, after read thru

For me the important distinction is 'hard worker' . . . . . I'm easy going about formal employment stuff (our current times should be adequately displaying how tenuous that can be), but I always end up with borderline workaholic types . . .. . . Which is what I am, so . . . . . *shrugs*



GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/16/2009 11:46:22 PM)

OP:
 
It depends on WHY he is unemployed and what he does next//
...is he unable to find work in his field?IS it due to economy and cuts backs?how long has he been out of work?Does he look for work?There are many variables..
 
AS well I look at WHAT he can contribute to MY life and home..
.is it an enhancement for him NOT to work outside the home?

I can say that when 2nd"husband" moved in with 1st and I(*poly for 20 years)
he had NO job...
He was a chef [:)]and out of work.It became clear he would far better contribute to the home by being home rather than working outside.He cooked..cleaned..gardened..laundered and more.[:D]

We supported him and also he was part of an acerage purchase with his name on it and we made sure there were legal things in place if we died or sold the land and for his old age.

When 3rd husband moved in he was working but lost his job...he contributed at first at home....then less and less...and became lazy and beligerant..AND began to use my bank card...and over 3 years did not work but funneled money FROM me where ever he could.[:@]

Periodically 1st husband was OUT OF WORK and I picked up the slack,
WHEN I went to university again he was working and supported me that way.
We worked as a unit


so....RE: UNEMPLOYED SUBS..

I would say **some are unappealing...as in RED FLAG RED FLAG while for **others it is about circumstance..........
and I watch WHAT THEY DO ABOUT IT..

How do they respond???.
.like a whiner/victim or using it as a call to action??
GM



Drifa -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 1:38:51 AM)

As a sub, I prefer to have a job. I enjoy my career and I am very good at what I do. At the present, I make about twice as much money as my Lady. That money is direct deposited into her checking, and she gives me an allowance. This works for us.

Being a technical writer, however, when your tech company goes bust, you may be out of work. The first people laid off in a tech firm when times are hard are the training staff, technical writers, and tech support. I had one grim period of a year when I was out of work. My Lady took care of me, kept me fed and housed, and I busted my hiney working a minimum of eight hours every day to find a new job... everything from sending out resumes to getting out and pounding the pavement and attending networking opportunities.

For us, having me as the sub be unemployed was stressful... my income is a big contribution to the household. I made double and triple sure to document my work search efforts and made that documentation available for inspection by my Lady. I did my best to have supper on the table when she got home, and kept the house clean. I was ready with footrubs and backrubs. I tried to make it clear in every way that I was doing my utmost to get a new job, while at the same time emphasizing that she was my primary consideration.

Being unemployed in and of itself isn't a problem. What is a problem with unemployment is when you lay around in a blue funk, scratching your belly and watching TV instead of shagging ass to get a new job, and using the rest of your time to please your dominant.



allthatjaz -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 9:19:19 AM)

I have been in a similar situation to you lobo. Do you have ACAS involved? they worked tirelessness for me. Another tip when your negotiating is to make sure you get a good open testimonial.

As for your question.... Like others here have said, I wouldn't be happy if he didn't have a job because he was too lazy but in the present employment crisis I would totally understand a submissive or anyone for that matter not having a job.




lobodomslavery -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 10:13:51 AM)

I am with you all that jazz. As for the others, Im running with the idea that its ok to not have a job as long as you are
a) looking for a job
and
B) not using up Your Domme/Partner's resources, ie spending all day on the phone racking up bills on trivial things outside of employment or lazy around the house that is a no no. But a sub who does house work and does his best to find job is very appealing to me and should be appealing to Ladies
Kevin



OttersSwim -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 10:17:47 AM)

It isn't about employment, it is about "work ethic" and "initiative". 

Day1Sub moves in with his new Lady.  Lady goes off to work, Day1 stays at home cause he has no job...

Lady returns home:

Scenario 1 - Day1 has spent his day on the computer and watching TV.  Nothing has been done around the house, there is no dinner prepared, his breakfast and lunch dishes are still sitting in the sink...he looks at her and asks expectantly "So what's for dinner?"

Scenario 2 - Day1 has cleaned the house, vacuumed the rugs, done some laundry, cleaned the kitchen, and has dinner at the ready when his Lady comes home.  He also has news on what he actively did that day to start to find employment.  He looks at his Lady as he hands her a drink and asks expectantly "So how was your day?"

Day1 has little chance of becoming Day2sub under the first scenario and pretty much a 100% chance under scenario 2.

Not afraid to work.  Has the initiative to "look" for things that need done and do them.



sirsholly -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 10:23:18 AM)

quote:

are unemployed subs not scapegoats of the crass errors of others. Are they not the victims of duplicitous and self aggrandising bankers who tried to get as much wealth as they could and ended up banjaxing it for everyone with the consequent increase in unemployment world wide and the current recession? Are the decisions of managers not the really unattractive and unappealing features? Decisions to cull staff in companies where profits are being made, are these not the really unappealing features.
holy shit [8|]






DarkSteven -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 10:40:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

are unemployed subs not scapegoats of the crass errors of others. Are they not the victims of duplicitous and self aggrandising bankers who tried to get as much wealth as they could and ended up banjaxing it for everyone with the consequent increase in unemployment world wide and the current recession? Are the decisions of managers not the really unattractive and unappealing features? Decisions to cull staff in companies where profits are being made, are these not the really unappealing features.
holy shit [8|]




Allow me to translate, holly.  It's everyone's fault but his.



Missokyst -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 11:21:51 AM)

I find anyone who is unemployed in some way to be unappealling. Not because I think they are lazy or uninspired but because I genuinely like working and have taken any sort of job over the years, from girl friday, to bartender, dancer, artist, or furniture mover. It is my work ethic to keep on doing, rather than let life just happen to me. I seek out people with a similar mindset



lobodomslavery -> RE: Are unemployed subs unappealing or just unfortunate (10/17/2009 11:43:17 AM)

Well i hope unemployment and or being unfairly dismissed from a job never visits your door. When, if it does, you will change your attitude
Kevin



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