a matter of respect??

a matter of respect?? (Full Version)

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kitten4aDaddy -> a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 4:46:43 PM)
greetings everyone, i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions. some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards. he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized. that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements. "As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place." "It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being." what are your thoughts?

weaselwelder -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 4:59:59 PM)
It certainly is flattering to be approached by a sub, but subs are mostly in my experience submissive. On the other hand, there are some people here who expect the top to do all the seducing. A relationship takes two people, not one person and a dead fish.

MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:05:17 PM)
We would have to disagree with that because We may see a submissives profile that stands out and seems to have all the interests and qualities We are looking for so indeed send them a message to ask if they would like to talk and indeed start to become friends so that the future may unfold into something much more or just remain friends but because We saw their profile that does not mean they saw Ours till We contacted them. If it all was to become friendship or even much more then that is only because of Us doing the first contact and would never have come to pass other wise.

DesFIP -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:21:48 PM)
I think he'll be waiting a very long time before anybody comes begging to be considered. As far as respect, if he feels he is owed some simply because he self identifies as a top, he has a lot to learn. Respect is earned by both sides. So how does he pay respect to those on the other side of the slash? After all if he deserves it just for existing, so do they. Or does he actually think that submissives aren't real people and they all deserve to be treated like dirt? Because some so-called dominants do hold this view, the ones who wonder why they can't ever get a sub.

DavanKael -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:25:06 PM)
I actually disagree with those assertions but if that person with whom you used to speak takes that approach and is willing to deal with the ramifications of not being approached, that's that person's perogative. Davan

WyldHrt -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:29:11 PM)
quote: I think he'll be waiting a very long time before anybody comes begging to be considered. This. If he is het, most of the females (on this site, anyway) have all they can do just replying to the mails they receive. I also agree with Des that respect is not automatic, certainly not because someone slaps a big "D" on their chest. [8\|]

playfulotter -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:42:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy greetings everyone, i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions. some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards. he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized. that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements. "As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place." "It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being." what are your thoughts? The times I was seeking in the past, I rarely contacted the Dominant first...I let him take the lead.. I find the type of man who waits around for a submissive to contact him first was not my type at all..this is a personal thing.

DarkSteven -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:46:29 PM)
If I want to contact someone, I'll do it. I'm not like some teenage girl sitting by the phone waiting for someone to ask her to the prom.

leadership527 -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 5:48:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter I let him take the lead A submissive letting a dominant take the lead? HERESY! Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up.

NihilusZero -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:01:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy what are your thoughts? It has nothing to do with respect. It has to do with what he sees as honorific. He's welcome to help himself to that viewpoint and all the byproducts that choosing to espouse it will bring..

sunshinemiss -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:05:28 PM)
I do so love that! It's really good of him to realize how in charge the submissive it. Not many of the Domlies do, you know. ahem. sunshine the powerful

DrkJourney -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:13:35 PM)
As others have said, if that's the way he wants to live that's up to him, hope he enjoys the throne. In my opinion, however, I think he's on a major ego trip, and not interested on finding someone that is compatible with him, but to have legions of, I"m assuming, women fawn all over him, begging for his attention and favor. Probably someone who claims to be Dom so he can have women chasing after him, because it probably doesn't happen in his real life. Must be a wonderful place within his mind.

WyldHrt -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:17:19 PM)
quote: Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up. SNORT [:D][:D][:D]

Huntertn -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:17:57 PM)
lol, waiting on a sub to come say hello is like taking a long trip in a car with half a tank of gas..its Just Not Going To Happen!!!!!{unless she already knows you that is}

CaringandReal -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:25:57 PM)
I will approach a dominant first, if he or she is extraordinary. Although I prefer they make the first approach, as I am shy, I wouldn't let somebody like that slip through the cracks without a chance at seeing if there is something there. But I have never yet seen a dominant profile like the one you have mentioned (there are a lot of them out there--he's a "type") that struck me as particularly extraordinary, alas. And I think that's all I'm going to say about that! Although I probably could say much more. ;)

CaringandReal -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:36:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DrkJourney As others have said, if that's the way he wants to live that's up to him, hope he enjoys the throne. In my opinion, however, I think he's on a major ego trip, and not interested on finding someone that is compatible with him, but to have legions of, I"m assuming, women fawn all over him, begging for his attention and favor. Probably someone who claims to be Dom so he can have women chasing after him, because it probably doesn't happen in his real life. Must be a wonderful place within his mind. Well, it might work if he was very attractive or had this really great profile and journal that made women drool all over him, but the few who are like that don't typically put the "you have to write me first" statement on their profiles. They don't exactly have to. :/ FWIW, a lot of female dominants do this, and I don't hear the sub men complaining much about having to approach first, so maybe this is more of a gender issue than a dom/sub issue?

IronBear -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:36:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitten4aDaddy greetings everyone, i rarely to ever post in forums but find them to be a good source and variety of good advice and opinions. some one i use to speak with on this site made a statement recently that i tend to disagree with..... so to see what the masses believe im bringing it to the boards. he believes that a it is a matter or sign of respect that a sub always approach him until a "friendship" is recognized. that the girl should always go out of her way to approach him these are quoted statements. "As the sub. you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place." "It's about the respect I deserve that you approach me for the time being." what are your thoughts? In the section bolded, and I of course be completely wrong, I see a good example of ego wanking from someone who is King In His own Dunny! Does it really matter who approaches who? I think not but it how the approach is made that matters. Respect may not be given at first as respect need to be earned, although for a sub to approach the Dominant it is likely that the sub has some respect for that person already else why would she approach him? However, laying respect aside for a moment, I would expect a sub to approach with good manners and some courtesy.

lovingpet -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:42:25 PM)
I don't agree with the guy in the OP. I tend to not be the one who will step out first. In the case of my partner, I did, which in all the universe was not remotely how things normally work for me. This has absolutely nothing to do with respect. It is some random hoop the dominant is trying to see if a submissive will jump through. I don't have the patience for those kinds of ridiculous games. lovingpet

thishereboi -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 6:46:17 PM)
fr If it works for him, great. I would think he is missing a lot of opportunities and might be waiting longer than if he took the initiative, but I doubt you will convince him of that.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: a matter of respect?? (10/13/2009 7:42:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 A submissive letting a dominant take the lead? HERESY! Next thing you know, you know you'll be letting him rub your feet and we all know where that'll end up. I think I'd rather do the foot-rubbing. [:D] That is, if I'm allowed. But seriously, to answer the question...I treat everyone with common decency and respect, regardless of which side of the slash they're on. But until someone is my dominant, I will not kow-tow and so on. When someone is my dominant, then that person is entitled to a higher degree of respect and deference from me. But the part where he says "you should be contacting me till we est. that a friendship is in place," what is he implying? That a sub is supposed to just keep sending cmails and so on indefinitely until he decides to write back? Hogwash. I will write a polite letter with a little information in it & if it's not answered I will suppose the recipient is not interested and I will not write another. I'm not looking at this time, but when I do get around to it in the future, that's how I will approach it. I never initiated correspondence before & I'm still deciding if I will or not next time.

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