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Communication standards - 10/13/2009 10:12:07 PM

blackpearl81

Posts: 506
Joined: 8/30/2005
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No, I'm not talking about IEEE. (Computer joke for the geeks among us)

Ok, seriously.

If there were going to be communication standards set down - (ie: shooting the missus a quick email saying where he was going to be for the weekend) should these be clear cut from the beginning? Should they be assumed by one or both parties involved? Or, should it eventually be brought up, depending on where the relationship is heading?

To address the last part, lets say the relationship is as follows:

Semi serious: Friendly chat most of the time, serious discussions about various things at other times.
Dynamic: No dynamic currently exists, but it's been brought up before. However the "potential" factor is/was there.
Telephone contact: none yet - strictly email & IM's

Thoughts?

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 7:59:03 AM

pixelslave

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Until its agreed that you're "owned" or "under consideration", you're under no obligation to communicate anything to a "potential". At this point, you've not even talked to her on the telephone, let alone meeting face-to-face.

That being said, if you want to show her your interest and a certain amount of submission, letting her know you'll not be available for the weekend via an IM might be wise and prove fruitful. Its up to you as to how much information you wish to share as to why you'll not be available. The more you share, the more submission you'll probably be showing. OTOH, sharing too much could be rather annoying to the Domme, in which case, you may want to ask if she'd like to know when you won't be available to her via the net.

Clear and open communication never hurts and can lay the foundation for a healthy relationship. The real issue here is that you've not reached the "first meet" stage or even gotten to the telephone. If she's showing interest, it might be time to suggest the two of you meet in a very neutral and public place for coffee or tea. Since I'm not privy to your IM conversations, you'd be a much better judge of how appropriate that would be than I. Showing some initiative might be what she's waiting for from you.

- pixel

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 9:07:01 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

No, I'm not talking about IEEE. (Computer joke for the geeks among us)

Ok, seriously.

If there were going to be communication standards set down - (ie: shooting the missus a quick email saying where he was going to be for the weekend) should these be clear cut from the beginning? Should they be assumed by one or both parties involved? Or, should it eventually be brought up, depending on where the relationship is heading?

To address the last part, lets say the relationship is as follows:

Semi serious: Friendly chat most of the time, serious discussions about various things at other times.
Dynamic: No dynamic currently exists, but it's been brought up before. However the "potential" factor is/was there.
Telephone contact: none yet - strictly email & IM's

Thoughts?

I'd really want to know how extensive the email/IM thing is. If it's a case of where you chat daily at a certain time and aren't available to do that, I think letting the other person know would be considerate, even if no dynamic exists. Whether you phone or not really doesn't have any bearing.

What I would put back to you in return is do you want a dynamic to exist? If so, it probably wouldn't hurt you to put your best foot forward. That includes being polite and mentioning why you might not be available.

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 9:27:30 AM

AAkasha

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I think there are two main ways to look at this courtship issue. If a lady expects/demands certain treatment, she needs to make it clear up front. At the least, if a man makes a misstep but was never told the "rules," she should just explain them and give him the option to follow them or move on. The mindreading thing is a deathwish for both parties.

The other way to look at it is to strip away the femdom dynamic, even during courtship, and look at it as just traditional boy-meets-girl stuff. If two people are getting a groove of communication and interest in each other and communication is flowing, then one person just kind of disappears for awhile, it's safe to say that the other person may feel blown off. If you add a femdom personality, where we ladies tend to like a certain level of attentiveness, she may end up thinking, "what is up with this guy??" also add in the fact that we femdoms deal constantly with the "disappearing sub," and when a guy drops communication for a few days, even though he has a legitimate excuse, we have written him off by the time he gets back. The hot and steady communication and good vibe followed by crickets in the email box is usually a sign of mr. flakey guy. Whether or not a woman reacts with this kind of annoyance with a quick disappearance is a reflection of her feelings for you, OR an overbearing personality, OR someone who is testing you. All are messy crap to deal with in the context of pixels and the "send" button, and are better dealt with on the phone or in person. What may come across as a bitchy, anal and unreasonable email in "tone" could come across as affectionate, slightly hurt and undeniably honest over voice or face to face.

At the end of the day, a person's reasonableness is measured by how they deal with misunderstandings like this. Unforutnately, so many femdoms are jerked around by guys who are here today, gone tomorrow, that we have heard *every* excuse for the disappearing act. And we have had the talk right before that disappearing act, "I PROMISE you I'd never flake like that!" and then the next day - silence...weeks go by..etc. It's made some ladies very jaded. So if new rules are appearing, with regards to expectations and protocol, you should be able to say, "I didn't know that's what you wanted, now I do. So it won't happen again, you have my word." - and stick to it.

Email/online is unreliable at times though. The sooner you move to phone, the better!! But I told you this already :)

Akasha

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 9:48:48 AM

daintydimples

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Are you obligated to do that? Absolutely not.

Would it be the polite thing to do? Yes. Especially if you think you could get serious about this person. Showing that you are a dependable, trustworthy, polite adult is a *good* thing to do in the online dating world. It doesn't matter what your orientation or gender is.

It also shows a desire to communicate on a very basic level. JMO.

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 2:12:10 PM

kccuckoldmist

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I agree with AAkasha.

Basically as a society we have learned common behavior expectations. Communicating with someone generally should be reasonably expected to go by that. If all you have exchanged is messages and have not met or each declared wanting to be in a relationship one should not expect anything from anyone.

But if one has stated something that goes beyond normal societal standards then that has to be stated directly and then the other person has a right for themselves to choose to do it or not. Most of us I am guessing have been there where in a real and regular way two people are not on the same page where the relationship is and it can be maddening and a relationship killer. Generally it is always a good idea to be clear in ones expectations and to be fairly open to what signals you are giving off.

The problem is when you throw power exchange and cyber together you get people who want to believe these rules of human behavior no longer apply. The problem that happens with this is they often forget to tell the other people who were not informed of this and were not giving the new instruction manual.

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 5:41:30 PM

SthrnCom4t

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If you are interested in being an active participant in a potential relationship, I would say there is no harm in giving an "FYI, I'm headed out of town for a few days. I look forward to continuing our connection when I get back". It shows you are proactive in keeping the lines of communication open, and you are thoughtful and considerate in not wanting a misunderstanding. Small things like this can go a long way, as all of what AAkasha stated above is true.

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RE: Communication standards - 10/14/2009 5:47:36 PM

Andalusite

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Exactly what the others have said - giving a heads-up is polite. If it's something interesting, or if she asks, then by all means explain the reason why, but it isn't really necessary.

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