Barbie writes to Mattel

Barbie writes to Mattel (Full Version)

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mydestiny2043 -> Barbie writes to Mattel (10/14/2009 9:53:56 PM)
Barbie c/o Mattel, Inc. El Segundo, CA 90245 January 3, 1997 Dear President: Listen you fat little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAY BACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here this year, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my 1997 resolution/wish list> 1. A nice comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt? 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. Preferably white. What bone head at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite! 3. A REAL man...maybe GI Joe. Hell, I'll take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him (and me) anatomically correct. 4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery.. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done. 6. A jog bra. (to wear until I get the surgery). 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec! 8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips; "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own pain gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs; or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years -- I think I deserve it. I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas. It's that simple. Yours truly, Barbie

Termyn8or -> RE: Barbie writes to Mattel (10/15/2009 11:26:24 AM)
From ; Head of Barbie department, Mattel Corp. To; Barbie Look you little cum slut, you're 37 now, where else do you think you'll get such a cushy job in this economy ? Your looks are the result of millions in research. A systems analyst indeed, you can't even start the car we gave you, custom built I might add. And as far as Ken goes, many Women would be happy to find a guy who does not beat them, doesn't have scary friends, drink or do drugs and knows when to keep his mouth shut. What more can you ask for ? The clothes ? You have never spent a dime on clothes so, beggars can't be choosers. We used velcro because you can't even undo buttons. So you have no brain(s), no dexterity, no skills and no experience in anything other than looking good. What kind of job do you think you're going to get ? I would suggest you reconsider exiting the contract. And if you have the hots for GI Joe, go ahead and have him on the side, just keep it out of the papers. And don't come crying to us when he has a flashback and takes a whole city block hostage. Go ahead and "find yourself", but I think you will find yourself right back here, probably within a week. Also, as to pulling the McD's endorsements, consider it done. I finally tried the place and can't stand it. How about a pizza place instead ? Your's truly, Department Director, Mattel corp.

Muttling -> RE: Barbie writes to Mattel (10/15/2009 3:56:32 PM)
She's old enough to be kinky barbie: http://inventorspot.com/articles/barbie_15545

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