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I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:22:26 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I dont understand a recent trend I have noticed. I am hoping someone can enlighten me.

Mind you I am not looking, but I do pop around on profiles quite a bit. One thing I am noticing more and more is that on submissive profiles, they are saying how it is "ok" for the Dominant they want to have other "Dominant lovers" but they want to be the only submissive.

I am all for a submissive who has their own ideas about compatibility. However, telling a Dominant that in order to own you they have to become switches seems a little strange. After all, the switches on here will be quick to tell you how often they are being told that they are not "true" dominants or submissives. Personally, telling the dominant what they can and cant do if you are their property rubs me wrong anyway. If you have things they cant do to you, or things that you cant be in a relationship with, then yes I can see it. But being OK with an open relationship as long as it is one YOU approve of as the sub is sort of overstepping.

Does anyone have an opinion or idea about this that might make it make more sense? Am I missing something?

DV


_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:28:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not sure if I'm understanding properly.  Perhaps it is addressing those situations where submissives don't have any issue with those of us who are involved in a D/D relationship as the primary?  

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to VampiresLair)
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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:31:23 AM   
justagirlinzh


Posts: 55
Joined: 9/23/2009
Status: offline 		Insecurity. Jealousy issues, anxiety about their place in the pecking order.

Sub 1 may feel their dom having another sub is a threat to the relationship with sub 1, while another dom, is not.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:37:55 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
 Perhaps it is addressing those situations where submissives don't have any issue with those of us who are involved in a D/D relationship as the primary?  
That's the way I read it. There are plenty of D/D relationships where neither one switches.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:38:15 AM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not understanding what you are saying.  Might be cause it's a bit early for me...lol

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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:44:45 AM   
StoneFox


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Maybe they just meant D/D sexual relationships? But I agree a bit...it's weird for the sub to say "Yeah, open is cool...but only if I'm the only one of my kind in it!". Almost like saying if they're a brunette that the other partner can only fuck others as long as they're non-brunettes. Justagirlinzh is probably right in her point.

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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 7:47:24 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		In the end, it boils down to two or more people negotiating/working out compatibility when entering the relationship. Looking at semantics, I agree it doesn't seem logical to tell the other person what they can or can't do, it smacks dab being over stepping one's bounds  in that sense.  Even taking into consideration the roles/labels we self impose, telling person A that they can't do this or this is ignoring the D/s dynamics, yes we need to state in a non confrontational manner that "I don't like" or "I rather if..."

As with open relationships, that is an area which many create based upon what they and their partner(s) are comfortable with and have agreed upon. Some are completely open in the knowledge that their partner has other friends with benefits and some cases they agree to an open relationship by do not want to know the other person(s) their are sleeping with outside the primary relationship. It is quite similar to a poly dynamic yet the one big difference is in open relationships, there is no deep intimate bond created between the committed person and their fuck buddy. Some will dispute this yet this is my experience in the LGBT community concerning open relationships. We are quite notorious for wanting a primary partner plus extra on the side.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:07:48 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I don't see it as ordering a dominant to be a switch, but I do see it as knowing what environment the submissive is comfortable in, and looking for that.  I don't see anything wrong in looking for what you want.

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:09:30 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Lots of folks do NOT understand poly.  So, it seems easy from  the outside to say the D type can have all the relationships with other D's, but there shall be NO other S types vying for attention!

Since that is kind of my dream life, I say bonus, but dictating that up front?  Meh.

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
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RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:40:41 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I certainly wouldn't expect my Master to get involved with a Domme, as he's not at all interested in switching. However, if he wanted a relationship with someone I disliked or distrusted, I'd be very uncomfortable. Right now, we're more in "monogamous with room for play" mode, and if he wanted to do BDSM play casually, I'd have no problem with that. We've discussed poly a bit, and I'm open to it with the right woman, whether or not I was attracted to her or also involved with her, but I would want at least a little bit of say/to get to know her first. I wouldn't try to control what BDSM orientation or role she took, or whether she was bi or straight. I don't want to be controlling toward him, but I'm just not comfortable with a completely open relationship, either.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:45:08 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I swear to you all----it is totally possible for two dominants to get together with NO POWER EXCHANGE AT ALL.  Except fighting over the remote, maybe. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:49:30 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Completely true, LadyH!  Though, many would people would think it funny if they knew how many people didn't understand that possibility.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 8:56:05 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Does anyone have an opinion or idea about this that might make it make more sense? Am I missing something?


Before ownership, everyone gets to determine their own path and if someone knows themselves well enough to know what they can handle and what they can't and are honest and up front about it, they deserve kudo's for it. It might not be your thing, but it's their thing and doesn't effect anyone else .. only themselves and their potentials. If their criteria is quite narrow, they'll probably have more trouble finding a compatible partner, but that's also their problem.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:03:20 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Overstepping what, exactly?

It's a profile, that's all. It's not *telling* anyone to do anything. 

To me, it reads as .......*I'd prefer to be the only submissive in your life even if you have other females in it*

I can't see much wrong with that.

agirl



(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:03:41 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Stone the bloody crows! No big deal Neets and I did it and it works out for us. Can't see what the kafuffel is all about.



_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:16:24 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Does anyone have an opinion or idea about this that might make it make more sense?...


the only way it makes sense to this slave is by remembering that everyone doesn't share the same perception of "submissive" or "submission".  what appears to this slave to be dominant, controlling behavior will most definitely be viewed by another as the behavior of a submissive.
 
just spend some time in the "Foot-Worshipping Dom" thread over in the "Ask a Master" section if you'd like some glaring examples.
 
Vive la difference!

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:22:58 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		A Dom, Domme relationship is just that and has nothing to do with switching but like Lady Pact and said, some people find it hard to get their head round that.

I haven't seen such profiles but would wonder if they are looking for a couple Dom, Domme? or just the male Dom with a seperate Domme lover on the side?
if its the second then it would be interesting to know if they are just looking for play or looking for something long term that may materialize into a relationship? The reason I say this is because when I was in a long term Dom, Domme relationship he had a couple of fem subs that really did want to be the partner of my partner and saw me as little threat simply because I was also Dominant! I think they thought he had ended up with me by accident!!


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(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:27:08 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		It makes sense because you're not talking about a collared submissive here, you're talking about somebody looking for a D/s relationship - i.e., you can make all the demands and set all the limits you want, it's just telling prospective Doms what their particular expectations are.



(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:30:15 AM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		As others have commented, a dominant having another dominant for a lover does not make either of them a switch. One would be a switch only if they sub to the other.

A sub's profile stating that they want to be a dominant's only sub is nothing more than a sub stating a hard limit up front. The sub's not telling any dominant to do anything. if a dominant reading the profile doesn't like that condition, then he/she shouldn't bother contacting that sub.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I dont get it - 10/15/2009 9:31:19 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Perhaps I didnt state the problem I was having with it quite right. They dont say anything about having vanilla lovers, or equals, they specifically say that being with Dominant lovers is OK, but submissives are not. I have been in D/D relationships when there was no power exchange, and I know it can happen. However, what I dont get is why the sub would want to specify that they were ok with their Dominant being with other dominants specifically... not with having other lovers who are not their submissives. After all, if they are JUST lovers, what does the orientation matter?

_____________________________

Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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