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RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 9:57:33 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

FR

To state that an older person who prefers the company of younger people is trying to hang desperately onto their youth is incorrect if it is applied globally. I am not aware of any in depth wide studies done over a large proportion of peoples world wide. In some cases, it may be a cultural thing when the younger seek the older because traditionally there is more maturity, wisdom and experience to be found. I have found that often the younger/inexperienced person a far better student with less or no unlearning to be done. Personally I relate to people more in Neets's age group (30s) than mine for I find too many of my age group to be old in thinking and have lost flexibility of thoughts, imagination or adventure. I do a lit of work with some of those my age who are set in their ways and happily ensconced in their own small world and are happily so. This just doesn't suit me, I like adventure and seeking new challenges limited only by my lack of mobility. (So I don't jump out of aircraft any more and don't have the sight or reflexes to fly something like an F18 or even the F4s that I once did. I just find things within my physical abilities such as building a metal workshop from scratch (building a charcoal foundry, creating the moulds and pouring the parts to build a metal lathe and milling machine and so upgrade the machinery and build all the tools I want to include a wood lathe, metal and wood band-saws and so on. What an adventure and sense of achievement not to say saving thousands of dollars) I don't put an upper limit on potential slaves but I tend to prefer someone 30+ simply I am not prepared to have to deal with the trials and tribulations of the younger lasses who in the long run will prefer to find a mate in their age group. However there will, always be exceptions and I do not close the door on those. I am also prepared that there is a very good chance that my collars will remain empty and that is ok too.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 21

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 10:06:47 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Is there any particular reason why there are more younger female doms than there are male doms?

Yes. It is because there is something wrong with your research.

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 22

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/16/2009 10:37:12 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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Your Honor, I'd now like to give my summary argument (esp. for those jurors who haven't been following it)

Age differnces do NOT matter in BDSM. What seem to matter most is the "BDSM age," that is, level of experience. I myself have had boys both (chronologically) younger and older than myself. In general, 20 year olds just don't have the experience level that a 40 year old does. That all said, 20-25 is the time to enjoy your sexuality w/o regard to power-exchange. Enjoy it, play with slap-n-tickle and the roles will soon fall out.

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 23

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 4:40:32 AM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

Yes I fully understand that the age difference doesn't necessarily matter in BDSM, however keep in mind that I am still new to this scene and even admiting my true feelings in general. As such I'm still attempting to shed some of my "normal" interests and feelings, one of which is that voice in my head thats telling me that a 20+ year age difference is a turn off. I realize that the older doms have more experiecne which would lead to a safer and more enjoyable play, however even if I know thats the case logically theres still my emotional attachment to my old world way of thinking. With time I will probably get over this uncomofrtable feeling for sure but keep in mind that I haven't even been in this scene more than a few months so I'd obviously have some reservations being quite new.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 24

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 5:48:03 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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geomease, I for one applaud your being so open regarding your reservations. For me that signals someone who is getting their head together and understands their feelings and why. I have a number of good friends who are gay and whilst I can not fully comprehend yopur emotional situation, I can at least empathise with you. I do believe that you are right to voice these reservations and aspirations here for amongst some dross there are already some gems of wisdom (in my opinion). I hope that you get a better understanding of how things work and find what you seek.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 25

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 6:36:40 AM

geomease

Posts: 56
Joined: 9/25/2009
Status: offline

Thanks bear, while I may not know whether the future holds a guy, a girl, or both for me I will still look forward to the journey of self discovery. You've all given me a lot of information to process and I want to thank you all for the input given so far.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 26

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 7:09:14 AM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
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I's a matter of going to sites such as bearforest.com, bearfront, bear411, squirt, recon, et al and see that a large portion of the profiles of men who are 45+ are looking for other men who are at least 10+ years younger or greater.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 27

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 9:02:55 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

I's a matter of going to sites such as bearforest.com, bearfront, bear411, squirt, recon, et al and see that a large portion of the profiles of men who are 45+ are looking for other men who are at least 10+ years younger or greater.

That's exactly what I said on the previous page. Anyone who doesn't believe it, just go read the "Dom Looking" profiles and see what ages most of them are looking for.

Or even go to a vanilla dating site and read the 40+ year old men searching ads. At least 75% of them want at least 10 years younger. Sorry, but is IS a man thing. And one email doesn't close the case.

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 28

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 9:30:19 AM

LanceHughes

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Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

And one email doesn't close the case.

windchymes: I was not trying to close off the thread. I was trying to answer:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

I'm confused as to how to a man 20 years your junior finding you attractive proves your case that men between the ages of 20-29 are only searching out partners the same age.

I wanted my answer to be right after that comment but I'm a slow typer.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 29

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 9:34:49 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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Nono, I didn't mean you were trying to close the thread

.....just saying that it was only one email, and I do know for a fact, since I've (pathetically) been "involved" with personal ads on and off for quite a few years now, believe me when I say an overwhelming number of men over 40 are indeed looking for much younger partners.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to LanceHughes)

Post #: 30

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/17/2009 4:08:57 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

Just one more thing to add to my list of why I believe women are inherently better than men.

you've got a lot to learn...

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to geomease)

Post #: 31

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/18/2009 2:22:11 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

Just one more thing to add to my list of why I believe women are inherently better than men.

you've got a lot to learn...

And just when I thought you were such a wise old man......

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Level)

Post #: 32

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/22/2009 2:35:10 AM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

You are clever and adorable and I refuse to believe in a world where you can't find a decent partner. Refuse!

Thanks for the moral support! I'm sure he's out there, somewhere...

quote:

ORIGINAL: LanceHughes
A wise man I knew once said, "The best time to look for 19 year olds is when you are 19 years old."

You see, it seems to me that 20-29 year olds are ONLY looking for men their own age. This whole thread boils down to "I'm ageist and going to stay that way even though older, wiser, more experienced advice runs counter to my whining needs and wants." LOL!

I think you rather overestimate the ageism of youth. I'm twenty-two now, but I'm open to dominants of any age, and as it happens, have mostly been involved with men greatly my senior in years, mostly ones in their forties and fifties. The only man I've ever truly loved was forty-seven when we first met, and that was a couple years ago now. Young men are most definitely not only looking for people their own age, and I'm open to any guy younger than dead and old enough to consent as long as the match between us is right.

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 33

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/22/2009 4:24:38 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I just don't see why it is being ageist to prefer a partner of your own age, a partner with similar life experiences and attitudes. There is more to a relationship than just sex/play and if it's important to a person that their partner likes the same movies, music, clubs, etc then that's a preference. Demanding they have sex with someone they aren't attracted to and don't have anything in common with to prove something is just strange.

Ageist would be to lobby to have them be forbidden to enter a place where other, younger types were, or to not be hired. It does not apply to interpersonal relationships. Anymore than he would be prejudiced if he turned down a nice guy who happened to be a foot shorter than him and didn't turn him on. These are personal preferences. Some people are attracted to much older partners and some aren't. In the same way that some people find a redhead hot and others don't.

But I agree that West Bay ought to have a dozen guys after him. He's too smart and kind not to find a good relationship where he will be valued.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 10/22/2009 4:29:15 AM >

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(in reply to WestBaySlave)

Post #: 34

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/24/2009 12:33:52 PM

WarKirby

Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

*waves*
I'm a bisexual male dom, age 21. Not very experienced of course.. Personally, I'm looking for a younger sub too, and I wonder conversely, why so many younger subs seem to be seeking an older dom, rather than one their own age.

maybe everyone's different and we're just seeing limited cross sections of things. I've been approached by subs of various ages from 18 to 60. So far I'm finding that younger subs have an alarming tendancy to vanish mid-conversation, or never show up to arranged meetings, etc.

Perhaps it's just that younger people are more desired, globally. regardless of gender or orientation.

I've enjoyed reading Lance's posts in this thread very much. he clearly has a lot to teach. Although I slightly disagree with this part:

quote:

Age differnces do NOT matter in BDSM. What seem to matter most is the "BDSM age," that is, level of experience.

Perhaps it's simply that age doesn't matter in the bdsm context of a relationship. but even within any bdsm relationship, there are still basic elements that are shared with vanilla too. some people for instance, simply find younger partners attractive. smoother skin, richer hair colors, more energy, etc. likewise there are some who find older partners more physically attractive.

Then there are things like interests. Someone your own age is more likely to have a similar taste in music/film/art/videogames/sports/etc. Things that bond people together outside of kink.

or maybe you were only referring to play sessions, and not long term D/s relationships.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 10/24/2009 12:40:55 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

RE: Question on the topic of gay male dom's - 10/24/2009 12:39:55 PM

WarKirby

Posts: 71
Joined: 11/22/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

Is there any particular reason why there are more younger female doms than there are male doms?

Yes. It is because there is something wrong with your research.

I'd hazard a guess that young, female dominants are a high demand and short supply demographic, which makes them the perfect thing for scammers to pretend to be when trying to snare desperate victims.

Speaking personally, I've recieved far more messages from female dominants than anything else here. And I'm pretty sure 95% of them were not real.

< Message edited by WarKirby -- 10/24/2009 12:40:27 PM >

(in reply to antipode)

Post #: 36

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