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It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/15/2009 8:35:57 PM

SomethingCatchy

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I was supposed to meet someone, and they completely dropped off the face of the earth. HE was the one who initiated contact, and I thought he was decent and agreed to meet for 'friendly BDSM conversation' but I didn't have high hopes. Oddly, I completely forgot about the meeting until it was the evening of and I realized I hadn't heard from the guy in two days even though I'd given him my number to keep me posted.

I hate having my time wasted, but this has made me realize just how annoying the men are who come here and whine about 'I can't find a mistress!' They're most likely exactly like this guy who can't even muster up the energy (or respect) to even text 'I can't make it, sorry.' It's been my experience that too many men online act like that.

There really is no point to this post, sometimes you just gotta get stuff off your chest. Obviously meeting this guy wasn't a big deal, but being blown off bugs the hell out of me regardless of the circumstances. He said he was coming down with something and had just gotten the flu shot. Maybe he is legitimately sick, but how many times can people pull that lie out of their ass before the legit people sound like liars too?

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/15/2009 8:39:04 PM

SubOnlyForHim

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/15/2009 9:27:35 PM

SthrnCom4t

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I've had a few no-shows in my time, but not many. Those that did, were not surprises....my gut instinct already knew. Yes, I agree, it's annoying as hell. It's also made me extremely conscious of who I choose to spend my time and energy on.

Being in healthcare, I can say that the bugs going around this year, are the worst I've seen in 20 years.

If he reappears, there is much to be made up for. I wouldn't however, make it any big deal, I'd just be very busy and much less interested in meeting. If he's for real, he'll be appropriately conciliatory. If not, acting mad or put out expresses what you had invested, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

I'm sorry for your experience. Keep looking though, as there are some great ones out there!

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/15/2009 9:44:01 PM

DrkJourney

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Been there lived that...want one of my t-shirts?...lol

I didn't have but one just not show up, but loads that did the disappearing act, especially when it got to be around the time to meet. It was so bad, that on the last first date/meeting that I had I almost didn't bother to go. um..but glad I did, since the guy ended up being my husband...lol

Every time the guy would turn up again from a few weeks to a few months, to a year later, with some lame excuse: I just wasn't ready, or someone died,(which they would make the mistake and refer to at a later time in the "live" tense..lol), or I was sick, etc. um, you couldn't just tell me that? if you didn't have the balls to tell me on the phone at least send it in an email.

Oh but the classic this one I thought was promising, turned out he was married. Which he didn't tell me for about a year or two, not sure the time frame because the first time they flake I'm pretty much done with them. I'll talk to them when they return and be civil, but since I expect them to flake again, which they always did, I don't really give them any more serious thought. Finally I got tired of the disappearing, and returning and I just said, tell me the truth because this is getting old...and he finally did.

Thing is, you gotta kiss a LOT of frogs before you find your prince :>

good luck out there

< Message edited by DrkJourney -- 10/15/2009 9:47:10 PM >

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/15/2009 9:44:38 PM

OttersSwim

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I uh...would have posted in this topic, but I got....ebola...yea...

Keep your chin up! We are not all like that! Some of us do show up and are diligent about communication!

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 5:32:50 AM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

I uh...would have posted in this topic, but I got....ebola...yea...

Keep your chin up! We are not all like that! Some of us do show up and are diligent about communication!

[/quote

I know you're not all like that! Since I've been looking for friends only, I haven't gotten many bites, but I do realize that to meet anyone it requires person to person, face to face meetings. Munches and that sort of thing. If only the local munch groups would stop having their meetings in the middle of the week when it's a two hour drive there and back home and I've got to work in the morning. Gah!

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 5:43:24 AM

DarkSteven

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As a generalization, it seems to me like many men enjoy the online world for its own sake, while women use it as a prelude to in person meeting.

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 5:47:21 AM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

As a generalization, it seems to me like many men enjoy the online world for its own sake, while women use it as a prelude to in person meeting.

I agree to a certain extent, but the generalization would mean that many men are just plain LIARS when it comes to this sort of thing. If the boy really didn't want to meet in person, then why did he say he did and tell me what days he'd be there? It really doesn't look good when you start thinking of men (in general) on the internet as big fat liars. I know I don't like that idea, so I try to ignore it.

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 9:28:52 AM

hardbodysub

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quote:

Oddly, I completely forgot about the meeting until it was the evening of and I realized I hadn't heard from the guy in two days

I understand your disappointment that he didn't follow up. However, it looks like he hadn't heard from you in two days, either, and it seems a bit hypocritical to complain about his failure when you had completely forgotten about the meeting yourself.

< Message edited by hardbodysub -- 10/16/2009 9:30:08 AM >

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 9:32:21 AM

LadyNTrainer

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If I've got a prospective personal partner on the line, I always set first meetings at a public event like a Munch that I'm going to anyway. Ergo I don't really give a crap if somebody shows up or not. And it's a great asshole filter; anybody who won't meet me and the rest of the local BDSM community in public is nobody I'd be interested in playing with anyhow.

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 9:37:53 AM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

If I've got a prospective personal partner on the line, I always set first meetings at a public event like a Munch that I'm going to anyway. Ergo I don't really give a crap if somebody shows up or not. And it's a great asshole filter; anybody who won't meet me and the rest of the local BDSM community in public is nobody I'd be interested in playing with anyhow.

Exactly My thoughts on the matter. Once in a while, I'll make an exception if it is someone that I know from the forums, but that's it. By the way, it happens to be very effective. I tend not to waste a lot of time prior to meets and they tend to show.

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 9:45:38 AM

Voodali

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This has happened to me loads of times. When I whined to my mentor about it, he offered his perspective. While he is now a sadistic dominant, he used to market himself as a heavy masochistic bottom, and tried to set up meetings with guys from online. He explained to me how he initially very much wanted to meet the person, but at the last minute his fight or flight chemicals would kick in, and he had to struggle against fear for his life and vanquish it, or risk running away. Many times the ones who disappear reappear later. Still, it is incredibly annoying, because time is precious in this day and age. I would agree that not being able to show one's face at a munch does not exactly inspire confidence.

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RE: It would be nice to get some consideration - 10/16/2009 1:07:17 PM

SomethingCatchy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

Oddly, I completely forgot about the meeting until it was the evening of and I realized I hadn't heard from the guy in two days

I understand your disappointment that he didn't follow up. However, it looks like he hadn't heard from you in two days, either, and it seems a bit hypocritical to complain about his failure when you had completely forgotten about the meeting yourself.

He was supposedly on the road in route, and I patiently waited. I am not the type to bug someone when they say they'll do something. I wait to see if it happens!

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