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Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 3:51:53 PM

PolyVinyl

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/28/2009
Status: offline

Hello everybody, so I'm still trying to decide on whether I want to stick around CollarMe or not, but I'm thinking perhaps I'm just not introducing myself properly.

I feel like I'm pretty laid back (unless I've got a task/work to do) and I generally talk to people like that...do any of you Mistresses feel like that's an issue?

Example:

quote:

Hey MistressXXX, you've got a really nice profile! What could you possibly see in 'corner time' though, that's no fun for anyone :) I'm just getting off my feet here in the city in terms of the BDSM community, so I don't have a lot of training, but I'm loyal and I love to submit, as well as being very open minded. The only limits I have (thus far) are anything gay, scat and (for now) public humiliation.

What are your interests?

-polyVinyl

And then I add a pic (usually). I'm sorry that I'm basically asking Mistress' to help improve a Resume, but on the plus side you can point people who email you awkwardly over to this thread...I think.

Heh, thanks for taking the time to read.
-pV

Post #: 1

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 4:09:44 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I would talk more about what I like to do in the vanilla world and not make it all about BDSM. I would also make sure I had read her whole profile and was offering what she was looking for.

(in reply to PolyVinyl)

Post #: 2

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 4:36:23 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It wouldn't be a note that would catch My eye. For starters, I'm not a 'hey' kind of person. (I'll provide a bit more on that at the end.)

Second, you specifically pointed out an area where you felt you weren't compatible. Why start with the place where you don't match up, rather than where you do?

Third, unless I'm mistaken, the term is getting on your feet, not getting off.

Last but not least, most people have filled out their interests within their profile. Why ask for information that's already provided? Will she have to repeat herself about everything?

Take a look at the link in this thread. http://www.collarchat.com/m_2816665/tm.htm This was a survey done by OKCupid where they compiled data on what types of introductory emails tend to get a response. I think the same applies on this site. Even when I commented there, I responded that these were the very types of things that the females that frequent this board have been saying over and over for years.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 3

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 4:40:37 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Imagine the first time one has eaten the cream of ice.

Delectable. Yes?

Now eat some ice.

Not so tasty, but still refreshing.

The first impression can make or break you. BDSM is very interesting but if one decides to spout their interests right off the bat.... it is like eating ice.

Some tasty sweet icecream bits. YES. Give it to them. Are you a rocky road? Are you a mint julep? Vanilla? Cookie Dough? Hungry yet?
Flavor, give yourself some flavor.

Then the ice will come.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to PolyVinyl)

Post #: 4

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 4:41:53 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

Starting out by criticizing one of her interests (corner time) probably isn't your best bet. If the intent is to open a genuine dialog, try phrasing it differently; maybe something like this: "Corner time doesn't seem like it would be much fun for your sub or for you either. How does it accomplish your goals as a dominant woman?"

The rest is all about you. There's nothing about how you could make her life easier or more fun. It comes across as self-absorbed. You might try adding something along the lines of: "I don't have much experience but I am a quick study and would be delighted to learn anything you'd care to teach me. So far, my limits are..." You should also define what you mean by "anything gay." That's vague and more than a little insulting. If you mean "no forced bi" then say so. If you mean "no anal or strap-on play" then be specific.

Talk more about any of her interests you happen to share, especially vanilla ones as mentioned already. We want to know you're paying attention to our preferences and are attentive to us. It also proves you've actually read our profiles. A lot of messages say "great profile" or something similar and then the writer says something that proves he never bothered to read it. Don't be that guy.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 5

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 4:58:23 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

HI POLY..well it is OFTEN indeed hard to get a Mistresses attention and stand out..and yes you do have to stand out..as in
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO OFFER>.and how can you make it known right away..

quote:

ORIGINAL: PolyVinyl

I'm thinking perhaps I'm just not introducing myself properly.

I feel like I'm pretty laid back ...talk to people like that...do any of you Mistresses feel like that's an issue?
I do not have issue with this..as long as there is politenes.IN the beginning ..to me..we are like any other a man and owman...checking compatibilties and common interests.
Example:

quote:

Hey MistressXXX, you've got a really nice profile!
hey...THIS is a woman you see as a "potential"..not your buddies..
**TRY GREETNGS..or GOOD DAY...
nice profile
This is heard OFTEN as is "you are gorgeous."..
What about??...I enjoyed..........................in your profile..I see you..........
I do too..I read all of your profile and I have to say...............................
I was drawn to your profile because ...........................
May I ask you about......................in one of the pictures?

What could you possibly see in 'corner time' though, that's no fun for anyone :)
no no...right away you are knocking HER ways...her STYLE..its hers and not yours to judge.DO you want here judging your desires?
If you became hers you would go in the CORNER to please her it is her way.

I'm just getting off my feet here in the city in terms of the BDSM community,
great!!!tell about YOU
..ADD enjoy......eg) theatre..designing skateboards..dance...judo..fitnes..
ADD...I am....................eg)loyal..attentive...forthright...

so I don't have a lot of training, but
it is good for them to know but take out BUT...but sounds like you are
justifying or "lesser" ......YOU are not!!!>We all started somewhere.

I'm loyal and I love to submit, as well as being very open minded.
This is said over and over...they all say it...
TRY a dif way of saying it..
eg) I have thought about submission for...........and I have come to realize...........
Strengths I have include............,.......................,.........................

The only limits I have (thus far) are anything gay, scat and (for now) public humiliation.
not that important at this point and simply adds to talking about KINK rather than
YOU.....as a person............your interests...your personality.
It seems like you are bascially saying.."Ill do anything(open minded) except this...

**personally I want a man who talks about his ways of life..his inerests and reveals HIMSELF to me...as a WHOLE MAN..
What are your interests?
If she has them in her profile..well then this is where...you get deleted usually..
shows you did not read.
-polyVinyl

so POLY feel free to message me..I love helping with profiles and etc..says hte
(old retired school marm with a willow switch..)

alos DO NOT LIMIT YOUR search to on line..meet...mix..mingle..

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/16/2009 5:04:56 PM >

(in reply to PolyVinyl)

Post #: 6

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 5:20:07 PM

IBused

Posts: 93
Joined: 10/4/2009
Status: offline

Trying to decide if you are going to stick around or not?????? Where else you going??????? Dood????????????

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 7

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 6:57:24 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

On my social profile, I would delete and block you instantly. I hate it when total strangers email me a laundry list of what they do or don't like to do in bed. I mean, puh-leeze. That is a serious case of putting the cart before the horse. I don't know you, and you haven't given me any reason to want to know you, so why would I care what your kink interests are? Would you walk up to a woman on the street and immediately start telling her your sexual preferences? Trust me, it doesn't tend to work any better even on an adult site.

Lead with intelligence, wit and personality. Open an interesting dialogue about something in her profile, preferably something that isn't explicitly sexual or kinky. That is much more likely to engage her and get her attention in a positive way than ANYTHING a total stranger could possibly say about sex or kink. Good luck!

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to PolyVinyl)

Post #: 8

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 8:03:20 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

Come on here! This one is easy. Pithy one liners have a universal appeal! Try one of these:
1) Nice tits! A genuine compliment is a good ice breaker.
2) Check me out! (attached cock shot) What is it about roosters?
3) I want... (insert want here) May as well get to the point!
Originality and creativity are too much work. These easy to use one liners save time and effort.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 9

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/16/2009 10:11:41 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

ok snowranger..jesus... I just got a message that says NICE TITS and I know the guy read this and BELIEVED you

..

GM

< Message edited by GYPSYMAMBO -- 10/16/2009 10:12:43 PM >

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 10

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 3:43:01 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

I agree with everything that GM said. In addition, I'd add that the mail is moving too fast - it sounds like a few sentences followed by "Your place or mine?" You talk about a single point, make a quick comment, say you're new in town, and then ask what she likes in bed.

Let's say that you want to discuss corner time. Bring it up, and then stay on topic. Using your example of corner time:

I notice that you are a strong believer in corner time. I've done it, but find that my mind wanders when I do it. As you know, the whole point of corner time is to force the sub's mind to focus on what he did wrong. Do you have any suggestions to prevent my mind from wandering?

The above speaks directly to her take on the issue and asks for advice. It does not press her to accept or reject you right away, and permits both of you to learn about each other, which is how it should be.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to PolyVinyl)

Post #: 11

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 4:10:19 AM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

ok snowranger..jesus... I just got a message that says NICE TITS and I know the guy read this and BELIEVED you..

GM

Ma`am, everything has a plus side. At least said note proves he is neither blind or a liar.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 12

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 4:19:20 AM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

OFFFFF! But if I was going to pay a genuine complement I'd have to say...

Nice chain mail!

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 13

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 5:49:41 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

GM, re the link LP kindly posted above, which points to a fascinating survey that highlights how various words that say the same thing can, nonetheless, have an entirely different effect on the reader: Do you think that the same sentiment, expressed in just a few other words, would have warmed you to the sender? For instance, instead of a cmail that read just "nice tits", how about some of the following . . .

"Great knockers!"

"Bountiful breasts!"

"Splendid norks!"

"Tremendous tumblers!"

"Killer warheads!"

"You wouldn't get many of them to the pound/kilo [delete as appropriate]!"

Please allocate points out of five for each of the above.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 14

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 7:34:55 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

OFFFFF! But if I was going to pay a genuine complement I'd have to say...

Nice chain mail!

awwwwwwwwwww .........sweet cheeks..
GM

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 15

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 7:37:31 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

GM, re the link LP kindly posted above, which points to a fascinating survey that highlights how various words that say the same thing can, nonetheless, have an entirely different effect on the reader: Do you think that the same sentiment, expressed in just a few other words, would have warmed you to the sender? For instance, instead of a cmail that read just "nice tits", how about some of the following . . .

"Great knockers!"

"Bountiful breasts!"

"Splendid norks!"

"Tremendous tumblers!"

"Killer warheads!"

"You wouldn't get many of them to the pound/kilo [delete as appropriate]!"

Please allocate points out of five for each of the above.

peon...
1) 1
2) 4
3) 2
4) 3
5)3
6)2

nice back...

GM

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 16

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 7:39:09 AM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

ok snowranger..jesus... I just got a message that says NICE TITS and I know the guy read this and BELIEVED you..

GM

Ma`am, everything has a plus side. At least said note proves he is neither blind or a liar.

PS...
eyes are a plus ...yes...

where's my coffee...? and croissant..?

GM

(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 17

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 1:15:53 PM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Just wanted to come in and add:

"Mondo Tatas"

to the list...

And what's with "anything gay"? Does that include Barbara Streisand movies? Interior decorating? Or any other stereotype about gay people? This feels like you have a very shallow perception and narrow field of view of an entire section of the population. I would get specific about what you are not in to...but I would not even bother to bring any of that up until well into the conversation and you two get to talking about specifics of your kink and hers.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to GYPSYMAMBO)

Post #: 18

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 3:10:56 PM

SnowRanger

Posts: 503
Joined: 5/25/2008
From: Sinsinnati
Status: offline

GM... Extending cheek.... I really hadn't expected this to be a fourm on complementary euphemisims for breasts.

Hello A/all,

I have to say that I have had a measure of success meeting Dominas through CM. I am sure that other people have done better (probably lots better); but, I am pleased overall.

CM helps focus our search to people with similar and complementary interests. What it does not do is remove any (read ANY) of the steps in the 'courting' process. "Hello! How are you?" still comes first. 'Bodacious Bazoobas! Please make me your cuckold!" does not (read NOT)!

She knows that you are interested! She wants to know... WHY? Read the whole profile. Do this even if your interest is limited to her Masssive Mamaries. I know guys... I get it... It's hard to get past IHATEYOUALL!NOJERKS!NODICKS!NOONELINERS! etc.
Read it any way. Pick out something to start a discussion. "'You said that all men should be ground up for dog food.' Don't you like cats?" will start a conservation. "Wholesome Hooters" will get you blocked.

Avoid sending a laundry list of likes, limits and such. Remember you are at the 'Hello' phase. Be original with this first message; or, brush up your Shakespeare (don't laugh... Henry V is pretty much a guys play; but 'Oh for a muse of fire!' worked for me once.).

I better quit now. I have run out of euphemisms for Fabulous Funbags!

Mike
SnowRanger

_____________________________

You can't help where you were born; and, you may not have much to say about where you die; but, you can and you should try to pass the days in between as a good man.
Anton Myrer Once an Eagle

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 19

RE: Opening a conversation with a Mistress... - 10/17/2009 3:16:51 PM

Misstoyou

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SnowRanger

...

Pick out something to start a discussion. "'You said that all men should be ground up for dog food.' Don't you like cats?" will start a conservation.

Too funny!!

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to SnowRanger)

Post #: 20

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