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alittleevil -> RE: the movement from vanilla to D/s (10/18/2009 1:56:09 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: homedespot
I'm curious if I am unique in this or if others have experienced this distancing. Further I'm curious how this plays out in others daily life. For example I no longer share some personal information with him, while he continues to share all his thoughts and feelings with me. Is this true for others who have had this experience? { long term experiences that move from more traditional relationships to more strict or severe ones. }
quote:
I would say that I love him but I am not romantically in love with him. I would say my feelings are hard to define. I can use analogies but they are inexact and imprecise. For example I can say I see him as an important possession a car or a dog, for which I have great affection but which I feel the relationship goes primarily one way. While I have to provide care (oil changes, food and walks), and I have to be responsible I don't have to reciprocate. Obviously these analogies are flawed. He is neither a machine nor a dog. I care for him very deeply and for his welfare but the romantic aspect is diminished. He is valuable property.
quote:
(...)my ability to maintain a relationship in which romantic feelings are diminished is unusual. And that he is also unusual in that he not only *says* that he wants that extreme form of domination but it isn't purely fantasy on his part...he really does want it. But I do feel that there is a natural progression. Things tend to follow a certain path. As we've grown or changed we've seen a lot of this. We will read something or see something and think it is really 'out there', only to recognize ourselves there a few years later. I thought I could find people who have been down that path, but perhaps those people don't frequent CM or don't read my writing or aren't interested in the ramblings of those behind them.
Hello,
I really like your nickname, btw :-).
I've hesitated in responding because my experiences don't exactly fit your criteria, in that they were not with one person. I was in a long term D/s relationship that was also a 'romantic' relationship and i am now in a relationship in which Master is very like what you describe. I am certainly loved, i am cared for, but as a slave, as a girl in service, not in a romantic way, though we live together and, i suppose for lack of a better way to put it would be considered each other's primary companion type person. Master does not share with me except that which he wishes to for reasons of his own. His affection for me is demonstrated rather like he does to the dogs--when and how he feels like it, rather than when and how i might personally prefer ;-). He's in charge, i obey. That's pretty much the end and be all of our day to day life, even when we are having a lot of fun together :-). Perhaps the clearest way i can express it is this: if i were to suffer some traumatic head injury and come to no longer inclined as a submissive personality, Master, while he would certainly remain a strong supporter, a strong friend, would not put aside his expectations/desires for the girl in his life to be submissive to him for the sake of keeping me as the girl in his life. He would find another girl.
You are right, words that accurately convey all these shades of meaning are hard to come by. I am loved but i am not Master's "girlfriend." I love him, not as a lover, but simply as Master. We did not progress from vanilla to M/s, and ours is not and never was a romantic relationship, nor is it cold. But the very real affection that is there is not the affection of equals.
Peace,
aj
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