Moving on from self disapointment

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Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 3:22:16 AM

sweetpettjenny

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When i Disapoint my Master, i feel a awful sence of self disapointment , to the point sometimes i get really upset over something that he has allready moved on from. This seems to be my biggest obstical in my role as his slave. I value him as my owner and can't seem to stomache the fact when i do something wrong . I punish myself internally to the point it upsets him all over again. I want so badly to be perfect for him , but i realize no one can be that. Have any of you struggled with this as well and how did you cope and learn to not beat yourself up ?
Thankyou in advance,
jennifer

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 4:43:49 AM

fastlane

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Jenny
We all beat ourselves up over things that we should probably let go of, but we do so because we try to continually improve ourselves.
Your Master is fortuneate to have someone like you, that wishes so badly to please Him. You just need to try and I know it's hard, but try to let things go, when you feel you have failed him, after all, he'll beat you...so why beat yourself up?

Peace, Kevin

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 5:44:55 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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As a perfectionist AND as someone who has moderate OCD, absolutely.

On the one hand, you should just say to get over yourself- stop making it ALL ABOUT YOU, stop taking energy into yourself and being unproductive.

While all of this is true, it generally only begins a new cycle of self-criticism over spending energy on being self-critical...

So I've taught myself to actively go to my partners and ask them for help (also a very hard thing). I ask them if they can suggest how to improve, ask them if they think I'm doing a good job. And sometimes, I just go away for a few hours to get some perspective on the situation.

And then, remind myself again, that obsessing like this means I'm making the situation all about me- when it isn't.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 7:48:09 AM

ownedgirlie

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i do the same thing. i can't move on when he has. i can't move on until i have received some sort of punishment and then am told it's over now. Writing about it helps. Digging inside my mind to learn why i did what i did, and what i should have done instead, and journaling all my thoughts and feelings about it - how i felt leading up to the infractinon, during the infraction, and after the infraction. Then i can truly learn from it and be fairly confident i won'd do it again.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 9:16:05 AM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

Have any of you struggled with this as well and how did you cope and learn to not beat yourself up ?

you already have done the hard part---you REALIZE it is not healthy and not pleasing to Master and you DESIRE to change your thoughts and/or feelings about the matter. this slave learned to not beat herself up by following Master's orders: "Do not beat yourself---that's MY job

"..and every time this slave's thoughts turn that way, she turns them back by focusing on His words and His infectious smile.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 9:24:20 AM

Submotive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpettjenny

When i Disapoint my Master, i feel a awful sence of self disapointment , to the point sometimes i get really upset over something that he has allready moved on from. This seems to be my biggest obstical in my role as his slave. I value him as my owner and can't seem to stomache the fact when i do something wrong . I punish myself internally to the point it upsets him all over again. I want so badly to be perfect for him , but i realize no one can be that. Have any of you struggled with this as well and how did you cope and learn to not beat yourself up ?
Thankyou in advance,
jennifer

i understand that feeling of self disappointment. But that's what His punishments are for. In serving my Master, i must accept that once He punishes or disciplines me for something, then i MUST move on. Afterall, He is in charge and that means He decides when i've made up for disappointing Him.

You will never be perfect - you're human, so accept that you will make mistakes and you will disappointment Him. It's all a learning process. i figure if i make different mistakes and not the same ones over and over, then i'm making progress. So allow yourself to enjoy your relationship. Once He has let go of something, it's your job to let it go as well or you are, in essence, being disobedient. So move on sweetie.

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i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 3:31:23 PM

sweetpettjenny

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Thankyou for replying, i see im not alone in this feeling. Im assuming that it is for me , a slight self esteem problem stemming from a past abusive D/s Master /slave relationship. I felt like a failure all the time, so now i have trouble moving on from the feeling of failing him and i get very emotional and teary eyed , sometimes crying when i do wrong things.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 3:37:06 PM

slavejali

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When I dissappoint or displease Master, I need Him to bring it to a closure with more than just a "drop it"...maybe I'm into "paying the dues" or something...but internally I need to know I've paid for it somehow, otherwise the feelings linger.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 3:38:55 PM

sweetpettjenny

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I need closure as well...

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

When I dissappoint or displease Master, I need Him to bring it to a closure with more than just a "drop it"...maybe I'm into "paying the dues" or something...but internally I need to know I've paid for it somehow, otherwise the feelings linger.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 3:44:40 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

When i Disapoint my Master, i feel a awful sence of self disapointment , to the point sometimes i get really upset over something that he has allready moved on from. This seems to be my biggest obstical in my role as his slave. I value him as my owner and can't seem to stomache the fact when i do something wrong . I punish myself internally to the point it upsets him all over again. I want so badly to be perfect for him , but i realize no one can be that. Have any of you struggled with this as well and how did you cope and learn to not beat yourself up ?

This is why we utilize corporal punishment when I screw up, because I do the same thing you do. He doesn't punish me often, but when He does, I know I'm forgiven, it's over, and I can forgive myself and move on.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 4:36:33 PM

Sensualips

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I don't suffer from the I-can't-bear-I-disappointed a person thing very long. I also get past things with others fairly quickly.

But, I sure do the all-about-me thing. Why I did that, what led up to it, how was I feeling, how might I do it differently, how I feel now, etc. Very self centered. I am trying to be less fascinated with myself and more focused in my energy.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/6/2006 6:19:11 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

I felt like a failure all the time, so now i have trouble moving on from the feeling of failing him and i get very emotional and teary eyed , sometimes crying when i do wrong things.

I know before you met this master we discussed choices & feelings. What are yours and what belong to a master. To me this is a big poster for taking unto yourself what belongs to your master.
I understand baggage as some days mine needs a dumptruck but there is a primary thing that I think you're missing in your internal drama. Your master is the one to decide if HE is disappointed by YOU or your behavior...NOT YOU. By not allowing your master to make his own decisions about your punishment or repercussions of your behavior and be bound by those choices you're robbing him of what is righfully his. In punishing yourself you #1 aren't trusting him to know what's best for you, #2 are outright telling him that his decision is wrong because YOU feel you haven't suffered enough for whatever the infraction is.

For instance...you decide to cook our master his favorite meal...steak as a suprise. You're in a hurry to get to work and forget to pull the meat out of the freezer to thaw. you get home about 5:30 knowing that master likes dinner at 6pm. You're heartbroken about a suprise he's not aware of and tearfully rush to make spaghetti. He comes in and tells you that it's the best spaghetti that you've ever made and asks you why you seem withdrawn. You spend the rest of the evening upset because you forgot to thaw steak and didn't even hear the praise of the dinner that he did consume.
In this instance he's seeking to praise you for a fine meal. You miss that completely because you're focused on what you did wrong...even though it's something he's unaware of. Your pouting and ignoring his praise. By not being enthusastic in your responses you put him into a foul mood.

Your failure to tell him what is bothering you #1. Failure to hear his praise of your dinner #2. Putting him in a bad mood because you don't trust him with your burden #3. Not trusting him when he says he really didn't want steak anyway and beating yourself for the next few hours #4.

This is one to hand over. You've told me that you met someone that says what they mean and means what they say...why are you not LIVING like this is so?

Sorry for the tough love moment. You know that you've helped me in the past and if my Domly heel in the tush can help I have to try.

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RE: Moving on from self disapointment - 3/7/2006 3:09:35 AM

sweetpettjenny

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thankyou Rose, you are sooo right in saying i need to let him decide, its something i need to let go of . I do trust him and love him, and loathe dissapointing him in my behavior.

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