RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (Full Version)

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OsideGirl -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 7:23:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

It is totally possible to stay friends and also move on at the same time.  That may not be what is happening here, but you'd think I was from the planet Mars given the responses on this thread.

I'm still friends with my ex, too. However, that's not what's going on here. He's still giving orders and she's still asking "How high?"



DavanKael -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 8:33:03 PM)

Horrendous boundaries.  Therapy. 
  Davan



HK47 -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 9:01:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

He is older and very successful and gives me good advice about life and business...he helps me when I need it and is genuinely a good friend to me overall.



This caught my eye, as it's always been my belief one can always replace a lover, but never a friend.




OrionTheWolf -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 9:39:24 PM)

No need to derail the topic with more of your denial. If you are truly interested in the break down of what you wrote, just reread it yourself.

As far as harsh, I have no problem with that.



DaddysSikBitch -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 9:42:39 PM)

I think, ultimately, its important that the relationship does end. I believe that it is often good to help mentor someone along and help them find their way if you plan to or have released them but at some point, it must end. I believe that at some point all the dominance, all the tasks, all the interaction and attention must come to an end. This is not to say that you can't be friends, keep in touch, etc etc. But in order for that sub/slave to really move on and to reach whatever their goal may be, it is VITAL that both parties let go. Continuing to have them do tasks or to "answer" to the Dom, in any way, only implies that there is still some type of connection there which may prevent that sub/slave from letting go and moving forward. I think that the greatest Master, the bigger Man/woman...is the one who, when letting someone go, truly lets them go and maybe even places them in the hands of an appropriate replacement. I know that it is often difficult for both parties....the sub/slave who has been controlled, guided and "used" is losing the person they care for, answer to, respect, enjoy......while the Master/Domme is also losing the person they care for, guide, control, use, respect and enjoy. But as the Master is the person responsible for the sub/slave I believe its their responsibility to make sure that the path they are taking ultimately does lead to an end, (and sooner, rather than later) for both person's sakes.

DaddysSikBitch
Owned by SIKWON



DaddysSikBitch -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 9:49:29 PM)

Ok, so how do i get the "vanilla" off? Number of posts, maybe? I am def not vanilla lmfao. I need the one w/ like 4 chainsaws or knives..ya, i like knives...lmao pls help.

-DSB



DavanKael -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 10:05:07 PM)

The vanilla designation goes away after you make your 26th post. 
  Davan



DaddysSikBitch -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 10:17:17 PM)

Thanks very much

-DSB
Collared by SIKWON



NuevaVida -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/19/2009 11:50:08 PM)

Porcelain nailed it.  He has the convenience of a "slave on demand" without accountability for actually being your master.  And you are obeying, accepting his gifts, and reading more into what is actually there.

I've known someone in a similar situation.  Except for the moving away part, I would have thought you were her.  It is a very unhealthy situation.

My former owner wanted to do the same thing.  My response was to tell him he forfeited his ownership of me, and I would not accept his demands.  It was extremely difficult to do that, but less difficult than the confusion of him letting me go but still giving me orders.  My brain just couldn't wrap around that.  I eventually had to tell him (repeatedly) to stop contacting me.  I stopped taking phone calls, blocked him from IM, and set my email rules to auto-send his emails to my Spam filter.  It took months of being diligent about this, but self preservation was the key. 

Move on, and take ownership of yourself back.  Unless of course you like this arrangement and are fulfilled by it.  But if that were the case I don't think you would have posted your OP.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 4:51:19 AM)

~FR~

If a slave does as she is told, then ownership is being exhibited. It sounds to me like the ownership did not end, and has changed to an LDR, rather than a 24/7. If a slave refuses to do as told, then she is not owned any longer.



IrishMist -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 5:52:16 AM)

~FR to the OP~

Maybe I am misreading but, what I get from this post is that HE may be trying to give her time, AND she is giving herself time. Which is why the dynamic is still in place.

Just the feeling that I get from what I have read.



Padriag -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 9:26:26 AM)

To answer the question posed in the title.  Yes, you can.  Assuming either of you really wants to.  Having read what you have written, I am given to wonder whether either of you ever really wanted to end things.  You cannot move forward til you let go of the past.  So either one of you finally lets go... or go back.



agirl -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 1:59:39 PM)

 You're still *in* each other's lives to some extent. Only you can tell whether it's some kind of *ownership* or simply *continued interest in someone I care about*. Only you can tell whether you're holding a candle for him or he's holding one for you.

If my M/s relationship with M ended it would be extremely hard for either of us to relate in any other way than the way we already do. We have no other way of relating. He'd still end up advising , guiding, caring .....and I still would end up listening, following and caring. The only difference would be the lack of insistance.

If I was accepting money from him and the many things you do, I wouldn't see that as him keeping me under his thumb or keeping me under his control .......mainly because I would be complicit in accepting it all. I'd feel as if we BOTH were contributing to the involvement , whatever type it might be.

agirl









MasterAramis -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 5:30:27 PM)

quote:

Thank you for your input.


You are quite welcome! I wish you and he the best!

Aramis



Roselaure -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/20/2009 6:25:09 PM)

To answer the question, I can.  Like Jeff, when I am done, I am done.  Even in a bad relationship I have tried to make it work long past the point when I should have stopped ( I'm getting better about that one), but then there is that aha moment, the light clicks on and I am finished.  I've never gone back or wanted to go back.



sincityprincess -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/21/2009 7:46:01 PM)

I guess I should be thanking everyone for their exponentially well thought out replies...

quote:

"Jesus Christ, woman- I don't mean to be harsh but you're 34 years old! Get a clue. I would expect this sort of thing from an immature 19 year old. Grow up.


Self-esteem. Get some.



quote:



Horrendous boundaries. Therapy.



I am super surprised that so many non-Masters replied...it seems in very bad form to me, I have seen a lot of topics posted under this heading that seem super interesting to me, but I just felt it was very bad manners to intervene in a forum that is clearly labeled at being addressed toward someone else.

However, for the few people who actually deciphered the question I was asking, Thank You.

For those who felt it to be their place to pass judgement on my situation when I wasn't asking for their opinion on whether or not its okay for me to be in this situation--only if anyone else had ever encountered a similar situation...than I hope it brings you the happiness you were looking for to be condescending and judgemental of someone else. It is too bad that people don't realize that even behind computers, other people actually have feelings.



porcelaine -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/21/2009 7:56:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sincityprincess

I am super surprised that so many non-Masters replied...it seems in very bad form to me, I have seen a lot of topics posted under this heading that seem super interesting to me, but I just felt it was very bad manners to intervene in a forum that is clearly labeled at being addressed toward someone else.


i don't know if the others will respond to this, but i'm going to. first of all you posted a question about your private life that no one on this site is obligated to acknowledge or address. it is a problem of your own making and you aren't providing any monies for sessions. to add insult to injury you make a disparaging remark because you didn't receive the bulk of your replies from dominant persons. did it ever occur to you that maybe they saw no point in responding? we each have the power to decide what thread we'll ignore and pay attention to.

for you to infer that we are ill mannered is ridiculous and in very poor taste. although i found it interesting you weren't complaining while the posts were flowing in. perhaps if your position had been validated we'd be reading a different response. which suggests you weren't seeking answers at all, but a glorified virtual coddle fest.

porcelaine



sincityprincess -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/21/2009 8:10:55 PM)

It really isn't about what the actual responses were, I don't expect anyone to coddle me and I am saddened to read your hostile remarks. I have really enjoyed reading a lot of your posts up til now.

I do not rely on the number of replies to a post I may make as validation of my position on said topic, would rather read 1 or 2 meaningful replies than 20 thoughtless ones. And if I didn't want to know anyone else's opinion if it didn't align with my own, I wouldn't have asked the question.

It is unsolicited advice from subs or slaves who look down their noses at someone merely asking a question that irks me, that and more that I don't see the point in having separate forums if no one pays any attention to them anyway.

Not to mention the fact that you are absolutely right, I am not paying money for anyone's advice around here (thank God) and no one is obligated to reply. No one.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/21/2009 8:23:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sincityprincess
I am super surprised that so many non-Masters replied...it seems in very bad form to me,

Perhaps you are feeling defensive, and later on will wish you had not said this.  However, it is not the mark of someone who really wants to learn about life to say, "I only want to hear from one type of person."  Everyone has something they can teach you.  And, especially in an online forum, a lot of men who call themselves "masters" are pompous blowhards who don't know the first thing about human relationships.

If you ask strangers who do not know you, instead of friends who do, don't be surprised if not all the answers are spot-on.  On the other hand, do you think there's any truth to the idea that your hanging onto him as a kinda-sorta-owner is stopping you from finding someone new?



sincityprincess -> RE: Can you ever really "end" ownership? (10/21/2009 8:55:19 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: sincityprincess
I am super surprised that so many non-Masters replied...it seems in very bad form to me,

Perhaps you are feeling defensive, and later on will wish you had not said this. However, it is not the mark of someone who really wants to learn about life to say, "I only want to hear from one type of person." Everyone has something they can teach you. And, especially in an online forum, a lot of men who call themselves "masters" are pompous blowhards who don't know the first thing about human relationships.

If you ask strangers who do not know you, instead of friends who do, don't be surprised if not all the answers are spot-on. On the other hand, do you think there's any truth to the idea that your hanging onto him as a kinda-sorta-owner is stopping you from finding someone new?



I agree with you...first off, yes I am defensive but that is because I am defending myself. I stand behind my OP and just as others have the right to express their opinions about it, I wanted to clearly express mine.

As far as only wanting to hear from one kind of person...I am still scratching my head about this. My intention was to find out from Masters or Dominants IF they feel any sort of sense of ownership after the end of a relationship, if this is not the forum to obtain that sort of information than perhaps someone could have directed me to one which was.

And of course, you are right that there are plenty of people out there who consider themselves to be "Masters" because of their affection of wielding a crop...this is definitely one of my pet-peeves and I no more take the advice of those types as gospel as those who consider themselves experts on other people's lives simply because they have made hundreds or thousands of posts. (Present company not included, or meant to be inferred.)

Finally, I am sure that the position of allowing myself to be kind-of/sort-of dominated by someone 500 miles away, with whom my first go at it obviously didn't work out is affecting my ability to find someone else...but that is a topic for a whole other day and a time when I get to a place within myself to either do something about it or decide if I want him in my life that way at all or not. I have plenty of other things going on in my life right now that I am really not trying to find a Master or even a Dom...actually, one of the reasons I have even back on this board was just to try to get to know myself a little better and figure out some of the things that have brought me to the place I am and all of that.

The only thing is that I am not whining or complaining about where that is...just trying to learn about it, if that makes sense.

But I appreciate your perspective and kindness.



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