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Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/18/2009 7:34:56 PM

spanque

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I'm attending a home halloween party on saturday for my first appearance with my Papi in public. He has asked me to dress all in black, act reserved and shy and to do what he asks of me while there. Since I've never been, is there anyone who can help me with what to expect? Also...what constitutes acting reserved and shy? silence? ...yes I'm so new...need help.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/18/2009 7:39:03 PM

kittinSol

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If you wear an anti-infection mask (available at your GP's office) and pretend you have the flu, nobody will want to talk to you, and hey presto! No more dilemna: you won't even have to pretend to be shy and retiring :-) .

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/18/2009 7:58:09 PM

catize

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Since I’m not hosting that party I can’t tell you what to expect.
I’d suggest you ask the person who is giving you these instructions.
For the rest of us, it will simply be guess work and chances are we would be wrong!

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/18/2009 8:16:05 PM

AnimusRex

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I agree with catize, that any special etiquette will be determined by the host.

However, I would interpret your Papi's instructions as nothing more unusual than you be quiet and polite, and pleasant and charming.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/18/2009 8:45:19 PM

littlewonder

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Only he can really answer this. Ask him. I could tell you what I think but then if you go by that then I may be way off base..so ask him to clarify.

Imo it means being quiet...don't speak until you are spoken to and he gives you permission to speak.

It means staying behind him instead of in the front of him.

It means being helpful, courteous, meek and polite.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 4:28:19 AM

DesFIP

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I'm assuming he means he doesn't want you to talk to anyone else but to stand next to, slightly behind, him and wait until he sends you off to get him a drink.

I'd say have fun but it sounds boring as hell to listen while he talks to people and have no interaction yourself.

Ask ahead of time if you need permission to go to the bathroom, get some water, are you allowed alcohol, food, etc. And if this is a vanilla party, ask him what he wants you to say when people ask you things and you have to tell them your partner won't let you talk to anyone.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 10/19/2009 4:29:35 AM >

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 4:39:15 AM

Aileen1968

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Wow...sounds like you're gonna have a blast. It also sounds like he is insecure within himself and needs to have you act uber submissive in a social situation in order to feel all domly instead of the two of you just having a lot of fun.
Just my opinion, of course.

Edited to add....I never actually answered. It seems that basically he wants quiet, pretty arm candy. Make him look good. Be at his beck and call and don't embarrass him in any way. Supress any natural instincts you may have to socialize and show that you have a personality and a brain.
Ugh....I need more coffee to rid myself of this sarcasm this morning.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 10/19/2009 4:41:54 AM >

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 5:04:41 AM

DesFIP

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Aileen, I'm so glad you read this the same way I did.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 5:41:03 AM

Aileen1968

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I didn't read any of the responses until after I had posted mine. I just can't grasp why anyone would want that type of relationship where you can't even enjoy a party together. You can still be submissive to him and still socialize right along beside him. We do that all the time and there is never a question of who is controlling who.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 8:57:22 AM

spanque

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Thanks to all... I'm pretty sure he just wants me a tad behind him and relatively quiet. I'm actually a social butterfly, so this might be tough. I'm to speak to anyone who speaks to me first, and of course remain rather attentive to His needs. Although He has been a Dom for 28yrs, He's new to this area and this circle of lifestylers. In addition, I am new to Him. I wish He could articulate better what His intents are regarding me and this party as His sub. I do ask, but don't get too much in the line of answers.

The party is not a vanilla house party from what I'm told. Kinda leaves me pretty anxious and excited as far as going. He did clarify what I need to wear, so I'm making progress.

again, thanks for the help

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 10:09:54 AM

allthatjaz

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Actually I don't see anything wrong with what he is asking. When we go to these parties we will see subs and Doms socializing and having fun and we will also see the slave on a collar and leash at his Mistresses feet. The great thing about these sort of get together is that nobody is snigering in a corner.
I recently saw a Mistress being carried into a party on a throne by four footmen. Now I'm sure she doesn't get those same footmen to carry her on that throne down to the local shops but that doesn't mean to say she is any less dominant with them when not at a party.
Its a kind of exhibitionism that he is asking for. Some would call it showing off and some would call it getting off

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 11:29:12 AM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanque

I'm attending a home halloween party on saturday for my first appearance with my Papi in public. He has asked me to dress all in black, act reserved and shy and to do what he asks of me while there. Since I've never been, is there anyone who can help me with what to expect? Also...what constitutes acting reserved and shy? silence? ...yes I'm so new...need help.

Keep you eyes lwered at tomach level
do not speak unless spoken to
address men as sie, woman as Maam or miss
answer only what is asked
keep youin front of you, hands cupped
always ask permission from your papi for whatever actions you plan on taking
speak softly at all times

I would assume this will give papi the illusion he attepting to create
for whatever his reasons may be

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 12:51:26 PM

allthatjaz

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You know what?!? why don't we just get rid of these play parties. I mean all these pretenders creating all these illusions.
Lets get back to the boards and the real stuff eh!!!

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 10/19/2009 12:58:17 PM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 3:28:53 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Being a lifestyle party changes it. If he adds a leash, no one will be surprised that you stand behind him, eyes lowered and don't talk. High protocol stuff, which if you google or use the search feature here will give you more info.
I'd still clarify ahead if you need to ask permission to get food, water, go to the bathroom. Assuming you don't do that in real life.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 3:30:03 PM

mnottertail

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for fucks sake, don't step on any jackolanterns...........

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 4:02:27 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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It depends on the type of setting. If it's a formal bdsm setting then he's probably going to want to require for her to be more submissive, have more protocols, etc...

When Master and I are at bdsm parties or dungeons or even bdsm stores then I know that what is required of me is going to be a big different than if we're around friends or family. He's going to want me to be more meek, quieter, subservient. It has nothing to do with being insecure but simply that is what he prefers and I like doing what he prefers so I submit of course.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 6:25:13 PM

kiwisub12

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The first party i went to with my Sir, he requested that i not talk to doms. His explaination was that i wasn't used to the protocol , and may inadvertantly give the wrong impression to doms by being "too" friendly. After a couple of parties, we were both more comfortable with each other, and interacting with others.

And there was a dom who was overly friendly that could have caused an issue. So his request had a valid basis.

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RE: Halloween Party etiquitte for sub? - 10/19/2009 8:28:03 PM

Lucienne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spanque

I'm actually a social butterfly, so this might be tough. I'm to speak to anyone who speaks to me first, and of course remain rather attentive to His needs.

Everybody who said that your guy is in the best position to tell you what he wants is right. But I'm a free-wheeling internet-advice-giver, so I'll throw in my two cents based on the small amount of information you've given. I figured from your first post, where you asked how to be reserved and shy, that this attitude is quite contrary to your natural personality. It sounds to me like your partner has issued a control challenge. He knows that your natural impulse is to be the social butterfly, and he wants to see if you can reserve that to him and his command.

I feel like what I'm about to write is kind of messed up, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I read your post. In order to control your natural "social butterfly" impulses, think of social/conversational intercourse as sexual intercourse under a traditional regime. Do not offer up your conversation freely. Respond within the parameters established by your interlocutors. Think of conversation as a game of hard to get - do not expand the scope of discussion - remain respectful and responsive, but maintain boundaries.

I'm a naturally reserved person, so the task set before you would be quite easy for me. But I also have friends who are extremely outgoing who would find the task maddening to comply with. I'm guessing that you will find it challenging. So I'd recommend approaching the party with that challenge in mind. Don't think of it as socializing or anything else. Define success for yourself in terms of meeting your partner's expectations of reticence.

(in reply to spanque)

Post #: 18

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