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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 5:54:42 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline 		I would agree with you to an extent that it is over rated simply based on the fact that so many people are incapable of doing it effectively. If it were as important as everyone trumpets it to be there would be a lot more single people out there based on what passes for communication in most relationships.


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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 6:17:36 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Maggi, I don't believe you for a heart beat.  You of the pickle dilemma.  Tut tut.

Now if you mean PROCESSING... blech.  I agree.  We don't have to process things to death. 

But communication...  Of course you believe in it.  You have given us all a new way of communicating (It's my pickle)... sorry, honey.  I call foul!

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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 7:02:06 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,

Communication is always important...whether verbal or non-verbal.  Personally, I prefer verbal for most things though there are those times when non-verbal speaks volumes.  The problem is that in most instances, while non-verbal may speak volumes emotionally, it doesn't have the ability to relay WHAT it is that is making you feel that way.  And so the problem/good thing remains unsaid.  While that may be O.K. in the good thing department, it isn't so hot in the problem department.

I had a conversation about communication last night.  Anyone who reads my writings on the boards would probably make a guess that I might be just as verbose in my speaking manner and...to some extent...they would be right.  Through the years, I have learned to make certain things concise but I believe that when it comes to feeling the way I do, why I want things a certain way, why I want someone to do things a certain way, that it is better to give as full an explanation as possible.  That sometimes requires more than one conversation.  The person I was speaking with is more of a "put it out on the stove and let it cook for awhile" type of person.  So sometimes I frustrate this person and sometimes they frustrate me.  The important thing is that we both understand the other's style of communication and accept it and try to learn from it even while expecting the other to come a little bit our way.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 7:12:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

[YES! I have said this to Master on more than one occasion. "You may not agree with me, you may not change Your mind and You may not even really see my point. But, please, just hear it and then decide." And He does. That is vital to me. Just being heard and truly listened to makes all the difference, regardless of the end decision........luci



I need my point understood. However usually if he's making a decision I disagree with, it's because he's making it on practical grounds; logic, money, efficiency. At which point I want to know that he's considered the emotional fallout on all parties concerned. So if I feel that someone is going to be badly hurt, I want that acknowledged and understood. I don't want any of our mixed brood hurt needlessly, nor do I want him hurt afterwards when somebody rejects him. Always better if he's prepared for it upfront despite the fact that he wishes he didn't have to deal with that as well.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 8:21:55 AM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Conversation is important…if important…but I dislike the prattle...chitchat…blather…yakking…gossiping…jabber that many people seem to love to trade spit over.

Butch


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Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 8:40:54 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,



Interesting that you communicated this thought of yours about communication on a medium designed for communication with others (the message board). You really can't have a relationship with a SO or anyone else - even someone walking on the street - without communication in some form. So unless you're totally isolated communication is rather necessary. Personally I find it extremely gratifying.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 10:18:09 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I would tend to disagree. Breakdown of communication is what ended my marriage/Ms relationship.

I don't mean we need to sit and talk for hours and hours, just making sure the other is aware of what is going on, or any needs that aren't being met. You really never know what might come of it if you talk about it. I know there are things that I would have happily done if I had actually known they really meant something to him, but I can't read minds.

I think that goes both ways. As I am a slave, I should also make known anything I need to talk about with my Master. We have to keep those lines open, that's a mistake I will never make again. If someone can't openly talk to me about things and I them, it just won't work out.

Just my 2 cents, but from very personal experience.


_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 10:23:17 AM   
MarcEsadrian


Posts: 852
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,



I haven't read the other responses here, so while I do apologize if what I write here is redundant, I feel such points deserve underscoring, anyway: it's how both parties communicate that's key, and more to the point, how effective communication ultimately is. We can unwittingly force the wrong communication to take place if we punish honesty and openness, or don't make a good practice of listening. The problem with "communicating" is not in the idea itself, but the byproduct of our methods. By its very nature, human communication is fraught with so many potential traps and snares. For an elementary example, almost all here preach the need for communication, and while we rattle off millions of keystrokes airing our viewpoints and feelings, we still get hung up on simple words like "slave". In that light, are people in "the lifestyle" really good communicators, past the lip service?

Good dialog with open communication going both ways, with two open minds and two pairs of open ears from both sides is key. So often, however, that's not really the recipe used between people, and so the practice of communication, while perhaps well intentioned, becomes an empty religion of jibber jabber, to fill the spaces of silence, or worse, to steer toward one party's interests with little regard for the other.

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Omnes una manet nox

Founder, Humbled Females

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 10:36:52 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,



Communication is needed. But it became a fashion word.
Every problem  there is... people say...communicate..... But it is not that easy. You need 3 things to communicate. When one is not there...there is no communication.
You need; sender, message, reciever. When you send a message and the reciever doesn't listen.....goodbye communication. It works only when they people really want it.
It has to be an interaction..else it doesn''t excist. So...problems can't always be blamed on bad communication. It can be just the person...not willing to..communicate.

http://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/CommunicationIntro.htm 

I have been to several courses about communication. They are pretty boring..lol

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 10/21/2009 10:39:26 AM >

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 1:18:22 PM   
kccuckoldmist


Posts: 97
Joined: 7/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

Talking is overrated, in my opinion, but communication is of utmost importance to a relationship.

It was only by communicating that Inked Master and I found each other, by communication we grew to know each other, through communication we discovered compatibility.  By communication we became Master and slave, and by daily communication we love each other more ever day.  We don't always talk a lot but we communicate constantly.


I think this is just perfect.

I believe the communication of communicating being so important is often used more to manipulate and to deflect looking internally for what one can do better in a relationship to actual communicate. (if that makes any sense) More times then not when people stress communication they are looking for attention or not wanting to put the effort and consideration of listening and seeing what the other has already been communicating.

I do believe that being able to communicate actual things important to communicate is a constant struggle for many and is actually extremely important. It has been my experience that one of the draws for submissives is the hope they are communicated in a more direct manner then in regular relationship dynamics and dominants in particular could be best served by being very assertive in directly communicating what they want and need from a submissive.

Too often in any relationship dynamic it is not what is being communicated but the person regardless of role fails to take it in. Both people are to blame as often we are not clear as signal givers and on the other end we often choose to ignore what we do not want to see or hear.


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"The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual's own reason and critical analysis." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 1:30:45 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		FR
I'm most intrigued to know how the OP came to that conclusion.

(in reply to kccuckoldmist)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 4:03:35 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Without communication a knuckle dragging, snot wiping, tobacco spitting person could come up to you, knock you on the back of the head and drag you off. Most people communicate enough to know the person they are with is relatively compatible. Most people get to know someone before they attach. How little they talk after the fact is not as important as getting passed those initial hurdles of finding a good match. In addition, communication is more than verbal, it is also physical, emotional, mental. Any partner in my life did not have to hear me say no, to understand I meant it.

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 4:32:14 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,



I hate com...(I'll stop talking now....)

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 4:32:36 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline 		Please note that I did not say that I believe communication to be inessential. I believe communication is essential to a lasting well balanced relationship. I just believe that people tend to over communicate or feel the need to do so. I do not see that communicating about how I feel at every turn as important, but futile. Emotions change, sometimes quickly, as do wants and desires.

I believe that people often jump straight into communication when they are involved in a PE or TPE and skip over self help skills and personal problem solving. I hate to see people needing to talk every time they have a single thought or emotion. I believe it is important to never lose the skill of working things out for yourself and understanding your own emotions.

For me, if I have an emotional issue or am upset about something I try to work through it. If and when I am unable to come to a resolution on my own that I believe is positive and productive then I will approach Master with a need  to communicate.  I cannot imagine having to talk to him and communicate about every tiny issue that arises in my day to day life. I would see that as being quite high maintenance. Why should I inconvenience him with something I am perfectly capabale of handling on my own.  ( I realize this is not true for people whose relationship is built upon emotional transparency).

I always groan when I see the following occur ( yes, even I have been guilty of such):
~ Someone makes a post asking for thoughts and advice on a topic and people immediatly reply with talk to the partner and communicate.~ Fact is, that is obvious. However, one needs to know what they wish to communicate and have a purpose in communication before saying " Hey, we need to talk". Now, I am not going to discredit the fact that sometimes people just need to vent and get things off thier chest. I have always been of the belief that if I am going to approach someone with a problem I should have at least one suggestion for a solution to offer.

So, I suppose I would have been more accurate to say that I feel talking is overrated or that many people do not communicate effectively thus making the communication worthless and futile. When people waste time on ineffective communication or communicating when they should be working on the issue internally many opportunities for bonding, growth, fun and experience are passed by.

To Sunshine: I will never forget the Pickle thread. I am pleased that it has helped some the last couple of years. It was a difficult time for me and many lessons were learned. Please do not think that I do not advocate communication, as that thread demonstrates otherwise. However, I worked through that a great deal on my own and did not approach Master until I had reconciled it within myself. I took the time to examine why I felt as I did. What thoughts were behind the emotion. Then approached him to explain that I had learned something about myself from the experience. This way he knew what page I was on, what I had learned, and had the opportunity to add his own paragraph to what he wanted me to know and learn. Had I went to him as soon as I had those feelings I would have missed a valuable opportunity for introspection.

My point is two fold, communication should never become a road block for introspection and there is a time and a place for everything... including communication.

_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Communication - 10/21/2009 8:33:53 PM   
DaftBloke


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion...
[/QUOTE]

How correct you were.


[QUOTE]
however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.



Without communication, how are people supposed to interact and co-operate with one another.

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Communication - 10/22/2009 11:34:07 AM   
DaftBloke


Posts: 53
Joined: 10/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin
Communication and the need thereof is overrated.



I change my mind, your absolutely right. With miscommunication comes much comedy.

There are three old ladies sitting together on a park bench.

The first lady says "It's windy isn't it."
The second lady says "No I think it's Thursday."
The third lady says "So am I, let's go and get some coffee."


EDITED for no particular reason

< Message edited by DaftBloke -- 10/22/2009 11:35:22 AM >

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Communication - 5/10/2011 4:53:31 PM   
Surrenderwithin


Posts: 368
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Surrenderwithin

I am sure several will pounce with a different opinion... however I would just like to share that in my personal opinion and experience... Communication and the need thereof is overrated.
Just my two cents,


...and 7 months and many hard lessons later I would like to say that I acknowledge how deluded I was. I have rearranged my prioroties, to include myself as one of them, and suddenly clearly see and value communication.

Just thought I would clear that up,
Maggi

_____________________________

"There are 2 kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and to follow; the strength to control, and to yield. There are 2 kinds of power: the power to strip another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." - Yaldah Tovah
*15 Nz Pts*

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Communication - 5/10/2011 4:57:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Thank you for the update.  Nice to see that when it happens.

Now, do we want to take bets on how many folks won't read the whole thread and try to debate your original?

(My way of trying to brighten your day a bit.  )


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Surrenderwithin)
Profile   Post #: 38
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