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SthrnCom4t -> RE: Ladies, have you ever wished your guy talked more about kink (10/25/2009 5:37:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
In first meetings, first emails, first dates, have you ever thought to yourself:
"I wish he asked me more about my kinks."
"I wish he made a move to kiss my feet without my asking."
"He isn't submissive enough, he has not begged me for anything yet."
"I wish he would not say a word until I tell him to speak."
"I wish he would use an honorific without me telling him to."
I expect to talk about kink. It's my lifestyle and a passion of mine, and I don't have a problem with discussion. That said, I would be talking about it, in general, and not between he and I. It's a first date, it's not yet personal.
I like a proactive submissive. Kissing my feet is like heavy flirting. However, he needs to be reasonable. In a restaurant, not so much. On a park bench, after I've granted permission....I like to test-drive!
Begging? Unless I've consciously put him in a position to beg, we've not negotiated a power exchange. If we haven't negotiated, then begging is presumptuous and a turn-off. It signals to me that he's giving me control over something I haven't decided I want yet.
Waiting for me to tell him to speak, would not work for me. As LadyNTrainer stated in several posts, I need a submissive partner who is proactive and will bring energy and creativity to our interaction. I like verbal restrictions when it's My idea. I use this sparingly and to create a particular vibe. I would lose interest quickly if it was the default setting.
I've often corrected the use of an honorific being extended without invitation. It's presumptuous, and implies a connection that has not yet been established. I can understand how submissives can be confused with this particular bit of protocol, as it is an individual preference and so I commuicate My feelings. If I've explained that My preference is that I have to have an interest in negotiating a power exchange first, and he complies, wonderful. He's trainable, and the use becomes part of a connection, when I establish it. If he doesn't comply, and continues to use it, then he's not doing it for me, and it's a turn off as he's using it in a generic fashion. (I don't like to be called Mistress specifically for that reason.)
Regarding all of the above - submissives should remember that Femdoms are individuals. If they aren't sure how to act, it's a great idea to ask. Asking shows an interest and is a hugely positive indication of what future interactions might be like, as well as helping the submissive judge the mood/interest of the Lady in question.
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