RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (Full Version)

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starshineowned -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/21/2009 8:54:31 PM)

quote:

Am I just not a twue swave becasue I am even entertaining these thoughts? Bring it on oh slavely slaves. Put me in my place.


Greetings..

I guess the first thing I'd have to ask is: What prompts you to make such a statement as this? Is becoming a slave to a owner a joke to you? If so..why bother?

Forever means exactly what it means. That is the hope. That is the plan. None can offer a definitive measure of time to it.
Relinquishing control of my lifes decisions to Master was a extreme "think long and hard on this" issue because it meant there were no guarantee's other than what he himself could and can control. There is nothing wrong at all with bringing these concerns to your Master but if your not willing to let go control of your self determination and still feel you need a "contingency plan" for the omg what if's that none can foresee..I'd suggest just being his wife, and leave the slave on the doorstep.

A dream on hold remains just that: A dream.

well wishes

starshine




leadership527 -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/21/2009 9:15:00 PM)

Hierodule:

I was married twice before Carol. Both times, roughly 6 years. As you might imagine, it was very hard for me to think of "forever" seriously when Carol and I got together. But when our marriage passed the 7 year mark, I was finally able to start thinking maybe this really would go the distance. Now, coming up on our 13th anniversary and together for almost 15, "forever" is looking a LOT more promising. In fact, it's kind of hard to imagine anything else.

Insofar as finances *shrugs*... there's lots of ways to skin a cat. But for me, at least, SOMEONE has to look out for you. Either you do it or, if he wants to own you, then HE can do it. But part of looking after you has to include what happens if forever doesn't pan out. For me, responsibility and authority always go hand in hand. Your mileage may vary.



porcelaine -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/21/2009 9:31:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

I'd suggest just being his wife, and leave the slave on the doorstep.


what if he doesn't want a wife? not all Masters choose to marry their slaves. i think it is obvious what he seeks since he's desiring for her to reside with them and do this full-time. perhaps you were able to hand those things over and came in financially prepared. everyone is at a different point and this is something that she should give serious consideration to and make her concerns now, not later. slavery isn't about the pretty but about keeping it real whatever it is. i applaud her for being honest enough to do so.

porcelaine



sweetobedience1 -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/21/2009 10:38:18 PM)

I was married before for 3 months. My ex was too lazy to do a thing. Now I work when I want as a sub.......stitute teacher :) It will be fine, imo. And, if you have skills/ education to rely on later if needed, perfect! If this lasts for more than a few years, ask him about a will or gifting you to increase your wealth...because if you were working during this period, hopefully you'd be saving for retirement. And, if it doesn't last, just see it financially for what it was, a break-even investment...with the perk of putting in less work than most.



ranja -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 4:00:19 AM)

Forever might be a fairytale, but as long as it lasts it is lovely (except for the bad times)... personally i like to believe...
i simply dread the thought of being without Him... forever together is just so much better... 19 years now

my contingency plan was that we should be married and He agreed to take me as His wife... no collar can ever top that for me

besides that there is some life insurance and i run my own little cottage industry business...



starshineowned -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 5:38:45 AM)

quote:

slavery isn't about the pretty but about keeping it real whatever it is.


Ah..so your what your saying is that slavery is about the slave making sure they are financially secure, and that will make it real. I learn something new on this forum everyday.

Think I also mentioned that it was valid of her to bring these concerns to the man she's choosing to venture this path with and probably think long and hard on it before doing so.

starshine



littleone35 -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 8:40:52 AM)

I believe in forever. I have been with Master almost 4 years and looking forward to forever. He says unless you ask me i am never letting you go and i cannot ever seeing myself asking.

You should have a contigiency plan just in case, you don't want to be left homeless and broke if somethng happens to him. I don't think that unslavely i think that is smart. You and he have to talk about this and work out what you can do to make sure you are still taken care of if something happens.

Best of luck.

Matt's littleone



Hierodule -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 8:46:31 AM)

Starshineowned,

Sorry if the joke at the end of my post annoyed you. As I mentioned earlier in the thread, it was tounge in cheek and a refference to another post in the forum. I realize now it kind of sounds like attitude but tone of voice and playfullness are hard to express in text sometimes. Maybe we need some [just playing around] [/just playing around] tags to clarify when to take things lightly. Is it not ok to take things lightly every once in a while?

I take the desision very seriously, however I don't take myself seriously, and niether does my Master. We laugh about our relationship a lot actually, and the stereotypes of D/s. Does that bother you? If we can't laugh at ourselves then lifes not worth living, ImHO.

I appreciate your advice and I think it is helpful, but I feel like it comes from a place of judgment about what a slave should be and implies that a "true slave" can't be concerned about her future. That kind of judgment was exactly what I was trying to satirize with the comment you quoted. Oh well, I think thats what they call irony.

Thank You



AnimusRex -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:03:40 AM)

They say that second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience.
Trust in another- especially for those who have been burned in the past- is hard to come by.

Trust takes time- there really isn't any shortcut. "Forever" is a big word and those who bandy it about loosely are not really being serious.

Being a submissive doesn't change any of that- even being collared in a 24/7 TPE doesn't magically whisk away our normal fear or doubt or insecurities. Sometimes it even makes it worse, by draping them with a rhetoric of absolute surrender, and stifling our normal need to express our fear.

So yes, second marriages are the triumph of hope over experience. On one level it sounds cynical, but on another it provides more evidence that even after being hurt, we still maintain hope in each other. I like that.

Maybe just take things a day at a time, and let the trust build naturally. In time the words "I love you forever" will be easier to say.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:46:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule


First of all "Forever." Is it the stuff of fantasy? Or can two people actually commit to each other for their whole lifetime...


Of course... millions of people have done (and are in the process of ) "forever".  You're likely just a bit doubful from a past experience(s).  One thing to keep in mind (and this is a tough one)... you have to TRULY believe "forever" is possible, and try as best you can not to have a knee-jerk reaction to bolt or think things are "falling apart" when you two have a fight/disagreement (because YOU WILL)... THAT WILL ONLY CAUSE A SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY.  What I mean is, if you believe "the other shoe will drop", it absolutely WILL, because you'll unintentionally behave in a manner that will produce (lead to) that exact result.

As to contingency plans?  Some do and some don't... I'd actually guess most don't.  Really, the best "contingency plan" you can have is to know the person well enough prior to know they've always got your best interests at heart.  So if, by chance, things don't work out, that you know you're not out on the street. Evening knowing you have a friend (or family) that would take you in for a short while if things don't work out would suffice.  In your case, since the Toppy one has agreed to be the financial partner, I doubt they'd expect you to empty your back account.  So just save whatever money you have, or build an emergency fund of sorts prior to moving in together just to give yourself that peace of mind.

BTW... my $02 cents here would also be, if you're NOT averse to working or a career, this could actually be an ideal time for additional schooling, or slowly testing the waters in a field you've always wanted to try, as you'll now have the financial freedome to do so.  Plus, it'll give you more to do than just picking up around the house.  As you'll soon learn, "24/7" does NOT mean you're engaged in some kinky activity "24/7".  So if it's just you and him, you will find you're going to have extra time on your hands.  So make good use of it.






Missokyst -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:47:58 AM)

Being a realist is important. I have seen more than a few people give up their lives only to be left out in the cold for what ever reason. Still.. it might be nice to be kept for a while, I could use a break. LOL yeah right, I couldn't do it, but thats just me. Perhaps you can go to school and learn something that has held your interest? That way you are preparing but not committing.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Hierodule

Maybe we need some [just playing around] [/just playing around] tags to clarify when to take things lightly. Is it not ok to take things lightly every once in a while?



As for this.. don't be silly, for some people humor wouldn't be understood even with a tag attached.



RCdc -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:54:14 AM)

quote:

First of all "Forever." Is it the stuff of fantasy?

Many people do and have done 'forever' so no it is not impossible nor a fantasy.

quote:

Secondly, Do any of you 24/7  slaves who are supported finacially by your Masters  have a (....gasp! how un-slavely of me...) contingency plan if things go wrong?


Master has articles in place that make sure that his girl and family have no concerns should there be problems.

the.dark.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:56:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Ah..so your what your saying is that slavery is about the slave making sure they are financially secure, and that will make it real. I learn something new on this forum everyday.



What presumptuous and petty garbage.  She did not in any way "say" what you allege she did.  She simply stated that, "He will support me finacially and I will be his uttterly."  How do you know HE doesn't want things this way, or even offered it?  You know nothing of their dynamic but presume she's a gold-digging slave simpy because she stated he is financially supporting her?  And really... what do you care anyway?  Are you THAT jealous, or is there some other motivating factor for interjecting this snotty commentary?  GEEZ!!!






RCdc -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 10:06:25 AM)

Starshined.  Seriously give the girl a break.  She never said anything out of line and she doesn't have to post a disclaimer to get across a sense of humour.
Your post is nothing but passive aggressive statements.

quote:

I'd suggest just being his wife, and leave the slave on the doorstep. ?

So you are deciding to tell a Master, what he should have?

quote:

There is nothing wrong at all with bringing these concerns to your Master but if your not willing to let go control of your self determination and still feel you need a "contingency plan" for the omg what if's that none can foresee.


Are you saying that your Master has no plans set up for you?  Good luck with that.

the.dark.



Hierodule -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 1:15:27 PM)

I have a BA Audio Arts and Acoustics, a field that I am pretty talented in (if I do say so myself, ahem) I could do post work and have a pretty good career with room to save for the future. But its not what I love to do. Its tedious and unrewarding. What I love to do is MAKE RECORDS, on TAPE, that get pressed to VINYL. And sound AMAZING. I currently work for a pretty well known engineer in alternative rock circles. I have engineered/mixed/produced one record on my own and got assistant credit on a couple pretty big ones (Pitchfork big, not Billboard big)

Master does not want me to stop doing this but to only work on projects I love. No one makes enough money to retire as a recording engineer when they only work on projects they love. Even successful freelancers sometimes have to have day jobs. Plus the industry is changing now. A lot of home recordings make it on the radio (or ipod commercials, the top ten radio of the double oughts) So engineers with 25 years of experience are out of work.

As far as keeping myself busy. We have talked about this, and we both love the idea of the Victorian, Jane Austen character-ish ideal of the cultivated young woman. I am creative and I have many talents that I don't cultivate because ambition and day to day life get in the way. Master and I both see my time as his "kept girl" spent cultivating my hobbies and talents. Music, dance, art, craft, etc. I write music and play but I spend most of my time now focusing on making other people's music sound good. I don't really want ,or need, to go to graduate school at the moment but maybe I could do an electrical engineering or systems installation technical certification program, something that could supplement the degree I already have. I'm not the watch-the-soaps-and-eat-bon-bons type believe me, although I do spend more time than I like on the computer some days!

This thread has really helped me with this issue to be honest. Thanks to everyone who contributed their 2 cents.



starshineowned -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:10:40 PM)

Greetings..

I fail to see where anything is passive agressive simply because a question was asked as to why a statement was made. I don't think a break is needed since I did not badger or belittle or any other such condemnation or put down.

The entire line of questioning was in regards to her and what she feels she should do. Not a damn thing was said about what the Master should or shouldn't do so where do you get off bringing up a statement that I'm supposedly telling a Master what to do in the first place.

The whole post was to her mindset in general. If the lack of trust and great concern is still very strong that pre plans for a possible failure should be made at "her discretion" ..then maybe it is best to wait on the slave aspect of this until she is more secure in the direction she's going. If that means being this Man or any Mans wife instead of a slave..then so be it. It wasn't some sort of put down so give me a break.

I'm sure she's got a voice if she's not understanding the meaning of my post and quite capable of asking me directily if she feels the need..but thank you for your concern.

quote:

Are you saying that your Master has no plans set up for you?  Good luck with that.


What I'm saying is that if he does..then it is by his doing, and was not a requirement by me, from me Ever in order to be his slave. Finances didn't even enter the picture as some sort of dertermining factor as to whether I would or wouldn't.

The way the Op read in regards to a contingency plan..it was something she was asking if "she" should do and ensure in place outside of anything the Master may or may not do, and not something "she was accepting the Master had done or will do".

starshine



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:46:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: afterforever

I don't think forever (or a lifetime, since I don't believe in after)...


You, of all people, don't believe in after forever? Tell me it's not true!



starshineowned -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/22/2009 9:57:32 PM)

quote:

I appreciate your advice and I think it is helpful, but I feel like it comes from a place of judgment about what a slave should be and implies that a "true slave" can't be concerned about her future. That kind of judgment was exactly what I was trying to satirize with the comment you quoted. Oh well, I think thats what they call irony.


I don't go with a "true or real slave" Either you are or you aren't. All opinions are judgements. The only thing that makes them acceptable is if they are in agreement or supportive. Regardless..I missed this post of your explanation before I asked of your statement, and thats my error.

Good Luck whatever you do Hierodule

starshine



RCdc -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/23/2009 12:56:30 AM)

quote:

I fail to see where anything is passive agressive simply because a question was asked as to why a statement was made. I don't think a break is needed since I did not badger or belittle or any other such condemnation or put down.


You didn't just ask a question you told her your suggestion, suggested she shouldn't be a slave - and with 'well wishes'.  That was both an aggressive stance, wrapped up in goodness.  And you did sound very condecending AND  presuming - as others pointed out for example -

quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Ah..so your what your saying is that slavery is about the slave making sure they are financially secure, and that will make it real. I learn something new on this forum everyday.


Nothing you said above, was said by anyone.  It's just your spin.

quote:

The entire line of questioning was in regards to her and what she feels she should do. Not a damn thing was said about what the Master should or shouldn't do so where do you get off bringing up a statement that I'm supposedly telling a Master what to do in the first place.


Line of questioning?  ok... [8|]
You insinuated it by your statement.  There in the written word.  If her Master had wanted a wife - maybe he would have asked.  Regardless, I do not see the relevance of telling someone that you think that they should become a wife and not a slave, when that was not asked for.

quote:

The whole post was to her mindset in general. If the lack of trust and great concern is still very strong that pre plans for a possible failure should be made at "her discretion" ..then maybe it is best to wait on the slave aspect of this until she is more secure in the direction she's going. If that means being this Man or any Mans wife instead of a slave..then so be it. It wasn't some sort of put down so give me a break.


I saw no lack of trust in her post or any other post that was made.  And why be a wife?  Why not a lover?  Or a partner?  Why are you so hung up on marriage?
And if I felt you had a sincere agenda, I would give you a break.  Your post did not give that impression to me.

quote:

I'm sure she's got a voice if she's not understanding the meaning of my post and quite capable of asking me directily if she feels the need..but thank you for your concern.


Passive aggressive again.  If you do not like that I responded to the post - tell me you find my opinion irrelevant.  Ignore me.  But don't place false 'thanks' on something you don't welcome.  Be honest.  I do not support insincerity.

quote:

What I'm saying is that if he does..then it is by his doing, and was not a requirement by me, from me Ever in order to be his slave. Finances didn't even enter the picture as some sort of dertermining factor as to whether I would or wouldn't.


Then to me, your very naive.  There is nothing inherently wrong with a person who is about to become anothers property in stipulating their goals/limitations/wants.  Some people call it communication.  Some call it negotiation.  Some people call it common sense.  Of course, if the Master decides not to put his property in a safe position and the potential slave accepts that - cool!  But talking about possibilites in the future and voicing concerns over your own well being is a vital part of securing and protecting the property... even if you are the property concerned.  It's called being compatable with the person you are with and having similar ideas.

quote:

The way the Op read in regards to a contingency plan..it was something she was asking if "she" should do and ensure in place outside of anything the Master may or may not do, and not something "she was accepting the Master had done or will do".


Any sensible person secures themselves a pension, good healthcare (if they can) and any other savings that they can utilise in the future should situations alter.  We all get old, some of us will get sick.  Some people die and some people just split up.  There is nothing wrong with a person who identifies as a person entering a potential long term 24/7 Ms relationship as the slave, from questioning whether she should ask permission from her new Master to consider all these plans.  Being a slave does not negate people from having common sense.

the.dark.



starshineowned -> RE: forever, the future, and grim reality (10/23/2009 1:11:44 AM)

Interesting..I wasn't aware that offering a suggestion passed as passive aggressive behavior regardless of whether it was asked for or not. I didn't bate her into anything, I gave a suggestion based on what she posted and the jest of what I took from it.

quote:

perhaps you were able to hand those things over and came in financially prepared.
Seems to me that Porcelaine was speaking of financial preparedness to whom that quote you took was posted to.

I will end this now without even bothering to address the rest of your posts because it isn't worth it. Sorry you disagree with what I have written for the reason I did but thats how it goes. I stand by what I have said regardless of yours or anyone else's opinion of it. :)

starshine



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