alittleevil
Posts: 235
Joined: 10/25/2007
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ORIGINAL: Jonquille
Hello.
Hi :-)
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How do you know if you are actually a submissive, or if you just enjoy kinky sex?
Hmm. Good question. I think there are a number of people D and s, who first come to the awareness of dominance and submission through the lens of kinky sex. The images resonate with fantasies and subconscious desires. For example, i remember being titillated by pictures of bound women and menacing men, by passages in porn books that incorporated such things as whipping and/or degradation, by things in other books or movies that while not porn or even SM per se, evoked the same sorts of feelings. And when i got up the nerve and opportunity to try such things out, i did (and still can) find many of them quite satisfying. But, for me, you can take all the SM and "kinky" sex (however you define that) away forever and i would still be quite satisfied by living as i do, under the control and authority of another. For others, SM/kinky sex is all the fulfillment they need, or seek. And for still others, both are essential to fulfillment.
When you look at your fantasies closely, what do you feel?
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How do you find the strength to actually give up total control to someone? Isn't it frightening? Aren't you afraid you'll do something wrong?
I didn't really give up control to someone. He took it. It's circular, i know, cause i had to have put myself in that position in the first place but that's what happens. What's vital is having found that right fit with someone who is also willing (to put it very lightly) and able to take that control. No, it wasn't frightening, because this is where i best fit and and function, but that is not to say that it is always comfy or easy.
I do, on occasion, "do something wrong" and when that happens, Master just deals with it in whatever ways he feels appropriate to that occasion. I don't spend all my time running about "submitting" and he doesn't spend all his time running about forcing me to obey. He took, and keeps control, because he can, and this is due to attributes inherent to both of us. It seems so very simple, to me, but i also know that i got so very lucky. I found that right fit.
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What first drew you to the lifestyle?
See above. Eventually it became clear that my satisfaction and fulfillment were less rooted in SM and more in power dynamics toward one end of this Bell curve.
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How do you know if you aren't too 'vanilla' for it? I've seen things on the site that do not appeal to me at all, and some that actually frighten me.
Oh me, too, and i'm a malleable, adventurous sort. You don't have to like all of it. You find someone(s) whose interests and tastes are compatible with yours and then you do all the regular people-connecting-with-people stuff to find out if you want to do them together. Yes, in my life, the appeal of any given activity to me is not entirely relevant to whether or not i might find myself doing it (and this applies to anything, not just sex), but i also have learned that many things are possible under the right circumstances (i.e. with the right person) than i would have dreamed just by imagining myself involved in any particular activity in the abstract.
Wishing you well,
aj
< Message edited by alittleevil -- 10/25/2009 1:29:57 PM >
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Throw me to the wolves because there's order in the pack (RHCP)
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RE: A few questions - 
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