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CaringandReal -> RE: Slave VS. Submissive (10/28/2009 7:06:40 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: sravaka
wonderful, enlighting post, Caring (as always).....
quote:
There are great many rewards to being a slave, in my opinion. But they are often not the ones people without experience in this role imagine that they are.
I wonder if you'd be willing to elaborate on this? What do you see as the rewards? Did your own sense of them come to differ with experience, vs. what you may have expected initially?
Hi, thanks for the compliment. It's undeserved, but hey, a starving man isn't picky. :D You're quite observant to notice what's not there, what I purposefully left out, in fact. I've noticed you doing that before. You see the center(s) of things.
I'll talk about a few of what I see as the rewards but let me tackle the second question first. I didn't have a sense of "rewards" or a concept of rewards initially. I just thought that being a slave would be the most thrilling and rewarding way I could possibly live. That hasn't changed. What I've learned from experience has just filled in the details of this expectation, sometimes in unexpected ways! But the thing is, I don't know what or whether any of these details will specifically happen to me or when they will happen, if they do at all. It all... depends! :)
So about those rewards...
The ones I was thinking of are not the standard rewards, or what I think of as the standard rewards, but I might as well start out with a few of those. But even these often-spoke-about rewards don't happen to every one. Relationships differ.
1. The feeling of security and safety and of being accepted, appreciated, even loved unconditionally. Sometimes this is described as feeling contained, or as being a part of your owner. There's safety in imprisonment, and people who willingly become slaves tend to like that feeling a lot. But this is something given to you by your master, and not all masters give this.
2. The feeling that you're in the right place, that you're home, that you are exactly where you belong. This has nothing to do with how your partner makes you feel, it's more of an internal recognition that you're finally doing what you've really needed to do your entire life. A vocation fulfilled. Or you feel like you fit, finally.
3. The relief from the burden of decision-making. The amount of this relief you're given depends on your owner, obviously. And also obviously not all see decision-making as a burden, but those craving slavery tend to, more often than not. With some masters, this is combined with infantalism at some level or age-play, if you prefer. Some of us do get that second childhood...long before we become senile.
4. The great joys involved in pleasing someone, making their lives lighter and easier, giving to them, being in service.
5. Almost nobody mentions this one, but it's the one I'm always thinking about. The. Steaming. Hot. Sick. Perverted. Sex. :p
Ok, now for some of the ones I was referring to in my other post. Some of these are kind of freaky. That's why I hesitated to directly speak of them earlier. And like I said, they don't happen to every person who becomes a slave, as they depend a lot on the tastes of whoever ends up owning you.
1. The joys of humility, of humbleness, of being small, of being brought low, of being shown, forcibly if necessary, that you are NOT the center of the universe (everybody needs to have this demonstrated to them before they'll do more than pay lipservice to it), that you shalt not have other gods before Him or Her, and that includes that nasty and intrusive little pair of false deities named Ego and Pride (oh yeah, and their little niece with the hot boot-tay, Vanity). The ways that this is shown to you can be extermely rewarding, if you're open to the experience and willing to change. Being brought low isn't what most people would describe as "pleasant" or "easy" but this can be, in my experience anyway, incredibly rewarding.
2. The intensity involved with of doing things that are very hard or very challenging to you. If you are careful to seek out a master who is closely compatible to your world view, who wants for you what you want for you, who agrees with you about what you won't do, you will not have much of an opportunity to experience this. While I do not personally seek out a challenging master, my attitude is that if I see clearly that a dominant is capable of controlling me (something that in my experience is both rare and valuable), then to hell with the compatibilities of our world views. I'll lose my world view and assume his. Sometimes a large sacrifice is required in life to gain a great or rare prize, but losing one's world view is not exactly that, to me. It's actually an unburdening, like cleaning out your house and getting rid of years of accumulated junk. It's refreshing! Back to the hard things for a minute. They hurt. If they didn't they wouldn't be hard. But there is a satisfaction in doing them anyway, and an even greater satisfaction in knowing that you're doing them for someone else. Sacrificing yourself for another is the best. One of the most sublime human experiences you can experience and in fact, I am hard pressed to think of anything better except for The. Steaming. Hot. Sick. Perverted. Sex. Of course. :-p
3. Learning patience. People think they know how to be patient...until that concept is tried. And tried. And tried again, by circumstance, by the intentions of your Lord or Lady, or by both. You learn so much about yourself when you must be patient beyond anything you'd ever considered possible in this area before.
4. Hurt, emotional. The typical pattern: you get hurt. You feel misunderstood, unappreciated, ignored, treated badly. Self-pity. Anger at the other. Lashing out or trying to get them to change. Rinse and repeat. A potential new pattern, one that only happens if you're very tightly controlled, otherwise the correct context doesn't exist for this to emerge: You get hurt. You accept it as a "gift" from your owner because you percieve everything in your world, in your life, as coming from him. The hurt starts to transform. It still hurts, but because it comes from Him or Her, it is special, good, sacred almost, a lesson, something they want you to feel or something you undergo in your desire to understand them, to serve them better.
5. This next is a piquant spice, and it's also quite a rare one. But it does get sprinkled upon you prior to being devoured, upon occasion. I like this one because I am an adventurous sort, I've always loved mental exploration, even when it was quite terrifying and painful. I always like to know what's around that next bend (yes, I meant to put it that way). And sometimes curiousity does kill the cat. ;) Some want you to lose your mind for them. Not go insane, although some might argue that a master-slave relationship is a mutually imposed conspiracy of insanity. I mean lose some of your mental abilities, some of your acuity, maybe temporarily, maybe permanently. Not as an act. For real. How is it done? There are lots of ways, and I don't want to go into them here, as some are considered quite creepy. But it can be an interesting experience. And it doesn't have to be permanent. Unless your owner wants it that way. :)
Ok, I'm tried of writing lists. I'll try freehand for a while.
Different masters have different ideas about what they want to do with their slaves and I think you need to be prepared for anything, because if the person is right for you, you will do as he says. So the "rewards" will differ, depending upon the owner, but it's so hard, in my experience, to find someone who will control you in as extreme a manner as you need, that the nature of the experience becomes a small matter. It looks like present day bdsm submissives who want to be slaves have a great deal of choice in the matter, particularly on a personals site like this one. If you have a halfway attractive profile, hundreds of guys will write you wanting to be your dominant. But you know how it is: out of those hundreds, maybe one or two or if you're very lucky three will strike someone who sincerely wants slavery of being able to be her master. The rest just won't "feel" dominant or dominant enough. So despite all our apparent freedom and ability to pick and choose, it's still very much like being on an auction block. The appearance of choice is an illusion. When someone finally comes along who you know can master you and master you in ways that you need desperately, there's no choice involved at all, unless you're pretty badly torn or conflicted inside. You want him to take you, you try to qualify yourself to him, and you do this naturally, in response to his personality, not because of any HNG tricks or games he's playing with you. You're already bought, signed, sealed, wrapped, and delivered at this point. You might or might not realize it. But when you do, you realize that you've also no choice but to accept everything he wants to do to you. Why? Because he's what you NEED and no other man who has contacted you has even come close to being that. For some female slaves this realization comes instantly; for others it takes time, it needs to "cook."
So you accept him, and with that accept whatever he wants to do with you, whatever he is, no matter how hard or different or difficult all this may be. That acceptance is one of the rewards, and it's one that keeps on giving. It never gets old. No matter how close your master is to your ideal of dominance, he's going to do things that are hard for you to accept. Sometimes they are, objectively, very good things. But if you don't like being pampered or don't feel you deserve to be loved so intensely or don't want to be coddled or even infantalized in some ways, even these can be very hard to accept. Other times, if he is a different type of master, they are different things, colder, harsher things that fill you with despair. Either way, what you accept is that things are no longer your way anymore, they are his, and you accept what he gives you, no matter how much you do not want it. And you try to accept it with good grace and a big dose of humility. And you grow to like these things that are initially so hard to accept. It helps to remember how alien and isolated from your core you felt before you met him. Each time you accept something that, for whatever reason, is hard for you to accept, hard to swallow, hard to incorporate, you feel rewarded inside. You reward yourself.
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