Lying. (Full Version)

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trooperlv -> Lying. (3/7/2006 9:20:20 AM)

Im curious on what to do when you find out your Master has been lying to you. Do you confront him? Does that overstep the M/s boundry?



MHOO314 -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 9:22:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Im curious on what to do when you find out your Master has been lying to you. Do you confront him? Does that overstep the M/s boundry?



Well, I can't abide lying in any form, but it depends on what it was for--and was it big or small--(not for you to go into details here)--but some thought starters, you didn't give us much to start with--



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 9:58:22 AM)

If the slave has been ordered never to question the dominant in any way, for any reason, yes it would be against the boundaries.

That's a rare situation however.

For me, I'd assess the situation and ask questions about it. Lies and motivations are not all created equal. To make any harsh and rash decision like this over "a lie" would be very irrational and pointless. The specific situation would have to be assessed.

Just like some married couples try and work it out even after one of the partners has completely cheated and admitted it, a M/s relationship can work through issues.



Submotive -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:07:33 AM)

First of all, before you entered into your commitment with your Master, did you agree that you were never to question His authority? If so, i'm afraid you are in a bit of a pickle here and must find a very tackful and submissive way of seeking the information you need.

But, if you don't have this agreement, then my recommendation is to approach Him with an attitude of openness and questioning rather than accusatory. Express your fear to Him and your doubts. If He is a worthy Master, then you will either find He has a good reason for what He's doing, or that He too, like yourself, may be experiencing some fear.

Most of the time i find things are not as black and white as they appear.



angelic -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:22:58 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Submotive

First of all, before you entered into your commitment with your Master, did you agree that you were never to question His authority?


If His authority was based on a lie did He truly have authority? hmmm... interesting thread. This one i'm thinking about before knee-jerking. Will wait to see how the OP responds [:D]



trooperlv -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:26:44 AM)

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.



angelic -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:34:00 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.



wow..this sounds similar to what i posted about 6 months ago. Was this r/l?



trooperlv -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:37:13 AM)

oh yes very real life..right now this minute. Can you link me to your post you are refering to please?



angelic -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:43:25 AM)

yes i will try to find my thread. Before i do that though, i do know what you are going thru. At this point, imo, all bets are off. i assume that you do not live with him because he is married?

btw i'm looking for my thread... i'm not sure it will help you except for you to know i went through something very similar (although he wasn't 'married'). If you do want it, i will find it. It might take me a minute.



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 10:53:55 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.


The right thing to do is not always the easiest thing to do. You know he has, is and will lie to you in order to keep you where you are. Now, where you are isn't wrong, lying to you to keep you where you are is wrong.

It sounds to me like you're enslaved to him. Are you? If so, then we minus well not waste our collective breaths because nothing we say will change your mind which is being lead by your heart. If not, then you need to beg release from his collar. If he won't release you then you need to just walk away. It doesn't get any easier and the longer you wait, the harder it will get. There are other Masters out there. There's no such thing as "The One". You need to get out into the community and talk to them as well as other submissives and slaves. Thats my advice.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 11:30:19 AM)

quote:

Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.


Advice:
Your profile lists you as a couple, change it.

Support:
Remember this episode. No matter how many will attempt to try and skewer it to rationalize their situation, the man you were involved with was very consistent. He was a liar when you met him. He was lying to his wife. What made you think you would be placed in higher regard and not be lied to? His representation that he was a "dom" or "master" didn't assign him any Pope-like infallible honest characteristic.

Help:
The most difficult aspect of seeking help regarding the break up of a lifestyle relationship is that without lifestyle perspective it's very difficult to help or counsel a person. You've listed dislike of the local Vegas lifestyle community in your profile. There are some very good people in Vegas that I know would help you through this. Do you have any other friends who you can confide in with FULL disclosure without repercussion? Unless the reason you dislike the community was that their opinion of this man was to avoid him; I won't try to change your attitude toward them.

You know, one of the big indications of a hidden agenda may be the requirement when you meet them that you do not question them. You really haven't lost respect for him, you never really had it. You respected what he represented. When you found out he represented a lie it turns out you can't respect his truth. Is truth what scares you? Is it the fear that without him you are alone? Answer those questions and use the answers to learn more about yourself.

You are not guilty of anything more that wanting to trust too soon and too much. That doesn't mean you shouldn't ever do it again. "Misunderstanding Spouse" is not a free pass for infidelity. The attractiveness of this lifestyle to married players of both sexes is that under the definition of "submissive" they can apply rules facilitating their infidelity. It's accepted because many play the sensation seeking game on both sides of the flogger. Rationalizing that lifestyle "play" really doesn't "hurt" anybody; relationships aren't required, emotions aren't involved. Well, obviously not in your case. You are hurting. You will be accused of the sin of "falling in love" with a man you knew was married. Your situation, and what you went through won't even be considered when the next "misunderstood spouse" laments how he/she needs to fulfill his/her lifestyle desires outside their full time relationship.

Good luck! Be Strong! Seek an understanding (R/L) shoulder to cry on and use as support.



yourMissTress -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 11:43:11 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.



trooper, as I see it, there's no good in beating yourself up over mistakes already made. Enough with the self deprecating comments. If you want to resolve the situation, you already know what to do. Or do you?

Would you have gotten involved with a married man in a vanilla relationship? Would you stay in the relationship as it is now if it were vanilla? Do you somehow feel that because you call yourself a slave you are bound to stay regardless of his marital status? Regardless of his level of commitment to you? My point is simply this. The standards of a relationship, the basics of trust and honesty and commitment are no different from vanilla to kinky.

Personally, I have no involvment with people who have a spouse that is in the dark. I have in the past had a casual play partner that had a girlfriend who was in the dark, that felt icky to me and didn't continue.

Lying to me is a hard limit. You lie to me you are gone. There's no reason for it, no excuse, and no tolerance here.



RavenMuse -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 12:02:30 PM)

I am glad others here can be sympathetic in this case because I can not. You knew the situation was a cheating one, yet you willingly walked into it. Ever stop to think that if he could lie to his wife then he most certainly wouldn't think twice about lying to YOU? Don't try any "Couldn't help myself" tosh, you can't control emotions sure, but you CAN control actions!

Now you find yourself on the recieving end... well what did you expect?

Stop giving yourself excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get the hell out, sort yourself out and don't make the same damn mistakes next time!



TheFamily -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 12:23:55 PM)

A game stops when one player stops playing.

Any deception in a relationship is the end of the relationship.

Only part of the relationship can ever be re-built.

When prospecting for owners or slaves - be firm: this sort of relationship, above all others, requires communication, trust and honesty.

let us know what happens

x



Kinkypupper -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 1:00:06 PM)

One of the REALLY nice things about a Master/sub relationship or more specificlly a Master/slave one is the acceptance that lieing for ANY reason is just not needed.
SO for a sub to find that their Master is lieing to them. IF that is indeed true its a good and valid reason to be released.

In and BDSM relationship trust is everything, Even if the lied once that will never ever ever go away and will constantly be there.

Nope time to confront them with a friend at your side and leave



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 1:18:05 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trooperlv

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.



I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I feel that if you can state everything that is wrong and state that you know you are in a bad situation, then you have the power to change it.

I wish you luck,
Julie



angelic -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 1:19:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

I am glad others here can be sympathetic in this case because I can not. You knew the situation was a cheating one, yet you willingly walked into it. Ever stop to think that if he could lie to his wife then he most certainly wouldn't think twice about lying to YOU? Don't try any "Couldn't help myself" tosh, you can't control emotions sure, but you CAN control actions!

Now you find yourself on the recieving end... well what did you expect?

Stop giving yourself excuses, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get the hell out, sort yourself out and don't make the same damn mistakes next time!

Raven, Sir... i think You know how much i respect You so i will not say it; however, she states he told her that he was separated... no not divorced... many don't divorce for various reasons, (another thread)... i respectfully think it is unfair to kick her when she is down... had i received that sort of treatment when i first came here and posted my story? i wouldn't be here now (LOL ok... too late i already am) i would have felt worse than i already felt... and believe me she is doing enough beating up on herself i don't think she needs more...

just my opinion...



slavejali -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 1:44:18 PM)

trooperlv: Life is too precious to waste it. Fuck confronting him, leave the loser. Anyone with such low integrity isnt a Master to anyone, there is no boundary to over-step. Know this is diffiuclt when emotions have become entangled ..and when you love and care for someone no matter what an asshole they are its hard to see beyond them...but the fact is..there are plenty more fish in the sea...and ones worth catching.



proudsub -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 1:52:06 PM)

quote:

Its a long story one which I should have known better than to play with a married Master whose spouse is not in the know. Yes its the typical thing..im leaving her..as soon as my house is sold..I found out that his house is sold..I found out that he has bought another property for vacationing with his spouse..and yes I was told never to question him.
yup Im a dumb *** for getting involved. I was mislead at first being told they were seperated then he told me the truth after I was in love with him and collared..am I losing respect for him? Yes..do I still care for him Yes..do I hate him yes..and myself also. I know what I have to do but honestly im not strong eneough to do it . I dont know how much more I will take before I explode or implode..Im scared of it and wonder now what is the whole purpose of BDSM. I used to love it. after this however, I can see how it, he..used it to manipulate me. I used to love the rush of pain/pleasure, no control..now Im closing myself in. Yup Im a nutcase and have no one to turn to. We never joined any groups or was I allowed to hang out with others in the lifestyle. I am only allowed to work and please him..and Im such a good little slave even living alone I follow those rules. Now im reaching out for help, advice, support.


What do you do? Walk away and don't look back.[:o] JMHO



angelic -> RE: Lying. (3/7/2006 2:00:07 PM)

Each day truly does get just a bit easier than the day before... it's most certainly not something you want to hear right now... but it DOES happen... can you make it for one day when every part of you is saying you can't? you can and you'll be proud of yourself for that 24 hours... then you can be proud of a week... and pretty soon one week turns into 2 weeks and then the weeks honestly do turn into months..and it does become ok... e-mail me if you would like...



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