The toyed

The toyed (Full Version)

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Demieh -> The toyed (10/25/2009 11:58:22 AM)
So, as a quite fresh Dom, seeing as I have only been into the lifestyle about two years, I have one main issue. I have found Myself spoiling Mine too much, it would seem, and I have not an idea on how to cure such. I feel it would be wrong to punish her when she does not listen, because I have been the one feeding her the fruits of such retaliation. Does anyone have a clue as to what I should try? I would like to get My guiding hand about her collar once more, and bare that unquestioned tongue.

mnottertail -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:08:26 PM)
sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron

Demieh -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:23:50 PM)
I have assumed as much, though it merely goes out the extent words can. We originally began as a normal couple, and she had gotten me into the Dom role. I enjoy it very much, though wen I began to realize that those days of spoiling her were coming to bite Me in the ass, I began to question the worth of the struggle. She is used to the spoiling nature, and used to having rights and a say so beyond mere opinion. And so for Me to deny her those rights, or to punish her for sassing, I feel may be wrong.

mnottertail -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:25:36 PM)
do you want her to sass?

Demieh -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:28:05 PM)
I believe there are times for sass and times for obedience. I am not saying she is a bad girl, not in the least. It is merely that she has grown accustomed to more riches than I see fit to continuously supply. There are times for play and times for obedience. And I seem to be failing at training her to these"schedules".

mnottertail -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:29:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I believe there are times for sass and times for obedience. I am not saying she is a bad girl, not in the least. It is merely that she has grown accustomed to more riches than I see fit to continuously supply. There are times for play and times for obedience. And I seem to be failing at training her to these"schedules". quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron

leadership527 -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:34:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I have assumed as much, though it merely goes out the extent words can. We originally began as a normal couple, and she had gotten me into the Dom role. I enjoy it very much, though wen I began to realize that those days of spoiling her were coming to bite Me in the ass, I began to question the worth of the struggle. She is used to the spoiling nature, and used to having rights and a say so beyond mere opinion. And so for Me to deny her those rights, or to punish her for sassing, I feel may be wrong. Personally, I think this entire conversation seems a bit garbled. I "spoil" Carol rotten. What's that got to do with whether she obeys me? As long as she wishes to be my slave, then she does so... spoiled or not. Like you, I would absolutely (and am, right now as a matter of fact) questioning the worth of the struggle. I see an examined life of introspection to be a good thing, not some sort of weakness. If you start letting the BDSM community define strong and weak for you, you are utterly screwed. So don't. That leads to this question of "worth"? How do YOU define worth? To me, things that forward my objectives are "worthwhile". Things that do not are either "valueless" or have negative value. I know what my objectives are and nowhere in them does "owning a slave" figure prominently. Do you know what your objectives are? If so, I'd suggest you measure worth against them. The same logic can be applied to whether punishing her is "right" or "wrong". It is neither. It is either expedient or it is not. So, to recap. Figure out your goals. Define a strategy. Measure tactics against that. That's my advice.

LadyPact -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 12:58:26 PM)
It seems to Me that YOU need to change YOUR approach if YOU want a different result. YOU created this now YOU have to fix it. Here's how you start: NO!

antipode -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 1:31:09 PM)
quote: She is used to the spoiling nature, and used to having rights and a say so beyond mere opinion. And so for Me to deny her those rights, or to punish her for sassing, I feel may be wrong. I would ditch the capitalization, and converse with us in normal English. I have a hard time taking you seriously - if this is the methodology you use to prove your domliness, you're barking up the wrong tree. This is not supposed to be a work of fiction...

DesFIP -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 1:37:51 PM)
I'm indulged heavily. I won't say spoiled because spoiled is when you get things instead of love and attention. How is she to know when you are in the mood for her to indulge her love of witticisms and when you want her to just go yes sir/no sir? You need to tell her. So do that, next time she misreads your mood - put your hand over her mouth and tell her you want her to be quiet and do what she's told now, not to talk back. If she refuses you need to ask her if she wants to submit or not. If she doesn't, fine you'll have an equal relationship. If she does, then she needs to do so. Beyond that, is it possible she is hoping that if she acts out you will spank her? Because if the only time she gets her physical needs met is when she acts up, then expect her to do what she has to do in order to get them met. In this case, tell her to ask for a spanking, or to drape herself over your knees and hope for one. If it is a question of unmet needs, then have you considered a maintenance spanking. A medium to hard one delivered every morning and night that she isn't ill for five to ten minutes.

windchymes -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 2:48:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I believe there are times for sass and times for obedience. I am not saying she is a bad girl, not in the least. It is merely that she has grown accustomed to more riches than I see fit to continuously supply. There are times for play and times for obedience. And I seem to be failing at training her to these"schedules". quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail sit down and talk from ground zero. Ron Ronnie want a cracker??? Is that sassing?

Aileen1968 -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 4:06:05 PM)
Note to self.... buy stock in Breathe Right Strips.

agirl -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 4:17:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh So, as a quite fresh Dom, seeing as I have only been into the lifestyle about two years, I have one main issue. I have found Myself spoiling Mine too much, it would seem, and I have not an idea on how to cure such. I feel it would be wrong to punish her when she does not listen, because I have been the one feeding her the fruits of such retaliation. Does anyone have a clue as to what I should try? I would like to get My guiding hand about her collar once more, and bare that unquestioned tongue. OK.....spoiling to me, means exactly what it says. ruined Unlike DesFip's description...I can be given UNTOLD amounts of material things but it isn't likely to spoil me. Are you saying that you've given her her own way for so long that you're not sure how to change things....without giving her a hard time? Well, you might jolly well have to. You don't have to punish her.... but as Ron said ( over and over and over) ...... you probably have to go right back to boring old * What's it all about??* agirl

AnimusRex -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 4:37:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I would like to get My guiding hand about her collar once more, and bare that unquestioned tongue. And so, once again, we turn to Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer for guidance. Cesar does not train dogs. He trains owners in how to discipline themselves, and the dog follows suit. Your girl/child/dog/employee is not disciplined because you are not disciplined. Seriously.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 5:02:31 PM)
The thing is for the most part, you may have to start from square one. You stated she placed you in a dominant role thus gave you the power to dictate how the relationship grows and in what direction. If you want to continue doing so, then you will have to be more stricter and less lenient. It is fine to allow your sub free rein though it should be at your discretion.

agirl -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 5:54:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I would like to get My guiding hand about her collar once more, and bare that unquestioned tongue. And so, once again, we turn to Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer for guidance. Cesar does not train dogs. He trains owners in how to discipline themselves, and the dog follows suit. Your girl/child/dog/employee is not disciplined because you are not disciplined. Seriously. I'm not a fan of the usual over-blown US stuff that we are bombarded with here in the UK......but Cesar holds a rather sweet place in my heart. He tends to blow away the smoke and mirrors and deal with what's left. agirl

breatheasone -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 5:57:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnimusRex quote: ORIGINAL: Demieh I would like to get My guiding hand about her collar once more, and bare that unquestioned tongue. And so, once again, we turn to Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer for guidance. Cesar does not train dogs. He trains owners in how to discipline themselves, and the dog follows suit. Your girl/child/dog/employee is not disciplined because you are not disciplined. Seriously. i couldn't agree more with this sentiment.

InvisibleBlack -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 6:14:19 PM)
At the end of the day, you are the dom and she is the sub. She's taking guidance from you. If she's not behaving in the way that you prefer, you're the one who needs to make the changes. Are you sending conflicting signals? Are you tolerating behavior you don't appreciate? You need to make clear what it is you expect and what it is that you don't want, or find annoying, or what have you. If your sub is trying to please you, odds are things will change if you're clear, consistent and caring. If there are moments of inconsistency - and I have them myself - you need to set or work out some sort of ground rules. Sometimes I like banter along the lines of, say, Nick and Nora Charles from The Thin Man or Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell from His Gal Friday. Quite often I work through an idea by discussing matters - simply talking through whatever it is - during these times I'd expect my sub to tell me "that makes no sense" or "I don't get it" or "I don't think that'll work". I'd be upset if she didn't. If I'm not up for "sass" or whatever, I just flat out say something along the lines of "I'm not in the mood for that right now". Every sub I've ever had pretty much understood that it was not the time to act up or "crack wise". As the relationship matures and your dynamic develops, a good sub becomes very adept at reading your moods and will likely understand when it's time to be playful and when it's time to be serious. When I'm under the sink with a pipe wrench and a faceful of water, I don't expect an arguement, a debate or attempts to get attention - I expect to be handed the washer when I need it or to have the dogs kept out of the kitchen. If I come home with a new set of nipple clamps and a crop, well ... I expect something different. [;)] [Edited for typos - I make a lot of them.]

DesFIP -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 8:18:37 PM)
Looking at the profile, they're both very young. He's all of 19, who knows if she's even graduated high school. A lot of the stuff we might advise isn't possible for teens living with their parents who don't know what they're doing. And especially when her parents might well have him arrested for abusing her. About all they can both do is learn more and talk about it. Which is not a bad thing at all.

InvisibleBlack -> RE: The toyed (10/25/2009 8:23:04 PM)
You're absolutely right. I hadn't checked out the profile. I'll boil my advice down to - as the Dom, your sub is taking guidance from you. Try to be clear, consistent and caring.

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