lizi
Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
|
My son has been on two deployments and there were times on both when I thought my heart would shatter. He is now in the Special Forces program and I realize that I need to steel myself for more of these moments. I am not particularly good at being strong and keeping my emotions to myself, but I have done it for him before and I will do it for him again. If he is willing to go fight for our country and our citizens then I am strong enough to bear it. You will be too  It is amazing what we can do for our children.
The things that have helped me survive so far - not watching the news or reading the paper when anything comes up on the military or the war. It'll drive you insane.
Don't engage in conversations with random people who would find out about my son's service and then feel free to tell me what they think of the current president's leadership, or their views on the military, or how war is wrong, or whatever. Most people you run into will be supportive and kind but some others think somehow that you will benefit from their opinionated rants and unfortunately they will not see what asses they are being to a worried mother. Just walk away if you are ever uncomfortable.
I emailed my son every single day he was gone. Every day. He had internet access and even if he didn't get to the computer every day I made sure he knew that I was here and that I loved him. Even if I had nothing to talk about except for the weather or the cats I wrote him. I could tell it grounded him and that he looked forward to our ongoing conversation. Take lots of 'ordinary' pictures of siblings and pets around the home and include them in the emails. My son seemed to appreciate it the most when I mentioned people he knew like friends and family, or any kind of news about home.
Others have mentioned the care packages and they are very meaningful to the one receiving it. I rarely sent homemade goodies but those are the packages he mentions still so I guess homemade trumps - which makes sense. We always included phone cards - you'll have to see if your son will be able to use them to call you or what is the best thing to do for that. In my area Sams had the cheapest ones.
I made sure to ask often if there was anything he needed and then found it by shopping locally or online and sent it out to him. Weird things like cables for his tv, a memory stick, printer cartridges, slippers, etc. It was things he couldn't get locally obviously and he didn't always have time to shop himself online. They keep the soldiers very busy in a deployment situation. For holidays when others wanted to know what they could get gift cards are a good idea for places that ship APO- you'll have to check each store and see what their shipping policy is. Otherwise you get stuck receiving shipments of stuff that he orders and you have to send it out yourself again- so make sure to have a list of places handy that are APO friendly and you'll be able to avoid this. Plus, keep a list handy of things he likes to recieve in care packages. Other family members will be wanting to send things and they won't know what to get. My son loved Scooby Doo fruit snacks...go figure- so that was on the list along with some other treats that he never tired of getting.
Mine didn't want to talk too often about the things he had done or seen but if he did I'd just sit quietly with him or on the phone and not say much and let him finish. Some of it was hard to hear, i sucked it up and never let him know that. He mainly needed to know i was always there for him and I didn't judge him.
Be strong, be brave, be there for him. He will take immeasureable comfort in knowing you are there for him and you are fine. Even if you aren't he doesn't have to know that, hold your head up and push the tears down inside until you're alone or with your man. Try not to let your son or his siblings know how hard it is for you. They will then worry about you and you won't be able to give them the love and the care they need if they don't come to you when they need it. I always thought that on the outside most people wouldn't have known what turmoil I was in because I put on a good face and while I didn't really care what most people thought, I did care what my children thought.
As a parent we want our children to grow up to be a good and moral person and to be happy. Your son is doing what he wants to do - not many parents have that peace of mind. When I'm worried, sad, upset, I concentrate on the fact that my son is doing what he does best and it's what he wants to do and he is happy. I can't ask for more as his mother.
|
RE: I don't know how to handle this. - 
Profile
New Messages
No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages
Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages
Locked w/o New Messages
Post New Thread