Am I too shy for this?

Am I too shy for this? (Full Version)

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PainfullyCurious -> Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 2:45:06 PM)
I’m trying to see if I can realistically live the bdsm lifestyle. I have some questions and I am curious to hear what a master thinks first-hand. Before I get to that though, I do want to say that as I read, I become more and more enamored with the principles that seem to lie at the core of dominant thinking- As I flip from profile to profile, I notice that the men on this site are very secure. They are not ashamed to say that they will take care of their subs and that they will be affectionate towards them. From the outside looking in, I’ve always known people who look at that as some kind of weakness and I guess I always thought it would be frowned upon for a dominant male to be so expressive. I’m glad to see it’s not. The mind games you want to play are not of an adolescent nature and so many of you have even specified that you prefer a woman who is intelligent. You’re bold enough to take control and bold enough to say what you really want. That’s earned my admiration. What I’ve been reading has grabbed my attention more than I thought it would and the lifestyle seems a much healthier choice than I ever would have imaged it to be. There are a few things that I would have to give some serious thought to though: -I notice most dominants say they will take care of their subs. I have a career. Would I be expected to give it up? As a matter of fact, I work in HR and you can see why I would want to keep things discreet. Is that a problem? Does a master expect more than that? -In line with being discreet, I’m not comfortable with the idea of posting my pic, having pictures taken or being seen in public less than fully dressed. Is that a turn-off? -I’m into men and I’m not sexually attracted to women at all. Is it unrealistic to expect one-on-one interactions (or at least interactions without other women present)? -I notice that some profiles fail to comment on this at all, but the ones that do comment on the subject of children all seem to say that they are out of the question. Is that common? I’m not sure if I can, or want to, have children but I am curios if this is a trend or just specific to the profiles that I happened to look at today. If I eventually wound up having children, is there any chance in the world I would meet a dom who doesn’t believe in physical punishment when it comes to children? I know how hypocritical that sounds, but I think adults should pick on people their own size. I guess that’s everything. I’m sure the way to start off a dom/sub relationship is not with a list of demands on the my part. Some of the items above may be are negotiable. I just want a clear picture of what I might be getting myself in to. I’ve been fantasizing about being spanked, paddled, tied up and told exactly what to do as long as I can remember. I’ve never has an orgasm without my mind playing out such a scene and I’m bored as can be with the sex in my “normal” relationship. He’s a great guy and yet I’m still not happy at all with the dynamic. I have a strong desire to please and to be with someone who can take control and doesn’t think there is something sad about that. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if it turns out that I have too many inhibitions to make a master happy. If you’re still reading, thank you for your time and please let me know what you think.

mnottertail -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 2:50:44 PM)
yes no and maybe is the answer to each of your questions. you will find dominants on a scale of 100% to 0% compatible with you as a HUMAN. the only way to find out is by sharing those values, desires and dreams with those you think you could be with, until it is down to one man. Ron

DesFIP -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 2:51:12 PM)
There are many of us here who are monogamous. It is not unrealistic to want such a relationship. It is unrealistic for a man to expect that a woman will change her sexual orientation at his order. He might be able to force you into having sex with another woman. He could not force you to enjoy it or to make the other woman feel desired. If you want a monogamous relationship that will include marriage and a family, don't worry. There are many people here who have that. But do accept what people say. If a guy says he never wants children, don't assume you can change his mind. Wish him good luck and continue searching for someone more compatible. I'm in a long term monogamous relationship. We have a blended family. We are both devoted to our offspring and to each others.

AnnaOfAramis -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:03:56 PM)
oops

MasterAramis -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:06:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AnnaOfAramis oops LOL! I would have to agree with Ron on this, each of your questions will be answered differently by each of the men that you pose them to. Another point I might say is that not having a profile pic of any kind, may indeed limit the number of responses you get as most of us are visual in nature. Even the way that CollarMe is set up promotes profiles with pictures over the ones that don't. You may want to come up with a discrete photo that meets your requirements, but also gets the attention of others who might be looking for a girl like you. There are a few threads on here that talk about this very issue, but again this isn't a race, so if you are extremely uncomfortable with it, then so be it. The only thing I would add to this is just be as honest as you have been here with anyone that contacts you and let the chips fall where they may. I am sure he is out there. Good luck. Aramis

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:11:13 PM)
That's good to know. I was concerned though that when I asked the question about one-on-one interactions and children in the same post that it would come aross as if I am only looking for something long-term and monogomous. That's not the case at all but thank you for letting me know it's not out of the question. I was wondering about that. While I don't want to have sex with women, I'm still up for more light-hearted fun.

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:30:42 PM)
I agree. I do notice in the profiles that it seems to be very easy for people to be plain and honest about what they want and I've always believed that's the only way to make things work. I was really surprised to see so many people who could do that all in one place. I agree about the pic too. If I get to the point where I am single and I decide I'm ready to meet someone, I will have to find a way to post something. I'm comfortable with the idea of someone seeing a picture eventually. It's hard for profile right now.

AnimusRex -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:40:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious As I flip from profile to profile, I notice that the men on this site are very secure. Wow, you ARE new, aren't you? Please reserve your right to change your mind, after your 13th page of unsolicited cock pics. But in the meantime, we are flattered. As Ron pointed out, all your answers will vary widely, from Dominant to Dominant; Doms are like anyone else- We are workaday, job holding, mortgage carrying members of our communities; most of us are dads, we teach Little League, , we love our children, and we spank/ don't spank our children pretty much in the same proportion as any others. We are wildly varied in sexual tastes and temperment; some are monogamous, others polygamous, some absolutely insist on female bisexuality, others can take it or leave it. Some insist a girl stay home, others like a second income; Women often withold a pic until they find some sort of connection; because yes, scam artists and weirdos do clip pictures and reuse them in ways their author never imagined. My pic for example is currently being used in thousands of "Before" ads for plastic surgeons. Hang out a while, and see how things go. There is something here for just about anyone.

Sylverdawn -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 3:46:14 PM)
The answer is simply yes to all of your questions and no it depends on the persons and people with whom you interact.. loads of people never have sex with other women, are monogomous and yet have bdsm interaction.. because you see bdsm is not really about intercourse its about sexual intimacy of another sort all together.. We dont speak of unmentionables because its the policy of Collar me not to discuss those who have yet to reach the age of majority. However may bdsm couples live in what looks like to the out side world Leave it to Beaver.. nopun intented... All you can do is state what you want .. and realize that we all group as people and what you now think you may never do somehow five years down the road in retrospect you can believe what you have done... good luck

MasterAramis -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 4:00:43 PM)
quote: My pic for example is currently being used in thousands of "Before" ads for plastic surgeons. That's too funny! But the point you make is so true. Just today I came across a profile here on CM of a woman in my area and as I was going through her pictures I found one that I know belongs to someone else. The funny thing is I actually knew this other person so I immediately called her. So yes, sometimes even those profiles with photos can be problematic. Aramis

leadership527 -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 4:12:50 PM)
My opinion? I think if you can write that post, you're fine. The whole post is honest, introspective, and above all, sincere. I don't know what random masters might or might not want, but if I were looking, I'd be looking at you.

TheChastiser -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 5:32:48 PM)
It sounds like you have a fair head on ya shoulders. To be honest, almost everyone you interact with will have a different take on what is and isn't expected. its like kissing frogs, you will probably have to kiss quite a few before you find your prince. read lots of posts, on here and other sites but always remember that what you read is the opinion of the writer and not some sort of rule or set standard for behaviour and relationships. many people are genuine and others are simply waiting to prey on new flesh. unfortunatly it is not always clear who is who, so simply use caution and trust your gut intstinct initially. if something doesnt seem right it probably isnt. Mike

whiteslavebitch -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 5:34:12 PM)
small hijack: quote: My pic for example is currently being used in thousands of "Before" ads for plastic surgeons. OMG, I burst into laughter after reading this. I love your sense of humor. And back on topic: I'm not bisexual, I'm monogomous, I didn't want to quit working (I get a lot of fulfillment out of my job), I have terrible trust and abandonment issues, I tend to be shy and an introvert. I found a Master who wants me to keep working, earned my trust, is monogomous, he would like to witness a bisexual encounter, but is very accepting of this hard limit of mine. My shyness and introversion don't bother him in the least. What I'm trying to say is be honest and up front. Good Masters/Doms do exist and you can find one you're compatible with. It might take some time, It took me about 5 years to find him and it was completely unexpected. So you can see that

erebus -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 8:11:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious I’ve been fantasizing about being spanked, paddled, tied up and told exactly what to do as long as I can remember. I’ve never has an orgasm without my mind playing out such a scene and I’m bored as can be with the sex in my “normal” relationship. He’s a great guy and yet I’m still not happy at all with the dynamic. I have a strong desire to please and to be with someone who can take control and doesn’t think there is something sad about that. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time if it turns out that I have too many inhibitions to make a master happy. If you’re still reading, thank you for your time and please let me know what you think. You have stated what makes you tick; and you express it well. This alone gives people a decent idea of who you are. The idea about remaining anonymous is common, as many people (not all!) are concerned about the reaction of others they know. Posting a picture of you with your face absent or obscured isn't uncommon at all, either. Do include a profile and fill out the laundry list of what you have done, would like to do, or are curious about. That tells people a lot about you. Good luck. You will most likely find what you are looking for.

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 9:35:01 PM)
Thank you everyone for your encouraging replies. I understand that everyone is different and there's no one-size-fits-all answer to my questions (or anything at all for that mater). Still, I'm very surprised that no one has said that what I'm looking for would be near-impossible to find. That's a good sign. I will get around to updating my profile when I am ready to look for someone. Right now the thought of writing about what I want and actually meeting someone who knows are miles apart. I'll stick around as a wallflower for a while and go from there. Also, erebus, about your picture... I went to an aqurium once and several pengiuns were standing right up against the glass of their habitat, studying the people in the room. As far as they were concerned, we were the ones who were there to be looked at. I got the impression that they were pretty smart, and curious too.

wildangel3825 -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 9:40:04 PM)
First hello and welcome!! I would like to talk to you about being shy...I was at one time very shy and things I say and do now would have shocked the shy me. It is like anything else you do in life you will get better and better. That is why it is called training!!! The beauty of training is it is also alot of fun...well most of it...except if you are bad. But, limits and expectations should be set before you enter a relationship so you will be fine. BDSM is like anything else...the more you practice the better you will become! Your Dom will help you along the way and guide you..but go slow when chosing!!

PainfullyCurious -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 10:29:28 PM)
Thank You. I was wondering if some of the inhibitions might just melt away as I start to like what I'm doing. BTW- I like your bangs. I've been thinking about cutting some myself but I didn't want them to look 80's-ish. Yours look very stylish.

wildangel3825 -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 10:44:39 PM)
You are very sweet..it was a turning 40 haircut...that and the highlights!! i was painfully shy in every aspect of my life. Actually BDSM helped me find confidence. Techniques my Dom used on me were easily applied to other areas of my life. But, your Dom should and will help you and walk you through everything also...you will not be alone in your process once you find the RIGHT Dom!

NihilusZero -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/26/2009 11:25:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious Still, I'm very surprised that no one has said that what I'm looking for would be near-impossible to find. All ideal relationships seem impossible to find when you're not in them. Compatibility stays constant across the board, vanilla or non.

DarkSteven -> RE: Am I too shy for this? (10/27/2009 4:42:32 AM)
Just some comments. It's very good that you're starting to pick up on what men say and how they communicate. There are a lot of fake Doms with a line of bullshit, and you're starting to pick them out already. You say that some of the men say they will "take care of" their subs. Generally, that means emotionally, not financially. If a Dom has his heart set on seeing you with another woman, it ain't gonna work out. That's not necessarily a bad thing for you because it forces you to only look at those Doms who want a relationship, and eliminates some of the wankers. This will squick you out, but the profiles that say that children are out of the question are usually referring to using children in a scene. The same with those who say that for animals. I feel like you have an obligation to your current man to see if you can get him to be a Dominant. He might be overjoyed, he might be repulsed, he might be curious. Your post hints that you're broached it and it didn't work. Have fun looking!

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