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RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 7:37:20 AM

OrionAndi

Posts: 73
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lostkitten3

Women need to feel beautiful to other women.

I use lotion daily and force myself to look in the mirror without thinking bad things

I must say that is one of the things that help me remember what i am.. i stopped looking after myself for a long time and i decided to get myself out of that rut because i was feeling sooo down on myslef. Having as lovely bath everynight, pampering.. get out put some lovely firming coconut body lotion on, then stepping out into my hall and looking at myself in a full lengh mirror and saying "actually your looking good girl"... remove all negative thoughts and replace them with good. even do a little dance

.. it really does help!

Spoil yourself with some nice new clothes, some nice underwear. And maybe hit the town for a few drinks feeling good.

He has lost out

Time for your "ME" time!!!

Andi xx

(in reply to Lostkitten3)

Post #: 21

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 11:03:18 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Every day you look in the mirror tell yourself i am beautiful ,that is what worked for me. i used to be a very insecure woman but i worked it out now i feel beautiful. Focus on you good points not the bad. I have a bump on my nose (courstury of inherenting it from my grandpa) but i have what everybody told me are beauitful green eyes so i play them up. Were colors that enhance them use very light makeup on them. Focus on things that make you fele beautiful and desirable tell youself you are everyday.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to OrionAndi)

Post #: 22

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 11:09:50 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine
if you've never spent more than fifteen minutes applying makeup save for a special event or night out, it is probable you're not going to change that pattern overnight.

Jesus. I'm not sure I've ever spent 15 minutes applying makeup. I doubt I spend 15 minutes cumulatively a month doing it. And coming from that position, I'd like to say that porcelaine's advice about changing patterns is quite sound.

OP, in my experience, the best way to feel beautiful is to not spend too much time looking in mirrors.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 23

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 6:22:16 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all so much for taking the time to post. There is a great deal of wonderful advice here, and I am slowly incorporating some of it into my life.

It seems silly, but just having some of you say that you know where I am coming from makes me feel so much better. I’m not vain enough to think I’m the only one that’s gone through it, but knowing I’m not alone in this feeling is very, very helpful.

I did (sort of) feel like I was the only person to ever really, actively WANT the person who dumped me. I kept thinking I should have more pride than that. I should just be able to turn it off. I know how silly that sounds, but that’s how I felt.

I’ve taken up meditation. Last night was my first night and as soon as I’ve finished this I will attempt it once more. I don’t know if it’s the meditation, the actual posting of the question, reading the replies or even actively trying to find a solution… but I feel so much better.

I am pampering myself, going out of my way to feel better and look better. I am taking time for myself, and realizing that if I don’t do these things, then no one will. I’m definitely a girly-girl. I love clothes, make up and all of those things. I’ve got an appointment with myself for a mani-pedi in the next few days and I’m starting to (once again) enjoy my own company.

I think some key points mentioned were (Not that they wern't ALL wonderful, but these are what spoke to me the most)

I need to nourish a mind-body connection. I’m going to join the Y for some dance classes, I think. Thank you BadJezebel. From the responses, both here on the boards and in private messages...this is something that many women struggle with. You're right.

“You just need to reflect it (beauty) without using someone else to do it”--angelikaJ
I agree, wholeheartedly. I'm the type of person that needs a plan to execute, so I'm working on one....

“Also know you will feel that way with someone else again, it is not a feeling that is lost to you forever.” Thank you, wildangel3825. I did feel like HE brought this out of me, and that no one else will. That’s still a small fear, but it’s shrinking rapidly.

DesFIP, I love the idea of affirmations. I’m making a short list as I type…

I know the feeling well, Breatheasone…. In fact, I’ve lingered here for a bit too long.

Porcelaine-
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your reply. I never thought of it that way, and it makes me feel a little less… broken? I think I am a person that is motivated by my partner. I don’t know why, but I tend to try harder when I am with someone, rather than the opposite (letting myself slack off because I already have someone and don‘t need to try any longer).

It does seem like that is something one should know about oneself. Thank you.
　
Thank you for your insight, agirl. I suppose in a way it is natural to get a bit of an ego boost from it. I wouldn’t say that I feel like “total rubbish” (are you British, because those words had an accent in my head? LOL) but having him dump me DID make me question myself, my attractiveness and such.

Cjan,
I am working on the letting go part. I think posting this and working through it is helping.
　
Thank you all who posted, and I’m so glad I asked.

I am going to spend more time on myself, so that eventually when my inside feels right once more…my outside will look fabulous. *smile*

~anne

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
Member of MoGa's IN crowd

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 24

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 10:50:09 PM

toriaTuck

Posts: 3
Status: offline

Hi anne ...every person alive wants to be "beautiful or handsome , smart or powerful, saintly or sinner...everyone has desires to be something ...you say its not outside beauty youre looking for but self esteem and self fulfillment so set about achieving it. what do you admire most in others ...LOVE yourself . Make yourself into someone you like and admire. Select traits you like in others and work on attaining them...It is wonderful that others can make us feel beautiful its even better when we love ourselves enough to look in mirror and smile happy that we are special and wonderful and alive. You go girl you find what others love about you and give yourself a break ...do a random act of kindness and pat yourself on the back ...
Tuck's toria

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 25

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/27/2009 11:06:06 PM

candisa

Posts: 127
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

When I am feeling down and less desirable, when the world seems to no be looking so bright from my perspective. I turn to things like tending to my garden or exercise, a nice walk or pump of some weights, many times just getting on a bicycle and riding the day away if possible. I will also take a bubble bath, long baths and music seem to always make me feel more spiritual and in tune with myself. A new hair do or a pedicure also works wonderful for self esteem. Try to eat right and keep in the sunshine as much as possible.. and take it one day at a time..Good Luck

_____________________________

respectfully,
candisa

Freely we serve, because we freely love, as in our will
To love or not; in this we stand or fall.

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 26

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/28/2009 2:43:46 AM

HisBestGirl

Posts: 67
Joined: 11/16/2008
Status: offline

FR-

Yes it's superficial, but even when in the midst of a crisis, I have immaculate makeup and presentation. Not for anyone else but for my own sake. If I look and feel put-together, I feel much more confident. I have also found that on those occasions where you're a wreck inside but need to present yourself with poise, the illusion of confidence is key. It doesn't matter at the time if you are not actually confident, if you present yourself as such, if you move, speak and act as though you are so supremely confident of yourself and your own abilities, others will believe it. In the meantime, you can slowly work on gaining confidence again.

Being nude- if you're not comfortable being naked with yourself, start conditioning yourself to ensure you are absolutely comfortable with your body and your state of being. I, like all women, suffer periods of low-self image, fat days etc. I am also not what you'd call slim or small, I'm a typical hourglass. Yet even on a fat day, I will happily get naked when I get home. I find it incredibly liberating and natural to be naked by yourself.

My 2 cents. :)

_____________________________

Daddy's organic device for the collection of corsets...

"Your mother called, just to say how thrilled she was not to hear from you." - D.M

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 27

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/28/2009 3:08:19 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelforAnne

I did (sort of) feel like I was the only person to ever really, actively WANT the person who dumped me. I kept thinking I should have more pride than that. I should just be able to turn it off. I know how silly that sounds, but that’s how I felt.

I am pampering myself, going out of my way to feel better and look better. I am taking time for myself, and realizing that if I don’t do these things, then no one will. I’m definitely a girly-girl. I love clothes, make up and all of those things. I’ve got an appointment with myself for a mani-pedi in the next few days and I’m starting to (once again) enjoy my own company.

Thank you for your insight, agirl. I suppose in a way it is natural to get a bit of an ego boost from it. I wouldn’t say that I feel like “total rubbish” (are you British, because those words had an accent in my head? LOL) but having him dump me DID make me question myself, my attractiveness and such.

I am going to spend more time on myself, so that eventually when my inside feels right once more…my outside will look fabulous. *smile*

~anne

Hi anne,

It really super to hear that you're feeling better.

It's not silly to feel the things you felt/feel. You were *rejected* .......and by someone you held in high regard. It's a very painful thing to happen. Pride would probably have me wanting to *turn off* my wanting too........lol. It's a self protection thing.

Yes, I'm british...

agirl

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 28

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/28/2009 8:12:20 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Dear Anne -
Thank you for your openness, your insight, your courage to post the words that so many feel but don't even necessarily have the words for.

Just as an exercise, it is good for us to look at your question (but it sure is good to hear you are feeling better.).

I feel beautiful in very few ways. In fact, I almost never feel beautiful. Competent, charming, smart, yep... beautiful - my sister was the pretty one.

From a shallow, quick fix perspective, I feel beautiful when I change the color of my hair. So, over the years I've been bright red to deep black. For the last few years I've pretty much stuck with brown with red highlights, which tells me that I generally feel pretty good about myself.

Buying 2 pairs of pretty underpants used to be my beauty fix up... but it just ... stopped working. It didn't last long.

Since then, I've learned that it is when I feel confident that I feel beautiful. For me that is after I've lifted weights (I don't know why, but it's true). I feel strong and beautiful. When I do yoga, it's like actively loving my body. I love spinning classes - getting all sweaty and keeping up with the young skinny girls makes me feel gloriously, passionate. Showering after that is wonderful! I celebrate with pretty yummy soaps that make my skin feel good - Tone, Almond Milk scent.

But the most important thing, the way I absolutely know I am the most gloriously beautiful woman in the world is when I dance. I have taken a number of classes over the years, and while I may not be the most accomplished dancer, I am absolutely in love with me when I dance. And I don't care what other people say... It just doesn't hit my radar. I love myself and feel beautiful... and so feeling and doing, I am beautiful.

What makes you feel beautiful? Whatever it is, do that.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 29

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 5:06:05 AM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good morning!
hmmm as far as feeling beautiful-cannot help you there. As Dark Steven said, I have that to where no matter what I am told, I cannot believe it. Goes far back to being teased by girls from grade 1-12. Very small city. And I have accepted that I will never see myself that way so -blah. But as far as being desirable, I take it on a more spiritual level than desirableas far as sexually or physically.

I have been in 2 deep depressions. Both times I have pulled MYSELF out of it. Many days I like to sit in my sunroom just staring out my windows. Melancholy like. It focuses me. But I always pull myself back into this world. Thru the dark times, the very thought that the world needs me, my family needs me, things have to run smooth and I have to do my duties otherwise no one will. That thought that the world needs me to be in it, makes me feel desired, wanted. Needed. To be desired is to be needed. I don't want to be desired by every man in the town... but I feel that many people need me to keep this little town/world/life spinnning...and to me that makes me feel desirable. More than any lingerie or friend or anything tangible. To know that whether or not they know it, this little part of the world needs me. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

_____________________________

Sir HighlanderME's little z

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 30

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 12:26:52 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Using fast reply.....

I remember a time, when I was quite beautiful, but I didn't see it at all. All I could see were negative things. Such a long time ago, and so much has happened since then.

Now, 20+ years later, I find that if I do something that makes me sweat, feel strong, then take a nice soaking bath and scrub every inch. Put on some wonderful body creme and my favourite perfume. Then into bed with my favourite sheets, all crisp and clean. Get a good night's sleep. I feel faaaaaaaabulous!

I also get some fresh flowers and put them where they are most visible in the house. Beauty reflects beauty back.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Zechriel)

Post #: 31

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 12:42:04 PM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I remember a time, when I was quite beautiful, but I didn't see it at all. All I could see were negative things.

Isn't that pretty common though? To look back and realize your self-image was warped? People always pile on models who say things like "I felt really awkward and ugly when I was younger," but I've always found it utterly plausible. Beauty is such a strange thing, not easily mastered.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 32

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 1:08:11 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Oh yes. The greatest love of my life was a stunningly beautiful french american woman. She was a model and actress. She would talk about being beautiful, but not as though it was her. It was odd really. Underneath the surface, she was very insecure and always worried I would not think she was beautiful or worthy at all.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 33

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 1:29:22 PM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Throwing all mirrors away are a great way to make yourself feel beautiful..

..along with scales

ok it doesn't necessarily make you feel beautiful but it's better than the alternative

...along with never opening any magazines, TV nor going to movies...and don't you even dare visiting the websites of any gossip magazine..

Finished.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 10/30/2009 1:35:43 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 34

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/30/2009 6:55:29 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for taking the time to relpy to my question!

Toria,
Thank you for the posting! I completely agree that kindness is a beautiful thing…I’m doing my best to incorporate that into my life.

Candisa,
Agreed on the workouts, I’m trying for 3 a week, but it’s getting difficult to schedule them…but it’s progress!

HisBestGirl,
I agree 100%. It’s like the illusion of control helps you keep control. One of my favorite sayings is “Fake it till you make it”. Who’s to know?

Agirl,
Thanks again for putting it in perspective… *smile*

sunshinemiss,
Thank you for the thank you. Sometimes I wonder if the things I post come off as whiny or …whatever. I’m glad to know this thread helped some people (some on here, and some in private messages).

I love new hair colors, in fact…I just got mine done! It’s amazing how much prettier the world looks when I have pretty hair. LOL

I have to wait until after the holidays ($) but I am joining the Y …and I love your idea with celebrating with special soaps and such! I’ve always been a “celebrate with chocolate or shopping” kind of girl and that’s detrimental in itself!

I’m working on what makes me feel beautiful… When/If I get some solid answers I’ll let you know!

Zechriel,
Thank you for your point of view!

This is a little strange, but just go with me on it for a second…

It’s not that I don’t think I am beautiful. I know that I am average, the lure is mostly my personality, but I’m not unattractive. My problem is/was that he made me feel SO BEAUTIFUL and then suddenly he was gone and I was without that “high”. I don’t perpetually feel bad about myself, I don’t look in the mirror and shudder. I just want to feel like I felt with him. More sensual than I normally do, more tapped into my “flow”. (That’s really the only way I can describe it?)

I like keeping in mind the people that need you.

Thank you, Zechriel!

LaTigresse,
I agree. I look back at pictures and think “wow!”…but I had no idea then. I’m not looking for outward beauty, though. I’m looking to feel that way.

I think sleep is very, very important. Since The Incident, I haven’t slept well. That needs to change.

I love fresh flowers, especially the ones for fall.

Thank you!

Lucienne,
Agreed. It’s a fickle thing.

LaTigresse,
Perhaps because that is something that a person can’t control? I can’t control whether or not someone else finds me attractive. And, I think self-worth does get wrapped up in it.

Subtlebutterfly,
Tossing all the mirrors, scales, magazines, movies, televisions, getting rid of the internet…

LOL

Actually…and I know this is just awful!… I love looking at the celebrity pictures without makeup. THAT makes me feel better--but then I feel guilty. LOL
　
Thank you for the ideas!

Thank you all, once again for your help!

~anne

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
Member of MoGa's IN crowd

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)

Post #: 35

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 10/31/2009 9:24:18 PM

Eivarden

Posts: 101
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

It’s like with him, I gave myself permission to be beautiful. I was allowed to be desirable.

For me, it's ironic how I can think this very same thought. (ok not the SAME, since the word "HIM" would be replaced with "HER")

Why do I find it ironic? Because of reasons that would only turn into a rant if I bother posting.

My answer to you, you're only doing this to yourself.
But at the same time, you can only make yourself feel this way, if you were full of yourself.
If you're not, only another person can make you feel beautiful and valuable.

Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise are just romanticizing reality.
There isn't much to do, other than look for partners who help you get that feeling back.

(in reply to cjan)

Post #: 36

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 11/4/2009 6:54:46 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Eivarden,

Thank you for posting. Soon I'll be at the end of my month-long break from dating... I'm sort of anxious to get back out there. Hopefully this time I don't lose myself so much...it's something that I worry about a bit.

However, taking care of myself (and reminding myself that I am worth taking care of!) is helping me a great deal.

Thank you for your post!

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
Member of MoGa's IN crowd

(in reply to Eivarden)

Post #: 37

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 11/4/2009 7:43:16 PM

thornhappy

Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline

Yay! You're back!

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 38

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 11/5/2009 5:19:39 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline

do some self loving hunny; masturbate, infront of the mirror if you dare... and look at how sexy you can be, it is quite a thrill to get turned on by yourself

cheaper and better than lotions and nice underwear... though obviously you could use lotions and nice underwear for stimulation too...

ETA if wanking is not your thing i apologise... but i think it is a very nice way of spending some quality time with myself and for that reason alone i would never throw out my mirrors ever...

< Message edited by ranja -- 11/5/2009 5:27:09 AM >

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 39

RE: How do you make yourself feel beautiful/ desirable?... - 11/5/2009 7:31:48 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

It is important to do stuff for yourself and with yourself. Think about it, you would get a friend a birthday present or a silly card if they were feeling down, but if you don't do this for yourself then you are treating yourself as not worth being friends with. So take yourself out on a date, go to the restaurant you love by yourself and enjoy their creme brulee. Take yourself to a movie and giggle on the way home at the funny lines.

All the things you've said you would someday do when you have a partner to do them with? Be your own partner, do them now.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to ranja)

Post #: 40

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