RE: explaining difference of S&M and M/s

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RE: explaining difference of S&M and M/s - 10/29/2009 7:32:16 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

i was recently granted the privilege of becoming slave for my Mistress. since then i have had to attempt to explain the difference of being in a M/s relationship and that of S&M, for my Mistress and i its both as She is a sadist and i a masochist. unfortunately i have run into many who think that its the same and wont be changed on the subject. has any on here had similar problems in getting others to understand the differences of the two?

I personally haven't had trouble so much with this phenomenon, but I have seen others make such a miscalculation. While both sadism and masochism can be part of the theater of M/s, making a fetish of giving or receiving pain by itself does not make one a Mistress or slave. Despite the inference behind giving and receiving pain, enjoying sensory play is simply enjoying sensory play; it is divorced from the psychology that is vital in M/s until it is mindfully integrated into it.

I believe M/s and S/M tends to be confused and interchanged due to the tendency sadism and masochism has in providing an emotional ramp to dominant and submissive psychology; there is powerful symbolism inherent in the associated acts for many. Be that as it may, I have met more than one self-avowed "slave" who put too much emphasis on the symbol of the whip and the pain/pleasure it provides rather than serving in the spirit of adoration and a need to please. Similarly, I think most are familiar with the person who uses the trappings of M/s to justify a secret love for physical and emotional violence. To an extreme, confusing or purposefully cross-wiring M/s and S/M will almost always result in relationship failure. I say you are both very wise to know the difference.

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RE: explaining difference of S&M and M/s - 10/30/2009 8:21:05 AM

Andalusite

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Joined: 1/25/2009
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This has mostly been an issue for me (well, with D/s compared to S/M, rather than M/s specifically) with potential playpartners, potential relationship partners, a few well-meaning bystanders, and people I debate with on BDSM-related forums.

I have a few vanilla friends who I'm "out" to, as well as my doctors, and none of them have pressed for that kind of detail.

The first time I bottomed to someone who went on about how "submissive" I was I was very taken aback. I was floating on a cloud of endorphins and feeling quite yummy indeed, but not at all what *I* consider to be submissive. I felt very awkward about contradicting him, especially when he insisted that he knew better than I did what I was experiencing. I didn't feel I could just let it go, as that would be lying by omission. It was a lot like if I were to have sex with someone, get close to the edge several times, but not quite go over talking about me having multiple orgasms - a misread of body language can happen there, but the person who is experiencing it is the best judge of what is going on.

Since then, I've always discussed it more hypothetically/theoretically with any potential partners. I've tried a couple of times to explain how I feel, but without much success, so at this point, I just don't get involved with anyone who has that attitude about it.

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