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Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 5:59:09 PM

SirsLass

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2009
Status: offline

and have a very serious question. Why would a Master want to keep a slave who can't live up to her end of the dynamic? Things were fine when they began but with the economy and job loss everything has changed drastically (car breaks, can't afford to fix, etc...) she learned late in the game that she was expected to foot all financial aspects of the relationship, supply all toy's and do all the traveling. she has begged for release. It has been denied. Just can't figure out the point of keeping her only to make her acutely feel her failure. Please advise. Thank you.

Post #: 1

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:03:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Denied her? What? Her legs are broken? If she's not happy then teach her to use a door and close it behind her maybe?

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 2

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:03:18 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

He can't force you to stay. He can't keep you against your will. So okay he isn't granting your release. It doesn't matter. He isn't spending his money to visit you, you aren't visiting him. It's over.

Do you care if he pouts and says you have to spend money you don't have when you aren't talking to him anymore?
Block mail, don't answer calls, delete texts unread. Move on.

And next time don't just think with your gonads. Make sure you know what you're getting into and what kind of person he is.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 3

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:04:38 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

He sounds like a cheapskate and a user to the max...I think the whole "release" thing doesn't apply here and he is just pushing your buttons..I would consider yourself released as he isn't a fit Dom or Master if he won't help you be to be able to meet him if it is a serious relationship...but that is only my humble opinion.

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 4

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:06:19 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsLass
Why would a Master want to keep a slave who can't live up to her end of the dynamic?

Because he's getting a free lunch, and if she feels like a total failure, she is less likely to look elsewhere, because she'll think that no one else would want her.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 5

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:19:37 PM

AnimusRex

Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline

You already know the answer; You are 51 years old, and should have enough life experience not be mystified that a man enjoys getting free pussy.

Bite the bullet and do what you need to do.

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 6

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:25:25 PM

SirsLass

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2009
Status: offline

Point taken. Thanks to all who replied. Seven months down the drain. You are all correct, she should have used her brain in the beginning. Maybe it's time to put away the toy bag and retire. Happiness to all in your quest for fulfillment.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 7

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:41:45 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Everyone makes mistakes so learn from this and move on. So what if it was 7 months? Don't let it be 7 months and 1 day

There is a man out there that will want you for you and not your toybag or your money- you got taken advantage of and that is not pleasant but you're still here in this world to live another day. Read the 'rationalizing red flags' thread in General BDSM and you will find some good suggestions and support there on what you need to do. Good luck...

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 8

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 6:57:51 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsLass

she has begged for release. It has been denied. Just can't figure out the point of keeping her only to make her acutely feel her failure. Please advise. Thank you.

You got into this "lifestyle" (for lack of a better word) because it made you happy. So, why stay where you're miserable? People put these imaginary restraints on what a sub/slave can and cannot do...such as ending a shitty relationship without release...because someone, somewhere decided that's the way it is.

There is no rule book. You have the right to pursue happiness. Go after it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 9

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 8:20:15 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

FR

The answer's simple. He doesn't deserve you. You would be far better to find a Master who does and who will at least shoulder his share of the responsibilities and do what he can to help you when you need it.he's the one who has broken the dynamic so tell him to shove his head up a cow's cunt and get fucked by a woolly bull. (Just to put it mildly).

< Message edited by IronBear -- 10/27/2009 8:22:00 PM >

_____________________________

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 8:26:27 PM

SirsLass

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/29/2009
Status: offline

Thank you IronBear. I will use those exact words . The smile it gave me liftited weight from my shoulders. Love that bluntness.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 11

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 8:31:12 PM

SubOnlyForHim

Posts: 787
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

FR

The answer's simple. He doesn't deserve you. You would be far better to find a Master who does and who will at least shoulder his share of the responsibilities and do what he can to help you when you need it.he's the one who has broken the dynamic so tell him to shove his head up a cow's cunt and get fucked by a woolly bull. (Just to put it mildly).

Not to suck up, but...

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*committed*

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 12

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 8:45:39 PM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

shove his head up a cow's cunt and get fucked by a woolly bull.

Hey now, that might be exactly what he is into. You never know!

Seriously though OP Don't let this one butt head spoil your good time. If this was just a regular relationship would you swear off men for the rest of your days? Heck no! Don't retire your toy bag! Get back on that bull, um I mean horse and ride! .

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 13

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/27/2009 9:55:29 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsLass
she has begged for release. It has been denied.

OK, I know SirsLass that you actually figured this out before I got around to posting, but that line right there is where we left consensual BDSM and entered into something different. Dont' get me wrong, if you're fine with non-consensual relationships then knock yourself out. It's a particularly slavey thing to do I understand. But for me, I still believe in consent.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 14

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 12:01:27 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Door.

See door.

Reach out with hand and turn knob.

Open door.

Feet.

Use feet to walk to door, through door, to other side.

There you go.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 1:45:22 AM

sweetobedience1

Posts: 25
Joined: 9/24/2009
Status: offline

Don't give him the time of day! No way should you be responsible for all finances, and he really should not label you as a failure because you can't spend loads of money seeing him. Too bad for him! Find a real man.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 2:32:55 AM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

have enough life experience not be mystified that a man enjoys getting free pussy.

That's good advice. Thank you for the laugh.

(in reply to AnimusRex)

Post #: 17

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 2:52:55 AM

aldompdx

Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline

Surrender is an ongoing free choice, made from self will.

"Release" is your own inner test, of whether you are worthy to choose your own happieness, or will perpetuate the delusion that only another person can magically give it to you.

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 18

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 3:31:55 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsLass

Point taken. Thanks to all who replied. Seven months down the drain. You are all correct, she should have used her brain in the beginning. Maybe it's time to put away the toy bag and retire. Happiness to all in your quest for fulfillment.

It sounds like you have your answers but I wanted to respond to your comments above. Were the entire 7 months you have known him awful? Were there any moments where being his slave gave you comfort and bliss knowing that you served him? Do you feel that this experience will teach you some lessons for the future in valuing yourself and recognising red flags earlier?

Is it possible that those 7 months did not go down the drain but instead will help build a stronger and more resilient woman in the future?

my thoughts go out to you, this isn't easy

_____________________________

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(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 19

RE: Feelings of failure is dimming her slave heart. - 10/28/2009 8:11:49 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsLass

and have a very serious question. Why would a Master want to keep a slave who can't live up to her end of the dynamic? Things were fine when they began but with the economy and job loss everything has changed drastically (car breaks, can't afford to fix, etc...) she learned late in the game that she was expected to foot all financial aspects of the relationship, supply all toy's and do all the traveling. she has begged for release. It has been denied. Just can't figure out the point of keeping her only to make her acutely feel her failure. Please advise. Thank you.

while i realize you've had your answers i wanted to respond to something you said. why would a Master toss aside someone he's chosen to own and make an investment in? people fail and make mistakes, but we don't chuck them out of our lives. we allow them to learn, grow, and make amends if necessary. if he was willing to cast you aside over something that is temporary, because financial situations do change, i'd definitely suggest that his idea of ownership is somewhat skewed. it isn't that you can't live up to your end of the dynamic, you have outside complications that impede your ability to do so. if those were absent you wouldn't be posing the question.

in regard to feeling your failure, i've been there more times than i recall and am quite hard on myself. but as each day passes i remind myself it isn't healthy. acknowledging ones mistakes and atoning is far different from beating yourself up about the situation and allowing it to dampen your spirits. it is an endless cesspool and when you're done you still have the issues. rather than feel the failure, just accept that things happen and learn from your actions. i believe what we often consider failures are truthfully life lessons that prepare us for things to come or cause us to address things we'd probably ignore otherwise.

i wish you well in your journey and the improvement of your condition on all levels.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to SirsLass)

Post #: 20

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