Trust

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anewme4u2c -> Trust (10/27/2009 10:23:33 PM)
i have tried to do this for quite some time now and i must ask: how does a submissive male that just wants to find a friend to trust and confide in go about doing so without feeling forced to attend a munch and meet many others that offer nothing...if that makes sense. i dont want to seem like i am trolling...but um....i am looking for a friend that i can Trust. thank you.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 10:37:16 PM)
Don't you have brothers and sisters? Girlfriend, wife, women friends, male friends? Why would you be looking for people to confide in on the net? I trust a few people I've met on the net to be sure, but not more than my loved ones. Good luck, M

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 10:43:48 PM)
i am looking for someone that has no reason to judge me. simply put. someone that will appreciate the spiritual aspect of what i desire as well as the physical.

Arrogance -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 10:54:50 PM)
If you have a best friend, I'd start with that person. I told mine all about my experiences and desires and she didn't judge me. She was a little amused and on occasion said things along the lines of how it made sense given my behavior in the past. Then again, she's someone who had earned my absolute trust before hand so I had few qualms and only a wee bit of shame admitting it all to her.

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:13:05 PM)
thats the problem. i have no friends. previously lifestyle was unhealthy and so i have disassociated myself with the old friends..and..i am just left alone. frusterating. hard to explain to everyone..

LadyPact -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:16:12 PM)
Trust is a two way street. I'd be worried about trusting you if you weren't willing to do a first meet at a munch or a vanilla location.

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:21:05 PM)
oh i have gone to 2 munches and made it to the restroom and out of the first one and then last nite...ordered pizza and sat across the establishment from the group in the back room. i am just insecure and it leaves me lost.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:33:18 PM)
If you can make it to the munch, surely you can say "phuck insecurity" and go meet the people in attendance. I'm not into munches myself, because I'm horribly shy around people I don't know... However, when I have made it to munches, I do join and try to be engaging without it being too painful for me. My suggestion is, find people in your area who are into this, and go to munches or social events along with them. For myself, someone here connected me with someone in my general area who kind of held my hands... I'm forever grateful to them. Having said that, I'm not perceiving your issue is meeting people, as much as being in a situation you feel is so strange, you cannot open your mouth and speak to the person in front of you who may be feeling the same way. M

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:44:22 PM)
i wish i could be so fortunate to find someone to 'hold my hand'... without it i dont think i will ever be me.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:50:35 PM)
Try simple courtesy and kindness towards others... That behavior tends to yield the same in some magical way, even with people you don't know. M

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/27/2009 11:55:01 PM)
oh yes. i have been. i am hopeful and so i somehow continue to return to the site.... wishful thinking ...

Sylverdawn -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 12:36:36 AM)
Contact a person who is in charge of the munch you want to attend... simply tell them you are new and shy.. generally there is a newbie table or some such where they will introduce you to long standing attendees and those new to scene.. and be as open as possible.. listen we dont generally bite until you say pretty please .. and especially not at the meet and greet munches where we are all supposed to be vanillas...just gird your loins and go for it.. its what I did .. and probably what each and every one of us has done at some point in their spirtual journey.

MsJadis -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 1:36:03 AM)
If you want to meet scene friends then really it's up to you to get out there and make it happen. Walking into a munch where you know nobody can be daunting. We ALL have insecurities some people just hide them better. Most munches will have an online mailing list or group where you can introduce yourself prior to the munch. This can be a good way to make initial contact. Often if you contact the munch organisers, explain that you are new and a little shy they will be happy to introduce you around. Be friendly, be polite and be interested in other people. If there's discussion on the munches online group or forum then participate! Most people who attend munches are looking to meet new people for friendship at the very least. That's what they're there for! Wishing that there's someone to take you under their wing isn't going to make it so. You need to decide what is more important to you. Maintaining your comfort zone or actually getting out there and going after what you want. Nobody said it's going to be easy but if you make the effort you will be one step closer to what you're seeking.

Santoro -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 3:58:16 AM)
I am not so arrogant as to believe I can offer advice but I will share an experience, I was in Balboa Navel Hospital, the Marine Corps wanted to discharge me based on the belief I would never walk again. I felt abandoned, less a man and angry, the more they told me I would not walk the more I rejected everyone around me. I literally shut everything and everyone out and refused to even speak or acknowledge the doctors and nurses. I simply would not accept the fact I would not walk again and began writing letters to every congressional representative I could write to. The Marine Corps had a fight on their hands and I did too, I had to walk and I did. I won my battle with the Corps then resigned my commission. Now if your want a friend, first be a friend to yourself, rely on yourself, reject the opinions of others and never, never accept defeat

Lockit -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 10:51:16 AM)
Personally, I feel you are trying to jump into things before you are ready. By things I mean, munches, friendships or anything else that means you are extending yourself into the things you feel are unknown or risky places. You could have five people in front of you willing to be friends or friends with benefits and all be trustworthy people and you still might not trust them because of how you feel and how you think. Fear is at the root of insecurity as well as a number of other things. It is also a self focus that feeds on the fear and you start circling, cycling and there is no end. Trust is not only a two way street... but I believe needs to be a one way street for a time when things are so severe you are afraid to trust. You must learn to trust yourself and be safe within yourself, knowing who and what you are realistically before you can move out and expect to fellowship with others and do well in it. As long as you are not okay within and fear rules, you will not overcome with others because you can't get past yourself. It doesn't matter how wonderful they might be. What is your self talk like? Do you say defeatist things to yourself? Do you cut yourself down or talk negative? Do you talk fear? If you are doing these things and telling yourself negative things that stem from fear, you aren't going to over come that over night and manage a friendship or munch without huge challenges. You first must address you and what you are feeding off of. We often will justify our fear and it is easy to justify. Didn't people hurt us or not play fair? Of course, everyone has experienced that. But to use fear as a protective mode is a faulty way to go and will not do you well. Fear has it's place in life and within reason is a good thing, but when it takes over, you will be isolated, will wound yourself and your life more than any bad guy could and you get no where but lonely town. Address your personal demons, the fear, the thoughts and feelings and do your emotional homework and then step out and try to play with others. In my way of thinking, it is the only way to do it without adding to the problems. You may need some help with this. Someone reminding you of what is reasonable or helpful in fear and how to digest fear and make it worthwhile or get it out of your life. When you find balance in your fear, you will do much better and will be far happier with friends or without. Sorry I can't go into the depths this topic really needs... but hopefully you can see a bit of what I mean. If the strongest emotion you feel is fear... I would suggest that is where to start and from your post, I would say fear is a major thing in your life.

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 10:51:45 AM)
thank you all for the advice. i will somehow find the strength to move forward in my journey. i suppose it is like divorce..when it is happening to you it seems as though you are the only one in the world to experience it...then you realize there really are plenty of others that have taken the same journey...maybe we will all laugh at the....journey to the journey one day.

IBused -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 6:27:46 PM)
Trust in God...all others pay cash...imho

anewme4u2c -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 7:54:06 PM)
so true. that is great advice.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Trust (10/28/2009 11:13:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IBused Trust in God...all others pay cash...imho Oh no, not another money thread! [:-] M

DemonKia -> RE: Trust (10/29/2009 12:00:03 AM)
FR, after read thru OP, it sounds like it might be a good thing for you to look at kinksters as a new potential pool of friends, many of whom may very well have much more in common with you than you might think .. .. ... It sounds like you just need to make some new friends; I've been there with changing social scenes that were unhealthy, & ya just gotta get out there & learn how to have healthier friendships . . . . . . For instance, you might find much of what you're seeking in terms of learning, acknowledgment, understanding, & etc from simple friendship with other male subs, rather than putting all of that onto your very first BDSM relationship with a Mistress . . .. . Personally, I'm more into having a lot of casual-acquaintance friends rather than just a few close friends, having tried both ways . . . . . . & I mostly just socialize with kinksters anymore. I find I prefer the company of the kink-appreciative. I tend to think it maximizes my chances of finding kinky partnership to focus my social energies on hanging out preferentially with those who are into BDSM . .. . . Thus why I attend as many munches, classes, play parties, & etc as I possibly can manage . . . . . Well, that & I enjoy munches, classes, play parties, & etc . . . . .. [;)]

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