RE: Transparency

RE: Transparency (Full Version)

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Slipstreme -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 10:30:26 AM)
Indeed. I am very open and honest to my partners, even to the point of wierding them out. I don't believe in keeping back secrets and wear who I am for them to see. Sure, it takes a level of vulnerability and nakedness that many people are unable to handle, however it avoids a lot of conflict in the long run. It just takes you getting over the fact you may not be accepted for who you are, and moving on from that: a lesson that has taken a lifetime to learn.

ExistentialSteel -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 10:39:27 AM)
Man, we have too many secret handshake things going on around here. Yeah, you should know all there is to know about someone. It takes time, but it comes eventually anyway. Telling the small and major things of your life to someone brings both of you closer. Nothing can be loved or hated, for that matter, unless it is known.

yourMissTress -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 12:03:43 PM)
quote: I don't hold secrets, not of my own, I have nothing to hide. The only questions I won't answer are those involving things other people have told me in confidence, but anything about myself, I am an open book to any partner. I like the way you said this Raven, and it's true for me as well. I am an open book to my partner/s. I have nothing to hide and believe in brutal honesty. However, I am in a position of holding the confidences of others, both friends and lovers. I take that commitment as seriously as I do the commitment of honesty and truth with my partner/s. I will share the most tender parts of my soul with the ones I love, but will not betray a confidence.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 12:08:25 PM)
Transparency isn't even as issue with me...as anyone who ever meets me can look in my eyes and see everything I think/feel (not exactly a characteristic I'm thrilled with, but, it prolly isn't gonna change now) As far as doms...hmm...I've found they go for the 'tough lil boy' attitude... If you look at them as someone who is hiding behind a tough exterieor, you can usually see the sweetness within....

IronBear -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 12:31:32 PM)
What I am finding interesting, is that only one person mentioned that transparency did not expend to confidences given to him. I said something similar regarding areas which I am sworn to secrecy including two at a Governmental level. Does this that those who want a completely open dialogue and have no secrets would share military secrets, confidential information from your place of employment or confidences from your family???? This is a tad like the “No Limits” v the “Hard Limits” debate … If the answer is Yes.. 1. Would a Dominant trust the sub/slave? 2. Would the sub/slave trust the Dominant?

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 12:53:27 PM)
I feel as though I have nothing to add on this, because so many have summed it up already. Without transparency on my part, i just don't understand how I could trust my partner to make informed decisions for our lives...and I hope one day to find a partner who thrives from making those decisions. (With input and support) The value of my being transparent has never been in doubt for me, but I've never really stopped to consider whether it is equally important for the dominant partner to be as transparent... What are people's thoughts on this...Is there a difference between a sub being transparent and a dominant being transparent? Cin

ExistentialSteel -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 12:58:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I said something similar regarding areas which I am sworn to secrecy including two at a Governmental level. Does this that those who want a completely open dialogue and have no secrets would share military secrets I know the combination to the lounge at work, but I won't give it away unless I'm tortured beyond anything any sub has ever endured....okay, it is 213, I can't take pain, I admit.

SimplyV -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:00:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear What I am finding interesting, is that only one person mentioned that transparency did not expend to confidences given to him. Normally I agree with you IB, but I'm counting a lot more than one. quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I said something similar regarding areas which I am sworn to secrecy including two at a Governmental level. Does this that those who want a completely open dialogue and have no secrets would share military secrets, confidential information from your place of employment or confidences from your family???? This is a tad like the “No Limits” v the “Hard Limits” debate … If the answer is Yes.. 1. Would a Dominant trust the sub/slave? 2. Would the sub/slave trust the Dominant? As a Dominant, you have to trust your sub/slave to reveal to you what you need to know. Same goes for a sub/slave needing that trust in the Dominant. No matter what a person ascribes to.. Dominant or submissive.. Keeping your word is part of that trust. As for things as Govt secrets and what not.. Unless you know something that will directly harm your Dominant or sub (aka There is a nuclear bomb planted downtown about to go off).. Then those things should be kept secret, as you gave your word to the Govt that you would. If a Dominant demands that their sub tell them everything.. then that sub should also let the person know who's confidence they're promising to keep .. that their Dominant will also be informed. Then the person has a choice of who gets to know the information. A person has to be able to retain a certain amount of personal honor. I think subs need to see that honor in their Dominants.. and Dominants need to see that type of honor in their subs. Maybe its just me, but I cannot trust or be with someone who cannot keep their word. (though if every conversation a person had with another person was considered totally private.. I would probably get suspicious. At least at some point, one of them had to talk about something mundane.. even if it was "Nice shoes, where'd you get them?") V

yourMissTress -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:05:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear What I am finding interesting, is that only one person mentioned that transparency did not expend to confidences given to him. I said something similar regarding areas which I am sworn to secrecy including two at a Governmental level. Does this that those who want a completely open dialogue and have no secrets would share military secrets, confidential information from your place of employment or confidences from your family???? This is a tad like the “No Limits” v the “Hard Limits” debate … If the answer is Yes.. 1. Would a Dominant trust the sub/slave? 2. Would the sub/slave trust the Dominant? IB, I would certainly consider military secrets, work related confidentiality and the like to be part of those confidences that I would hold and expect a partner to hold as well. IMO honesty, trust, and confidentiality are all tightly woven and hardly separable. I would have a difficult time trusting someone if I knew that they had difficulty keeping other oaths. I distrust people that expose themselves to me as duplicitous, especially when they are doing so in an attempt to prove their own trustworthiness.

Dom4me2 -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:15:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level By that I mean being totally open to not only yourself, but your partner? Even if it means the poop would hit the fan? If you are not honest with yourself then who can you be honest with? That would be tragedy in and of itself. I am totally honest and if "poop" hits the fan in the process that is fine. If someone walks away that is fine. Apparently a lesson to be learned. I will say that I have not read all the responses betweeen here and there (there being the last post to this thread), but I have found that things can become "distorted" if I do not pay attention to the original post. Somehow things seem to get out of balance and the original post has no bearing on the end response at times (just an observation). Kathleen

brightspot -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:22:43 PM)
quote: Does transparency matter to you? By that I mean being totally open to not only yourself, but your partner? Even if it means the poop would hit the fan? Yes. Honesty and Clear Communication are Vital to me and my intimate relationships. *Brightspot

ownedgirlie -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:23:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear What I am finding interesting, is that only one person mentioned that transparency did not expend to confidences given to him. I said something similar regarding areas which I am sworn to secrecy including two at a Governmental level. Does this that those who want a completely open dialogue and have no secrets would share military secrets, confidential information from your place of employment or confidences from your family???? This is a tad like the “No Limits” v the “Hard Limits” debate … If the answer is Yes.. 1. Would a Dominant trust the sub/slave? 2. Would the sub/slave trust the Dominant? Anyone who confides in me will be told beforehand, that my Master is privvy to anything that is said to me, should he wish to know it. This doesn't mean i take up his time filling him in on every conversation i have. i actually only fill him in on such conversations that pertain to me or have an effect on me or us. But my friends know that i don't intentionally keep things from him. Period. i don't work in a place of government secrets - interesting question, however. i can only believe my Master would not wish me to jeopardize my job in anyway and therefore would not insist i divulge information that would cost me my job, career, or worst yet, jail time. As for "two-way" transparency, i do not know every detail about his life as he does mine. But i know enough, and i know him, and that works for us.

BitaTruble -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 1:32:44 PM)
quote: Anyone who confides in me will be told beforehand, that my Master is privvy to anything that is said to me, should he wish to know it. This doesn't mean i take up his time filling him in on every conversation i have. i actually only fill him in on such conversations that pertain to me or have an effect on me or us. But my friends know that i don't intentionally keep things from him. Period. I'm with owned on this one. If I can't tell Master, then don't tell me. Things which I knew or held in coinfidence prior to our relationship remain inviolate to this day and until the day I die because those are not 'mine' to give to him. They belong to someone else. Celeste

IronBear -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:45:09 PM)
Honour, Respect, Integrity, Trustworthness, Duty, Loyalty, Courage ~~~~ All things which Goreans hold true yet are not exclusive to Gorean Lifestylers. They are what make you Human instead of humus. I see a lot of Humans here and no humus……

KnightofMists -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:46:19 PM)
most definitely!!! It speaks of Intergity of ones Motivations and achieving my goal of having Vulnerability within the emotional context!

Level -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:47:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeeQueen transparency or honesty...what is it u refer too? transparency would bee laying out all motivations of my actions honesty regards answering questions as open as u can/know. for transparency u would first need to know about ur own motivations eg why u do certain things as u do them. selfreflexion is something not many ppl have, and even less are able to talk about selfreflected awarness but honesty and open talks about why or how i do things or expect things is absolutly needed for the lifestyle i live. Bee I see how you're trying to make a distinction between honesty and transparency, but to me they're of the same tree. When you "lay out all motivations of your actions", that is an act of honesty. I do like the other points you made, especially about self-reflection. I think many are horrified at the very thought of knowing themselves. Level ~~~~~~~~ "We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin

Level -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:51:36 PM)
A lot of excellent posts, hope more are to come.........and I thank all who have weighed in so far. Level

Level -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:53:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx As far as doms...hmm...I've found they go for the 'tough lil boy' attitude... If you look at them as someone who is hiding behind a tough exterieor, you can usually see the sweetness within.... Hi blushes smiles.........why do you think this is so? Level

Level -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 3:58:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful What are people's thoughts on this...Is there a difference between a sub being transparent and a dominant being transparent? Cin Not to me there isn't. Either the window is open or it isn't. Level

xxblushesxx -> RE: Transparency (3/8/2006 4:01:01 PM)
hmm...well, Level, partly because I am psychic...(yes, some say psycho, as well, but...this is another story) And also, because whenever I call one on it...they get that sheepish look, look away, and change the subject... I love doms...they are so secretly sweet and cuddleable...

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