Well Meaning Friends

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littleone35 -> Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 9:50:55 AM)
I have many friends that do not know abut my lifestyle. I did not tell them about it because i know they would not understand. I do, however, have some friends that do know, and they are suppotive and curious about it. Ok what happened is that one of my curious and supportive friends to mentioned something about my Master to one of the friends that did not know thnking they knew. To put it midly she freaked . I knew that would be her reaction which is why i did not tell her. She said he forced you into this right? If he is bothering you we can go to the police and get a restraining order. I siad to her relax i love him, he is not bothering me I CHOSE this, and him and no one is going to the police. She is still a little freaked out. Thinks something is seriously wrong with me. I know she means well but she has gotta chill. I guess i have to tell my friends who knows and who does not Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? Matt's littleone

mnottertail -> RE: Wel meaning friends (10/29/2009 9:52:14 AM)
get the book, when someone you love is kinky and loan it to her.

littleone35 -> RE: Wel meaning friends (10/29/2009 9:55:34 AM)
Thank You i will look that up. Matt's littleone

MasterAramis -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:03:21 AM)
This is not uncommon. Many people "freak" at things they don't or can't understand. However it is best that you sit down and talk to her about it. I am not sure as to your relationship dynamic with your Master, but I think it would best to discuss with her that there is something inside of you that is old, and desirous of when men were men, and women were women, to quote a cliche, and that you do so willingly and to top it off, that you are extremely happy in this dynamic. I would also stress as you did, that you choose to live in this fashion and that it is not being forced upon you in the least. Please remember, that she can still go to the police without you if she feels you are being forced into this. If she does, you may have some cruisers in front of your house and the cops asking a bunch of questions about your personal life. Very embarrassing to say the least. Bit of advice if this does happen, tell them everything you have said here, leave out any physical stuff that may go on between you too. I have seen some pretty bad things happen because of some well meaning friends. Aramis

SubOnlyForHim -> RE: Wel meaning friends (10/29/2009 10:06:58 AM)
i had a similar reaction from a very close male friend a few days ago. i was the one to tell him. He said "I can handle anything. You can't be keeping anything THAT big from me". Boy, was he wrong! Sometimes you just never can tell. I told him he could just go back to thinking i had an over-bearing jealous control-freak boyfriend. He said he couldn't decide what kind of help i needed....mental or law enforcement. major eye roll edited cause i can't spell!

mnottertail -> RE: Wel meaning friends (10/29/2009 10:09:49 AM)
well, this is why I recommend books, which you yourself should read first so you can advance studious arguments.....sign your copy and get it back... I read John Warren's, 'Loving Dominant' only a few years ago, and all the while I read his warnings and disclaimers and mumbled to myself throughout: Yup, fucked up JUST LIKE THAT, Yup, fucked up JUST LIKE THAT ...... Ron

leadership527 -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:15:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? I've never ran into this. The closest I came was my parents who had some momentary concern on Carol's behalf. How I would handle this situation is easy though. I don't personally believe anythign I'm doing is bad. Hence, anyone who felt so strongly that it was would be in the "mutually irreconcilable differences" category in my head and would not be my friend. Problem solved. I expect my friends to care about ME, not their own little warped visions of me.

porcelaine -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:15:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? littleone, this was a common occurrence for me years ago, but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them. that right is afforded to my Owner. when i returned to collarme i recall my then Mentor looking at the profiles i found intriguing and frowning. she didn't find them appealing and would never select those individuals for me. but no one was ever good enough in her book so it became clear the remedy was to stop showing them to her. i would suggest something similar in your situation. when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way. porcelaine

mnottertail -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:19:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? littleone, this was a common occurrence for me years ago, but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them. that right is afforded to my Owner. when i returned to collarme i recall my then Mentor looking at the profiles i found intriguing and frowning. she didn't find them appealing and would never select those individuals for me. but no one was ever good enough in her book so it became clear the remedy was to stop showing them to her. i would suggest something similar in your situation. when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way. porcelaine and this is the reasoning behind the 'insultings' that a few people say exists on the forums, yanno, this is one that should be cross posted and allowed. it is what it is. Ron

oceanwynds1 -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:28:29 AM)
Yes i do littleone and some of them feel they have an invested interest in me since hubby died. They do not understand why i want more then kink in the bedroom. i hear it a lot, almost like a constant drumming being played by them to control me. i am pulling away from them not because they don't understand but the delusion that they know what is right and wrong for me. i am very capable of making my own decisions and have realized that what i do will not be met in good grace by many, yet it is me that i will answer too in the end. i am who i am and to live that will serve my life better. Odd though they can handle me being a pagan, even into kink, but to live 24/7 in the expression of a submmissive baffles them. i do not push who i am or what i do on people. i bascially a quiet person. When i left Sir last week those against this where cheering big time, like i came to my 'senses'. Since i been back from the wedding, Sir and i have talked a lot and are working through the issues that were red flags for me. We both want to try and we are. i have decided to just stay quiet right now to those who cheered. Everyone means well, it is part of life, but many also have alternative motives. i'm learning and it is good thing, because i plan to learn to the day i die. blessings oceanwynds

MasterAramis -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:47:31 AM)
quote: and this is the reasoning behind the 'insultings' that a few people say exists on the forums, yanno, this is one that should be cross posted and allowed. it is what it is. Duh, did something just go over my head? LOL By the way been there done that with Johns books! Good call. Aramis

mnottertail -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:49:53 AM)
well, these bits at any rate...... --------------------------------- but as an adult it is necessary to draw clear boundaries. advice is fine and expressing concern isn't something i mind. but in the end i will live my life according to my own terms without their consent or necessary approval. i simply can't live in the manner. this doesn't imply i have little regard for their feelings, but i'm unwilling to be restricted by them. when we share intimate things about ourselves we run the risk of negative consequences coming about. i'm of the opinion that some things are meant to remain within and don't need to be expressed verbally. i find myself far more tight lipped now than i ever was, and truth be told i'm much happier being this way. ----------------------------------- does that make it any clearer?

AnnaOfAramis -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 10:54:04 AM)
[sm=whisper.gif]Pssst, Master, talk to Master Tim- he has a little prism decoder thingy he uses for Master Ron's posts [;)] love, anna

MarcEsadrian -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 11:35:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? The only way to mitigate this problem is through privacy, and sharing what you do only with those of like-mind, who understand and respect the need for privacy. Those who find it "curious" no doubt see an element of scandal in it all, and can't help but diffuse details of your personal life to others—in the utmost "confidence", of course. It often starts with an innocent assumption as fodder for gossip, and in others by invoking that familiar incantation, "don't tell anyone else this, but did you know..." As for dealing with well-meaning friends who happen upon these details of your personal life, a patient and thorough dialog is recommended. If they refuse to accept your way of life as a chosen path and insist on interfering, remove them from your life as gently as you may; these "friends", while well intentioned, have the tools to cause you a lot of trouble if they so choose. Be cautious about what you say to others. Better yet, refrain from offering these colorful vignettes to brag or show off in the first place.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 11:57:53 AM)
nope cause I have no real life friends, and my online friends are just as /kinky if not more than me.

Eamane -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 11:58:06 AM)
makes a face I made this mistake too. I have a very close girlfriend who thinks that only dominant personalities should take a submissive role and vice versus (she watched a tv show >.<) and thus because I have a submissive personality Sir is taking advantage of me and I should be in therapy. I eventually just told her to leave it, that I'm happpy and that I chose this dynamic for myself. I don't think it worked, but she doesn't bring it up anymore

littleone35 -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 12:59:50 PM)
You all seem to thimk i share close intimate details of what we do. I don't do that i only go over in in broad terms i idon't give them a blow by blow (no pun intended). If igave them intimate details that would be TMI Thank you for all your thoughts and advice though, it is very much appricated. Matt's littleone

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 1:03:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Do you have well meaning friends who want to"protect" you? How did you handle it? Matt's littleone Very few of my nilla friends know about my bdsm proclivities. Five to be exact. And each one has proven herself trustworthy time and time again. Other than that, the police liason for the apartment building asked why I was wearing a dog collar & when a friend explained why, then he understood & was happy for me. And my sister knows & keeps quiet about it. At first, my sister and one friend were a little freaked, but now everyone who knows is okay with it. There's always a chance of unpleasant reactions if someone finds out.....

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 1:16:29 PM)
I've said nothing to my family and non-kinky friends. My family would NOTunderstand and what starts out as acceptance could end up front page news if the descrete friend and I have a fight. it's not worth it

DesFIP -> RE: Well Meaning Friends (10/29/2009 3:54:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Eamane because I have a submissive personality Sir is taking advantage of me and I should be in therapy. The only person I told was my therapist. She sees me calmer and more able to handle things than before so she's fine with it. However I don't tell people about my relationship, I allow them to observe and make their own decisions from what they see. And what they see are two people who respect each other, care about each other, are happy together and don't argue. And how could anyone thing there is something wrong with that?

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