undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
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I hope you don't mind that I am also chiming in.
quote:
ORIGINAL: IBused
When first contacting a Mistress, the term of choice, Ma'am, Mistress, Goddess, Miss..etc, how do you like to be addressed for the first time?
I usually say:
(1) Hello :), or (2) Hello <screenname>, or, (3) if the screen name is of the form TitleName (like LadyPact), Hello Title Name (Hello Lady Pact). When they respond, I look at what was used in the closing of the response as a cue for how to address. If there is no clear indication, I stick with what I used in the initial email and, sometimes, explicitly ask if there is a preference. Sometimes the dialog takes an informal tone where neither has a formal salutation and simply begins the email with the body of the letter.
In communities (like a forum, a chatroom, or a real-time groups), it varies with the culture. There are some that go by first name basis, and there are some that require use of a title. In in-person situations, I will introduce myself and address using whatever was said to me in the introduction, or I will explicitly ask if there is a preferred way of addressing based on what I sense about how much formality is appropriate for the situation.
quote:
Is distance a huge problem when seeking a slave/sub man? It seems it is to me.
When I first came online, I spent a good amount of time in chatrooms. While I had some distant online flings, I did not consider a distant collar to be practical unless there was high compatibility. With some experiences of meeting people in person and then not finding chemistry, I am a bit more cautious about how much I expect or ask another to expect in a distant, online relationship. I am active enough locally where I keep my focus there. And with distant relationships, I am more open to places where I tend to visit anyway, each because it allows an opportunity to meet in person at time of next visit, and because it allows more opportunities to continue to meet.
These days my distant relationships are much like how vanilla distant relationships are. We simply keep in touch. It is not based on long-distance play.
quote:
Is on-line Domination something most of you all are not into? I think it's kinda cool.
Most people eventually want to take the next step, which is to meet in person. However, online has its own value. BDSM, more so D/s, involves much that occurs between the minds and that can also be had online. You will find dommes who enjoy online, but you will find more dommes who enjoy in-person. If you seek to find online play, I recommend going to chatrooms and participating in forums so as to let your personality come across there.
When I first came online, I cybered, sometimes giving another meaning to coming online ;-) Sometimes I was seduced to cyber. Sometimes I charmed my way into being seduced to cyber ;-)
While I still can give some value to a long distance D/s relationship with some form of D/s activity or expression, the idea of cybering has zero appeal for me now. There are people who enjoy it. For some, it is similar to writing erotica. In my opinion, people are less likely to take interest in cybering if they have been engaging in BDSM for a while, especially if they participate in person.
quote:
How long does it take to get to know one, well enough to meet?
Curious, as us men are EZ
The answer here depends largely on the distance involved. For someone local, some people prefer to meet sooner rather than later (a few conversations). For distance, it can be months. If you have a conversation with someone who is distant and then have a trip arise that is taking you there, that provides an opportunity to meet in person.
I usually say something to the effect of that I am happy to have conversation via whichever medium is most comfortable and convenient: emails, IMs, phone, or in person. If nothing has happened and I think a conversation is going well, I might then suggest meeting for coffee.
I agree that in general you will be grateful for any positive response you get. However, if you do not feel compatibility or otherwise feel uncomfortable, go with your instinct. It is alright to politely decline or withdraw yourself from a situation.
quote:
What is the best thing a submissive male can bring to the table to warrant your attention?
Sincerity, respect and social courtesy, and seeking growth where I felt I needed it has helped me.
Cheers,
Sea
< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/29/2009 9:44:13 PM >
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A new topic coz there has been nothing new - 
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