Just a Question.

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juicygummybear -> Just a Question. (10/29/2009 6:48:37 PM)
I been talking to a guy since late Aug we meant since then 10 times, he always makes comments when we talk online “we been talking 2 hours “ to me it feels as if he doesn’t want to talk to me and doesn’t and I am wasting his time , it’s the same way when we meet the next day when we talk online he will say “ we spent the day with each other “ which isn’t true because I don’t spend the night! Its only for a couple of hours ! ( I did one time spend the night 1 time with him!) when I mention this to him he compares me his past girlfriends! Then when I say other people say that when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday , he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples in the away I guess “seeing” each other . he does say he wants to see me more, but I don’t know. My question is that when you first start a “relationship” should the other one want to see talk text im( if you meant on the computer) with that other person and be happy to see them in a Dom/sub as the same as a vanilla one I hope i made sense!

ncbabe -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:24:56 PM)
Yes.

lizi -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:34:21 PM)
It's the same as vanilla, you should want to see each other. My guy and I don't have a lot of time to be together in person but we find the time to connect every day by phone or online. A relationship takes interaction between both parties to feed it and help it grow and blossom - we take the part where we want to be together seriously enough that we both set aside the time to make it work. If that's not happening maybe he's not that into you and you should consider finding someone who can fulfill more of your needs. From what you've written here it doesn't sound like the two of you are a good match and nothing wrong with that...move on and find someone who has a similar view to your own about how much time you want to spend together.

Cdub2U -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:36:14 PM)
[:o] RUN, you already see the giant red flag! I'll go back to working Have fun and Play Safe

Elizabeth666 -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:36:52 PM)
When He and i first met it was online. Then we met in person after talking on the phone for a week or so. We hit it off right away and have been inseperable since. We talk everyday whether it is online, text, phone or in person. He comes to see me everyday at work to say hi and i usually take my break then so we can spend a little time together. i spend the night once a week as we both work and have other obligations. But, we are sure to say good morning and good night everyday, and have since the beginning. i think we would be the same way even if we were just vanilla. So, yes to your question. But it could also depend on the person and how open they are

Cdub2U -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:38:18 PM)
My bad, I did not know I was in ask a sub. Now I know I'll mind my own business Sorry

BeIgnited -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:39:56 PM)
Yes. At best, I'd say you two are incompatible in the level of contact you want; at worst, I'd say he's being emotionally manipulative. Why bother with someone who is already making you feel like you're a bother to him?

lizi -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:43:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Cdub2U My bad, I did not know I was in ask a sub. Now I know I'll mind my own business Sorry Thread Hijack: You can respond in any of the forums regardless of your orientation. If you feel you have something to add go for it...

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:47:38 PM)
I'm taking a different stance and state that it sounds like he has a different view to how this relationship is contrary to what you want. It sounds like he wants a relationship based solely on D/s where you want one that starts off as bf and gf and then introduce elements of D/s. Have you thought about asking him how he sees your relationship progressing and where he sees it going?

DrkJourney -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 7:50:25 PM)
Seems like he has a lot of baggage from past relationships. I'd say find someone else. When it's the right one you will know it, and these questions will not be an issue good luck on your search

AnimusRex -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 8:13:00 PM)
I see it differently- When I read your post, I wonder if it sounds like the way you talk- a continuous stream of chatter, and an incessant need for togetherness and intimacy and connection..... I think you are confusing a Dominant man with a girlfriend. I am extremely happy with my beloved Kim. Part of what makes us happy is that she recognizes that I am not fond of chatter; I enjoy listening to her talk, but often I prefer to be left alone with my reading, my hobbies or just to be doing non-together time. Perhaps your guy is like that. Maybe he just isn't into chattering away with you like one of the Sex in the City gals; maybe he needs his down time, his time to be independent. When you nag him about wanting to spend more time, wanting to talk, or as you put it "when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday andwhydontyouwanttobewithmerightnownownownow " it makes me weary and want to fit you with a ballgag just reading it. And I mean that in the kindest way possible. Maybe ease up on hounding and henpecking at him trying to turn him into a girlfriend who wants to chat about shoe shopping- maybe accept his need to have guy time alone and find a real girl to be girlfriends with.

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Just a Question. (10/29/2009 8:20:00 PM)
Perhaps his wants and desires, at least in the realm of time together, simply do not align with what you are seeking. It seems to be a personal preference thing, rather than a Dom/sub thing. You should probably find a Dominant who is more compatible with your need for closeness, communication, and intimacy. Just my two cents, Maggi

agirl -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 11:55:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juicygummybear I been talking to a guy since late Aug we meant since then 10 times, he always makes comments when we talk online “we been talking 2 hours “ to me it feels as if he doesn’t want to talk to me and doesn’t and I am wasting his time , it’s the same way when we meet the next day when we talk online he will say “ we spent the day with each other “ which isn’t true because I don’t spend the night! Its only for a couple of hours ! ( I did one time spend the night 1 time with him!) when I mention this to him he compares me his past girlfriends! Then when I say other people say that when people first get together they are supposed to be all happy to be together and really want to spend time with each other not say we just seen each other yesterday , he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples in the away I guess “seeing” each other . he does say he wants to see me more, but I don’t know. My question is that when you first start a “relationship” should the other one want to see talk text im( if you meant on the computer) with that other person and be happy to see them in a Dom/sub as the same as a vanilla one I hope i made sense! There really aren't any super-duper shoulds. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations of him, and the person HE is. What other people say doesn't really matter....He obviously is content with the level of contact you have. You just don't like that. agirl

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 12:29:41 PM)
To answer your question: Yes, if that's what BOTH of you want/need, in a relationship- whether vanilla or D/s. If the level of contact and intimacy (emotional as well as physical) that you each need and desire is that different, to begin with: I'd say you're incompatible, and you should move on. He's just not that into you.

frazzle -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 12:55:12 PM)
He may see you as a 'play partner', not a relationship. You need to calmly ask him what his idea of a relationship is and see if it compares to what you want.

antipode -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 2:15:36 PM)
quote: he said that vanilla couples are different then Dom/sub couples Well, you begin this by "I've been talking to this guy" and then you go on to indicate you think you're a couple. Are you? Have you talked, and you're an item together? Vanilla and D/s "couples" may be the same, they may be different, that's all dependent on the individual people, and how they see life. Since you're not giving any information (I mean, "guy" is not exactly a good description of a person) I have no way of even beginning to guess where the two of you disconnect. You seem to be expecting that the two of you are in love with each other, which isn't necessarily what D/s is all about. So for me you sow a lot of confusion - I think you have a pattern of expectation that you have not discussed with him, and have not gotten his agreement on. A couple of hours is not a day, you are right, but some guys in your age group are like that...

antipode -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 2:22:07 PM)
And I have to honsetly add that if you really delete all emails from California because "all people from Cali are crazy" you come across to me as "22 going on 16"... which is not a good place to start a relationship.

DesFIP -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 3:11:11 PM)
He's just not that into you. D/s couples aren't allowed to love each other and want to spend time together? In his dreams. Beyond that, you need a relationship where the guy is as interested in being with you as you are with him. This guy's interested in a booty call and just enough contact to keep getting it. That's being used in a bad way in my book. Don't settle for a relationship where your needs are not being met. BTW we're in our 50's, we've been together 8 years and we still spend all our free time together, holding hands, etc.

elleX -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 4:58:08 PM)
juicy, when a Dom and a sub really connect , they become hungry of each other i have a feeling that your man is not totally free in his mind for you,, this is a red flag stay well

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Just a Question. (10/30/2009 5:24:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP He's just not that into you. That's the impression I got too... and is likely just keeping her around till he finds someone else.

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