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RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 1:57:15 PM   
artglfr


Posts: 235
Joined: 4/8/2005
Status: offline 		Relax and enjoy the ride. Some Doms just enjoy pushing buttons and seeing how dedicated a sub really is. It doesn't sound like you were ignored all that long. Have fun and listen to LA .

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 2:35:56 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr

Relax and enjoy the ride. Some Doms just enjoy pushing buttons and seeing how dedicated a sub really is.


This brings up an interesting issue...I've often heard women say that when a new contact takes unexplained, significant breaks from contact (online or in real life) that it's a male thing, that he's likely just testing her.

(I'm not making this a gender thing, but I haven't actually ever heard a man claim this, so I've stated women...)

Now, personally, I have big doubts about this claim, and tend to feel that if a person (of any sex or orientation) does this, then there are other factors, the likeliest being they just aren't that committed to making anything happen in that relationship.

So, is this testing theory just a little white lie we tell to comfort ourselves and others, or do people actually test people in that manner? Opinions?

Cin


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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(in reply to artglfr)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 3:17:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cinful
So, is this testing theory just a little white lie we tell to comfort ourselves and others, or do people actually test people in that manner? Opinions?

Cin

You hear about it all the time. Subs get away with disobeying all the time in the name of "testing" or "pushing the limits" just so they can feel safe. I call it BS.

Life brings more than enough tests on its own. Someone who purposefully tests the other person isn't comfortable with just getting to know the other person.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 4:37:57 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

You live in a cold, emotionless climate LA?

It's odd ... we never ran into each other.


Nice to know I have such good company. I've been called an unemotional bitch. I just smiled and said "Thank you"

kyra



_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/8/2006 11:21:20 PM   
Crazytwice


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: North of Boston
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cin

This brings up an interesting issue...I've often heard women say that when a new contact takes unexplained, significant breaks from contact (online or in real life) that it's a male thing, that he's likely just testing her.

(I'm not making this a gender thing, but I haven't actually ever heard a man claim this, so I've stated women...)

Now, personally, I have big doubts about this claim, and tend to feel that if a person (of any sex or orientation) does this, then there are other factors, the likeliest being they just aren't that committed to making anything happen in that relationship.

So, is this testing theory just a little white lie we tell to comfort ourselves and others, or do people actually test people in that manner? Opinions?

Cin



Nah, my opinion is " he's just not that into you."


_____________________________

"If you build it, he will come"
~Field of Dreams~

(in reply to Vancouver_cinful)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:00:05 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		You overreacted, plain and simple.
Your recent loss gives you a valid reason to be afraid/worried and makes said overreaction understandable. My advice is to make sure he understands what happened to you the last time, and then to tell him how you felt. Do NOT blame him, what he did was not wrong, it is your reaction to what he did wherin lies the issue (it is not wrong either).

My Pet has issues from her past that make certain things very worrisome to her, so in certain areas I simply have to be extra clear about things...I phone, email, leave a note if I am going anywhere else when she would expect me to be home...I don't have to tell her what I am doing per se, just that there has been a change of plans, and when I can be expected to be home. I do this because she also worries and overreacts if she finds I am not home when I am expected to be. Similarly, if she is going somewhere, she lets me know she has arrived safely, because I worry as well.

If you handle the whole issue like a reasonable adult, then there will be no issue...the next time there is a sudden change in plans, he will fire off a quick email to let you know about it, and you will be disappointed, but not worried.

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:05:59 AM   
orfunboi


Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		You said your under consideration, yet you have not met him yet? i am confused, what are you under consideration for?

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:07:21 AM   
shiava


Posts: 23
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		i guess i am seeing this in a different light.

Did He say He would be one place and than just take off to another?

If so..........

Draw your own conclusions, but just as you may be 'under consideration' He is too. Telling you one thing and doing another is just plain wrong.

Sorry but true!
shi

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:06:32 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

You live in a cold, emotionless climate LA?


So does being titled a cold heartless bitch mean that I'm the welcome wagon there? if so welcome

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:34:05 PM   
TMaster2


Posts: 194
Joined: 2/25/2006
Status: offline 		Just read all these and have to say - I like My naps! Maybe he does, too ;)
I know sometimes I have taken what started out to be a short little nap and woken up WAY later than I should, and had to jump and run to do this that and the other... could that have been the case?
In defense of naps, I am

Sincerely yours... (lol... that's how we were taught to end a letter way back then)
TM

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 8:59:12 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Crazytwice


quote:

ORIGINAL: Vancouver_cin
So, is this testing theory just a little white lie we tell to comfort ourselves and others, or do people actually test people in that manner? Opinions?

Cin



Nah, my opinion is " he's just not that into you."



I'm inclined to believe this, too.

Cin


_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

http://cinful.wordpress.com

(in reply to Crazytwice)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 9:03:58 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		I have had instances in my life happen that has caused me to be a worry wart.
With my last Domina, her life was very busy, very complicated and there were times when she just could not call me and let me know she was running late. My imagination could conjure up all kinds of things for why she was late and not calling me.

With time though and building of trust, I began to feel more secure with missed calls or her getting home late. Although I still knew a number of bad things still could happen, she taught me how to not imediately let my thoughts go to the worst but instead think of more logical reasons and that worry was a detrimental total waste of time.

Just wanted to say I understand and I hope you can practice better thought patterns, that is what helps me.

Good luck...

Brightspot

_____________________________

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But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 9:18:24 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		Growing up I was always told by my uncle, "Nika, your only as good as your word." I'm sorry I will NEVER understand how someone can make a commitment and say, "oopps I forgot."

Yes, sometimes life happens and we have no control. However, from what I read this was NOTone of those times. He simply choose not to take time to consider someone elses needs above his own wants.In my opinion when someone can not keep to their word on little things I ask myself how I can honestly expect them to keep to their word on the big things, the important things.

I would assume since she is under consideration for his collar that they have spoken often and perhaps even about her past. Yes, she is underconsideration. No , they have not meet in person yet. However, does that mean that his wants come before her needs? That he simply disregards her because it is convient? Is that truely a sign of a man who is willing to commit to a M/s or D/s relatoinship?

Perhaps I am harsh, but in my eyes these are not traits of a someone I would want as a Dominate.

Nika {Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/9/2006 9:41:30 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, sometimes life happens and we have no control. However, from what I read this was NOTone of those times. He simply choose not to take time to consider someone elses needs above his own wants.In my opinion when someone can not keep to their word on little things I ask myself how I can honestly expect them to keep to their word on the big things, the important things.


I totally agree with the above statement too.
There are real reason's and then utter lack of consideration which is a way different story. Wanted to support the "Worry" piece.


*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/10/2006 1:00:31 AM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		Well, here's how I'd see it.

1. It was twelve hours, not days.
2. You're not in a Master/Slave relationship, as you say you are just considering each other.
3. If he doesn't know the history of your former master, then he might not even think this is a big deal, because as you stated you are still just in the consideration phase really.
4. Did he promise to chat or just casually say I'll call you later.

Anyway, I think this is more a personal issue, than wrong actions by him. Considering you aren't even his yet. And unless I'm missing something, you are just talking regularly on phone and chat. It'd be hard for me, to call that a relationship, even harder for me to come to think I had a obligation to that "relationship".

So, unless, he promised, and he was aware of your previous Dom. I think this is way overblown. Considering right now there isn't a real relationship. (I don't consider online, or phone exclusive conversations a real relationship).

(in reply to lilserenity)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/10/2006 2:37:41 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		So if you tell someone your going to do something you do not feel obligated to keep your word if it is within your power and control?

Nika {Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/10/2006 2:51:23 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

So if you tell someone your going to do something you do not feel obligated to keep your word if it is within your power and control?

Nika {Phoenix}


From what I could see in the original posting, he didn't promise to do anything. It appears to be an online/phone relationship, and even though he appears to lack manners through his actions, the reality of the situation is that they haven't yet met, and avoiding the computer to participate in offline things is something that happens.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/10/2006 10:00:32 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phoenixandnika

So if you tell someone your going to do something you do not feel obligated to keep your word if it is within your power and control?

Nika {Phoenix}


Sure if I gave my word. But if I just said casually, "I'll call you later". I wouldn't consider that a promise. So no, in that circumstance, if my cousin or somebody came by I hadn't seen in awhile I'd go to dinner or something with them. It wouldn't even occur to me that anyone would freak out about it.

Thanks


(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/10/2006 10:19:56 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I am fine with head and I don't think it takes alotta negotiation. but obviously sombody thinks this goes beyond the pale.....coolio,
gawd, I wish I felt here, but I just don't.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Why Make Us worry? - 3/12/2006 10:15:47 AM   
ImpGrrl


Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: artglfr

Some Doms just enjoy pushing buttons and seeing how dedicated a sub really is.


That's entirely too passive-aggressive to be acceptable in *any* of my relationships, on the d *or* the s side.

(in reply to artglfr)
Profile   Post #: 40
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