Mothering

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SentForu -> Mothering (8/31/2004 7:58:42 PM)
I know there are some mothers in here. Am I the only one who seems to have that carry into different areas of life? I find myself "mothering" others, without even realizing it. Of course, it's not done in a bossy way. Just out of looking after someone. I think it comes as a second nature to some of us. Myra

sub4hire -> RE: Mothering (8/31/2004 8:08:27 PM)
I never had my own children. By choice of course. Career was more important to me. Because of my own personal goals. Well, Doug and I may adopt now. We've been talking just a wee bit about it. Nothing will be decided upon until after marriage.About half of my life I've had kids...neices and nephews living with me off and on. More on than off. So, I guess I'm their mother in some respects. Anyway, all of my life I have been looking out for the underdog. I don't know if you'd call it mothering or not. I like to help people in general. I made it my career. So, perhaps I am sort of a mother-er?

SentForu -> RE: Mothering (8/31/2004 8:15:22 PM)
I would like to hope that every woman has some sort of a mothering instincts. Some don't, I'm sure. At any rate, I'd almost bet that you'd make a great mom. And yes, I would view that as a type of mothering. So, you have good potential....[:D] Myra

basiasubrosa -> RE: Mothering (8/31/2004 8:42:55 PM)
I don't think it necessary takes having children to be maternal. (Like Gloria) I haven't had any biological children either, but i've constantly been in the caretaker role. My sister used to slip into calling me Mama without noticing it. Growing up in a young scientists' community meant that there were lots of parents who worked ungodly hours and did not have time for much 'domesticity'. Since my parents had me early compared to their colleagues, i was much older than the other children. I'd meet them afterschool and bring them home for fresh baked cookies, games and homework. Sometimes i'd sew up a torn uniform so a child wouldn't get scolded. Everytime i bake, i miss how they would always be right next to me, eagerly awaiting the moment to pounce on the bowls and spatulas and lick them clean. I've also attended more than 30 births. In most of them the mothers were older than i, but they always treated me as a maternal or elder-sisterly figure.

perverseangelic -> RE: Mothering (8/31/2004 11:15:27 PM)
Mothering instinct? Lordy. My body is telling me "HAVE CHILDREN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOW" and as I'm 22, not established and not ready to have kiddies yet, I'm telling it no. So...all those hormones are coming out in the way I relate to my partner. It's good, though, because he doesn't mind having me make his lunch and find his shoes. :)

January -> RE: Mothering (9/1/2004 8:04:41 AM)
Myra, I'm a mother of three. Sure, I carry mothering into other parts of life. But I don't know if we'd agree on what "mothering" is! Using a bdsm framework, this is what my mothering is-- There's a lot of slave involved. I put my children's welfare above my own. Always. But there's also a ton of domination in my mothering, too. Kid's can't grow into self-sufficient adults unless you give them the knowledge they need, and expect them to use it. You have to demand correct behavior: such as thoughtfulness, responsibility, pride in trying, and so on. It doesn't just happen. (I am not that big on perfect "obedience" in children. Internalized ethics is more important to me.) I think too many mothers concentrate on giving just the love and support, and don't want to deal with the domination, because domination involves having your kid hate you sometimes. But if you leave that part out, I think kids end up self-absorbed hedonistic semi-adults who can't even do their own laundry. Anyway, back to the topic. When I carry my mothering into other parts of my life, I often get into trouble. Why? Some people think I've betrayed or mislead them. Because I'm not just warm and loving. I expect those I interact with acts as adults, too. (If they are adults.) January

MistressDREAD -> RE: Mothering (9/1/2004 8:06:01 AM)
[:D]Being sumone whom has done both caretaking and Mothering I can say for Me the experiances are completly different and untill You to have experiance such can know its differances. I am a Mothering smothering Bossy Dominant type. Yes I beleive its more intuitive in sum then others but I know its also a learned trait for I had the greatest of Mothers and Grannys,Aunts,Cousin and the like whom taught Me so much aside from just having the instint for such and I needed it being a Daddies Gurl I was never as the child brought up in the Womans side of living but out there with the Men doing Mens work. I suppose thats what makes Me such a Bossy dont take shit type Gal. I must rule everyones life!! well everyone that comes in contact with Me anyhow, AND I did a damn fine job with My Own I might add and boast! ~snickers~ Im the person whom will tell your kid to tie their shoes when they are loose in the mall and the kid looks at Me with that who the heck are you look. Im the person whom will go over to You if I see your colar up and fold it down and have you turn to look at who this person is touching you will out permission and I say your mother wasent here to do it so I did and turn quickly in the other direction and walk away. I am the person whom will walk up to a group of teens and tell all the boys to pull up their pants even if it is the latest fashion statement and say to them in front of their gurlie freinds ewwwwwwww that is oooh so grose!!!! Amazing what shame can do to a boy in front of a gurlie as they quickly pull em up. I am the person whom will see a young adult broke down on the interstate on the other side of the road and will turn around ten miles up and go back to see they are allright and drive them to a phone and back to their car when I have an appointment that Im allready late to. I have the house that kids I do not know come up to from the school across the street and say I missed My ride on the bus and My moms at work and sumone told Me you will drive Me home pleazzzzzz. And when I ask who said this they say oohh I dunno but everyone knows youll do it. I am the one the mission minister calls at 3 in the morning cause Im with in walking distance of the mission and He has a mother and three kids at his step that he has no room for and He knows I keep foldaway beds Ill let anyone down on their luck sleep on temporarly with out a second thought. I am the one whom has 10 kids in My yard on the week ends with parents written permission slips to be there earning 5 bucks a day by working doing things like weeding where there is no weeds cutting grass with a push mower and learning how to mix morter and work on a hurricane wall in the middle of the state and gaining skills they havent a clue will be used as they become an adult while We talk about all the things they dont have time to talk about to their Own parents and I interject My Own opinions as an adult, or raking up the sand so the ants dont multipy and bite em when there lil brother or sister they have to have tag alone while they earn cash for todays soda's and chips show Me their latest and bestest carewheel. Or earn nickles for every earth worm they find so I can go fishing during the week and by the end of the day half My yards dug up and ready to be worked on again the following weekend. Im the person who cannot go shopping at the store with out buying a 50 sucker package of icies, two bags of tottsie rolls and the newist coloring book even tho My 8 kids are all now in their 20s. Im the person whom has every size shoe box emaginable saved for all the little critters, crying kids bring to My door for help and when they cannot be revived give them a proper burial. Theres even a cricket there. I now have a lot staked out for animals in My yard that even has a small wire fence around it and anyone can go there and see flowers set on little hills of dirt children have come by and left for their freinds. Im the one whom cannot go to disney land with out at least 10 kids in tow from the neaiborhood even tho My Own kids are grown just because I cannot imagine going there with out kids to enjoy it when Im in the mood to play a kid. These are the kind of Mothering things I do and just cannot seem to get around or stop. as to the kind of caretaking things I do Ive been a volunteer driver for Vets since the first week I arrived in My little town and not only do I drive My local vets on their appointments but pic em up on the sly to go to the movies and up to the store or to the beach to have a meal and watch the swimmers or go to the library to read the news papers of the world when I have free time or when I get a call from one of em and they say hey what cha doin?when Im in the middle of tending to a construction site or half way to a business meeting Ill say oooooh nuttin what cha wanna do? Mature Men need to gossip too! I teach computers use at the library and boys and girls club once a week and there is always sumone whom says can I get your phone number if I have a question? I beleive everyone in My town knows Me and My number now. LOL this is the kind of caretaking things I naturally find time to do. So you see not only am I this Dominant Weird Alternate Lifestyle type Person that hides nothing of My self and ways but I am very much the Mothering Caretaking type as well and will be till I die Im sure. And yep Im still a Bitch but a Mothering Bitch at that.

SentForu -> RE: Mothering (9/1/2004 12:36:21 PM)
MistressDREAD, Very interesting. I have not been here long, and to be perfectly honest, would try my best to overlook your posts after reading a few of them. Ya know, it's wierd what you find out about a person, if you just wait and watch. This is not meant as a bash, but I'm honest to a fault. You've hit me as an uncaring person, and I'm adult enough to admit when I'm wrong. So there !!!!!!!.....lol. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a bitch. I just happen to think,it's how much time you put into presenting yourself that way. See, it's not so hard to come across as someone who has a heart. Honestly, I don't think you're such a bad person after all. [:D] January, I completely agree with your thoughts on mothering. It does often require the "not so nice" moments. And yes, as mothers, we have to be dominate in our children's lives. Expecially, single moms. There's just no one else there for them. Thanks to you all for your replies, Myra

MistressDREAD -> RE: Mothering (9/1/2004 1:37:49 PM)
sentforu It is not that I am either caring or uncaring but what most folks here have to learn or understand is that My mind does not fuction or work in the same ways as most others do. I will always come off to most as uncaring for the way I think and feel is just that. For sumone to understand the mind and soul and yes even heart of a Sadist means more then to just know that We get off on others pains. It goes much deaper then that and it takes much effort to be what most other people concider sum kind of normal for Me. As Ive said befor, For sum of Us this is not just a kink to be played with sum times but a life long, life born way of living that We have had to live with and learn to make work in a society that does not understand how We are in All Our differances, and ways that We look at things, experiance things, and relate them back to others and yes also learn to live positivly and not negitivly in societys today. I could of been very easily the kind of person whom could of become a killer, if I had not at a early age been taught how to control My inner self and gain skills that make Me a benifit to My self, My Family, and My Community. I could of been sumones worse night mare instead of a controled person in all things that is a survivor of that ever presant darkness that lurks within. I learned long ago that I have to do things that set Me free and not worry about what others will think in My way that I present what I feel. My words are never candy coated nor are presented in a way that is not Me. I am not the perfect any thing least of all a Human Being but from experiance I have learned to feel, sumthing that comes naturally to others I must work at every moment of My waking day. I see things and experiance things differntly then most but I dealt with that as well for a very long time and those whom only take a glancing moment at Me and My words will only see the part that they read that hits them like a brick with in this lifestyle never knowing that there is many more layers that make up each of US and not just Me. PS I actually put forth no effort to be a Bitch, Sentforu It comes quite naturally and with assured speed and direction.JMO

EStrict -> RE: Mothering (9/1/2004 8:49:36 PM)
Me.. I'm a total mother,,, it's the first quality of being Cancer and one that fits me fully. I am strict, firm, unrelenting, loving, caring, happiest when there is someone around I can mother. Master reminds me to not use that mothering voice when dealing with him. ::laughing:: and he says he would never want me as a top or domme. He jokes that he's waiting for the day that he comes home to find Race hanging by his thumbs, as I am a very demanding parent. But, I'm one of those people who believe firm and consistent is the best. With my two oldest, I was the house that everyone hung out at, and I hope that doesn't change. There is one aspect that I feel differently totally than Dread though. I wouldn't ever try to embarrass a young person because I don't like one of their current styles. Why shouldn't my children have their own fads? I did growing up. And I have always been honest with them about anything about my past that they asked about (drinking, drugs, smoking, sex, popularity, etc.). Actually, I even LIKE some of their music, shows, and clothes choices. They get enough of negatives of it from their grandmother, who also doesn't understand my personal life choices (or approve of them) either. The mother part of me is something that would never go away. Growing up, all I every really wanted to be was a wife and mother. It's very much part of who/what I am. My need to be able to care for any/all of Master's needs is also a big part of that... the nurturer in me. Sandy

LadyShoshin -> RE: Mothering (9/2/2004 7:08:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SentForu I know there are some mothers in here. Am I the only one who seems to have that carry into different areas of life? I find myself "mothering" others, without even realizing it. Of course, it's not done in a bossy way. Just out of looking after someone. I think it comes as a second nature to some of us. Myra There is a darling femsub who calls me "Auntie", I played her at a difficult time in her life and she appreciated it, I keep an eye on her when she is at an event on her own. No one is gonna hurt my lil (name conceled). Being almost 55 and a grandmother, facing my croning ceremony in my Wiccan tradition, I do seem to mother some of the other folk in the community. I am there to listen, a shoulder to cry on & give advice if asked. I am also a fierce protector when that is called for. Sometimes people need that mom energy, it also fits well with Domming "Sit up straight!""Put your plate in the kitchen and go to bed NOW, you are falling asleep sitting up" I don't mind being viewed as earth mother, I am an aging hippie & it fits.

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