How do you cope? (Full Version)

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Elizabeth666 -> How do you cope? (10/31/2009 8:09:48 AM)

Here's the thing. Sub drop.

i have only experienced it once before and not nearly this bad. Maybe because play isn't as hard as it was last night. Alot of my limits were pushed and when it was all said and down, i fell hard. i curled into a ball and cried. He did what he could for me but the thing is, i didn't want Him to touch me, couldn't have Him touch me until about an hour or so later (He is very good at aftercare when it is needed). i had stopped crying at this point, but i felt like i was in space, i just stared at the TV and didn't register anything around me. He tried talking to me, but i hardly replied.

After a couple hours we had sex, and it's always rough. But afterwords, i was down again. i went into the bathroom and bawled. When i came out and sat on the couch He was concerned, took me into His arms and stroked my hair. But the thing is, i still feel down, it's the next day and i feel like i could burst into tears at any moment. It's never lasted this long before and i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. i know everyone is different and deals with things in their own way, but some ideas would be great.

thank you in advance



allthatjaz -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 9:46:22 AM)

Hi Elizabeth

I have experienced this but only after some fairly hardcore play where I have got to a point of being frightened. I trust my partner more than any living soul and one of the reasons we got together in the first place is because we are both tough nuts. Sometimes, not often he will push me into a very dark place and sometimes, not often I will hit drop almost immediately and be left with that drop for a few days.
What makes it worse for me is that I do have a sadistic Dominant streak and on two occasions I have pushed someone to the point of that immediate and almost unexplainable drop. I know how it feels to be on the other side of it and I can tell you that its pretty devastating. On both occasions I have nearly thrown in the towel and said 'I'm just not doing this anymore' and I guess that must of come from an instant top drop because of the situation.
Even knowing how it feels to be on the other side of a submissive drop, I still can't help but go to that place sometimes but when I do I try to reassure my partner that its all going to be ok and I will be smiling again a few days down the road.



porcelaine -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 11:03:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elizabeth666

But the thing is, i still feel down, it's the next day and i feel like i could burst into tears at any moment. It's never lasted this long before and i was wondering if anyone had any suggestions. i know everyone is different and deals with things in their own way, but some ideas would be great.


Elizabeth,

i don't engage in after care when i'm involved in this way. i view emotional responses as pent up feelings. i'm generally aware that a trigger has been hit or i'm consciously repressing something that can only find its release through engagement. i don't find that the feelings linger in the manner you've described. i let go and feel relieved.

is it possible there's something you haven't addressed that needs your attention? you've wanted to cry, have you allowed this to happen? you also noted your reluctance to have him provide after care when you were done. is it possible the lack of such which you've often had before might be contributing in some manner? the blues you mentioned may be in response to the absence of what was commonly done. in some way you've grown accustomed to having it.

i hope you find the answers you seek and that things return to their rightful place.

porcelaine



DesFIP -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 11:57:05 AM)

Talk to him, he brought you there, he will be there for you. Beyond that, were you fully rested, fully hydrated, properly nourished before hand? Any chance you're coming down with a cold?

The harder the play is, the more draining it is on you. The more chemicals you exhause and you need to wait longer for them to be replaced. Blood sugar drop, endorphin drop, adrenoline, serotonin. Marathoners go through a known short depressive like reaction a day or two afterwards, just like bdsmers. The body, including the brain, exacts its toll for what you've done to it.

If all you feel like is napping in front of the couch, do so. Eat chocolate. Drink lots of nonalcoholic, decaf fluids.



Spitfiresubby -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 12:11:17 PM)

Is sub drop the same as "subspace"?



Hierodule -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 12:33:00 PM)

This happened to me once. I didn't want to be touched or to talk to Him at all. One he untied me, I curled up in the fetal position and started crying. He started asking me questions. I said "I can't talk to you right now, I'm not injured, just leave me alone, I'll get over it." He didn't stop talking though. He kept talking about mundane things "vanilla" plans we had, his job, stuff like that, but didn't say anything that required a response from me. At first it was annoying. Then after a while I started to be interested in what he was talking about and joined the conversation on my own. From that point on I was better. I'm not sure if the mundane conversation helped or if I just happend to come out of it quickly on  my own. 



Reform -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 12:55:34 PM)

Sub drop is the "low" that happens after the "high" of sub space. But both are quite confusing as they can occur with or without the other or not at all.

OP, the only thing I can really advise, something that's helped me in the past, is to realize and understand you may be feeling low and sad, but the cause was something great and wonderful. After a really hard session your mind is completely free and open, and it takes a while to close back up (if that makes any sense at all). It's a positive thing, use this time when you're still opened up to journal about how you're feeling, how this has affected you, how you're doing as a human being, you know? Talk to your master about where you feel you are submissively, in your relationship with him, etc. Use this time as a time of reflection.



Elizabeth666 -> RE: How do you cope? (10/31/2009 8:42:44 PM)

Thank you all for your replies. It was heavier play than usual and I feel much better now. When I came home from His place this morning I posted this. He came online and offered to drive me to work and took me out for breakfast. We talked a little about last night and I feel much better than I did this morning.

I did eat not too long before our play, but I am also just getting over a cold as well. Either way, He understands how I was feeling and has asked me a few times today if I am doing ok. :) It was just more intense than the norm and I was worried/concerned.

Again, thank you all



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