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letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 4:52:42 AM

submissivetoy69

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When you get a master and you are with this master for a while, what do you do when this master is just not the master for you and you know it in your heart, but you have come to like and respect this master,but the situation is just not right for you. And though, you have found the right master for you,it is hard for you to let go of the former master.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 5:02:26 AM

Justme696

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I think you posted your question in the wrong place ;)

try here

http://www.collarchat.com/forumid_20/tt.htm

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 5:02:46 AM

sirsholly

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It is no different than a vanilla couple separating. It hurts, but give yourself time to heal then move on.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 5:31:17 AM

DarkSteven

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You sit down and talk with your Master and discuss what the issues are, and if they can be worked out. Although, if he's any good, he would be aware that you have issues before you bring things up.

I just had to do this a few weeks ago. It wasn't easy, but it relieved the pressure from both of us of trying to make a relationship work that wasn't a good fit.

Good luck.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 7:15:40 AM

RealSub58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivetoy69

,but the situation is just not right for you. And though, you have found the right master for you,it is hard for you to let go of the former master.

You have a dom......
      the situation is not right for you
      you want to end the relationship
      you respect him
      you like him.

And yet you have looked for another dom and found one -- - -
      where - the situation is right
                   you want the relationship to grow
                   your respect him?
                   you like him

Might I ask how is that RESPECT for your dom you'd like to rid yourself of? You have gone behind his back.

Sir's property

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 2:08:51 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivetoy69

When you get a master and you are with this master for a while, what do you do when this master is just not the master for you and you know it in your heart, but you have come to like and respect this master,but the situation is just not right for you. And though, you have found the right master for you,it is hard for you to let go of the former master.

It's hard to let go of all sorts of things you've got used to. As holly said ..... no different to...

When you get a MAN and you are with this MAN for a while, what do you do when this MAN is just not the MAN for you and you know it in your heart, but you have come to like and respect this MAN,but the situation is just not right for you. And though, you have found the right MAN for you,it is hard for you to let go of the former MAN.

What you do, is you accept that you can't have everything in life.

agirl

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 2:16:00 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

what do you do

This has no bearing on BDSM or alternative lifestyles - you do what you do when you leave your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your lover, your wife, your husband.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 2:22:40 PM

candisa

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Your current Master and yourself need to set some time for a open, heartfelt talk,
(honest communication).
and two mature people to reach a mutual understanding, the ability to move on one day at a time.
Good Luck.

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To love or not; in this we stand or fall.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 2:28:36 PM

DesFIP

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Next time leave first and deal with your issues before looking for another situation to jump into that's going to end the same way.

The time to look is not while you're still with someone. Because you're more focused on finding a way out then knowing if the new guy is right. You can hardly go and date Mr New without the old one finding out unless you live far away.

Beyond that you need time to mourn the loss of the dream and think about what you really need for yourself not in reaction to what Mr Old doesn't do.

So, tell them both goodbye. Be a grown up and handle your problems for yourself. Learn why you picked the wrong guy last time, because if you don't do this, you'll keep picking Mr Wrongs in the future.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 2:38:18 PM

dreamerdreaming

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Next time leave first and deal with your issues before looking for another situation to jump into that's going to end the same way.

The time to look is not while you're still with someone. Because you're more focused on finding a way out then knowing if the new guy is right. You can hardly go and date Mr New without the old one finding out unless you live far away.

Beyond that you need time to mourn the loss of the dream and think about what you really need for yourself not in reaction to what Mr Old doesn't do.

So, tell them both goodbye. Be a grown up and handle your problems for yourself. Learn why you picked the wrong guy last time, because if you don't do this, you'll keep picking Mr Wrongs in the future.

EXACTLY. Thank you.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/1/2009 6:48:19 PM

oceanwynds1

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My situation is slightly different then yours' OP, since in my situation it was death that ended things for us. This weekend, I spent many hours pouring out my heart to Sir about losing my husband. He just let me get it all out, and for once, I am now able to leave late hubby and my relationship in the past, so i can move forward into the present. It is hard to do, and i been working with this for 4 years. My friend- ex Sir was safe for me, because he made it clear we will always be friends, so i didn't feel like i was 'cheating' on late hubby. New Sir though wants a commitment from me, and this open a pot of worms for me, and i knew i would have to go through this, or run-away to my own 'prison', and this was not something i wanted to do. Life is for the living and those involved now, not the past. Sir handle all my communications well, and understands the depth that i felt for late hubby. He also knows i have now buried our past, how appropriate for Samhain(Halloween). Tonight i move forward as Sir's submissive and not attached to late hubby as his wife.

I have no suggestions to help you, you just have to be ready i guess, but maybe my experience will give you something to ponder.
blessings,
oceanwynds

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/2/2009 7:50:18 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Next time leave first and deal with your issues before looking for another situation to jump into that's going to end the same way.

The time to look is not while you're still with someone. Because you're more focused on finding a way out then knowing if the new guy is right. You can hardly go and date Mr New without the old one finding out unless you live far away.

Beyond that you need time to mourn the loss of the dream and think about what you really need for yourself not in reaction to what Mr Old doesn't do.

So, tell them both goodbye. Be a grown up and handle your problems for yourself. Learn why you picked the wrong guy last time, because if you don't do this, you'll keep picking Mr Wrongs in the future.

This is dead on.

I would also add that maybe you need to sit down and examine why you need to have a new relationship in place before leaving the old one. It speaks that you can't handle being without a relationship, which means that your relationship choices are based on something not healthy.

Next, is it fair for your new Dom to be a rebound? Although, if he started his realtionship with you knowing that you were currently in a relationship, that speaks tons for him too.

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/4/2009 4:58:43 AM

breatheasone

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Does this new "D" type know you HAVEN'T left your current "D" ? (i have a feeling i already know the answer to this)

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RE: letting go of a Master - 11/5/2009 6:29:43 AM

hallieB

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I dont see where you have any respect for your Master. If you felt he was not the one, you should of been discussing it with him. Sometimes people get hurt by the choices we make, and it can destroy a persons ability to ever want to trust again. At first glance it looks like you were using him until something better came along. I see this everyday and it disgust me. What about his happiness, you knew you weren't happy so you were looking for another. Was he given that same opportunity. I dont think so. You used him, and if someone else hadn't came along you wouldn't even be considering giving him up. You would just keep on using.

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