RE: I have a small question...

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SweetDommes -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 8:21:00 PM)
There is a difference between having interests and being a "do-me" sub. The difference is that you want your Dominant to share the interests that you have, rather than demanding that they cater to you, even if they don't like X, Y, and Z. I've met a few crossdressers and TS/TGs who aren't so demanding, but so many of them are that the good ones tend to get lost in the shuffle. And even some of those who aren't the demanding variety still get pissy when Holly and I tell them that we aren't interested, because apparently, being bisexual requires that we want to dress our boys up in girly clothes ... rolls eyes

Elisabella -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 8:22:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aladdinsane @Elisabella - I have a shot of me in a nurses outfit when I went to a costume party. It was that or Dr Who. Let me tell you, a few peope wanted to upskirt me or have a feel. It was a bit wierd - and I'm fairly open minded. But yeah, A friend of mine mentioned that she would want to see me in a dress (I'm slender btw) and that sort of made me wonder. Because i don't find it hot, I've never learned about it. I have no interest in it apart from as a mentality thing. That's awesome, feel free to send it to my cmail box [:D] LOL at the feeling up...that's probably part of the strong humiliation aspect - I've only been out with one CD boi but there was this whole "ooh shiny" response people had and then of course his blushing made it ten times worse! Not to totally derail your thread but I'd rock a time lord style coat and not even for a costume party. I also have a strange fetish where I like wearing a guy's button down with high boots and bright lipstick, while hiding my hair under a cap. Maybe I'm just skewed toward this kink in general?

YesMistressIrish -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 10:09:58 PM)
aladdinsane, I really enjoy CDs and some feminization including forced as part of the power exchange. It does turn me on to see a guy in fem clothes at My command when I am in the mood for it. I enjoy teaching them how to walk., talk, dance, makeup, wigs, etc...as a woman. I find it freeing and many men find a release spiritually from dressing up and getting in touch with 'their feminine side'. I also like manly men quite a bit. I pick subs who are good people so they are just fun to be aorund in general. I like going to a gay club for gurls night out and enjoy fashion in general. They are so eager to learn and blush so sweetly.... It is also fun to lounge around in swishy fabulous fabric to watch a movie or watch them all dressed up setting the table and cooking for me. At my feet in a long pretty skirt having tea/looking up at me submissively. Delish! Lady Irish

Andalusite -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 10:21:59 PM)
I've dated a couple of men who cross-dressed occasionally, and only when I initiated it. I've also helped a couple of my gay drag queen friends dress up, loaned them clothes, helped them with makeup, and helped them walk/dance/etc. more gracefully. My initial introduction to cross-dressed men was in high school, when one of my friends came in drag with a rather androgynous look. Next, a man at university came to class wearing skirts and a beard, and managed not to make the combination look absurd. A lot of gothic/industrial guys also do a bit of cross-dressing in a more classy, interesting way. Most of the BDSM guys I've seen go overboard with the frillies and just look silly. I'm not the slightest bit interested in "forced" femme, in the sense of using humiliation, and find the whole concept rather insulting toward women. I'm involved with my Master and my female submissive now, and not looking for anybody else. All the "forced" femme talk has made my sub and I decide that the next time we play at a big event with an audience, she'll come in drag as a man. I'll literally force-feminise her by ripping her clothes off and wrestling her into a cocktail type gown, opera-length gloves, and stockings while she fends me off. [:D] Also, there's a huge difference between being a do-me-sub, and having trouble answering when your Domme (or a potential Domme) asks your opinion about something. Being able to articulate what you like, what pushes your buttons, how various things affect your mindset and emotions are all useful. Getting pushy and demanding, and treating Dommes as interchangeable parts, is nauseating.[:'(]

Elisabella -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 10:27:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Andalusite All the "forced" femme talk has made my sub and I decide that the next time we play at a big event with an audience, she'll come in drag as a man. I'll literally force-feminise her by ripping her clothes off and wrestling her into a cocktail type gown, opera-length gloves, and stockings while she fends me off. [:D] That sounds like an amazing scene.

Andalusite -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 10:31:36 PM)
Thanks! We both enjoy takedown/wrestling play, and I got the idea from one of the threads here. I told her about it, and she thought it sounded really fun, as well as hot, but a bit pointless without a big audience. [:D] I love that we have a compatible sense of humour! She's planning to wear tighty-whiteys, men's socks, a button-up shirt, jeans, a baseball cap, and no makeup to start, and we'll transform her from there.

aladdinsane -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 11:21:10 PM)
@Andalusite I Never thought of that before! That is a fascinating point! If you're a straight sub/slave, why is it humilating to be forced feminised? Very good call! salutes Oh and that scene sounds really clever and theatrical - I know of someone who did a similarly themed piece for her university course, playing with male and female stereotypes. @YesMistressIrish I like your take on it - It's not demeaning or anything. That said, I should probably be cautious not to blush around you. :)

AAkasha -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 11:38:31 PM)
F/Fem is HIGHLY erotic to me in certain cases. I could write a long essay on it, but I basically get really turned on by vulnerability and shame (the right kind). When a man -- one who is not crossdressing on his own all the time and has a wardrobe bigger than mine - refuses to do something "so silly" as to put on a tight pair of pink panties, I enjoy making him. But more importantly, I enjoy humiliating/shaming him when he proceed to get ROCK hard in them, which is the inevitable response. Then rubbing his erection in it, making "fun" of him for being turned on, making himself look at himself in the mirror, and/or making him fuck me, while wearing them, is something I find erotic. Because he's turned on despite himself and not in control of his own arousal. At the other end of the spectrum, I enjoy non-forced femme if the guy looks hot in lingerie. Or femmed up. My teenage angst/puppy love/fantasy development was in the 80s at the height of new wave, and so I developed a real strong attraction to men who look good in eyeliner and wear skirts or fishnets - but not to look silly, more for fashion. At many clubs I frequent(ed) men in femme clothing is not uncommon and if they wear it well, all the way down to the eyeliner and lipstick, I find it sexier than any macho guy with the perfect body at the gym. I like lithe bodies and prominent hipbones. Akasha

aladdinsane -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 11:52:12 PM)
See, I want to say "putting on panties isn't silly", but then I realise I'll get called out on that and asked to do it. In which case, I'll have a similar reaction to what Akasha just said. I get the feeling I may have started digging a hole for myself by bringing up this topic. I really should have thought about that.

AAkasha -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 11:58:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aladdinsane See, I want to say "putting on panties isn't silly", but then I realise I'll get called out on that and asked to do it. In which case, I'll have a similar reaction to what Akasha just said. I get the feeling I may have started digging a hole for myself by bringing up this topic. I really should have thought about that. If you are worried that a femdom on collarme is going to "order" you to put panties on because of this thread, you don't need to worry. A common theme you will find here is that the woman has to be attracted to, involved with or otherwise intimately interested in a man before doing something to make him erect. So, rest assured, you are safe! Akasha

aladdinsane -> RE: I have a small question... (11/5/2009 11:59:55 PM)
Doesn't help my paranoia as a sub... Ah well, no big. I'm sure I'll live. looks around awkwardly

SweetDommes -> RE: I have a small question... (11/6/2009 7:53:54 AM)
This is me and my randomness popping up here. Guys in kilts are just awesome. For those who watched wrestling a few years back, I also enjoyed watching Raven in a skirt - he still looked masculine in his skirt and it was a real turn-on for me ... gotta love easy access, you know? (don't know if he still wears them ... or even if he still wrestles - haven't watched in ages). Guys who can pass properly instead of making a mockery of "female-ness" are great to hang out with, go shopping with, etc - just don't expect me to make anyone do it, or to get turned on by it. And Drag shows are fun to go watch, as long as the guys who are dressed know and understand and are having fun with how ridiculous they look. I can also appreciate women who dress as men and don't try to make a mockery of it - even if it doesn't turn me on any more than males dressing as women. And this ends my rambling ... I think it's time for bed LOL

OttersSwim -> RE: I have a small question... (11/6/2009 10:21:55 AM)
It is true that as a group, the whole gamut of girlie boys from full transsexuals going for SRS to sexual CDs looking to wear panties and jack off have sort of a bad name in the Femdom community. This is because of a minority of males who come looking for relief from the feelings of femininity that they have had for years and that most have repressed, denied, and fetishishized to a high degree. Further, many are here just looking for relief, not for a relationship with a dominant Lady. Many are not submissive, nor have any clue of what a D/s relationship with a Lady entails. The pool of available females specifically interested or even open to considering a girlie boy is fairly small (though I believe is growing) and it is easy for some who might be open to it to dismiss us all as a group because of these difficulties and the fact that some have had very specific bad experiences. Anyone who uses a kink as a lever or "condition of service" is going to get a pretty poor reaction from those they are interacting with. This happens a lot in the girlie boy population. I believe it is primarily because the males in question have repressed and hidden their authentic selves away for many years, been exposed to too much Femdom and forced fem porn that has nothing to do with reality, and end up here when their heads finally blow off and they have to do something - anything- to express these desires. Many have no idea of what they are engaged in, who they are actually dealing with, nor really where they are - not literally mind you - they know they are here at CM looking for relief, but have no idea of what a D/s relationship really entails, nor how to properly interact with a Dominant Female. So out comes a laundry list of kink and girlie desires...and the negative reaction ensues. But we are not all like this. There are transgendered males out there who really do want a relationship with a dominant Lady and understand what that means. They don't lead with their kink, are looking to actually serve, have integrity, and actually want a relationship where the Lady is in charge and they -serve- her. For a female who is open or even enthusiastic about having a girlie boy in their service, we can be pretty cool subs! At least I think so. [;)] We can drill holes in concrete, put up shelves, fix things, clean up dog poop, AND give you manicures and pedicures, style your hair, manage your closet, do your laundry, clean your house, go shopping with you...and the list goes on. Mind you, these things are also done by many straight male subs as well... So yea, there are issues with some folk who struggle with their identity and sexuality and have not yet come to grips with their reality and authentic selves. It is not easy to be open and trans for anyone, in fact it can be difficult and outright dangerous. I really hope that someday this will change. It is high time for a sexual revolution for males...

kccuckoldmist -> RE: I have a small question... (11/6/2009 1:43:02 PM)
I pretty much agree with most of the things written. Not all kinky things are equal and can be treated in the same manner. When you get into feminizing a man in any significant way is certainly one of those kinks that needs to be separated. The fact is the female dominant has to be attracted to you and that includes how you are dressed and carry yourself. Just because we are dominant does not mean we are attracted to feminine men let alone throw in the fun of feminizing a reluctant macho man from time to time. But as the most popular response has been the one I have experienced. It has nothing to do with the cliché put down of a “do me” sub whether they are one or not. But a man with this strong desire can be a terrific submissive but often their excitement, desire, frustration leaves them too way obsessed that any mistress is nothing but an accessory/object to this desire. If a man wants this in their life they need to seek out a compatible female that desires this or at least does not mind it. A man needs to accept this and be honest and it is unfortunate but too many men find it easier to get lost in their desire and rationalize being submissive means that they have to be feminized and when communicated to a potential mistress they have in fact already objectified her and burden her with specific and detailed expectations.

MadameMarque -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 2:51:44 AM)
Some dominant women do enjoy male crossdressing; I’ve known a few, here and there. As a woman who doesn’t personally care to play with crossdressing, I’m not trying to bash those who are into it. You don’t choose what it is that excites you. Like what you like and do what you do! Also, let’s acknowledge that crossdressing or transvestism is not the same as transgender. For my personal sensibilities, there’s a line between androgynous and transvestite that may be vague to other casual observers, but is distinct to me. I can adore an androgynous male. He may even be dolled up with boy-makeup and glam clothes. He might be so pretty, he’s mistaken for a girl. But if he fetishizes imitating a female, with fake breasts, lingerie, etc, he may be a lovely creature, but it’s losing my sexual interest. For me, one of the things that puts me off about male submissives crossdressing is it often suggests that feminine = submissive. Speaking as your female dominant, um, that’s not working for me. I realize that crossdressers aren’t that way to make some statement politic about gender – they just like what they like. It’s just not working for me. I’ve seen some males saying they want to crossdress, to be in some way, ‘treated like a girl.’ If a male only wants to be treated “like a girl,” he can stay male and be treated ‘like a girl,’ by me. What does it mean, after all, to be treated ‘like a girl’? Or for that matter, to be a “male wife”? Whatever way you fill in the blanks, as the role that’s supposedly “female,” you think being male means you can’t be treated that way? As other have mentioned, there’s also the element of narcissism – crossdressers who are all about looking at themselves and been looked at? Who knew! The object fetish is center stage. And I have a hard time catering to an object fetish.

aladdinsane -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 2:59:34 AM)
@MadameMarque Again, that's something that I've never understood about it. You've got these guys who want to be treated "like a girl" by a FEMALE dominant - head explodes I don't know, maybe I should stop trying to understand it and stick to listening to Bowie and Reznor.

MsStarlett -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 4:15:15 AM)
Have to agree with both Lady Pact and Madame Marque. It's not my thing. One has to realize that there are many, many reasons why a man wants to dress in lady's clothing or be 'feminized'. I have different feelings and reactions to each. I have many gay and transvestite friends. I am frequently impressed by the sheer artistry of a really good female impersonator to transform themselves into something completely different via garments, wigs and makeup. I've often said that I want to have a Drag Queen make over because some of those guys are wizards! But I don't want any of them as subs. They are friends. Equals. Period. These are men who have such an amazing respect and passion for the female form that they go to unbelievable lengths to emulate it. They do not want to BE women, they want to be a work of Art. Many truely achieve that goal. However, as said before, to BE that walking piece of art is pure narcissism, wanting to be the center of attention. All the time, efforts and preparation is focused on the man to become a woman. I don't want to put that much effort into my sub! That's not my job. His job is to focus all of his efforts on ME! For me, the mark of a good sub is to wait quietly in the background holding the spot light on ME, not the other way around. I have no desire to be a 'fag hag' hanging out with gay men helping them look good while getting nothing out of it for myself other than the privilege to be hanging out with cool people. Some of the 'do me' subs so often sound like that's what they are looking for. They don't really want to submit, they just want a woman to spend all her time and attentions on them.... 'forcing' them to endure all that fussing over them. I've had many cross dressing friends who weren't the Walking Art type. They just felt more comfortable and 'prettier' in women's clothes. Let's face it, silk panties do have a very different 'feel' than boxers. I've always had fun treating these men like 'girl friends'. But that's more of a case of they did everything for themselves and we're just trading great websites for shoes or admiring a new dress. Just friends chatting and having fun together. There was no Dom/sub relationship going on. A cross dresser doesn't need a Domme to just hang out, be friends and go have your nails done together. As for the ones who do it 'for humiliation'... that really burns my biscuits. Again, as mentioned, some people like it and I don't want to bash someone else's kink, but don't do it around me. Same as I ask people not to do drugs around me. It's a big old free world out there, and what consenting adults do in private is their own business. I just don't have to participate in it. You have to remember that I am old enough to actually remember Milton Berrel (spell?) dressing in drag as a comedy bit. I hated it. For me, that has always been the equivolent of "Black Face" humor. It's a white man dressing up as someone he perseves to be 'less' than he is for a joke. It is 'humiliating' to the all powerful White Man to be 'demoted' to Black, or to a Woman. To elevate one's self at the expence of another group is just wrong and distasteful to me. THOSE people are the ones that really disgust me. That being said... I have to admit that my associations on CollarMe have changed my opinions on other things. But I don't think any amount of talking or explaining is going to make me soften up on men making fun of women by dressing in drag. FYI - I think Divine/John Travolta playing Tracy Turnblat's mom or Tyler Perry playing Madea are great as these are men playing female CHARACTORS.

OttersSwim -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 7:11:19 AM)
So there is a joke that runs in our circles: What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual? About three years... It is a joke, but like many jokes, it contains a thread of truth in it - the truth of evolution. This is a path to enlightenment just as sure as any other. It is the realization of self. Self - something that is understood for most by age 3 to 5. For the future crossdresser/transperson/genderqueer/etc. the realization is not self, but difference. Society does not embrace difference - even to a 5 year old that distinction is perfectly clear. Further, as a child, most of us do not have the reasoning capacity to understand our difference - we just know that we are different. When I tried to play with dolls, I had all dolls taken away from me - even GIJoe. When I played with my sister's makeup and perfume, I was punished... It does not take long before such a child learns new words that take on a different context - hide, deny, repress... You want to be a girl, but you can't, and so as you get a bit older, you learn a new term in a new context - objectify... Girls become wonderful, amazing, incredible... Now take yourself through puberty. Hormones rage and that objectification turns sexual. You learn how to masturbate, and what do you fantasize about - being Her... But you cannot be Her. The closest you can come is her trappings - clothing, makeup, shoes. And so eventually you start dressing...but you are still in hiding. As you translate into a young adult, you discover computers, and porn...what do you go looking for? People like you. Crossdress porn leads quickly to femdom porn and to the concept of Forced Feminization... There's a lot of that stuff out there and if you don't know any better, you could easily mistake fantasy for education. You are repressed, you are in hiding, the real you is not accepted...you need to let these feelings in you out! For a time, the concept of being forced to do this thing can bring some relief and rationalization is a wonderful thing and very easy for humans to do. Your urges become fetishishized... Hopefully, and this is a critical step...you eventually reason. None of the real girls you know are anything like the women in all this porn you have been lapping up. Further, you are getting on in life and isn't it time to come to grips with this thing inside you? Maybe the library...or perhaps you know someone who is homosexual...yea, maybe I can figure this out...keep it from blowing the top of my head off every year or so from the repression. Maybe you need counseling...maybe you find a group... Maybe you are 22, 35, or 66 when this finally happens and you finally end up in a place of authenticity...peace...and finally a realization of ...self... I am going to ask people who are reading this to understand that there is an evolution to self that is going on in everyone you meet or encounter who is crossdressing or trans or genderqueer. It is important that we try to perceive where they are in that journey... Many of these people are very repressed and disturbed because society does not allow them to be who they really are without consequence. We here on CM see a lot of folk that are just in that initial stage of reason. They are casting about for understanding but they are still deeply repressed and their feelings are highly fetishized. It is easy to encounter someone either before or in the early stages of reason about their gender identity, have a negative reaction, and think - wow, all people like that are just fucked up. But I see a lot of generalizations about crossdressers and trans folk as a whole in posts. I guess that I would encourage people to look at a crossdresser or transperson and try to evaluate where they are in their evolution. Meet them not with judgement and condescention, but perception and understanding and compassion. It is not an easy road... Don't dismiss as a group, but evaluate the person. As I said in my earlier post, there are males who have girlie leanings in all types who want to have real D/s relationships. Who understand that S&M does not mean "stand and model", who are actually looking to serve. And who have taken the time to sort out their baggage and evolve into authenticity and self. I certainly get and honor the fact that there are Ladies out there that are not into girlie males from the aspect of sexual or social attraction. Not your thing, no worries. And I get that there are people for whom being smashed flat with a clue would not help...in all groups and walks of life - girlie boys are not excluded and we have seen a few come through here. But I hope that before we dismiss, mock, or scorn someone who we encounter, we would use our reason and perception to try to actually see them. See where they are in their journey...and maybe do a thing or two to help them along. [:)]

aladdinsane -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 4:25:10 PM)
@Ms Starlett - I'm going to have to take your word for that. Never worn panties in my life, and the word itself has something of a different effect on me.

TheMistressKay -> RE: I have a small question... (11/7/2009 5:39:36 PM)
I thought I'd give my opinion on it, even though I feel oppositely. Hope no one minds. Personally, my slave is a crossdresser. I love it, and I also have no problem encouraging other males to cross-dress as well. I, personally don't get too much out of it, but I love seeing a male-by-day dress in the clothes I demand and turn into a feminine female. I enjoy having them act like a women and have them learn about the ways of women. Plus, it's nice to have a slave that will help me pick out clothing. As for what I get out of it, many crossdressers would love to dress in a French Maid outfit and do all of the chores and tasks you give them dressed in such an outfit. Especially anything that includes them bending over. As for not liking effeminate boys, I'd probably have to say I prefer them over the "Alpha males" that come up. I like a small, slender man in women's clothing. My own slave, (subjob) can actually pass in public and gets hit on by other men. Another plus for me that makes me love it more? I'm a plus-sized girl, so when I see nice clothes, they never go past an XL. With a small, crossdressing, size 1 slave, he really can be used as my Barbie doll. I dress him, and when he receives compliments, it's my own pride because it was my choice of clothing. If that makes any sense.

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