Do your friends and family know? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

MTCell -> Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:05:09 AM)

Have you been in a discussion where fetishes have been bought up? Have you ever stated openly what your fetish is to friends or family? Were you ever put down for these feelings? Do you care what others think?

I manage a safety department of a transport company. They know I make adult films as a hobby and into kink. Another manager made the mistake of trying to embarrass Me over dinner, big mistake on his part! LOL. It has never occurred again.

I find nothing, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about in My sexual life preferences. As long as it's consenting adults, whats the issue? I have noticed others saying they're mortified if their family or friends or co-workers found out! why? We do nothing shameful, and btw, just who decides what's shameful??

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?



Reform -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:10:28 AM)

My family doesn't know, and why should they need to? I think my friends suspect, as they know I'm the dirtiest of the bunch, but I don't think they know I'm into bdsm specifically. I don't go out of my way to tell anyone, but if it came up or if they had questions about it I'd not keep the truth hidden at that point.

I'm not embarassed, I just understand tht the majority of people in this world are a lot more close minded than I am so I don't go about spouting how I love to be hit or whatever.



VirginPotty -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:11:07 AM)

I do not admit nor advertise the fact.  When I was promoted to Master EMS Provider, the joke was everyone calling me "Mistress" & making the sound of cracking whips which led to other BDSM chit chat. I just smiled.
On the flip side, I have my flogger & crop hanging over my bed so if a family member w/a key came in they'd see the fruit of my labor! lol  Would I deny it? No, I just don't volunteer my business.



GreedyTop -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:15:17 AM)

My Mom knows, my Dad knew.  Most of my friends know.  I dont randomly announce it. No embarrassment here, just the understanding that not everyone WANTS to know.



Missokyst -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:15:29 AM)

From my POV I believe that minding one's own business also means I have no need to broadcast my sexual or sensual style. Unless they are joining me in my bed why would I find a need to tell them what I do?

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell
I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business!




ncbabe -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:35:54 AM)

It's not information I freely offer because not everyone wants or needs to know.  My close friends are aware of what I am, but don't know all the details.  If they ever do ask for details I generally tone it down and leave bits out because I know that even though they are supportive they do not really understand it.



breatheasone -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:45:31 AM)

Yes they know.



AnimusRex -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:46:53 AM)

The line between our private lives and public disclosure is , for me, measured on a need to know basis; The fact that Kim and I are engaged, public; what we do in the bedroom, private.

If any of my family or coworkers were kinky, I really don't need to know about it. If my brother in law is gay, I am happy to include his life partner in holiday gatherings; But if my 85 year old aunt still enjoys her vibrator, I would prefer she keep that to herself.

Seriously, its ok.



DesFIP -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 9:47:49 AM)

You also could choose not to shove your sexuality down other people's throats so as not to unnecessarily hurt them. Is it necessary that a 90 year old woman knows her granddaughter likes to get it in the ass? By no means. And if you know that she is very religious or has difficulties with sexuality because of her own experiences, it will do nothing but harm her. So why would you do that?

You work in transportation. When you deliberately tell people in the office about the sex you were filming over the weekend, and forcing the poor receptionist who has to stay by the phones to hear this without giving her a choice, you may or may not be embarrassing her. But you damn well are committing sexual harassment.

I don't want to watch you chew your food with your mouth open and I don't want to know about your sexual activities. Have some manners and don't force this on others without consent. ASK them next time if they want to know.



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:00:39 AM)

~FR~
Most of my family (both family-of-choice and family-by-birth/law) know about the social, philosophical, esoteric, and lifestyle aspects of how I live. As far as the raw details, heck, I don't really get into down-and-dirty sex talk, so no, if you want to know who knows how I like my sex, I think the only person you could ask would be to ask me, directly, and even then I may not answer, depending on how we relate to one another.

My ex-in-laws don't know anything about any of this except that I am philosophically and esoterically -not- mainstream, but they didn't really want to know much about me for the 13 years I was married to their son, so *shrugs*. My ex does know, as do my father and all my offspring, both by birth and by marriage/companionship (for those who are curious, I discussed things with them as they asked questions, in an age-appropriate manner, and when they were ready for more, they asked and I answered... since then, a couple of them started exploring some of the branching roads I've traveled, and I'm pleased that they were better prepared than I was!) All of those whom I consider "friends" know, most of those I consider "associates" know, and a few of those I consider "acquaintances" know one or more of the divergent paths that I choose to walk. Most of my associates/acquaintances don't know -all- of my journeys on the fringe--just the ones that correspond with their own journey or end up getting shifted into the conversation due to someone else's opening of the topic.

That's something that I've found to be pretty universal for me -- I very -rarely- open the topic of the alternatives through which I choose to express my life, whether they be spiritual, philosophical, lifestyle, or health. However, when such things come up in conversation, especially if there are comments made that are inaccurate or which represent only the least savory aspects of a given way of life, I often reveal my own involvement, only because I believe that, until people see people whom they consider to be "typical" of the kind of people they associate with doing and being a part of these things, there will always be a high stigma factor, just because of the hype and massive amount of mis-information that is foisted onto a public with little or no resource to get accurate information. I consider that one of the benefits of being an introverted person with access to accurate information -- I haven't worn the folks out defending what I do and what I believe... and they pretty much see me as an 'average' sort of person... so when I -do- speak up, the words hold weight.

I am completely unashamed of the choices I've made, and though some have been real learning experiences and haven't always worked out swimmingly, I can honestly say that I don't regret -any- of the decisions I've made about how I've lived my life with only ONE exception... I wish I'd taken advantage of the financial opportunities to get an accredited degree in the US before leaving the country and getting an unaccredited degree elsewhere. Everything else, for good or bad, has shaped me into a person who fits well in the world that I've created for myself, so I enjoy it without embarrassment and without apology.

Dame Calla



HotFaerieMama -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:04:34 AM)

my close friends know as i can trust them to not think i'm some weirdo. my family well a few might have figured it out but they probably figure that i like  to be spanked... my dad well i could tell him but then he'd probably make the mistake of telling the wrong person... my brother i will not tell no matter what because he'll get drunk and tell the wrong people and my mom is a prude from hell so there's no way she'll ever find out .  i don't broadcast it.. but those who need to know are told.. 



BKSir -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:10:45 AM)

My family (as in relatives) barely even know where I'm at, much less any details about me really.  My friends, most of them probably do know, to some degree or another.  Hard to hide some of it when one is openly poly, and one of the other people involved is one's pet.  People wonder, I tell them.  I'm not going to sugar coat things just for their poor little sensibilities.  If they want to know why I'm standing there with my partner, and who is this other fellow, I'll tell them.  "That's my pet.", then probably pet his back or something and say "Isn't that right, Dear One?", to which he replies, "Proudly, sir."

I'm not going to go into a fast food place, shove him through the door and shout "This is my pet!  I like to tie him to the bed and spank him!"  They didn't ask, they don't care, they don't want to know.  But if someone asks, I'll answer.  If they want to know more, I'll be glad to discuss it to a degree I feel we're mutually comfortable with.  Some friends are just fine with "How does a relationship like that work, I don't quite get it.", and some are fine up to "So last night, he was laying there in these cute, pink satin panties, his wrists strapped, and I ..............", and some friends are even fine clear up to the point of "And you didn't bring me pictures?"/"Really?  I would have ................".  It completely depends on the situation and person.

Things on the wall or on shelves can certainly break the ice also.  I keep my pet's underthings on a shelf, not exactly in PLAIN view, but plain enough view, in the bedroom though.  Well, if a friend is a close enough friend to be invited into my chambers, they already know at least a pretty good deal about what's going on.  And the bits of fabric there on the shelf are obviously not mine (I haven't been able to fit on something that size since I was 15... damn you aging, you evil bastard).  Most are able to figure it out on their own right away and just smile and possibly stare lecherously at my pet. ;)   Some though, ask, and I tell them.  Thankfully all of them are smart enough to not have to ask about the toybox's contents.  It's pretty damned obvious what they're made for. LOL  Frankly, if one of them was dense enough to need to ask, I would have to reconsider my friendship with that person. [:D]

But yeah, I don't advertise it out of context or when it wouldn't be polite or make sense to offer such information.  Nor do I hide it.  For me it's all about who is asking and why, and are we at a time/place to offer x amount of information, or do I just give the readers digest condensed version.



SweetDommes -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:17:58 AM)

In general, if they ask, I answer questions ... but I'm not going to volunteer the information without reason. My mom knows, because I got tired of dad telling me that one of our boys could make his own decisions and had a mind of his own ... I explained it to her to try and get him off my back about it.

Friends - some of them know, some don't. I don't hide, but I don't advertise either.



agirl -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:37:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

Have you been in a discussion where fetishes have been bought up? Have you ever stated openly what your fetish is to friends or family? Were you ever put down for these feelings? Do you care what others think?

I manage a safety department of a transport company. They know I make adult films as a hobby and into kink. Another manager made the mistake of trying to embarrass Me over dinner, big mistake on his part! LOL. It has never occurred again.

I find nothing, absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about in My sexual life preferences. As long as it's consenting adults, whats the issue? I have noticed others saying they're mortified if their family or friends or co-workers found out! why? We do nothing shameful, and btw, just who decides what's shameful??

Are you nervous or apprehensive of anyone you know seeing you on the net, or at a play party or just in an adult or kink store? I think it's time that others in this world learned the true meaning of minding their own business! What say you?


If it was about sex, then no, barely anyone would know. I've no shame whatsoever about what antics I get up to in my bedroom but it's not been a subject that comes up with anyone very often. Most people I've ever known have been fairly private about the things that take place sexually between them and others. I just don't talk *sex* with people..it's me and him stuff. It's a bit *tacky* to regale tales of what you get up to in bed........'though it's possible in certain contexts.

When it comes to being in an M/s relationship..everyone that's anyone knows.

I dont care who sees me on the net , don't care who sees me in the *adult store* down the road when we pop in.....don't care that people might assume I get up to all sorts of things, if they poke and pry about.

I also don't have the remotest feeling that I have anything to be ashamed of in the way I live ( I'm talking M/s, nothing to do with sex).....and frankly, if my children can grasp it ......I really don't give a damn whether anyone else can.

agirl





afterforever -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 10:59:43 AM)

My family know to some extent or another, although generally not the details. My brother is gay, very occasionally tv and pretty kinky himself, he used to borrow my corsets when I lived at home, and he knows something about BDSM. And my adopted parents are youngish and pretty open about sex, and although I've never told them any details, I've never made any effort to hide my toys or the way my ex spoke to me either. So they vaguely know I like to be spanked and my ex was in charge.

My close friends probably have a few more of the details, since they were around when I was living with my ex, and a couple asked to see our playroom and suchlike. The kink doesn't bother them at all, I'm meant to be the dirty one but I'm not the one who put 8 cherry tomatoes up a girl's arse. And if I did, wouldn't share it with the group.

Any less close friends, hell no, since most of them are uber religious and horrified by any mention of sex. Plus most of them go to medical school with me and I definitely want to keep the kink quiet around the hospitals.



slavekal -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 11:34:19 AM)

People know, but I don't tell anyone the gory details unless there is some need to do so.  I don't want to hear about their sex lives either.



frazzle -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 12:42:21 PM)

My family and friends know, did take my mum 2 years to ask "what exactly is BDSM".

But the main thing they all agree on, wether they approve, understand, is that i am happy, and thats what counts.



kccuckoldmist -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 1:26:04 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: afterforever

My family know to some extent or another, although generally not the details. My brother is gay, very occasionally tv and pretty kinky himself, he used to borrow my corsets when I lived at home, and he knows something about BDSM. And my adopted parents are youngish and pretty open about sex, and although I've never told them any details, I've never made any effort to hide my toys or the way my ex spoke to me either. So they vaguely know I like to be spanked and my ex was in charge.

My close friends probably have a few more of the details, since they were around when I was living with my ex, and a couple asked to see our playroom and suchlike. The kink doesn't bother them at all, I'm meant to be the dirty one but I'm not the one who put 8 cherry tomatoes up a girl's arse. And if I did, wouldn't share it with the group.

Any less close friends, hell no, since most of them are uber religious and horrified by any mention of sex. Plus most of them go to medical school with me and I definitely want to keep the kink quiet around the hospitals.


This pretty much goes for me.

I have never gotten the sentiment of why my relationship dynamic and sex life is somehow suppose to be public record or my family should or wants to know the details. Nor do I think it is appropriate to use my life preferences to shock people as to me when people do that it is more a reflection on them then how others react. At the same time though I do not hide my life and friends and family certainly know in some relationship dynamic things I am not in the average behavior area.




yellowroses -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 1:43:54 PM)

I agree with Missokyst.  I do not go around telling people the I am a submissive or that I am into BDSM.  We/I are private people and I just don't see the need for just anyone knowing Our/my business.  On the other hand, I also didn't go around talking about my sex life before I was into BDSM. 



antipode -> RE: Do your friends and family know? (11/6/2009 2:51:08 PM)

quote:

What say you?


I agree that you should mind your own business.



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875