Haole30m
Posts: 7
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
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I am a male sub who is now under the consideration of a Goddess, and I have very many interests. My main desire is to first learn what pleases my Goddess, and to mold myself the best possible to all the things that pleases her.
Goddess ask me to share my fantases with her, to give her a better idea of how, and what I think about. She said that would make it easy to control me, and get me to do what she desires.
I am a very open minded person, who very much wishes to explore every fetish, and interests possible, even those things I consider limits in my life. I love the idea of feeling completely helpless, and out of control of things going on around me.
The things that I am concered about and wish to get information on is the following...
- Fisting
- Rape Fetishes (Gang Male/Female)
- Full Toilet Training
- Menstral Service/Cleaning
- Breath Play
- Edge Play
- S&M Extreme
I have some experence with breath play that I use to do myself for about 10 years. I know from experence that it is a very dangerious fetish. I would at some point in time love to have my Goddess perfom this on me, to show my love and trust to her, but I do have fear being out of control of such a dangerious fetishes as this one. I do not even know how to ask her to do this to me, even once I have been taken and built up that trust.
Full toilet training was something that I have been told for the longest time would take place in my training in other RT relationships, but it never did. When I am faced with something that grosses me out, or turns me off I masterbate thinking about it, until Mentally I want it, and feel ok with it. This is one of those things, that I have grown to want, and desire to be trained in with my Goddess/Owner. Menstral cleaning, and service is another.
I very much get off on the idea of being raped by women with strapons, and not being shown any mercy what so ever. Keep in mind that I know the hudge difference between thinking you want it, and knowing. In my mind metally I want it, but when the deed is being done, I am pretty damn sure I will be begging for mercy. There is also the deep desire of being gang raped, and gang banged by both men and women. I am not gay, but I love the thought of being used in such a manor. Even more so if its something that would turn on the Women I serve, and belong to. Fisting is yet another fetish I made myself interested in over time, but have yet to experence it.
I do not feel the need to be forced into anything, as my giving myself to someone both love & submission is given freely. There is no such thing as force if you submit yourself to someone. Yet I do have a forced fantacy, or to at least be placed in a situation where there is no way out of it, and no matter what I say or do the act is still going to take place. To be punnished if I ask for mercy, and to be punished for not saying Thank you Goddess, or harder Goddess.. In my mind I am very extreme, maybe not so much in real life, but in my mind I am, and I so very much want my Goddess to make my thoughts a reality, but in the things she enjoys most.
I am not confused with my place anymore. At one point I thought I was a switch, but I have found that my true place is in submission. I am very uncomfortible with having to take control, and it makes me feel out of place.
If anyone can offer some sort of advice, or support. Then I would be very greatful. Goddess is out of town for 2 weeks, and I will not know until she returns if I will be able to serve or not, but I so deeply hope and desire to wear her collar, and bear her mark for life. Please wish me luck..
Thank you,
- pet
PS: Please do not complain about my spelling, I know it sucks. I do my best..
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