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DVsFox -> Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 9:06:11 AM)

Like anybody else, I have my own hobbies and interests.  I love playing video games, studying history, watching pro wrestling, and practicing martial arts...to name a few.  Now, those hobbies do not fall on my Owner's list of favorite things in necessarily the same order. 

She loves martial arts and it much more advanced than I am, but because it's something I do during my school day, it's not really something we can do together.  We talk about it and I ask for her advice...but that's really it.  I do really appreciate the fact she shows interest in my progress, though.  It's a a mutual interest, but it's not one we can really experience at the same time.

My Owner does not like history as a general rule.  That's not to say she doesn't appreciate it, but she doesn't go out of her way to study it in the way that I do.  Well...that's not quite accurate either...  I should say we merely focus om separate branches of history by and large.  That'd be more accurate.  So, she is well versed in certain areas I am interested in and vice versa.  It's inevitable that she'll learn something and share it with me because she finds it interesting, or that I'll want to discuss out loud why something happened the way it did...  In those instances, I'll become interested in her thing and she'll become interested in mine.  Because something interests her...I find it interesting...even if I wouldn't under normal circumstances.  It's only really a mutual interest because we make it that way.

Now, My Owner and I both like pro wrestling...but she hasn't been an active fan in many years and pretty much only engages me in discussions about it to give me a total nerdgasm.  That's cool, because when she really gets into it I get to see her in pictures with Ric Flair and Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat...which is awesome.

Her obvious interest in vampire mythology and fiction is something that I did not share when I met her.  Over time, it's something that I've learned to appreciate.  I did so purposely, because if something interested her so much, I thought that it should interest me a little as well.

So, I'm using all of this to make a point and frame my question...  Since I've become my Owner's slave, we've obviously become very close.  We've both deemed it necessary to learn about and appreciate our separate interests...to the point that they really become shared interests.

Have you experienced this sort of thing in your relationship(s)?

What sort of things do you enjoy/appreciate now because of your relationship that you didn't before, if any?

DV's Fox

P.S.  A little rambly a post, I know...but I haven't made myself breakfast yet.



DianeB269 -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 9:32:19 AM)

My hobbies are drag racing and shooting handguns...My other half is also into the same hobbies plus a few other things...


Diane





hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 10:30:46 AM)

that's sort of how i go into a relationship, i take an active interest in her own whether they be hobbies or fetishes or anything else, and see if i can't find and share an appreciation for them as she does. 

often enough it turns out i cannot share the same appreciation in it like she does, or may even find out i dislike it, but i am at least able to understand what and why she appreciates in it, which is still a large enough help on its own, especially when trying to appease someone.

aside from trying to find out way i make her happy, it's a huge curiosity of mine to find out why i like someone.  if someone captivates me, i don't spend my time thinking i like these things about her, but not these, i look at it as a complete picture.  so even if she does take part in things i have dislike for, i believe that if those things weren't a part of her, the part i do like would be impacted and changed as well.   in that sense, i like to delve into her interests if only to satisfy my curiosity of finding out what this person i like is made of, and why do i like her.  at the same time i learn to have an appreciation in her even if i can't share her appreciations, and i find out how i can make her happy and show her how much merit i find her to be worth going through the trouble for.

i'm utterly convinced anyway that you can send a stronger message to someone by doing something you don't like but know they will than by doing something you both like, even if compatibility is more ideal in a functioning relationship.

it's the difference between buying her a tv when you both watch and love movies, and buying her tickets to take her to an opera to see something she alone will enjoy, and has only mentioned liking once.  the impact from those 2 things speaks in totally different volumes, and says things words can't accomplish.  not that saying "i did it to see you smile" doesn't help~



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 10:46:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelesslyInvo
it's the difference between buying her a tv when you both watch and love movies, and buying her tickets to take her to an opera to see something she alone will enjoy, and has only mentioned liking once.



I understand your point of view, but as an emotion-sensitive person, I pick up on things others might not. If he takes me to the Opera because I enjoy it, but he's only tolerating it, I will pick up on it and it won't be as much fun for me. I, personally, would rather have or do something that we can both enjoy together.

If his service to me didn't make him happy or fulfill something he needed, then I wouldn't enjoy it half as much as I do when he willingly jumps at the chance to service whatever needs I have with joy.

And if you're reading this, Tink, I'd love a new (I'll even settle for functional) TV to put in the living room to play my video games on. You know my old broken one drives me up a wall!



LaTigresse -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 10:55:31 AM)

I've never been the sort of person that feels I need to share hobbies and/or interests. Generic Dude and I have known one another for over 20 years. Sometimes we do things together, other times no.

He has been on a horse only a handful of times since I've known him, I will NOT get on a motorcycle with him. But we do have a blast going hiking together. I read, he doesn't. He loves sports and I hate ESPN.......UNLESS there is a good boxing match on. That is something we both love. I dig the arts.........he appreciates it but hasn't got an artistic bone in his body. Our taste is music is not in sync most of the time. But we both love to watch movies together. He loves computer and video games, aside from the occasional mindless game of mahjong, I hate them. We both love to travel but usually take separate vacations.

Not to mention our very opposite interests in women.

It's just the way we've evolved.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 11:11:24 AM)

Lat.. You mean he likes them gay and you can't make up your mind? [8D] *runs*



LaTigresse -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 11:24:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Lat.. You mean he likes them gay and you can't make up your mind? [8D] *runs*


Cheeky wench.

ACTually, he is way pickier than I in many ways. He has a thing for bossy older women. I don't.

I have a thing for cheeky young wenches. He doesn't.



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 11:40:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I understand your point of view, but as an emotion-sensitive person, I pick up on things others might not. If he takes me to the Opera because I enjoy it, but he's only tolerating it, I will pick up on it and it won't be as much fun for me. I, personally, would rather have or do something that we can both enjoy together.

If his service to me didn't make him happy or fulfill something he needed, then I wouldn't enjoy it half as much as I do when he willingly jumps at the chance to service whatever needs I have with joy.

And if you're reading this, Tink, I'd love a new (I'll even settle for functional) TV to put in the living room to play my video games on. You know my old broken one drives me up a wall!



what happens when you throw into the equation that he's 'pleased as punch' to make you happy and spend time with you, regardless of where or what it entails?  what if she goes to the theater and sits in seat 72 because she wants to see the person on the stage singing, and i go to the theater and sit in seat 73 because that's the roof she'll be under and it'll be a good opportunity to sit quietly beside her and hold her hand for 3 hours. 

there's a good chance we'll both indeed want to be at the opera, the difference is one of us is going for the vikings, and the other is going for the maiden. 

at the same time, this situation is the difference between tolerating and having an active interest like i was mentioning.  you don't want to drag someone around while you go shopping if they're going to be a burden and dampen your enjoyment, but if they're happy to be there with you despite their lack of concern in purchasing anything themselves or don't really care how many shoes you walk out with for what price, it's hard to turn down being in good company isn't it?~

sure i could just buy one ticket and let her go to the opera alone since it's not "my thing", but unless she'd prefer i wasn't around, i'd prefer to share the experience and spend time together, which is the important thing really, not the gift.

besides, if you ask me, it's her fault for making me care =p



kccuckoldmist -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 11:46:07 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I've never been the sort of person that feels I need to share hobbies and/or interests. Generic Dude and I have known one another for over 20 years. Sometimes we do things together, other times no.

He has been on a horse only a handful of times since I've known him, I will NOT get on a motorcycle with him. But we do have a blast going hiking together. I read, he doesn't. He loves sports and I hate ESPN.......UNLESS there is a good boxing match on. That is something we both love. I dig the arts.........he appreciates it but hasn't got an artistic bone in his body. Our taste is music is not in sync most of the time. But we both love to watch movies together. He loves computer and video games, aside from the occasional mindless game of mahjong, I hate them. We both love to travel but usually take separate vacations.

Not to mention our very opposite interests in women.

It's just the way we've evolved.


I tend to agree with LaTigresse. I for one have never felt it important to share hobbies. That is not to say get introduced to them with an open mind and see if both can enjoy more together time but there is a difference between in essence forcing or judging a hobby or interest based on two people spending more time together and being in love and devoted to someone that causes us to sometimes put up with their hobbies and interests when we would prefer doing something else.

For example my ex was an avid skier who introduces it to me. I really had no desire at all to try it but after a few times I became totally hooked by it. He enjoyed scuba diving and I had no interest in doing so and when we went places when he dived I did my own thing. I for relaxing and zoning out love to watch baseball and in particular my Cubs but my ex would hate to watch them. So sometimes he would sit with me and other times he would go off and do his own thing.

I am a big believer and fan of people that have passion for interests and hobbies. I also know what it is like when someone does not share the same enthusiasm for them but despite good intentions or not support by trying to be there but really all they do is suck the joy out of them. I prefer passion to feed a person spirit and if this means doing separate things often that works for me.



LadyPact -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 12:02:32 PM)

Thankfully, clip and I had a lot of shared interests right from the beginning, so we had a lot of areas to explore together.  Some of our separate interests have remained so.  I'm afraid I never have found the same affection that he has for his particular music collection.  (I even imposed a rule about no "Hamster Dance" before I was a functional person in the morning.)  I still don't really 'get' racing.  The horror movies, he can have those. 

I have taken on a shared interest in a few topics.  I absolutely know more about those things medical than I ever did before.  While that may not be a hobby, it's certainly an asset.  Certainly gained greater interest in cultures abroad. 

On the other side, he doesn't read nearly as much as I do.  I'm led to believe he's not going to have a great lure to My new found interest in WOW.

From Me, he's gained a lot from getting interested in the leather culture, and becoming active in the BDSM community.  That includes all that it entails including the charity work and so on.  That has fit him very well.

On the rest, we're both endlessly curious types, so darn near anything that we talk about together while we're out walking or stumble across are things we want to find out about.  We've also always been big on going new places and meeting new people.  I think we feed into each other on that because either one of us can get the other to want to go exploring.  We're both very social types.

Some of the interests became shared interests, but we were pretty compatible in a lot of areas from the beginning. 






subtlebutterfly -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 12:32:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

Lat.. You mean he likes them gay and you can't make up your mind? [8D] *runs*


Cheeky wench.

ACTually, he is way pickier than I in many ways. He has a thing for bossy older women. I don't.

I have a thing for cheeky young wenches. He doesn't.



[sm=flowers.gif]

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I'm afraid I never have found the same affection that he has for his particular music collection.  (I even imposed a rule about no "Hamster Dance" before I was a functional person in the morning.) 


oh my gawwwwwd the hamster dance is the most awesome song ever..and should be played at all times of the day/night[:D] didididadididodo...*sings* oh gawd you made my evening THANK YOU



LaTigresse -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 12:38:09 PM)

The Hampster Dance...........hard limit.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 12:43:25 PM)

Compromising is always an option[:)]

BUT it is an awesome song nonetheless!!

didididadididododididadididoooooo

the youtube video with it even decorates my facebook right now[:D]



aidan -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 12:51:59 PM)

I don't think it'd really be categorized as a "hobby", but I am at least learning more and more about Paganism since beingw with Mistress. We've even talked about going to a solstice or equinox festival together at some point. I dunno. It's growing on me...

Mistress and I are both huge geeks of the Mk-1 variety: sci-fi/horror/fantasy media, obscure/foreign movies and very little interest in mainstream pop-culture or sports. So there's a lot of overlap in tone and type, but the specifics can be different.

Perfect example: I love games. I consider being a "gamer" to be part of my identity. Tabletop, board, computer/console...anything and everything. Mistress likes games, as a concept, but not as strongly as me. She used to play more often as a social thing, which I certainly enjoy but I am able to game just for the sake of gaming. I don't necessarily have to be close friends with the people I play with, or even have to play with other people. I'm trying to get her back into the swing though. I still hold a little ember in my heart-of-hearts, one of my deepest desires, that one day we will farm mobs or roll Perception checks together. Someday, man. Someday...



littlesarbonn -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 2:22:40 PM)

I guess my hobbies and interests are quite often the reason I assume I'll probably not end up in a relationship again. I've become very selective in the types of things I like to spend my time on these days, and I'm finding those pursuits to be very solitary. I had a good friend back in the Bay Area who liked to share many of these pursuits with me, and even though she knew I was a submissive and she was pretty much a dominant personality, we were mainly very good best friends, and that was fine for me. It was nice spending my time with someone who shared my interests and didn't necessitate some type of emotional bond beyond that of very, very good friends.

I think that's why I sort of assume I'm going to remain solitary for most of the rest of my life. I've only found a very select few women in my life who wanted to share in my interests or wanted me to share in theirs, and only one or two of them were dominants in relationships with me. So, rather than continue on a Quixotic like pursuit of some relationship that may never occur, I find myself happy on my own. If someone comes along and wants to share those types of interests with me, great. If not, I'm really not going out of my way to find that sort of thing anymore.



Drifa -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 4:03:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan
I don't think it'd really be categorized as a "hobby", but I am at least learning more and more about Paganism since beingw with Mistress. We've even talked about going to a solstice or equinox festival together at some point. I dunno. It's growing on me...


You can ease into this exploration by attending a Universalist Unitarian Church CUUPS celebration.

And, to the OP...

My Lady and I share certain hobbies, and we each have our own crafts and hobbies. We're both interested in medieval history. She is a brewer and vintner and horsewoman -- I love to drink what she brews and I ride some. I am an independent historian and practice a number of types of art, primarily carving and painting, and she enjoys teh work I turn out. 

My Lady likes to watch Leave it to Beaver and I Love Lucy and The Andy Griffith Show reruns, and anything with John Wayne, with other Westerns coming in close behind. I will watch an occasional episode of CSI, but mainly like to play EverQuest 2 while she watches TV. These aren't activities that need to be done together, and we can be happy in different rooms doing our own thing, knowing the other is right there, a step away.

We have different tastes in vacations (she loves to do the whole primitive camping schtick, I want a 5-star hotel and great museums), so we alternate who chooses the vacation spot each time.

What keeps us together is that we are both intelligent and we can talk for hours on so many different subjects. Our interests overlap enough to have a basis for shared outlooks, while each is different enough to have our own entertainments.  It works for us.



MaamJay -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 9:23:50 PM)

Master and i shared a lot in common from the start, and that's despite the age difference. His interest in music is earlier than His years would suggest, mainly heavy rock from 70s and 80s, so i was familiar with much of it already. While my tastes in music are more eclectic (brought up with trad jazz, blues and being a folkie for many years), i am willing to cross over to singing rock and He is moderately willing to listen to other stuff (He tends to draw the line at bluegrass though!). If we've had disagreements it has been about music, but that's mainly because we are both passionate about it! And they are pretty rare, especially now. As a band, we only had one disagreement in rehearsal 2 ... none since, which is pretty amazing!

We have the same taste in travel, preferring to drive and stop often and see lots of things on the way ... hence our new mobile lifestyle to do just that for about 3 years! Both have similar interests in history, particularly the impact of WWII on Australia, so can be found poring over graves in a pioneer or war cemetery, visiting museums and photographing places and artefacts. We like similar scenery, both preferring hills over beaches. We have similar taste in TV and movies, though where there are differences, we are happy to let one watch their choice while the other is doing something else. He loves His remote controlled cars, i tried but i don't have the eyesight to be a "driver". i attend some times but not others, and He doesn't mind that. He used to come scrapbooking with me and has a lot of talent, though He's fallen away from that once we moved here. He's happy to allow me to attend card-making workshops and spend days making cards and He's probably too tolerant when it comes to late dinners because i can't bear to stop! We read similar books too, He probably reads for pleasure more than i do as i have to read so much for my study. We both adore pets and my furkids have become His too. We both play computer games at times, different ones, but are tolerant of how relaxing it can be to do so.

All these shared interests brought us together and help us stay together. They are the reason why we confidently sold a large house and moved into a 33 foot van together knowing we'd not drive each other nuts. With all the hassles we've had in this venture, including 6 weeks stuck just outside a small town with no car, if we were going to go stir crazy it would have happened by now. While we don't think it's important to share EVERY interest equally, it is important to me to share some. It's a great source of conversation!

Of course, when you also share the same totally zany sense of humour eg me: "Oh you shouldn't have mentioned the 21st party we're planning for the cat, now you've gone and spoilt the surprise for her!" (expecting Him to say something like "Duh! she's a CAT!") ... and He totally upstaged that by saying "Oh come on, you know she's deaf, she didn't hear what I said!" Sent me off into helpless fits of laughter and then He just had to join in too! (However, the cat DID enjoy her party and it did seem to be a surprise despite my measuring her up for her party hat the day before!)

violet[A] aka Maam Jay



cloudboy -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 9:37:41 PM)


Tennis, NFL Football, reading, films, and cable tv dramas.



GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/9/2009 9:40:34 PM)

OP:
My 4 "husbands" and I (poly home.).shared common interests....and each other's as new and also the men shared thier's with each other..
Over 20+ years with one husband for 20 years and 3 others with us for 3,5, and 6   years...we had a varied , rich and wonderful life..

B( * may he rest in peace) loved nature..aboriginal cultures , history and cars.
R loved to hunt( at first)..call animals..shoot..
take photos and grow things...he was a guide in the wilderness.
L was a horse whisperer( yep just like in the moveis) and a farmer.
D was a chef..liked Tai Chi and the Goddess..

I loved them all and tried some of the things with them and they came with me to events such as the arts,theatre..my art exhibitions...drag racing etc.
I learned about horses from L.. and Tai Chi from D..made a teepee and took an anthropology course with Ba and learned to change oil in the car...
..R showed me how to track deer...and to call in the geese...and catch snakes.
L showed me how to combine a field...

The men all enjoyed nature times together...and 2 of us took up TAi CHi..
I learned to cook better and we all had great fun in the garden..in more ways than one..
3 of us built a log cabin...and bought land for organic farming.
We all learned to grow things and to harvest and can etc.

We all explored various spirit paths from wiccan to Christian...to ecclectic..to  Morman..
and more..and had great fun with sharing that as well.
We all rescued animals...over the years...a shared goal

I feel I helped each to fulfill their creative and personal potentials through arts...music...writing..university and various traits brought out by our combined energies.

These men enriched and enhanced my life with their love and intelligence and I did so for thier's.

They all tried to teach me to swim to no avail...but I do canoe now...

GM



NovelApproach -> RE: Hobbies and Interests (11/10/2009 3:29:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

Perfect example: I love games. I consider being a "gamer" to be part of my identity. Tabletop, board, computer/console...anything and everything. Mistress likes games, as a concept, but not as strongly as me. She used to play more often as a social thing, which I certainly enjoy but I am able to game just for the sake of gaming. I don't necessarily have to be close friends with the people I play with, or even have to play with other people. I'm trying to get her back into the swing though. I still hold a little ember in my heart-of-hearts, one of my deepest desires, that one day we will farm mobs or roll Perception checks together. Someday, man. Someday...



Kitty and I are a lot like this.  We both love games and gaming as a general rule, but we play for different reasons, and we have different tastes in games.  Throw in my second boy and this is even more true.  While Warhammer 40K generally bores me after a few turns, they both play avidly, and will have rule discussions that last for hours.  I keep thinking that I should have them play a strip-match against each other, and the winner gets to please me while the other watches from the corner of the room.  They keep asking me to play Mordheim with them, and I secretly fantasize about them rolling handfuls of D10's for Demon: The Fallen.  *sigh* 

Not to taunt you Aidan, but I am spitting mad that CB got the killing blow on that Dolgrim Kitty threw at the party tonight!



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