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lovingpet -> RE: I Admit It I........ (11/28/2009 9:36:47 AM)
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Ready folks? This is gonna be a heavy one. I am going to start with a current irritation though before I scream.
I admit that I made one, teeny, tiny err of judgement on these boards. One moment of less than perfection.
I admit that err has been exploited fabulously.
I admit the err was in placement of text and not attitude.
I admit the attack centered around a nonexistant attitude that is completely foreign to me.
I admit it irritates me that a person can go out of their way to be a good person and get slapped down in an instant over nothing.
I admit this got under my skin and it should not have.
I admit I observed my family quietly during Thanksgiving and realized I would be spending fewer holidays with them in the future.
I admit this really upset me.
I admit part of the reason is that I have several family members who are very advanced in years, some with serious health situations.
I admit part of me feels like I can't justify missing this time with them for some "silliness" like being with my partner.
I admit it is not "silliness" and I love him very much.
I admit it highlights some very real dysfunction in my family.
I admit that this guilt in me is a preemptive strike against that which will be thrust upon me from the time the move is announced in early spring.
I admit those who move away from the family are seen as abandoning it.
I admit most who move away do so because they have lost their identity and want it back.
I admit the only way to do that is distance.
I admit they are good people and I love them.
I admit they do all that they do, even the dysfunctional stuff, in love and with a belief that is it is for the person's well being.
I admit they are not often wrong in what they do or say, but when they are it is very wrong and hurts the person profoundly.
I admit I am torn up by the whole situation.
I admit most of it is fear.
I admit part of it is being conditioned to believe I can't manage life on my own.
I admit I do a whole lot more than I'm given credit for.
I admit I am still dependent in ways I wish I weren't, shouldn't be at my age, and don't know how to fix.
I admit I will just have to find a way to suck it up really soon.
I admit I am really very ready to suck it up.
I admit discussions with my partner have gotten very practical and I really like that.
I admit we have discussed things like room assignments, budget, splitting of expenses, child rearing of my current kids, household roles, balancing schedules and responsibilities, and so much more.
I admit this gives me so much peace and a positive sense of the future.
I admit it is allowing him show me just how much he really cares.
I admit he is looking forward to being a third parent to these kids of mine.
I admit he literally stated he wants any responsibility (even financial) for these kids.
I admit that him opening himself to my children like that makes me feel all the more accepted and cared for.
I admit he is such a good man and I love him dearly.
I admit that the time between now in the move with be a turbulent time emotionally and a real challenge to everybody physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially.
I admit we will all get through it.
I admit it is going to be a very good thing.
I admit it will take my family time to come to terms with that, if ever, but they will still be happy for me.
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